So. I'm sakuuya. With a little s.

I guess the word I would use to describe myself is curmudgeonly, which means "bad-tempered, difficult, stubborn, and cantankerous" Yep. That's about right. To that effect: If you came here to flame me because you think I flamed you, get over it. Flames tend to be personally offensive and badly-written. You just got a negative review. I'd love to hear whatever purile trash you can come up with to fling at me (Seriously. DO flame. It makes my day), but you need to realize that not everyone is going to love everything you do, especially if it sucks. If my review is the only one you got that's more than a paragraph long, I'm sorry, but it's very likely that I'm right and none of your other reviewers know what they're talking about.

Googlism puts it best: "sakuuya is not a flamer." Usually.

If you're not that person, and I haven't scared you off, welcome! There's nothing terribly interesting here, so you may as well skip right to the stories.

UPDATE (10/05/14): I run contests every two years or so. This one is Halloween themed! Check it out!

Age: 24.

Sex: Female.

Location: Minnesohta. Yeah. That's right. I've got the accent.

My Top 5 Favorite...

Cartoons: Batman: The Animated Series, Fillmore!, Princess Tutu, Puella Magi Madoka Magica, Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated.

Live-Action Shows: Better off Ted, Community, Life on Mars UK, Pushing Daisies, RuPaul's Drag Race.

Comics: Adventure Time, Jonah Hex, The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck, Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E., The Sixth Gun.

Movies: Brick, Fargo, Heathers, Princess Mononoke, Sweeney Todd (1982).

Authors: Neil Gaiman, Chuck Klosterman, Ursula K. LeGuin, Patricia A. McKillip, Terry Pratchett.

Bands/Artists: Bruce Springsteen, The Hold Steady, Hole, The Replacements, Siouxsie and the Banshees.

Characters: Guy Gardner, Gene Hunt, Magneto, Jamie Reyes, Sam Vimes.

TMM Stories I Wrote: The Anatomy Lesson, I Carry Your Heart, Masaya and Ichigo Break Up: A Tutorial, Severance, The Undiscovered Country.

TMM Stories Other People Wrote: And Why Shouldn't He? by Kiichigo-chan, Liar Liar by az00brain (sadly defunct), Midori Noir by Taidine, Sacrifices by Dasz, Searching for Solace by Lass Cherrie.

And My 5 Least Favorite...

TMM Stories I Wrote: A Darkling Plain, A Game of You, Model, Stop the World, The Wall Around the World. (I'm not linking to them because I don't want to make it easier for you to read them! D:)

Contests You Should Check Out:

Spooky Scary Contest, hosted by yours truly.

Trophy Case

Kish's Kittie's Oneshot Contest 2008: Winner (A Darkling Plain)
Kish's Kittie's AU Contest 2008: Winner (The Undiscovered Country)
Tomahawk 3.0's General Contest 2009: Winner (Severance) and Most Original Story (The Undiscovered Country)
IchigoPudding's Confused Couples Competition 2009: 2nd Place (A Study in Contrasts)
Tomoyo Kinomoto and Kitty Kat K.O.'s End of the World Contest 2009: 2nd Place (These Fragile Bodies)
Saba's Reflection's Invincible (Deathfic) Competition 2009: Winner (tied) (Of All Possible Worlds)
Forever Mesmerised Ryou x Ichigo Contest 2009: Winner (Of All Possible Worlds)
MewMidnight's Crack Couples Competition 2010: 2nd Place (tied) (Stop the World)
FanBBS' February Contest 2010 (on FP): Winner (Threshold)
BroadwayObsessesGirl54's Kish x Ichigo Contest 2010: Winner (One Hand above the Water)
FanBBS' June Contest 2010 (on FP): Winner (Distress)
Immortal x Snow's Immortality Contest 2010: 2nd Place (I Carry Your Heart)
FanBBS' September Contest 2010 (on FP): 2nd Place (Emergent Properties)
Zenaga the Sea Serpent's AU Contest 2010: 2nd Place (Gimme Shelter)
Soccer-Geek's Alternate Pairings Contest 2013: 1st Place (The Calm and Silent Water)

