![]() Author has written 2 stories for Doctor Who. FINALLY!! I WORKED OUT HOW TO DO THIS!! NAMES TIM, I LIVE IN AUSTRALIA ( I SAY THIS AS I KNOW MOST OF THE PEOPLE HERE ARE FROM THE US), SYDNEY (THATS AS FAR AS ILL GO). I HAVE A SISTER AND LIVE WITH HER AND BOTH MY PARENTS. (I ONLY SAY THIS AS SOME PEOPLE DONT LIVE WITH BOTH THEIR PARENTS AS... YOU KNOW THEY GET SPLIT UP) ANYWAY I GUESS ILL TELL YOU A BIT MORE!! AGE:15 PETS: I HAVE ONE AUSTRALIAN CATTLE DOG CROSS, HIS NAME IS LARRY, AND I ONLY GOT HIM ON JANUARY THE 5TH 2009, SO I'VE HAD HIM FOR OVER A YEAR NOW. I ALSO HAVE TWO BUDGIES. SPORTS: PRETTY MUCH ONLY TENNIS BUT I DID PLAY BASEBALL FOR EIGHT YEARS HOBBIES: I LIKE TO GO ON FAN FICTION BUT I OFTEN DONT GO ON FOR MONTHS THEN I WILL GET BACK INTO GOING ON. I READ A BIT BUT IVE READ ALL THE BOOKS ON MY SHELF SO I NEED TO BUY SOME NEW ONES. I LIKE TO WATCH TV BUT I MAINLY WATCH IT AT NIGHT OR DURING PRIMETIME AS THE BEST SHOWS ARE ON THE THEN. I DONT GO OUT THAT OFTEN BUT I DO LIKE TO GO TO THE MOVIES AND ILL OFTEN BE SEEN AT A TENNIS COURT COACHING OR HITTING TENNIS BALLS OR PLAYING COMP. I PLAY THE SAX IN THE COMUNITY BAND (OH AND FOR FUTURE REFRENCE I CANT SPELL FOR SHT!) BUT I HATE EXAMS, ON THE SAX, SO THEREFORE REFUSE TO DO THEM. SO BASICALLY THE SAX IS JUST FOR FUN. I GO ON FACEBOOK QUITE OFTEN AS WELL. FRIENDS: MY BEST FRIEND IS CASS, SHE GOES TO MY SCHOOL. I SEE HER ALOT WHEN I GO TO HER HOUSE ON A FRIDAY AND WE WATCH DOCTOR WHO AND OTHER STUFF LIKE PLAYING ON PS2. I ALSO HAVE FRIENDS AT TENNIS WHICH I SEE ABOUT TWO TO THREE TIMES A WEEK. I HAVE FRIENDS AT SCHOOL THAT ARE GUYS (I THINK...) AND I USED TO HANG AROUND WITH THEM EVERY LUNCH BUT NOW I HANG WITH CASS AND HER BUDS!! PLUS I HAVE FRIENDS AT BAND AS WELL. I'VE ASO RECENTLY DISOCVERED THAT I HAVE ALOT OF RANGA FRIENDS, AND I USE THE TERM RANGA AS A TERM OF ENDEREMENT AS CALL A LOT OF FRIENDS RANGA ALL THE TIME, PLUS ONE OF MY FRIENDS AT SCHOOL I BASICALLY JUST CALL RANGA ALL THE TIME, SO YEAH... LIKES: I LIKE CHOCOLATE AND OTHER SWEETS BUT I LIKE OTHER FOODS LIKE MEAT AND MOST VEGIES, WITH PLENTY OF SAUCE, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BURRITOES, I LIKE MATHS AS A SUBJECT. HISTORY IS PRETTY GOOD AND I LIKE PRAC., I LIKE PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN AND I LIKE GOING TO THE MOVIES AS I WILL WATCH ALMOST ANYTHING YOU PUT ON (EXCEPT IF IT IS A REALLY BORING DOCUMENTARY). DISLIKES: I HATE REALLY GIRLIE ANYTHING (YYYYYUK!!) I ALSO HATE ENGLISH AND MANY FRUITS, SUCH AS PEARS, TOMATOES, GRAPES, ROCK MELON, KIWI FRUIT BUT I LOVE MOST OF THE OTHER TYPES OF FRUIT. I DISLIKE PEOPLE WHO CANT BE BOTHERED TO GET UP OFF THEIR BUTT AND DO ANY EXERCISE. I DONT LIKE ANIME OR MANGA EITHER. IM SORRY AND I KNOW THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE ON THIS SITE DO BUT I DONT. AS YOU'VE PROBABLY NOTICED I LIKE TO POST IN CAPS LOCK!! ITS LOTS MORE FUN THAT WAY, IM NOT YELLING IM JUST ALWAYS HAPPY WHEN I POST. I STILL TYPE IN CAPS LOCK EVEN WHEN IM NOT HAPPY... BTW, IF YOU DONT LIKE DOCTOR WHO YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO TALK TO ME!! JKS BUT I DO LOVE DOCTOR WHO, SO DONT DIS HIM AROUND ME!! FOR THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW DOCTOR WHO, ROSE IS THE BEST OUT OF ALL OF THE THREE!! AND TORCHWOOD IS GUN AS WELL!! NOW FOR SOME RANDOM AND SOME TOUCHING STUFF IF YOU HAVE EVER FELT ALONE, IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE WHO YOU CARE ABOUT (AND THEY CARE BACK), COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE IF YOU HAVE HAD A DREAM YOU WOULD RATHER FORGET, BUT CANT, COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE IF YOU LIKE STAYING UP LATE, COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE IF YOU MAKE WAY TO MANY POSTS ON A FORUM, COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE IF YOU THINK EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THE WORLD SHOULD BE TREATED FAIRLY AND EQUALLY, COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE IF YOU THINK CLOTHES SHOPPING IS ANNOYING, AND YOU DONT LIKE DOING IT, COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE IF YOU POST TO KEEP A FORUM ALIVE, COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE IF YOU KNOW DEATHCAS IS THE HYPEREST FORUM POSTER ON FF, COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE!! I cry She cries He cries You cry We all cry for you Why, because they hurt you So you hurt yourself And now you are dead How did it help you? It didnt help thats all Your mother, she is crying because she can see the knife Your father, He is crying He can see the drugs Your sister, she is crying She can see the noose Your best friend, He is crying Because he can see it all, at this young an age Why am I crying Because I couldnt stop you because I was useless because I didnt just fail you I failed your mother Your father Your sister Your best friend I failed myself I failed to protect you I failed you so bad So why are you crying Because you regret cutting yourself And taking the drugs You regret using the noose You regret letting your friend see this But what else can I see I see all these people crying Not just us standing here They are all