SecretMatildaBlackwell
 Author has written 2 stories for Secret Saturdays. Oooooooo K! What can I say about me? I'm an animal person. I've always loved reading stories from fanfition on my fave shows, Oh! espeshialy the shows that don't show anymore;( i'm mad at those writers for taking the best shows off the air! Espeshialy the AWSOME ONES! like TSS, XS, and stuff like that! THEY. WERE. THE. BEST. SHOWS. EVER!!! Sorry I get a little loud after 2 much sugar:D |_/\_| (\_/) (¯v´¯)¸.•´¸.•¨)¸.•¨) Tuяn Up Tнe Vσℓυмe : .ılı.--Volume--.ılı.: Min- - - - - - - - - - -●Max: ► Play ▌▌ Pause ■ Stop ╔══╗ PUT THIS ON YOUR PAGE IF U LOVE Rules to follow: 1.Got a Problem with Me? Fix it!-I write what I right because they're MY fics. If you want to read something different, go to a different fic and don't review "Oh, your fic sucks and so do you!" because you start horasing me, to the point of no return, I will block you. 2.NO BIGOTING!-To bigot is to be prejudice against a religion or religious group. If you look a little farther down in my profile, you will see that I am a Wiccan, or Neo-Pagan as many of us prefer to be called. Yes, this means I am not Christian- But in this religion we do not believe in the Christian 'devil' let alone worship it. We don't believe in the Christian hell either. So all of you Bibble swatting tipe of Christians, if you leave me a review like "U gonna go to hell for dismissing the Lord from your life!" Why don't you just BACK OFF!!! I have my religion and you have yours, I have my own gods to worship. And NO! I do not do cures, hex, voodoo, black magic, invoke demonds(do I realy seem that stupid?), or hurt anyone or anything physicly, mentaly, or spiritualy. And I do NOT work magic on anyone without thier permission and good reason. 3.DO NOT STOCK ME!-I have a social life too, and I will be totaly honist with you guys, strage things happen to and, or around me. Usualy once or twice every 2 to 4 weeks. So if I havn't posted in a while I have either been busy, or something strange has happened and I'm a little too preocudied with it to post. So don't message me every day asking "Wen U gonna post agen?" because again I have a life too. Name: Mattie F. Nick Names: Matilda and Jojo(by my family)and that's about it. Location: NONE... OF... YOUR... BUSINESS. *Whispers*America, Sssshhhh! Age: 15 Gender: Girl Religion: Pagan Fave Bands/Music artists: All American Rejects, Paramore, Emerald Rose, Celtic Wemon, Hex Girls(yes, they are a real band),Superchick, Good Charlotte, Owl City.(I'd proboby type more but I'm just not in the mood right now) Sun Sign: Leo Moon Sign: Gemini Rising Sign: Tuarus Hobies: Drawing, Writing, Surfin' the Web, TV, Saxeghone, Camping, Volenteare work. Fave TSS Pearings: ZakxWadi(don't kill me Zak fangirls!) Rayna(a.k.a. my OC)xFrancis DoylexAbby(don't kill me Doyle fangirls!) GracexEddy(my OCs) Fave NCIS Pearings: TonyxZeva AbbyxTim GibbsxJenny Got a problem with me? Solve it Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL, So why bother? Every insult you make is only hurting yourself. "They Pushed Her"
was pushed down a sewer opening by 5 girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge the police were called. They went down and brought up 17 year old Carmen Winstead's body, her neck broken from hitting the ladder, and then the side concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them. FACT: 2 months ago, 16 year old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower he heard laughter from his shower, he started freaking out and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep. 5 hours later his mom woke up in the middle of the night cause of a loud noise. David was gone. That morning a few hours later the police found him in the sewer, his neck broken and his face skin peeled off. Even google her name- you'll find this to be true If you don't repost this saying "they pushed her" then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Camoron will come for you. PLEASE repost this or Cameron will get you. Subject:Scrable When you rearrange the letters: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ANIMOSITY: ELECTION RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety, MENstrual cramps, MENopause... all our problems start with men! "REMEMBER WHEN" REMEMBER WHEN .. Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way to treat people. To prove that we are all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold your hand up to a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up too. You'll see, essentially, the same image. Five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when you get right down to it. If you are against racism, copy this message and my symbol for equality to your profile. If you or your best friend (or both) is insane, copy this into your profile If you've ever said something that had nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix copy this onto your profile If you are the kind of person that pushes a door that says pull, copy and paste this into your profile If you can't help but get frustrated by writers that do the same annoying things you do, copy and paste this on your profile. If you go around to different profiles just to find things to put onto your profile, copy and paste this on your profile. If you know someone who made a mistake and your tired of people going on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and oooooooooooon about how stupid he/she was and you wish that people would just get on with there stupid lives instead of ranting about the stupidity of other people and all you want is for society to realize