Other People's Trophies
This is a record of the results of the contests I've personally judged. Due to a combination of forum purges and my unwillingness to leave contest fics up (even when they don't actually break the site rules), the rules and stuff for most of these are no longer available, but if you care for some reason, PM me and I'll hook you up. :)

Fairy Tale Competition 2012
Winner: The Cat Princess by Laura Schiller

Genre Competition 2010
1st Place: Beneath the Surface by Kitty Kat K.O
2nd Place: Little Miss Bridget by Zenaga the Sea Serpent

Deathficlet Competition 2008 (co-judged with Kish's Kittie)
Winner: Limbo by Kitty Kat K.O

Graveyard

There are several stories that I've taken down from my profile for one reason or another. This listing of them is mostly to help anyone looking for them: If you want any of these stories, contact me and I'll send you a copy. Few things are more annoying than trying to find a story that no longer exists, since FFN doesn't let the Wayback Machine make archives of its pages.

"The Ballad of Serenity" (TMM Western OC fic, deleted due to terminal unfinishedness)
"Ichigo's Daughter Saves the World!" ("Tokyo Ew Ew" threequel, deleted due to terminal unfinishedness)
"Invictus" (TMM OC fic intended for Mika's contest, deleted due to terminal unfinishedness)

Other Projects
My FictionPress Account (on FP, obviously): There's not a lot here at the mo'.
Tokyo Mew Mew Mary Sue Litmus Test (on FFN): A TMM-specific Mary-Sue litmus test, updated periodically. Please use it.
Tokyo Mew Mew Horror Project (on Pinboard): I read and review every TMM horror fic. All the stories I've looked at are listed here, along with information about quality, horror elements, etc. Updated when new horror stories are published.

Rant of the Moment (01/11/14)

I'd like to talk a little about review whoring (and it's little sister...review bitching?). You'd think this would be one of those self-explanatory ones - review whoring is bad, don't do it, the end. And yet here we are. Even if you've never heard the term, you've probably encountered a review whore: an author who refuses to update - or at least threatens to withhold updates - unless s/he gets a certain number of reviews. Review bitching is not a real term, so if you know a more common one, please enlighten me. What I mean when I say "review bitching" is when an author castigates his/her non-reviewing readers without the threat of withholding content.

If you're the reader in this relationship, the solution to review whoring is pretty simple: Let 'em starve. People who act entitled about reviews don't deserve reviews.

But I want to talk to the writers who do this, though I recognize that there's probably not a ton of overlap between "people who read crap on my profile" and "review whores" (if only because the former category is so tiny). First, I want to rephrase what I said above: No one deserves reviews. Don't get me wrong: reviews are great, and I also like getting 'em. But they're a perk, not a tax a reader has to pay. No matter how good a writer you are (or think you are, anyway), you are not entitled to a certain number of reviews per story/chapter/view. Holding content hostage, or even just whining about what jerks all those silent readers are, makes you look like a brat. It's telling your reviewers "You guys are not enough for me," and your non-reviewing readers "You don't matter to me unless you feed my ego." Now, you probably don't intend either of these things. Tough shit. I'm a big proponent of the death of the author - judging a work by what's on the page rather than trying to guess authorial motivations. And going solely by what's on the page, "I won't update until I get X reviews!" is demanding and selfish and ungrateful.

I imagine, though, that this mindset is a difficult one to break out of. I may not be the best person to try and offer advice on this point, as review whoring is not among my copious flaws, but since this rant is specifically addressed to authors who have that problem, I'd like to at least try to help. First of all, how detailed are the reviews you're getting? If they're just, like, "I really liked your story!" they're pretty much equivalent to someone faving. Therefore, those folks who fave without reviewing? They're basically giving reviews saying "I really liked your story!" so keep that in mind when you're thinking about how much feedback you have. You can also look at your raw hit count and assume that they're all getting at least mild enjoyment out of it (because people who really didn't like your story will probably tell you). Consider, also, the quality of the reviews. To me, at least, one really detailed review is worth about a dozen ices, and if your story is inspiring that much dedication, even if it's just in one or two people, I'd still consider it a success.

Now go read some stories.