crying, all the people you know are crying For you People cared Someone always cares And you know that now You know it now But its to late now Suicide Is a bad thing. remember, someone always cares, so dont do it. If you Believe that people shouldnt commit suicide Copy and paste this in your profile... PIE, PIE, PIE, PIE, PIE, PIE, PIE, YOU MUST LIKE PIE, IF YOU DO, STATE IT PROUDLY, AND COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE!! HOMEWORK SUX BIG TIME, DO YOU AGREE, IF YOU DO, COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE BITCH SLAPPING IS STUPID, MONKEY SLAPPING IS BETTER, IF YOU AGREE, COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE I walk to school I hate that place I walk with my head down I slow my pace Why did the holidays have to end I go back to that hellhole without a single friend I see the gates I want to flee I see the beasts coming for me That throw me around laugh in my face they keep telling me im such a disgrace so what if im short so what if im strange its all your fault you've made me deranged you are the one who makes me sad the one that makes sure that im never glad when school is over you smile cruelly you knew you had made my day more gruelling I run home I start to cry you make me wish I could just die I hide in my room I lock my door are you glad that in five minutes I'll be dead on my floor If you are against bullying, copy and paste this in your profile A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile 98 percent of internet users don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." If your part of the 2 percent that wants to punch them, put this on your profile. If you have ever wanted something but knew you couldn't get it copy this to your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similiar, copy this into your profile If you hate selfish, racist, homophobic, biased assholes, put this in your profile! If you are okay with gay people copy and paste this onto your profile. That includes if you like any gay anime character couple you moretards! I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong Try not to cry... Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school, He told his friends that it was cool, And when he pulled the trigger back, It shot with a great, huge crack. Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold! When I went to school that day, I never said good-bye. I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry. When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another, And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother. Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much, And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush. And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class, And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this. But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss. And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry. Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest, But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could please listen to me if you would, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live. But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late, Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date. I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you" Please if you would, If you pass this on, Maybe people will cry, Just keep this in your heart, For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye". Now you have 2 choices, 1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost EMBRACE THE WEIRDNESS! If You Embrace The Weirdness, Copy And Paste This On To Your Profile And Add Your Name To The List. Emy Em Em, Lady Sakura of the Fated, Sasukez, Fuzzy makes me happy, Lunadance506, Crimsonsunxx, Shadow Dragon13, Baulkobarry. You know you live in 2009 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don’t have a screen name or my space 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did. If you've ever copied something from someone else's profile, copy this onto your profile! (Wtf?) If your profile is longer than the chapters of most of your stories copy and paste this to your profile. My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home. When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall. I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate. The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor. My name is Sarah And I am but three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me. Child abuse, MAKE IT STOP! I read this poem from Tsukiko The Librarian, who read it from leafninja345435, who read it from Mitsukai no Shi who read it on mitso-shadow, who read it on windmaster94, who read it on digiwildflower's profile. I think people should read this if they HATE child abusing. If you HATE child abusing like me copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever had a random song pop into your head at the most completely and utter worst time but you sing it anyway copy this into your profile. If you have ever been watching a T.V show, and when the commercials came on you forgot what you were watching copy this into your profile If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile. If you have ever spent more than six hours straight on the computer then copy and paste this into your profile, add your name to the list. PenginYasha, leafninja345435, Tsukiko The Librarian, Shadow Dragon13, Baulkobarry 98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried pot. If you are part of the 2 percent that hasn’t and never will, copy this into your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you have sibling(s) that drive you crazy then copy this onto your profile. If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that Mickey Mouse and his friends seriously went to a bar, copy this to your profile. