BatgirlOfCourse
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Joined 10-26-11, id: 3375568, Profile Updated: 10-27-11
Author has written 1 story for Harry Potter.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you like/love copying and pasting stuff into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think all the good ones are either married or fictional creatures, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever been on the computer for multiple hours, reading fan fictions, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a wall before copy this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you were ever reading a fanfic and had to do something and had to leave and when you came back you realize you forgot the stories name and can’t find it because the content was really good, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have a million and one notebooks, and still need more for your imagination and creativity, copy this into your profile.

If you spend lots of time talking to yourself and reciting lines from your fave characters, copy this into your profile.

If you love irritating people with these annoying copy and paste things, copy and paste this into your profile.

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Maximum Ride, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone: Iheartjake, TeamJacob101, Boysareadrag, The Dawn Is Breaking, twilite addict, The Lonely Teenager, AliceDaSpaz, Skittle.Rocke, Silent_Broken_Heart, St. Fang of Boredom, MaxandFang101, JustABookWorm123...

In Remembrance to Severus Snape

…A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor…

...without all the red and gold crap.

In Remembrance to Fred Weasley

…Who fought bravely to the very end…

…And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half…

…And will loyally await his soul mate and brother…

… with many jokes…

...he's got forever to think of them, right?

In Remembrance to Dobby

…Who was more free and full of love…

...than any elf, and most humans.

In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin

...the last real Marauderer...

…who was not just a wonderful father…

….a incredible husband and brave hero…

...as well as a freakin' awesome werewolf.

In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks

…who died for ‘the greater good’…

...and would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora.

In Remembrance of Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody

…who’s motto ‘constant vigilance’ kept him alive…

...and scared the crap out of some kids too.

In Remembrance of Tom Marvelo Riddle a.k.a. Voldemort

…who was pretty cool, and cute when he was younger…

…but who got his ass thoroughly kicked in the end

In Remembrance of Albus Dumbledore

…whose past and wisdom confused us…

…whose seeming betrayal shocked us…

…but actually who turned out to be an okay guy in the end...

...despite the whole 'almost killing Harry' thing.

In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange

… because it’s was awesome how Molly slapped her with that Avada Kedavra...

...she deserved everything she got and more.

In Remembrance of Colin Creevey

…who we really didn’t know too well…

…but took a lot of pictures and died fighting in a war…

…so he must’ve done something good…

…besides stalking Harry.

In Remembrance of Hedwig

...Harry actual first friend…

...who lived and died soaring.

(¸.•´ (¸.•´
c a n c e r • i s n ' t • f a i r
Pass the ribbon around if you know someone who's died from, survived, or is living with cancer

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Most girls; Are cheerleaders

Other girls; Are captain of the football team

Most girls; Cry and stuff themselves with chocolate for a week after their boyfriend breaks up with them

Other girls; Put a sign on their ex-boyfriends back that says; "Never gonna get any"

Most girls: Learn how to bake bread and cakes from their mom

Other girls; Learn how to Barbecue from their dad.

Most girls; Play with dolls with their sister

Other girls: Play video games with their brother

Most girls; Have fits and plan revenge

Other girls: Play pranks

Most girls; Slap people

Other girls: Punch people

Most girls; Become anorexic and shove their fingers down their throats

Other girls; Would down a whole bag of Potato chips and not give a crap

Most girls; Would think this was garbage

Other girls: Would copy and paste this

If you ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever copy and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

92 of teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle said it was uncool to breathe. if you are part of the 8 that would stand there and laugh, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to inanimate objects like they were people, and then tried to get others to do it too, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy & paste this into your profile

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you’ve ever made faces in front of a security camera then paste this in your profile

If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity.

If you get bored easily post this on your profile.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you complain that your feet are cold and your mom tells you to put socks on and you don't just for the sake of being stubborn, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think Fang is Fangalicious, copy and paste this into your profile!

If Faxness is one of your obsessions, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you wish you were Max Ride just so you could make out with Fang, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your friend(s) think you’re crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog) and you don’t care copy and paste this is your profile.

If you have/wish you had a dog, and wish he could talk like Total, copy this onto your profile.

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when Gazzy said "'I vill now destroy de Snickurs bahrs!' then copy this to your profile!

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you relate everything to Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are like Max, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you want to see Maximum Ride (the movie) on the first day it comes out, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love Fang from Maximum Ride and drool over him, even though you have never even seen him, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are SO obsessed with Maximum Ride that it is not even FUNNY anymore, post this in your profile.