that going off on a useless rant about the stupidity of man kind is a gigantic waste of time and that we should all do something constructive like finger painting or sculpting instead of going on and on about whatever when we know deep down that it annoys the crap out of everybody who has to listen to the idiotic tyrade... then copy and paste this on your profile. In a 1st grade class, the teacher is teaching the kids vocabulary and grammar. The teacher says, "Okay, children! Can someone give me a sentence If you think that Raven and Beast Boy should go out, copy and paste this on your profile. If you hate hypocrites copy this and the above on your profile. If you wish that you were better at faking an English accent, copy and paste this on your profile If you ever want to date a person who had an English accent, copy and paste this on your profile If your ever wondered what the big deal was about English accents, copy and paste this on your profile If you think that it rocks to be a girl because we look hot in both girl and guy cloths, copy and paste this on your profile. If you think you should be the President of Cartoon Network because apparently If you think cartoon x-over stories should be made into movies and/or TV shows, copy and paste this into your profile. If you love Halloween as much as I do copy into your profile and put your name. Sakkee, TLSoulDude, ArtimisHowl, SecretMatildaBlackwell, DrgonRidngFaeryWitch If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile. If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile. If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile. STOP ANIMAL ABUSE IF YOU ARE AGAINST ANIMAL ABUSE, PUT THIS ON YOUR BIO If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writitng or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile If you listen to and talk back to the voices in your head and find nothing wrong with it because you know they're there, put this in your profile. If you think that flamers should get a life and stop trying to discourage people, paste this into your profile. If you're too old for trick-or-treating, but dress up for Halloween anyway, copy and paste this into your profile and give your name and costume. TLSoulDude: Zombie pirate ArtimisHowl: Different each time, SecretMatildaBlackwell: Different each year, DrgoRidngFaeryWitch Anyone who says Halloween is satanic is a poo-poo head. If you agree. copy this, paste it in your profile, and say your name (optional): TLSoulDude, ArtimisHowl, SecretMatildaBlackwell, DrgonRidngFaeryWitch If you have ever been watching a T.V show, and when the commercials came on you forgot what you were watching copy this into your profile. If you want child abuse to STOP, copy and paste this into your profile. 98 percent of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similiar, copy this into your profile. If you are the complete opposite of normal, copy this into your profile If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) put this on your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile. If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile. 99.5 percent of teenagers and kids have a facebook and are literally addicted, if you are the 0.5 who thinks facebook is a dumb way to make friends, relationsips,etc. post this onto your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile If you still support Zutara, despite many put downs, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you can listen to a song and match some of the lyrics up to your life copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think people labeling other people (i.e. Goth, prep) is just freaking stupid, copy paste this into your profile. If you are odd and proud of it put this on your profile If you don't use Myspace and are proud enough to make it public, copy and paste this into your profile. If you don't like unweird people, copy this into your profile. If you dispise shunners of weirdness put this on your profile If you approve of gay-marrigaes put this on your profile and add your name to the list. Gaara's-pandachan101,678yui-julie-and-kiki-kitten, Flying_Shadow666, GregsLabrat, DragonFriend95, Labrat23, Grossology Fanatic, Secret MatildaBlackwell, DrgonRidngFaeryWitch If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile. If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similiar, copy this into your profile. If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile I hate pop-ups. If you hate all the ads popping up while you're trying to read some story, copy this into your profile. Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile. Geeks are cool. Geeks are smart. It is written that the geeks shall inherit the Earth. If you are a geek and proud of it, copy this and paste it on your profile. If you haven't been out of the country you live in, do the copypaste! If you favour Wizards of Waverly Place over Hannah Montanna copy this onto your profile. If you think having wings would be one of the COOLEST THINGS EVER, copy this to your profile. If you ever stared at someone for a really long time for no reason, put this in your profile. If you enjoy laughing at the pain or misfortune of others copy this into your profile. If you have ever walked into a wall, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever turned around and questioned how you got on those subjects after an entire conversation, copy and paste this in to your profile. If you are such a loser that you actually read all these 'If you ever blah blah blah, copy this into your profile' things, copy this into your profile If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever read or started to read a chapter in a fanfiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, paste this into your profile. If you have ever accidentally stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile. If you get bored easily post this on your profile. If Fanfiction to you is what FaceBook is to other people, copy this into your profile. If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you frequently have conversations with yourself and/or fictional characters from your favorite books, copy and paste this into your profile. (They're fictional?) If you sometimes spontaneously break into song, copy this into your profile If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. If you fight with your computer put this in your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. 