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge! If you are really random put this on your profile. If you have ever want to scream to the world that you hate/like someone copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. (even though I've lost an argument with myself a few times...I blame my inner personas) If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile. If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile. If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:D If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile. 30 percent of kids go to college. the other 70 percent either drop out or don't have the proper skills to. If you are one of the 30 percent that KNOW that your going to college put this on your profile and add your name to the list. EcoliandDahChihuahua, Gaara's-pandachan101, Evilfangirl, Feareth the Kitty,Monko25, leafninja345435, Tsukiko The Librarian, Shadow Dragon13 If you are against real fur on clothing then put this on your profile. If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. 92 percent of the teen population would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister said it wasn't cool to breath anymore. Repost if your one if the 8 percent who would be laughing your butt off. If you're against animal cruelty (horse slaughter, bear bating, dolphin hunting, chimp slavery etc.) then copy this into your profile! If you think Doctor Who rulez out loud then copy this into your profile! If you are wasting your time reading these, then copy and paste this into your profile, and piss someone else off. I love wasting your time You say I'm wrong, I'm incorrect, And I say you're right, I am different. I hate what I am, and I want to change, And now, because of that, you think I'm deranged. If only you understood, but I guess you never will, I can move on, but you'll always stand still. You'll never move, and you'll hold others back, But I have to move, move away from the pack. Hate me for me, because I want to be a boy, I'm not your damn dolly, or your freaking girly toy. Watch me as I move, out of my depression, Maybe then you'll learn a valuable lesson. Accepting others differences, makes the world go round, Being like you only ties us to the ground. ACCEPT OTHERS ARE DIFFERENT!! ACCEPT WHITE'S, AND BLACK'S, AND HOMOSEXUALS, AND BISEXUALS, AND TRASGENDERS, AND RANGA'S, AND EVERYONE ELSE!! STOP HOLDING THE WORLD BACK!! Quotes: “I’m guessing Birth is the kind we all have.” Zeke said. “What was your first clue Bug Boy?” Kadoku replied coldly. “I’ll have you know scorpions are arachnids.” Zeke answered intelligently. “I’ll have you know I don’t care.” Kadoku answered, his voice not changing at all. (From the FP story; 'Soul's Mirror'. An excellent story written by Tsukiyomaru (FF)/Tsukinoki (FP)/Tsuki (Nickname). 'Winston, if I were your wife, I'd put poison in your coffee.” ~ Winston Churchill to Lady Astor ‘Make crime pay - become a lawyer!!”~ Will Rogers “If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving!!” ~ Henry Youngman “I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get divorced, I keep a house.” ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor “Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them were serious.”~ Alan Minter "If I tell you to go fuck yourself, please don't take it literally"~Deathcas "Unbe-fucking-lievable"~ Not sure. It was from a fan fiction. "See this finger? It's telling you something!"~ Not sure. "Oh, go jump in a lake,"~Many people. "Did you ever hear what I told you Bye bye beautiful"~ Nightwish, Bye Bye Beautiful. "Master Passion Greed"~Nightwish, Master Passion Greed. "Some people think that someone's life is fantastic, because they smile and they laugh, and they have a nice family. But usually it's these people who are hiding something that hurts them, and that they fear others will not understand. Why is the world so unfair? Because it's trying to teach us to look past our pain and see others."~Unknown. "Because I'm not allowed to have human emotions."~Deathcas "I can go from idiot, to completely serious in approx. 2 seconds. I also have a loaded gun in the back pocket of my pants. Now, what were you saying about me?"~A funny fanfiction. I can't recall the name. "But this may be our only chance. We can't let fear stop us. I'm not afraid of the darkness!" ~Riku. "I was starting to worry you guys weren't ever gonna catch on. Sora never did pick the brightest friends." ~Riku. "Cause I'm not a total sap like you."