If you wish Max would stop running from Fang copy and paste this onto your profile.

if you keep too many secrets, paste this in your profile

if your female then paste this in your profile

if your best frend is of the opposite sex

if your immature then paste this in your profile

if you don't know what the FN button on your keyboard is/does then paste this in your profile

if you don't have a life then paste this in your profile

if your always on the computer paste this in ur profile

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix, Bust_A_Groover, Takahane, Fire Thief, Sarah303, Kinkatia, Portagas D. Yumi. Why me why not you, Society's Damnation, Gaara The Eternal, cats-rock-and-so-does-cheese, SoujaGurl, EmpireofShadow, Flightgirl, Vera A, MaxandFang101, JustABookWorm123,

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

92 percent of American teens would die if Fang told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would tell Fang to get over himself and then shove him back in your basement where he belongs. Then, you would resurrect the 92 percent of overzealous fangirls and use them as your zombie army to take over Canada and rename it Canadia where you would rule as Queen with Fang by your side as your extremely hot king who has no real political power except to stand there and make you look good and then have Spiffy the Hobbit and Pooky the Penguin attempt to eat him and when they fail miserably tell Fang that he's a "bad boy" and then ask him if he wants a cat. (Go check out "Another Form of the Avain Bird Flu by St. Fang of Boredom! That's where the idea for this came from.)

98 percent of teens can walk without running into walls. If you're in the 2 percent that can't, post this in your profile.

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that hasn't, put this in your profile. (GO PARAMORE!)

98 percent of all teens have drank alchohol. If you're one of the 2 percent that likes pita chips, copy and paste this into your profile.

My ceiling is white. I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two mooses meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Chocolate tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy this into your profile!

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

If you ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend than copy this to your profile.

If you were insane, crazy, and/or random, before being crazy, insane, and/or random was cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever ran into a tree, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever wanted to go into a book and slap/scream at a character copy and paste this onto your profile

If you still laugh re-reading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you want to see Maximum Ride (the movie) on the first day it comes out, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have an increasingly sophisticated and extensive vocabulary, situate this in your characterization

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If FAX is your drug, post this on your profile

If your friends think you’re crazy for reading a book about six flying kids (and their talking dog), and you don’t care, copy and paste this is your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever repeatedly ran into a glass door copy this into your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If you have a secret that nobody knows copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Max and Fang should get together NOW copy and paste this into your profile.

If you relate everything to Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when Gazzy said "'I vill now destroy de Snickurs bahrs!' then copy this to your profile!

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever imagined killing off a fictional character to steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this in your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

IF YOU'VE EVER LEAPED DOWN THE HALLWAY OF A HOTEL AND TURNED THE CORNER AND SAW PEOPLE STARING AT YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile

If you have ever been pushed into an ice-cold pool copy and paste this into your profile

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, post this in your profile.

If you've ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy this into your profile

If you are obsessed with Fanfiction, then copy this into your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

IF YOU’VE BEEN ON THE COMPUTER FOR HOURS ON END, READING NUMEROUS FANFICTIONS, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects...copy this into your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If Wangdoodle is your favorite word, or is now because this is the first time you have ever heard of it...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you actually remember the line in the third Maximum Ride book that had the word Wangdoodle in it...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know the meaning of the word "penultimate", copy and paste this to your profile.

If you can solve a Rubik's cube without using a fork, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever watched yourself chew something in the mirror, and thought you looked weird doing it, then tried to stop yourself from looking that way, and then almost choking on what your eating, you realize that it can't be done... copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you laughed out loud while reading Maximum Ride, copy this onto your profile.

If you go through profiles like mad, looking at all of the copy/pastey-thingies, and copy/paste every single one that has a remote chance of being interesting, fill up your profile to the limit, and continue doing it, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you screamed like a little kid when you found out a Maximum Ride movie was coming out, copy this onto your profile. (Yeah, I squealed like a child on Christmas... So sue me, alright?)

If Faxness is one of your obsessions, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever done anything incredibly stupid for no apparent reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile.

If you risk severe lower back problems because of being hunched over the computer so long, copy and paste this into your profile then get off the goddamn computer, Quasimodo!

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile. (Heck, I get excited at one!)

If you love copy and paste its, even though there useless, copy this in your profile.

If you have ever tripped where there is a ‘watch your step’ sign, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If you think TV Golf is the most boring thing on TV...Copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run up a down escalator copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think the Coa-Coa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you're a perfectionist and it gets you in trouble more times than humans have created a number for, copy this into your profile.

If you compulsively edit other people's work , copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

If you're often confused for a shy and quiet person (but definitely aren't), copy and paste this into your profile. (This is sooo me.)

