Author has written 1 story for Twilight. On Sears hairdryer: On a bag of Fritos: On a bar of Dial soap: On some Swann frozen dinners: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Boot's Children's cough medicine: On Nytol sleep aid: On a Korean kitchen knife: On a string of Christmas lights: On a food processor: On Sainsbury's peanuts: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: On a Swedish chainsaw: On a child's Superman costume: So effin funny!!: One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!" "Amen," replied the congregation. girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... A good or best friend! A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you. A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you. A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in. A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!" A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore. A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial. A True Boyfriend: When she walks away from you mad Guys post as: "i'd be this boyfriend." BOLD the ones that fit you I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz. I'm JAMAICAN, so I MUST smoke weed. I'm HAITIAN, so I MUST eat cat. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS. I'm a LESBIAN, so I must have a sex-tape. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terriost. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals. I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible. I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay. I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convienance store. I'm NATIE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore... I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars. I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore. I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut. I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals. I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK. I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST! I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I'm INTO THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay. I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll. I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi. I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO. I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT. I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited. I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13. I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy. I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction. I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent. I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I must be ugly...or crazy. I'm BLACK so I must love fried chicken and kool-aid. I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot. I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. I'm ASIAN, so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7. I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up. I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist. I'm in a BAND, so I MUST be a dork. I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA. I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect. I'm WHITE and have black friends so i MUST think I'm black. I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil. I love SHOPPING, so i MUST be rich. I'm an OG so I must be mexican. If you hate stereotypes and think people should just SHUT UP AND STOP, POST THIS! |
I'm Not Falling For You by ronOReds reviews
Love me, Don't Hate me by Heart of Diamonds reviews
Dateless For Too Long by softballgirl1136 reviews
Smell the Roses by rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe reviews
Pursuit of Gaiety by LollyPopZz reviews
Paper airplanes by I wanna buy a life please reviews
The Cullen Boys by topazgirl14 reviews
Love is truly Blind by kotaxvampire reviews
Across the Ocean by Annilaia reviews
Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys? by BloodsuckingLeech reviews
I am the Silent Killer by Obsessed.with.writing reviews
The New Year's List by E.C. Cullen reviews
Where You Want To Be by emilie whoa reviews
Forks in All its Glory by Silly-Ren reviews
Bloody Tears by Obsessed.with.writing reviews
The Pursuit of Bella Swan by Your Favorite Worst Dream reviews
Not All Bats Have Fangs by Kuroko Meme reviews
3 plus 3 equals 6 by iamvamp reviews
Accepting the Silence by 24-7reader reviews
He left, I'm Pregnant by taylorcullenforever reviews
Teardrops On My Guitar by themirrorofenoimard reviews
Sacrifice of Life by Obsessed.with.writing reviews
Unwelcome Past and True Eternity by Secret Hate of Indecision reviews
Courtship by ricashaye reviews
Separate From Myself by Obsessed.with.writing reviews
The Space Between by cullen-style reviews
Pour Toute L'eternité by Oversizedsunglasses reviews
Humans Together by Arear reviews
A Broken Promise by AmethystPhoenix1 reviews
La Tua Cantante by Ephemeralityx reviews
A Faustian Bargain by Your Favorite Worst Dream reviews
Speed Dating by Jexena reviews
The Roommate by Skyloe reviews
New old friends? by xXabsintheXx reviews
Secret Lovers by bellard reviews
When You're Gone by danger powers reviews
Bon Voyage by Tara's folly reviews
Waking Up To My Boys by Topaz Eyes Sing My Lullaby reviews
For You I Will by Xo-SARCASTIC-oX reviews
Mr Loser by blackxout reviews
I AM Silent by Child-Of-God13 reviews
Catching up with Memories by edward's angels reviews
Vision Of A Lifetime by BookMe reviews
Love Thy Neighbour by BookMe reviews
Real Relationship : A Geeky Love Story by booksforme reviews
All Aboard by BookMe reviews
Blood Berries by CullenLove reviews
Serendipity by muggleinlove reviews
Love at First Night by Jennala reviews
Finding What Had Left by Obsessed.with.writing reviews
Stalker, Stalker, Saviours by BookMe reviews
Love in Affliction by Saiyachick reviews
It's Raining Men! by debgratofed reviews
I Don't Trust Myself With Loving You by kirstie23 reviews
7 Minutes In Heaven by Brittneys.Perspective reviews
Only to make matters worse reviews