~Riku. "I've been having these weird thoughts lately... like is any of this for real or not?"~Sora. "One who knows nothing can understand nothing."~Ansem/Xenahort's Heartless. "Hey, it's like that old goat says: Rule 11: It's all just a game, so let loose and have fun with it! I mean, a casualty or two along the way is no big deal, right?"~Hades (KH) "My show now, Keyblade master. Who am I? Oh, my name's Axel. Got it memorized?" ~Axel "You shouldn't judge anyone by appearance." ~Demyx "Silence, traitor!" ~Demyx "Run, run, away!" ~Demyx "Roxas, come back to us." ~Demyx "Let's see, here..."If the subject fails to respond, use aggression to liberate his true disposition...Right. Did they ever pick the wrong guy for this one..."~Demyx "Now that's just plain rude!"~Demyx "Noooo Wayyyy!" ~Demyx "I told them they were sending the wrong guy..."~Demyx "Oh, we do too have hearts! Don't be mad..." ~Demyx "And we don't need no stinking invitation"~Marucho "You have a life your own life to ruin, stop screwing up mine, ASSHOLE!!" ~Random If you don't like to be used then copy this into your profile If you're sick of dumb asses always, and I mean always wasting your's and everone around you's time and money the copy this into your profile If you're sick of people scabbing off of you then copy this into your profile If you do like or have ever liked someone but didn't have the guts to tell them copy this into your profile Try And Read This: Olny srmat poelpe can raed this. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, It deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the fsrit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh, and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed this psas it on!! (OROC5002) If you believe discrimination, racism, stereotypes, killing, genocide, flaming, bullying, and generally abusing your gift of life by using it to bring pain on others is wrong then copy this onto your profile. If your aren't very religious the copy this into your profile. If you wish people would kill other people because of religion (terrorists, christians and catholics hundreds of years ago, and im sure there's more)then copy this into your profile. If you are sick of your parents trying to force you to do certain things copy this into your profile. If you dont give a shit about what inflyence your parents have on your life and you will just do what you want when you're eighteen or twenty-one If you are happy with the way your life is going now then copy this into your profile. If you are unhappy with your life (but no necessarily an EMO) then copy this into your profile. If you believe nature is more important than nerture (you know what I mean!!) then copy this into your profile. If you believe nerture is more important than nature then copy this into you profile. If you couldn't give a damn then copy this into your profile. How to Be Annoying: Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." Drum on every available surface. Sing the Batman theme constantly. Staple papers in the middle of the page. Ask 1-800 operators for their home phone number. If they don’t give it to you ask why they are calling YOU at home. Sew department store anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. Set alarms for random times. Honk and wave to strangers. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. Tape pieces of "Play School" over climactic parts of rental movies. Borrow someone’s easer, then when they ask for it back, throw it across the room, making sure it misses them, and shout “You sure cant catch!!” In the middle of a long car trip, yell out, really loudly, “I need to pee’. To be even more annoying, do it just after you’ve left, or taken a pee break. When on a long road trip, say “are we there yet’ every five minutes. THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR!! 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, 2) STAND silent and motionless in the 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look 12) TRY to make personal calls on the 13) DRAW a little square on the floor 14) WHEN there's only one other person 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they 16) ASK if you can push the button for 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're 18) DROP a pen and wail until someone 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it. Kids Are Quick TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America . TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? TEACHER: Glen, how do you spell 'crocodile?' TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? TEACHER: Gwen, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' i ' TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him? TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? APPLE APPLE APPLE STAR STAR STAR, COPY AND PASTE THIS RANDOM MESSAGE IN YOUR PROFILE, IF YOU ARE TRUELY RANDOM In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) On a Korean knife: “Keep out of children” (I should bloody well hope so!) Boeing 757-"Fragile. Do not drop" (That means you, Hulk! Put that bloody aeroplane down, you might drop it!) Scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Again, I should bloody well hope so!) Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances" (That's right, who doesn't use their dusters as kindling?) Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children." (Good thing babies aren't children, isn't it!) Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yeh. My grandmother died because she thought my hair dye was ice-cream topping and put it in a sundae) Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (OMG!! That's as amazing as a newsreader reading the news!) Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.) RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." (Did someone do this once...?) Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (No. Shit. Sherlock) On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions-"Put on fork and eat." (No! Really? We're supposed to eat food now?!) On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.) 15 THINGS TO DO AT WALL-MART: 1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens. 4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away. 5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department. 7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" 8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror. 9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 10. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. 11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" 12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!" 13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" 14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!" 15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go" Pick the month you were born: Pick the day (number) you were born on: Pick the color of shirt you are wearing: None--because I can't control myself! RANDOM FUNNINESS! I couldn't fix your brakes so I made your horn louder I swear to drunk officer I'm not god! Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder. A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying ‘Man that was fun!! Let’s do it again!’ (I'll be that friend) One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you "What you're looking for is always in the last place you look" (Me: Well, DUH, smart one! After you find it, you stop looking!) People who say "nothing's impossible" have never tried slamming a revolving door. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide. I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Give a person a fish, you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet, they won't bother you for weeks. Some people are like a slinky..not really good for anything, but you can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers. Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe. If life gives you lemons, throw them back at the jerk who gave 'em to ya and demand chocolate. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Anyone else seeing the irony in this? "Life is short" What? Name one thing you do that is longer than life. "Don't you wish you could have your cake and eat it too?" What is the point of having a cake if you can't eat it. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS! My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN" I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorous. But not so much tastey! Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing I'm the kind of girl who would get fired at the M&M's company for throwing out the w's. I'm the kind of girl who gets drunk off soda and loves every minute of it. What the heck is gum made out of? HOW DOES IT DISOLVE! Jeez! I've tortured myself with this for weeks... 25 Reasons to Thank my Mother: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. Why America has some issues (One thing that America DIDN’T screw up-this list) 1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. 4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. 6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway 7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. 8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. 9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures' 10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering. I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds. That's why when I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you. FRIENDS AND BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost. FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive. FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down. FRIENDS: Will ask if I’m crying. FRIENDS: Will help you move. 1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME (first pet, current car): Bird Holden 2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME (fave ice cream flavour, favourite type of shoe):English Toffee Sandshoe 3. YOUR NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (favourite colour, favourite animal): Blue Kangaroo 4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, city where you were born): Justin Gosford 5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 of your first name): Hil Ti 6. SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favourite colour, favourite drink): Purple Mountain Dew 7. NASCAR NAME (the first names of your grandfathers): George John 8. STRIPPER NAME (the name of your favourite perfume/cologne/scent, favourite candy): Toxic Chocolate 9. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME (your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter): Khan Cairns 10. SPY NAME: (your favourite season/holiday, flower): Summer Lilly 11. CARTOON NAME: (favourite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now): Mandarin Jumper 12. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favourite tree): Cereal Gum Tree If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever pulled a door that says push, or pushed a door that said pull, PUT THIS IN YOUR PROFILE (this has happened to me so many times) If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. I want child abuse to stop, and if you do, too, PLEASE copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile (happens all the time :D) If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you believe that its better to be unique than cool, copy this into your profile. If you are addicted to sugar, copy this into your profile. If you think that you and all your friends are hyperactive idiots most of the time, copy this into you profile. If you've ever busted a move or burst into song for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal put this in your profile! If you have ever tried to fly without a plane or any other flying machine/type thing, and FAILED, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have weird friends, copy this into your profile. If YOU are weird, please copy this into your profile. If you have ever seen starz and/or colored dots,c@p this to your your profile. If you have ever said the same thing more than one time in a row,put this in your profile.put this in your profile. If you have ever completely forgotten what you were doing, put this in your profile. If you have actually read all these 'if you's, copy this into your profile. If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile. If you have ever put your finger into a bird cage to see if it would actually bite, copy this into your profile. If it did bite, copy this into your profile. If you stuck it back in there, regardless of whether you dodged it the first time, copy this into your profile. If at first you don’t succeed...Cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie. I've gone to find myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait! If crime fighters fight crime, and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight? Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door... "If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight." OK, so what's the speed of dark? i have a brain,its just in my other pants... "Flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss"Dougless Adams Yes,I'm drunk,but in the morning you'll still be ugly. FLIP YOURSELF OFF,I'M BUSY! 5/4 people have trouble with fractions. Temptation is good...Giving in is better... Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest have to test the electric fence for themselves A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain; a best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, BITCH, RUN!" A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!" Mirrors don’t talk, and luckily for you, they don’t laugh It takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me If ignorance is bliss, you must be in a state of almost constant orgasm. Lets all just forget that that ever happened.Agreed? What I say to my friends sometimes: If you cry, I cry... If you laugh, I laugh... If you fight, I fight... If you jump off a cliff...I'm gonna miss your retarded ass... Your One and Only Wish 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. 2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow? 3. Your first initial? 4. Your month of birth? 5. Which color do you like more, black or white? 6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours. 7. Your favorite number? 8. Do you like California or Florida more? 9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more? 10. Write down a wish (a realistic one). Are you done? If so, scroll down (don't cheat--) THE ANSWERS 1. You are completely in love with this person. 2. If you choose: Red: You are alert and your life is full of love. Black: You are conservative and aggressive. Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love. Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down. 3. If your initial is: A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom. S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good. 4. If you were born in: Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever. July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good. Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate. 5. If you choose... Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it. 6. This person is your best friend. 7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime. 8. If you choose... 9. If you choose... 10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday! |
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