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

IF YOU HAVE EVER BURST OUT LAUGHING ABOUT SOMETHING IN A BOOK, AND PEOPLE LOOKED AT YOU WEIRD, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you ever wondered who made up all the 'copy this into your profile' thingies then COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever ran into a parked car, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever shouted out the first thing that comes to mind, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever shouted out random thing and then gotten glared at copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have sudden mood changes out of nowhere copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're crazy and you know it, don't just clap your hands, but copy and past this into your profile!

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a window copy this onto your profile

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever yelled at an inanimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If that inatimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you forgot your phone number when some one asks for it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever been looking for something, then forgot what it was and why it was so important, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a mind that you're sure no one will understand, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile

If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you think it's stupid that girls are automatically labeled with the color pink, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are such a loser that you actually read all these 'If you ever blah blah blah, copy this into your profile' things, copy this into your profile

If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: "I, like, can't believe, I, like, chipped my manicure!!", copy and paste this into your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these copy this into your profile!!

If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a little voice inside your head that talks to you constantly and won't shut up, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever been in an awkward situation before paste this.

If you now know that when someone gets in trouble and everyone is like, "Ooooooooo", they are really mimicking a police car siren sound...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you live by the five second rule...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you always say 'uhhh...' when someone questions you, instead of replying shortly, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you or someone you know has ever run through something (glass door, window, wall, etc) copy this to your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever wondered why someone decided to milk a cow, copy/paste this into your profile.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile

If you think that I think that you think that I think that you think that I am totally spazzing out right now with the 'If you thinks' copy this to your profile already!

If you think that life without computers is useless, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever choked on air (or any other substance you thought impossible to choke on), copy this in your profile.

If you believe that the pink bunnies of doom are really out to get you copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell and hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post this in your profile

If you have ever tripped over a person, copy this into your profile.

If you run into inanimate objects...and then blame them for it copy and paste this in your profile

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a detention or library or somewhere where it is supposed to be quiet copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don’t dance to avoid injury to yourself and those around you, copy this into your profile.

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If random songs just pop into your head at any given moment, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the Animorphs version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family ect. Personally, I like this version better) to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever read/started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

IF YOU ARE ON A MAJOR SUGAR RUSH RIGHT NOW COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE

If you have a weird habit of writing inside jokes somewhere anyone can see, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile

If you could easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile. (Okay, not certain at all whether means "write" or "read".)

If you're too busy petting your cat and/or reading fanfiction to finish one novel a day, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, TV show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever run into a mirror, copy this into your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If yoo cant spel too sav yoor lyfe than putt thes in yoor profiele

If you agree, that purple bunnies who are high on CATNIP and eat TACOS WILL rule the world, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're one of those people who get excited when the ice cream truck comes down your street copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love irritating people with these annoying copy and paste things, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have total blonde moments copy this into your profile.

If you've ever screamed at a book or the TV copy this!

If you've ever done the evil laugh copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever started singing in a silent room copy this onto your profile.

PONDER THIS

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops On my desk, I have a work station. Shouldn't that be where the work stops?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
Why is it that 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, it's encouraged!?
Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
Isn't it weird how the main characters in Maximum Ride and Dark Angel are both genetically recombinant beings named Max?
If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?
Can bald men get lice?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse
Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?
Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?
Why is it called common sense if it's so rare?


Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed - I'm not a can, so don't label me.

Excuse me...have you seen my sanity?...I think I lost it.

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door...

STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies natural desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it.

I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Come over to the good side, we have Edward Cullen and chocolate!

Being mature is overrated.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I see regular people!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up.

When life gives you hell, you charge in with a bucket of water.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the door bell then say trick or treat!

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Boys are like pennies, two faced and worthless.

Silence is golden and duct tape is silver.

When life gives you lemons throw them in life's face, they're probably poisoned.

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then watch the world wonder how you did it.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth

Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history.

You call me a B, well a B is a female dog. A dog barks. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. So thanks for the compliment :D

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff

I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me?

It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is - why would I keep looking after I’ve found it?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going, and hook up with them later.

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If you can't fix it with duck tape you haven't used enough!

I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay.

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

There is no "I" in team but there is definitely a "ME"...

I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!

I ran with scissors, and lived!

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous.

Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.

I agree with the dictionary: girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

There are three kinds of people in the world: ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 10?

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends, for I may not return alive.

I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Don’t mess with me - I've got a stick.

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls.

Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.

I smile cause I don't know what the hell is going on.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright

until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 percent probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be

stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog, with ice on the road.

The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what your up too

I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

I'm the kind of girl who would get fired at the M&M's company for eating most of them.