92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off. If you think that those stupid kids should just give that Gosh-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile. If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good because unique is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random (Or can be at times) and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugs.4.all.the.emo.boyz, WritingRocks6, Bubble Blower, panache2005, .Dr1v3n t0 1n5aN1Ty., Serenity.Jones, crystalshake, Artimus Howl, SecretMatildaBlackwell, DrgonRidngFaeryWitch Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin, The Komodo Dragon Phoenix, Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, tookieclothespen, GentleInAMoshPit, Gothic Tiger, Amras Felagund,TrixieStixs, Onar Toa of Hunger, Super Poof, Artimus Howl, SecretMatildaBlackwell,DrgonRidngFaeryWitch REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile): 1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate, marshmallows, and ice cream too) Did u know b4 u go to sleep at night there is 1 person of the opposite rainbow is thinking of u .they want to kiss u ,they want to be with u are always thinking about u b4 they go to sleep at night they r longing to be with u this is not at all fake if u re post within 5 mins the person who is longing for u will approach u in 1 month and ask u out or grab u and kiss u . but if u break this chain no1 will ask u out in 5 years. 1) Are you in a relationship with somebody? Yes 2) Do you hate more than 3 people? Yes 3) How many houses have you lived in? Three 4) Favorite candy bar? 3 MUSKETEERS 5) Favorite shoes? convers 6) Have you ever tripped someone? Yes 7) Least favorite school subject? History 9) Do you own a Britney Spears CD? no 10) Have you ever thrown up in public? Yes, at a soccer game 11) Name one thing that is always on your mind. My stories 12) Favorite genre of music? Any, music is music as long as it's good 13) What is your zodiac sign? Leo 14) What time were you born? 32 seconds before midnight 15) Do you like beer? Not old enough 16) Ever made a prank phone call? Nope 17) What is the most embarrassing CD you own? Funny Favorates 18) Are you sarcastic? You think? 19) What are your favorite colors? Green, Purple, Midnight Blue, and Red 20) How many watches do you own? None 21) Summer or winter? Summer, Winter is too cold 23) Favorite color to wear? Black, and Violet 24) Pepsi or Sprite? Sprite 25) What color is your cell phone? Black with purple skulls 26) Where is your second home? My imagination 27) Have you ever slapped someone? Yes 28) Have you ever had a cavity? Yes 29) How many lamps are in your bedroom? One 30) How many video games do you own? 6? 31) What was your first pet? A ferret. 32) Ever had braces? Yes 33) Do looks matter? In a dumb ass society, yes. In my mind, not so much. 34) Do you use chapstick? Not even when I desperetly need to. 35) Name 3 teachers from your High School. Mr. Keys, Mrs. Degotano, and Mr. Degotano. 36) American Eagle or Abercombie? Neither 37) Are you too forgiving? Unfortunatly 38) How many children do you want? 2, one of each 39) Do you own something from Hot Topic? No*tear* my mom thinks only self-mutilators go there 40) Favorite breakfast meal? Waffles 41) Do you own a gun? No, but my step-dad does 42) Ever thought you were in love? Yes 43) When was the last time you cried? Once every few months 44) What did you do 3 nights ago? Reading fanfiction 45) Olive Garden? La Panera? No idea 46) Have you ever called your teacher mommy? Yeah, in kindergarden 47) Have you ever been in a castle? No 48) Nicknames? Jojo (don't ask) 49) Do you know anyone named Bertha? No 50) Ever been to Kentucky? No 51) Do you own something from Banana Republic? No! 52) Are you thinking about somebody right now? Yes 53) Have you ever called someone Boo? Nope 55) Do you own a diamond ring? No. 56) Are you happy with your life right now? Yeah, I wish other people were happy too though 57) Do you dye your hair? Yeah it's blood red 58) Does anyone like you? Yes 59) What year were you born? 1996 60) What were you doing in May of 1994? Not born 61) Do you own a Backstreet Boys CD? No 62) McDonalds or Wendys? McDonalds 63) Do you like yourself? Yeah, I do 64) Are you closer to your mother or father? Neither 65) Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex? A cute, sweet smile 66) Are you afraid of the dark? No 67) Have you ever eaten paste? Does toothpaste count? 