I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!

Hiya All,

You would know me as WildPheonix, so thats me! (By the way I'm a female, incase you were wondering!)

REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

3. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

7. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

14. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home."

16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

18. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

19. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

23. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

24. My mother taught me SHAPE-SHIFTING.

"You'll turn into a sausage if you eat any more."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

A guy and a girl were speeding over 100km on a motorcyle.

Girl: Slow down!

Guy: No this is fun!

Girl: No it's not! Please, it's way to scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you. Now slow down.

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gave him a big hug.

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me.

In the newspaper, the next day, there was an article about a motorcycle that crashed into a building because of break failure.

Two people were on it and only one survived.

The truth was, that half way down the road the guy realized his breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know.

Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so she would live even if it meant he would die.

If you would do the same for the person you love, copy and paste this into your profile.

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run bitch run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!"

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!"

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile)

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)

2. Meet the recruitment bunny!

3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!

4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!

5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!

6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!

7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?

8. WORLD DOMINATION! BEST reason

Really Dumb Store Labels

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of
Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".

SECRET!!!

[1] I need to tell you a secret. First, look at number 5.
[2] The answer is to look at 11.
[3] Don't get mad and look at 15.
[4] Calm down, don't get mad, look at 13.
[5] First, look at 2.
[6] Don't be that angry, look at 12.
[7] This is a very important message: Go to number 5.
[8] What I wanted to tell you is, THE ANSWER IS AT 14.
[9] Be patient, and look at 4.
[10] This is the last time I'm gonna do this. Go to 7.
[11] I hope you're not mad when I say look at 6.
[12] Sorry, look at 8.
[13] Don't get mad and look at 10.
[14] I don't really know how to say this, but look at 3.
[15] You must be really mad, but look at 9.

Do not meddle with the affairs of dragons. For you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

I live in my own little world, but it's okay. They know me there.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much.

I see regular people!

Never judge a book by its movie.

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

'It's always the last place you look'. Well of course it is! Why the heck would I keep looking after I found it!

When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really, who likes lemons?

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.

You laugh now because you are older than me by mere months, but when you are 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Never go to bed angry, stay up and plot your revenge.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up (Bloody Hypocrits!)

In Remembrance:
In Remembrance to Severus Snape,
A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor,
Without all the red and gold crap.

In Remembrance to Fred Weasley,
Who fought bravely to the very end,
And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half,
And will loyally await his soul mate and brother,
With many jokes,
He's got forever to think of them, right?

In Remembrance to Dobby,
Who was more free and full of love,
Than any elf, and most humans.

In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin,
The last real Marauder,
Who was not just a wonderful father,
An incredible husband and a brave hero,
As well as an awesome werewolf,

In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks,
Who died for the greater good,
And would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora,

In Remembrance to Alastair 'Mad Eye' Moody,
Who's motto 'Constance Vigilance' kept him alive,

In Remembrance to Tom Marvolo Riddle, A.K.A Voldemort,
Who was pretty cool and cute when he was younger,
But who got his ass kicked thoroughly in the end,

In Remembrance to Albus Dumbledore,
Whose past and wisdom confused us,
Whose seeming betrayal shocked us,
But who actually turned out to be an okay guy in the end,

In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange,
Because it was awesome how Molly Weasley got her with the Avada Kedavra,
She deserved everything she got in the end,

In Remembrance to Colin Creevey,
Who we really didn't know too well,
But took a lot of pictures and died fighting in the war,
So he must've done something good...
Besides stalking Harry,

In Remembrance to Hedwig,
Harry's first real friend,
Who lived and died soaring

In Remembrance to Sirius Black,
Who never got to walk free,
Who had to live with a crazy house elf and a screaming portrait for a year,
And who had to get killed by a curtain.

Harry Potter oath

I promise to remember Tonks

Each time I knock something down.

And I promise to remember Charlie Weasley

Whenever I'm out of town.

I promise not to obey traffic laws

For Sirius's sake of course.

And I promise to remember Lupin

When my heart fills with remorse.

I promise to remember Arthur

Whenever I am at St Mungo's Room.

And I promise to remember the Weasley Twins

Every time fireworks boom.

I promise to remember Lily

When I see someone that holds pure beauty.

And I promise to remember Dobby

Whenever a pair of socks spots me.