I'm the kind of girl who's not afraid to prank my friends.

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness.

Anything thrown hard enough should hurt.

Curiosity killed the cat, satisfaction brought him back, but stupidity killed him again.

Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?"

All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.

When I was born, I was so shocked that I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed already.

The trouble with life, is there's no background music.

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I may not follow, do not walk beside me either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

For people who like peace and quiet: Get me a CORDLESS PHONE!

I don't get even, I get odder.

If being an idiot hurt, then you would be in constant pain.

If I were any lazier, I would slip into a coma!

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then throw it back at life and steal the oranges you asked for!

In order to lose your mind, you have to have one in the first place.

I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly.

You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says "So far so good!"

If Fed Ex and UPS merge, they would be called Fed UP.

Never drink water...if it can rust iron, think of what it can do to your stomach.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done.

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

Sometimes you're the windshield, but sometimes you gotta be the bug.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear into my crib.

At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.


Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed


A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your profile and help stop racism!


Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you're against abortion, re-post this and if you almost cried post this in your profile


REMEMBER WHEN ..
getting HiGH meant swinging at a playground?
the worst thing you could get from a boy was c0otiEs?
when your W0RST ENEMiES were your siblings
and rAcE iSsuEs were about who ran fastest?
when - WAR- was a card game
and life was simple and care free?
remember when all you wanted to do
WAS GROW UP?

Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now


This is for you who are against child abuse! I know I am!

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic
Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"Please God, why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
And the poor child was beaten
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrust the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dieing
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
Then quickly barged in
Everything quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

Copy and paste this onto your profile if you have a heart.


Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mommy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mommy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mommy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mommy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mommy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mommy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mommy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mommy warn the others, mommy I left without a kiss
And mommy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mommy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mommy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mommy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mommy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mommy I wanted to live
But mommy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mommy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mommy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mommy all I wanted to say is "mommy I love you"

Now you have two choices
1)Repost and show you care
2)Ignore it and you have just proven you have a cold heart
(Please just copy and paste this on to your site and show that you care)


For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid and stuck up.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandal
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be going out with them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I MUST do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I MUST be stupid and stuck up.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I DON'T LIKE to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I READ COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. (dUH, ITS WHAT KEEPS ME ALIVE!)
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and A MURDERER!

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. ( HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE SPONGEBOB!)
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos.
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I don't HAVE MANY FRIENDS, so I MUST be antisocial.
I have a guy best friend, so I MUST be going out with him.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish.
I'm a good actor/actress, so I MUST be a liar.

I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's ass.
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant.
I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict.
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian.
I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie.
I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs.
I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life.
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up.
I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch.
I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention.
I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean
.
I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports
I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time
.
I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi
I WEAR GLASSES and RETAINERS, so I MUST be a nerd
I'm HALF ASIAN HALF BRITISH, so I MUST be short
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals
I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I HAVE a BIG FAMILY siblings, so WE MUST be financially challenged
I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention
I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist.
I FROWN a lot, so I MUST have a bad life
I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try
I'm a JEW, so I MUST hate all Germans
I like to listen to HANNAH MONTANA, so I MUST be childish and immature
I am POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet.
I don't have a SOCIAL LABEL, so I MUST just be emo.
I like COUNTRY music, so I MUST be a redneck hick.

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.
I love SHOPPING so I MUST be rich
I LOVE to READ, so I MUST be a nerd

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED


Friend: Will bail me out of jail
Best friend: Would be in the room next to me saying, THAT WAS AWESOME , LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

Friend: Will comfort me when he breaks up with me
Best friend: Will call him, whispering "Seven days..."

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive
Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away
Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down
Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will go to a concert with me
Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Will comfort me when he breaks my heart
Best Friend: Will help me plot my revenge and get with his best friend

Friend: Calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs.
Best friend: Calls your parents dad and mom.

Friend: Has never seen you cry
Best Friend: Has always had the best shoulder to cry on

Friend: Never asks for anything to eat or drink
Best friend: Opens the fridge and makes herself at home

Friend: Asks you to write down your number.
Best friend : They ask you for their number (cuz they can't remember it)

Friend: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back
Best friend: Has a closet full of your stuff

Friend: Only knows a few things about you
Best friend: Could write a biography on your life

Friend: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
Best friend: Will always go with you

Friend: Will help you find your prince.
Best friend: Will kidnap him and brings him to you.

Friend: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
Best friend: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

Friend: Will offer you a soda.
Best friend: Will dump theirs on you.

Friend: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
Best friend: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

Friend: Will give you their umbrella in the rain.
Best friend: Will take yours and say, "Run - beep - run!"

