Secret Toasty Pirate
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Joined 03-22-04, id: 558996
Author has written 3 stories for Secret Window, Harry Potter, and Lord of the Rings.

WEEEEEEEEE!

We thinks it's time for a profile update, precious! Let's see...what's the date today...oh yes. Here we go.

January 21, 2005

Huzzah!! Okay. I have a new story. A terrible story, but a story nonetheless. Yes...yes. OKAY! Now...some words about me.

Hello. I am Emily, otherwise known as "The Secret Toasty Pirate", "Master of Taters", or the ever-classic, "That girl with the big nose." I've just turned 14, I live in Mountaineer-a-gogo-land, and I MELETH Harry Potter and LOTR. Some of my favorite bands are Rammstein, Thrice, Evanescence, Three Days Grace, Cauterize, and A Dozen Furies.

That's..it. Or, all that I wish to write at the moment. NOW...for some quotes!!

"Did you just say you starred in a porno with David?" --me, talking to Jeremy

"STUPID LESBIAN STORM TROOPER!" --me, speaking about my reading teacher

Does the Frodo Dance*--Clara
"What's that?"--me
"The dance he does in FOTR...kind of like a "grab your jacket, do the Oompa Loompa" thing"--Clara

"It's like,you get all your girlfriends to come over.. "Ok mom, you just go to the store now..." and you guys yell, "GET THE TWO TOWERS, WE'RE GONNA WATCH OUR BITCH SAM IN ACTION!" --Steven

"Mel Gibson killed my sexy!" --me

"Did you just say that you were drinking a Tostido?"--Jeremy

"What are you going to do after school?"--Brittany
"...TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!" --me

"Sex is not behind the Green Door...but artificial insementation is." --Matt

Okay. That's enough to bore you for one day. I'm off like Sauron's Finger!

-The Secret Toasty Pirate

PS: Oh yes. Forgot. I don't like flames. They are not welcome. They will be given to Jeremy to mix with gasoline and create explosions.
PPS: I would greatly appreciate it if you random readers would click on my homepage...'tis my Xanga...the story of me life...freakish enough. And very funny, so I've been told. So...if you have the time...clicky, por favor?

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Go With the Tide by Tantz reviews
HPFA Winner of Best JKR Character portrayal, for Severus Snape! Snape retrieves an injured Harry from the Dursleys-- only this time, the damage is more permanent, and Snape is not prepared to be cuddly. Complete!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 71,461 - Reviews: 1766 - Favs: 2,868 - Follows: 615 - Updated: 12/30/2006 - Published: 2/13/2003 - Severus S., Harry P. - Complete
Awakenings by beruthielswhitecat reviews
Sam attempts to comfort an unhappy Frodo. When a kiss goes too far Frodo is sorry, but Sam realizes what he wants. Frodo is torn between desire, responsibility and fear. SLASH
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,799 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 22 - Published: 12/2/2004 - Frodo B., Samwise G.
The Seduction of Severus Snape by Marie Goos reviews
It's the year after Harry Potter has defeated Voldemort and left Hogwarts... The current seventh years need something to lighten the mood. A Ravenclaw accepts a challenge, proposed by Ginny and Luna: pretend to be in love with Severus Snape.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 168,650 - Reviews: 374 - Favs: 186 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 5/29/2004 - Published: 8/31/2003 - Severus S. - Complete
Comfort by Andrian1 reviews
She had meant to leave him alone, as he sat there. But when she heard him crying she had wanted only to comfort
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 59,673 - Reviews: 851 - Favs: 935 - Follows: 137 - Updated: 3/24/2004 - Published: 7/5/2003 - Hermione G., Remus L. - Complete
Pies and Severus by TigerWolf168 reviews
Severus has to house and protect an American rocker girl for the Order. Will he explode? Possible romance? Death? Read and Review. Chapter 10 has been posted! Guess who comes back?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 12,943 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 2/26/2004 - Published: 1/31/2004 - Severus S.
Werewolf and Metamorph by LavenderBrown reviews
COMPLETED. Lupin's life changes irrevocably when he meets a young, clumsy witch named Tonks. Rated R for language, violence, sexual situations and mature themes. Spoilers for OotP. Please RR!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 59,238 - Reviews: 369 - Favs: 562 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 9/24/2003 - Published: 9/12/2003 - Remus L., N. Tonks - Complete
A Midsummer's Journey by Andrian1 reviews
Hermione's sixth year is ending, but something has happened and she cant go home. Will she be able to adjust to the person she must spend her summer with? COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 26,361 - Reviews: 241 - Favs: 375 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 4/25/2003 - Published: 3/18/2003 - Hermione G., Remus L. - Complete
Merry XMas, Severus by Michi-chan1 reviews
It's Christmas at Hogwarts. Some like it, others don't. SnapeMcGonagall pairing. I changed the title because I didn't like the old one. Not that this one is any better..
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,878 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 10 - Published: 1/20/2002 - Severus S., Minerva M.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Not Another Cliche LOTR Fic reviews
TOAST...FRENCH TOAST...we likes toast...if you are of any intelligence, you will not click on this freaking excuse for a story. Sigh
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,956 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 1/21/2005 - Published: 1/20/2005
Secret Window, Secret Door, Secret Bathroom reviews
Emily and Brittany are out of corn! Gasp! And all the supermarkets on the face of the earth have burned down! All except one…convientley located in…dun dun dun…Tashmore Lake!
Secret Window - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,122 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/14/2004 - Published: 10/24/2004
The Noble Gases Go To the Zoo reviews
This is actually a story I made for science class, with a few alterations. The Malfoys and Snape go to the zoo! WOOT!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 879 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 11/10/2004