Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

30) I will not go to class skyclad.

31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends."

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."

37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.

39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.

40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.

42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

43) I will not lick Trevor.

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

Gender : Male

Name : Classified Information

Likes : Music

Dislikes : Arrogant bastards

If you think it's weird there's so much Yaoi, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile

If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!Paste this to your profile if you can read this!

95 percent of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas brothers and Justin Bieber on top of a skyscraper about to jump off. Copy and paste this into your profile if you're the 5 percent that would shout, "Jump assholes!"

My best friend is insane, if you agree or have an insane friend, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

93 percent of teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both... copy and paste this on your profile.

Things to do at Walmart...

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of MM's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring in pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.

11. Hide in a clothing rack; when people browse through, say PICK ME!

12. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!! "

13. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

I am against Child Abuse and Abortion. Are you too? Then repost these messages. Infact, everything below this message is cut and paste stuff.

Child Abuse

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long.

When I awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight.

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me.

Abortion

Month one

Mommy I am only 8 inches long but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy I'm a boy!! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor called it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make him stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped. Two more eyes that will never see. Two more hands that will never touch. Two more legs that will never run. One more mouth that will never speak.

Please, if you are against child abuse and abortion, re-post this, and I bet it will help raise awareness and help to stop abortion. If you just skim over these and agree with them, don't just say "Yeah, I hate that" actually do something! Repost this. If you repost this, then someone else will repost it, then someone else, then someone else, and soon, a lot of people will know about this and do whatever they can to stop it. So please, help to save an abused child and to stop the murder of the unborn babies. Repost this.Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin, The Komodo Dragon Phoenix, Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, tookieclothespen, GentleInAMoshPit, Gothic Tiger, Amras Felagund,TrixieStixs, Onar Toa of Hunger, Super Poof, Artimus Howl, Rain C. Frosty, StarSapphireWolf, Black Rose Hokaru, Song Of Hope, PokeMaster96,

Rules Men Wish Women Knew!

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is ok for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

· When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

· The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

· After wrecking your boss’ car.

· One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The Crying Game”.

3. Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing.

10. You may be flatulent in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she’s officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach… and it’s delivered by a topless model and only when it’s free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man’s fly is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything.

16. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that’s just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she’s withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

· Yeah, Baby, Push it!

· C’mon, give me one more! Harder!

· Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (i.e. both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.) For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly “just a friend” have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question “What do you want for Christmas?” with “If you loved me, you’d know what I want!” gets an Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men’s gymnastics. Ever.

Set 2:

1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down.

2. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.

3. Don’t make us guess.

4. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

5. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. He’s never thinking about “The Relationship.”

7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat.

8. Dogs are better than cats.

9. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10. Shopping is not everybody’s idea of a good time.

11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

12. You have enough clothes.

13. You have too many shoes.

14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it.

15. Your brother is an idiot.

16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.

17. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

18. Share the bathroom

19. Share the closet.

20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.

21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like sex in the morning.

23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

24. Check your oil.

25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.

27. If you think you’re getting on the heavy side, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

28. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.

29. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.

30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

31. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

32. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.

33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.

34. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

Im sorry

I'm sorry

that I bought you roses

to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry

That I was raised with respect

not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry

That my body's not ripped enough

to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry

that I open your car door,

and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry

That I'm not cute enough

to be "your guy"

I'm sorry

That I am actually nice;

not a jerk

I'm sorry

I don't have a huge bank account

to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry

I like to spend quality nights at home

cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry

I would rather make love to you then just screw you

like some random guy.

I'm sorry

That I am always the one you need to talk to,

but never good enough to date

I'm sorry

That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,

but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry

That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,

but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry

If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry

If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry

that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry

If you read this and know somebody like this

but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry

For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry

That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry

I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good

enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry

I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry

That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry

That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry

That I cared

I'm sorry

that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"

Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'