Friend: Will help you move.
Best friend: Will help you move the bodies.

Friend: Will console you when you house catches on fire.
Best friend: Will roast marshmallows and flirt with the firemen.

Friend: Will ask why you're crying.
Best friend: Will already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

Friend: Will tell you she knows how you feel.
Best friend: Will just sit down and cry.

Friend: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
Best friend: Will already know not to tell.

Friend: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
Best friend: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "Drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!

Friend: Will never ask for food.
Best friend: Is the reason you have no food.

Friend: Will knock on your front door.
Best friend: Will walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"

Friend: Will say they are too busy to listen to your problems, but when it comes to them they expect you to have all the time in the world.
Best friend: Will not only kick everything out of their schedule to listen to what's wrong, but help come up with vindictive plans to make you feel a whole lot better!

Friend: Will say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
Best friend: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

Friend: Hides me from the cops
Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public
Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.


Natural Highs
Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one. It Does Make You Feel Good, especially #45.

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15 The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say somethi ng nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the _expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter

One of my best friends died recently; I'm really upset. He was such a great guy and I miss him. Maybe you knew of him. Most people did. I hope it wasn't you who contributed to his death, otherwise I shall dispatch a vicious band of lions to disembowel you. Okay, I don't have a troupe of lions at my disposal, but I can find one, trust me. My friend was a paragon of amazing. His name was Common Sense. I am sorry to inform you of his demise. Mourn with me.

Dearly beloved…we gather here to say our goodbyes. Here he lies…

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Rest In Peace, my old friend.


If you rearrange the following words, you'll find that the same letters spell the given definition. Someone out there either has too much
spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.

Dormitory: Dirty room

Astronomer: Moon starer

George Bush: He bugs Gore

The eyes: They see

Slot machine: Cash lost in me

Desperation: A rope ends it

Presbyterian: Best in prayer

Election results: Lies! Let's recount

Snooze alarm: Alas! no more z's

Eleven plus two: Twelve plus one

The Morse code: Here come dots

A decimal point: I'm a dot in place


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As Part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped if favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 2 letters shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments wil enkourage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Some of my friends actually took this seriously. If you had a good laugh or if you just think it's funny, copy and paste it into your profile, and pass it onto others who could have a good laugh.


Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is an cat

This is idiot cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down. I bet you can't resist passing it on when you're done!


Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?
Boy: No
Girl: Do you like me?
Boy: No
Girl: Do you want me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you cry if I left?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you live for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Would you do anything for me?
Boy: No
Girl: Choose--me or your life
Boy: My life
The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...
The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.
The reason I don't want you is because I need you.
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.
The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.
The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.


You know you live in 2009 when...

1. You go to a party, sit down, and take MySpace pics.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have Yahoo/MySpace.

4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.

6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.

7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.

8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.

9. You were too busy to notice number five.

10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.

11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.

12. Put this in your profile if you fell for it. You know you did.

13. You're sad because you fell for it and think you have to put it on ur profile.

I totally fell for it! Copy and paste this into your profile if you did, too.


.: There's three ways to do things:.
.: The right way :.
.: The wrong way :.
.: And my way, which is wrong too, but faster!:.


Reasons why girls are the best

1.We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

16. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

17. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

18. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

19. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

20. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

21. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

22. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

23. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

24. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

25. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

26. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark


IN THE CINEMA: Wait for it to go quiet and then stand up loudly and yell "I can't find the remote to change the channel!"


15 Things to do when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look."

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!

15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"


FUNNY THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

1.When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4.Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.

9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12.Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15.Swat at flies that don't exist.

16.Tell people that you can see their aura.

17.Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

27.When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "9") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker!"

28.Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.

29.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

30.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

31.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

32.Meow occasionally.

33.Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

34.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

35.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

36.Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37.Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

38.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."


How to Tell if You're a Writer
-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. 'I wonder why I talk to myself ch?')
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. 'Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word 'deliver' could mean someone's liver?')
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, 'Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!'
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else's e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If the letters are starting to wear off on the keys of your keyboard.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no 'apparent' reason.
-If your friends don't even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.
-And finally, the number one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
Copy and Paste this if you're a writer


ACTUAL PRODUCT LABELS THAT SCARE ME:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list: Queen S of Randomness 016, Queen B of Randomness 016, AnimieKittyCaffe, The Gypsy Pirate Queen, That Bloody Demon, The Astrology Nerd, Shadow929, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Yavie Aelienel, Hyperactively Bored, Spymaster E, Shanny-Boo, Gem W, Brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, Bara-Minomoto, Em Quagmire, Buffy The Mary-Sue Slayer, Random Little Writer, SamanthaFantasyFan, EdwardAddict, Supergirrl, Elemental-ANimal, Mother Nature's Daughter, Hikuya, Briar Elwood, Megan Cooper, xxTunstall Chickxx, PoisionedRoses, eaglegal4, avengingangle45, love is killing me, FangismyEdward, Rose the pack's Fang, WinterSky101, WindClanApprentice112, MaxandFang101

When a soldier comes home, he finds it hard...