I promise to remember Teddy

When I see someone with turquoise hair.

And I promise to remember Molly

When someone tells me they care.

I promise to remember Ginny

Whenever bogey hexes are unfurled.

I promise to remember Hermione

when a question pops in my mind.

I promise to remember Ron

when best friends stay close behind.

And I promise to remember the death eaters

When someone speaks of dominating the world.

Yes I promise to love Harry Potter

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession

Because I know what the wizards know.

We defended the stone, when no one saw it coming. We found the chamber, when everyone thought it was the end. We freed the prisoner, so the innocent had their freedom. We were chosen by the Goblet, and witnessed evil return. We fought with the order, and learnt of our fate. We learned of the prince, and the dangerous road that waited a head. We dominated the deathly hallows, and all was well. Who are we? You may wonder. We are the one's who stuck with Harry 'till the very end.

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree

PLEASE READ & SUPPORT IT BY COPY & PASTING IT ON YOUR PAGE! (That one's a keeper girls)

You say Twlilight
I say Harry Potter
You say Vampires
I say Wizards
You say Jacob Black
I say Sirius Black
You say Team Edward
I say Team Potter
You say Robert Pattison
I'll say 'Is Cedric Diggory'
You say Pattison is hot
I'll say Tom Felton is HOTTER
You think Bella and Edward are the Perfect dream couple?
I think thats Ron and Hermione are the Perfect dream couple
You say Edward
I'll say "Harry, now shut Up!"
Copy/Paste this if you agree that Twilight is nothing compared with HP and it's magical glory

Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and have severe lung cancer. I also have a tumor in my brain, from repeated beatings. Doctors say I will die soon if this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills. The Make A Wish Foundation has agreed to pay 7 cents for every time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but those of you who don't send it, what goes around comes around. Have a heart. Re-send this, help her.

A 15-year-old girl holds hands with her one-year-old son. People call her a slut.

Nobody knows that she was raped at the age of 13.

People call another guy fat.

Nobody knows that he has a serious disease that causes him to be overweight.

People call an old man ugly.

Nobody knew he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war.

Re-post this if you are against bullying and stereotyping. I bet 95% of you won't.

Girls Don't realize these things;

I'm sorry that I bought you roses to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry That I was raised with respect not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry That my body's not ripped enough to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry that I open your car door, and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry That I'm not cute enough to be "your guy"

I'm sorry That I am actually nice; not a jerk

I'm sorry I don't have a huge bank account to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry I like to spend quality nights at home cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry I would rather make love to you then just screw you like some random guy.

I'm sorry That I am always the one you need to talk to, but never good enough to date

I'm sorry That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere, but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry If you read this and know somebody like this but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry That I cared

I'm sorry that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough guts to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

Month One

Mommy

I am only 8 inches long

but I have all my organs.

I love the sound of your voice.

Every time I hear it

I wave my arms and legs.

The sound of your heart beat

is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy

today I learned how to suck my thumb.

If you could see me

you could definitely tell that I am a baby.

I'm not big enough to survive outside my home thought.

It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy

I'm a boy!!

I hope that makes you happy.

I always want you to be happy.

I don't like it when you cry.

You sound so sad.

It makes me sad too.

and I cry with you even though

you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy

my hair is starting to grow.

It is very short and fine

but I will have a lot of it.

I spend a lot of my time exercising.

I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes

and stretch my arms and legs.

I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.

Mommy, he lied to you.

He said that I'm not a baby.

I think and feel.

Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.

I dont like him.

He seems cold and heartless.

Something is intruding my home.

The doctor calls it a needle.

Mommy what is it? It burns!

Please make him stop!

I can't get away from it!

Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy

I am okay.

I am in Jesus's arms.

He is holding me.

He told me about abortion.

Why didn't you want me mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just...

Two more eyes that will never see.

Two more hands that will never touch.

Two more legs that will never run.

One more mouth that will never speak

One more heart that will never beat.

If your against abortion, re-post this

Ladies, things to say to men with bad pick up lines!

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile!

Fire and Ice

by Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To know that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

I'm Nobody Who Are You?

by Emily Dickinson

I'm nobody!
Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us — don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!

JABBERWOCKY

Lewis Carroll

(from Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872)

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"
He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought --
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two!
And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
"And, has thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!'
He chortled in his joy.
Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Mischief Managed!