..to listen to his son whine about being bored.

...to keep a straight face when people complain about potholes.

...to be tolerant of people who complain about the hassle of getting ready for work.

...to be understanding when a co-worker complains about a bad night's sleep.

..to be silent when people pray to God for a new car.

...to control his panic when his wife tells him he needs to drive slower.

..to be compassionate when a businessman expresses a fear of flying.

...to keep from laughing when anxious parents say they're afraid to send their kids off to summer camp.

...to keep from ridiculing someone who complains about hot weather.

...to control his frustration when a colleague gripes about his coffee being cold.

...to remain calm when his daughter complains about having to walk the dog.

...to be civil to people who complain about their jobs.

...to just walk away when someone says they only get two weeks of vacation a year.

...to be forgiving when someone says how hard it is to have a new baby in the house.

The only thing harder than being a Soldier..

Is loving one.


Daddy's Poem:

Her hair was up in a ponytail, her favorite dress tied with a bow,

Today was Daddy's Day at school and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home,

Why the kids not might understand, if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid, she knew just what to say,

What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone,

And that was why, once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all,

About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls.

There were daddy's along the wall in back for everyone to meet.

Children squirming impatiently, Anxious in their seats.

One by one the teacher called, a student from the class,

To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare,

Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't their.

"Where's her daddy at?"

She heard a boy call out. "She probably doesn't have one." another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,

"Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day."

The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her mom,

And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back, she slowly began to speak,

And out of the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.

"My daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away,

But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know,

All about my daddy, and how he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike,

He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone,

And though you cannot see him, I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart,

I know because he told me he'll forever be in my heart."with that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest,

Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.

And somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears,

Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love, of a man not in her life,

Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd,

She finished with a voice so soft, but it's message clear and loud.

"I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star,

And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.

You see he is a Marine, and died just this past year,

When a roadside bomb hit his convoy, and taught Canadians to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away,"

And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.

And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise,

A room full of daddy's and children, all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside,

Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him by her side.

"I know your with my daddy,"to the silence she called out,

And what happened next, made believers out of those once filled with doubt.

Not one of them could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed,

But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant, long-stemmed, pink rose.

And a child was blessed for only a moment, by the love of her shining star,

And given the gift of believing that heaven is never to far.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them,a day to love them, but then an entire lifetime to forget them

wat i wish i knew sooner

dont drink grape juice with your uniform on 2 mins from school

dont wait for ppl that moved on

dropping ur cell ino water kinda kills the phone

ur mom will find out if u lie they have superpowers

u havent lived until uve failed something in honors

dnt fall in lov with some1 3000 miles away

goldfish r boring pets

if it hurts DONT do it again

dnt sprint around a pool trying 2 impersonate the popular girl at your school...

wen in doubt duck wen certain dnt bother ur screwed

if ur math teacher tells u 2 shut it or shell give u a zero shes serious

if at 1st u dnt suceed give up no need in being ridiclious about it

hair happens 2 be flammable...

black cat, white pants, nuff said

if ur a max ride luvr put dis on ur profile!

1 when evr i see over-sized hawks I yell "MAX!"
2 people in whitecoats freak me out
3 when people say "school" i shiver
4 i hate people w/ red hair
5 I cut giant slits into my shirts hoping wings would grow
6 i named my dog total
7 i tried to get my dog to talk
8 wolves give me the chills
9 evry time i see a girl named ella i hug her
10 i accidently called my boyfriend fang
11 when i see my guy friends drooling over girls i whack them and yell "SEXIST PIG"

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

"When life hands you lemons, make grape juice, sit back and let the rest of the world wonder how you did it."

When life hands you lemons Cut them in half and squeeze the stinging, citrus pulp into the eyes of those who would dare to mock, threaten or oppose you.

When life hands you lemons Just as life hands them to you, quickly toss them back. Yell, "You touched 'em last!" Then run away.

When life hands you lemons Simply refuse to sign for them. Life's lemons can't be delivered without an authorized signature.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

When you go to court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty

It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

Life isn’t passing me by, it’s trying to run me over

Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit just a little bit harder.

Who ever said that words never hurt obviously has never got hit by a dictionary.

Nine of the ten Voices in my head think I'm sane. The tenth is undecided

dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without the motives being questioned

don’t worry about the people in your past threes a reason
they didn’t make it into your future

it's ironic that the word bullshit has the same amount of letters as
I love you

I'm the author of my own life
unfortunately I'm writing in pen and cant erase my mistakes

last night i laid awake looking at the ceiling and i wandered
where the f is my ceiling

OMG! i think i just saw a flying bird!

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Does anybody actually got milk??

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

“The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

"I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! "

I’m the kind of girl who can read 12 scary books in a row, then scream when toast pops out of the toaster

I’m the kind of girl who can kick most peoples buts, but cower when she gets an "F"

I’m the kind of girl who will be sarcastic and rude, then apologize when her bf was rude to the waiter

she's crying, she's breaking, she's lying, she's faking.
she's hated and taunted, she's wanted and flaunted.
she's a puppet on strings, an angel without wings.
she's every girl you want her to be,
but she only wants her self esteem

I can't say hello

It ends with goodbye

I can't get close

Or I'll have to cry

I can't love you

Afraid of rejection

I'll start anew

just to hide away

Did you hide away from me

Did you even try

You never could silence my plea


Forever isn't as long as it use to be.

I’ll annoy you, tick you off, say stupid things and then take them back but put all of that aside you'll never
find a girl who cares more about you than me.

I’m the risk you decided not to take

cause I’m not the kind of girl who gives up just like that.

if you weren't giving up you shouldn't have left.

you remind me of a song.. i used to love.

& she sits alone crying on her bed wishing n wondering
what on earth she did to deserve this pain

& she turned her head and ignored him.. didn’t pick up any of his phone calls
didn’t return any messages, she was just scared, she was scared.. she was going to
fall in love with him.

YOUR GUY SIDE:

xYou love hoodies.
x You love jeans.
xDogs are better than cats.
x It's hilarious when people get hurt.
x You've played with/against boys on a team.
x Shopping is torture.
xSad movies suck.
x You own/ed an X-Box.
xPlayed with Hotwheel cars as a kid.
At some point in time you wanted to be a firefighter.
xYou own/ed a DS, PS2 or Sega.
xYou used to be obsessed with Power Rangers.
xYou watch sports on TV.
Gory movies are cool.
You go to your dad for advice.

You own like a trillion baseball caps.
Baggy pants are cool to wear
x You love to go crazy and not care what people think.
x Talk with food in your mouth.
x Sleep with your socks on at night--sometimes

TOTAL: 15

YOUR GIRL SIDE:

You wear lip gloss/chapstick.
You love to shop.
You wear eyeliner.
You wear the color pink
Go to your mom for advice.
You consider cheerleading a sport.
You hate wearing the color black.
You like hanging out at the mall.
x You like getting manicures and/or pedicures.
You like wearing jewelry.
Skirts are a big part of your wardrobe.
Shopping is one of your favorite hobbies.
x You don't like the movie Star Wars.
You were in gymnastics/dance.
It takes you around/ more one hour to shower, get dressed, and make-up.
You smile a lot more than you should.
You have more than 10 pairs of shoes.
You care about what you look like.
You like wearing dresses when you can.
You like wearing body spray/perfume/cologne.
x You love the movies.
Used to play with dolls as little kid.
Like putting make-up on someone else for the joy/joke of it.
Like being the star of every thing.

TOTAL: 3

That is scary considering I'm a girl.


PREP
X You own a cell phone.
you own something from abercrombie
You own something from pacsun
you own something from Hollister
You own something from American Eagle
You love/like going to the mall.
X You own an iPod/MP3 player.
You love Starbucks.
You have been called a brat.
You hate buying things that are on sale
You have more than one house

total: 2

GOTHIC

X Black is one of your favorite colors.
X You have thought about death.
You wear chains.
You like heavy metal.
You've shopped at Hot Topic.
You have worn black lipstick.
Your hair was/is dark.
X You dislike preps.
You're an athiest/ satanist/agnostic.

total: 4

PUNK

You can skateboard
X You've worn plaid.
X you like Converse
X you hate MTV
You have/had blue, pink, red, purple, or green hair. - (streeks count)
X You dislike pink.
X You hate/dislike preps.
You wear/wore skateboarding shoes.

total: 5

GEEK

X You love the computer.
You like Harry Potter.
you are supposed to wear glasses/contacts
You get straight A's.-(most of the time, not always)
X You love/like reading.
You were/are in band
X You don't care what you look like.
You have a curfew.
You always do your homework.
you never miss school unless you're sick.

total: 3

Athletic
X You watch/watched the Superbowl.
X You own track shoes or other sports related shoes.
You collect your jerseys.
you have a wall or shelf dedicated to your trophies / awards
You have posters or plaques of famous athletes.
your garage consists of sports equiptment
X You belong/belonged to a school team.
You are going/did go to a sports summer camp.
You have a specific number

total: 3

HARDCORE//scene

X You like loud music
X You love/loved the Ninja Turtles
You never walk anywhere.
you wear slip-on shoes.
You wear/wore Vans.
You like the band panic! at the disco.
X You wear band t-shirts.
X People have called you a freak and meant it.
You love to "hardcore" dance
hair has been died more than 1 color--dark red, orange red, black, blue, and purple

total: 4

Prep-2Gothics-4 Punk-5 Geek-3 Athletic-3 Hardcore-4

"If you know me, chances are you hate me." ~ Anonymous

"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." ~ Anonymous

"When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back." ~ Anonymous

"Sometimes, people just build walls up not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through." ~ Anonymous

"The cracks in the cement are a reminder that no matter how strong you may be, you can break." ~ Anonymous


I've never been perfect, and I never will be;
but I am who I am, and you can't change me.


God's Section:

This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't.

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t re-post it?

Re-post this if you truly believe in God, and even if you don't.

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what,
and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you. God is my Hero!

Even when you can't see him, God is there! Believe!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Unchained: How to Torture a Robin by Faith-o-saurus reviews
A series of drabbles dedicated to torturing the boy wonder. Eventually 100 drabbles.
Teen Titans - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 59 - Words: 37,215 - Reviews: 584 - Favs: 143 - Follows: 110 - Updated: 3/24/2013 - Published: 10/9/2011 - Robin, Starfire
Another Form of the Avian Bird Flu by St. Fang of Boredom reviews
So, Fang gets sick. The flu, to be exact. And, of course, he has to pull a whole 'Whining Macho Prince' thing about it. Max and Dr. Martinez deal with Fang's attitude, Iggy tries to boycott Campbell's Soup, the Flock play with a blender, and...FAX! Eggy!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 68 - Words: 103,238 - Reviews: 4226 - Favs: 1,123 - Follows: 830 - Updated: 3/13/2013 - Published: 10/3/2008 - Fang, Max
Me and Iggy: Midnight Hour by MaxandFang101 reviews
This is what happens when you put me and Iggy together at midnight. COMPLETE RANDOMNESS! Rated T because who knows what will happen!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,067 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/20/2013 - Published: 5/18/2010 - Iggy
The Easter Robin Hunt by Skies-Shall-Rain reviews
After an epic Easter party nobody can really remember, Robin goes missing! Can the Titans and some random old dude find him before Starfire destroys the city? Sequel to my other holiday specials!
Teen Titans - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,271 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/8/2012 - Robin - Complete
St Robin's Day by Skies-Shall-Rain reviews
On St. Patrick's Day, what else for the Titans and villains to do but declare a truce, have a party, and...have a Poke vs. Pinch debate? What? Part of my "Screwed-Up Holidays" series. Yes I have officially named it. Cool right?
Teen Titans - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,207 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/17/2012 - Robin
President's Disaster by Skies-Shall-Rain reviews
All the Titans are invited to make a speech about President's Day, but everything they say is screwed up. What the Clinton is going on here? SPEEDY! Sequal to my other two holiday specials; reading them is recommended, but definitely not required.
Teen Titans - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,081 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/20/2012 - Robin - Complete
Valentines are for Sissies by Skies-Shall-Rain reviews
It's a Titans Valentine's Day party! With villains and a waffle and a gnome and a flamethrower and nukes and a pregnancy and spiked punch...didn't Robin learn anything from Christmas? Fellow haters of Valentine's Day, read for a cheer-up or just because!
Teen Titans - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,120 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/14/2012 - Robin - Complete
The Merriest Christmas Ever by Skies-Shall-Rain reviews
It's a Teen Titans Christmas party. Anything could happen, but will Slade ruin the holiday for them all? And the bigger question: how will the possible romances play out?
Teen Titans - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,876 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/25/2011 - Robin - Complete
Maximum Demigods by MaxandFang101 reviews
Max just saved the world, and she thinks that she can just relax. But then she finds a strange passageway in her mom's house. Max doesn't realize it, but she's not done saving the world, yet. Takes place after Max and the end of BOTL. Major Niggy.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,046 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 5/13/2010 - Published: 2/19/2010 - Max, Percy J.
The Life And Lies Of Hermione Granger
Hermione and Draco have been dating over the summer and are in love. But will her friends find out? If so what will happen? Will things change? Truthfully I'm not even sure yet... Read and see where we go!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 447 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10/7/2012 - Hermione G., Draco M.