68) Do you own a webcam? Yes 69) Have you ever stripped? No 70) Ever broke a bone? Nope 72) Do you chat on AIM often? No 73) Pringles or Lays? Lays 74) Have you ever broken someone's heart? No 75) Rugrats or Doug? Rugrats 76) Full House or The Brady Bunch? Full House 77) Did you like your high school guidance counselor? I don't know who mine is 78) Has anyone ever called you fat? I am fat 79) Do you have a birth mark? Yes, on my knee. 80) Do you own a car? No 81) Can you cook? Noodles 82) 3 things that annoy you: 1. My little bro 2. The smell of cooking sausage links(it gives me a headace) 3. My step-dads voice, But I love him. 83) Do you text message often? Sometimes 84) Money or love? Love 85) Do you have any scars? On my sholder 86) What do you want more than anything right now? My story chapters to write themselves 87) Do you enjoy scary movies? LOVE THEM! 88) Relationships or one night stands? Relationship, a real one 89) Big Red or Juicy Fruit? I don't chew gum, just my lip (I've been trying to stop) 90) Do you enjoy greasy food? Heheheheheh yeah 91) Have you seen all the Rocky movies? Who? 92) Do you own a box of crayons? Yes, but in a bag 'cause some 2 year old ate the box 94) Who was the last person that said they loved you? My boyfriend 95) Who was the last person that made you mad? Dad 96) Who was the last person that made you cry? Mom 97) Who was the last person that made you laugh? My boyfriend 98) Who was the last person that you fell for? My boyfriend 99) Who was the last person that instant messaged you? Another writter 100) Who was the last person that called you? My boyfriend This is the stupid test! 100 stupid things that people do! Bold the ones that apply to you! 1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out I did not write this. Just so you know. I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. You know what, I hate it when people hurt another guy or girl all beacuse they like the same gender they are. If you believe like I do, copy and paste this please Pick the ones that fit you I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz. I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed. I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch. I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I'm ATHEIST so i MUST hate the world. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals. I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay. I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible. I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store. I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore... I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut. I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars. I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore. I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut. I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals. I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a big DICK. I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST! I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life. I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay. I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll. I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi. I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO. I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT. I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited. I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13. I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy. I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas. I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction. I'm a VIRGIN so i MUST be prude. I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so i must be violent. I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy. I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid. I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot. I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7. I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up. I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist. I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork. I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA. I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect. I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil. I Love SHOPPING so I must be rich. I'm an OG so I must be Mexican. I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo. I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy. I hang out with TEEN DRINKERS/SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too. I'm CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST hate gay people. I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't. I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over-controlling bitch. My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over-controlling and a bitch. I read COMICS, so I MUST be a loser. I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE, so I MUST be a whore myself. I'm TEXAN, so I MUST ride a horse I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I MUST be homosexual. I draw ANIME, so I MUST be a freak. I am a FANGIRL, so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. I'm an ONLY CHILD, so I MUST be spoiled. I'm INTELLIGENT, so I MUST be weak. I am AMERICAN, so I MUST be an obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. I'm WELSH, so I MUST love sheep I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend. I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers. I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare. I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. I WEAR A BIG SUN HAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid. I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE. I'm ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and a MURDERER! I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. I am QUIET and POLITE, so I MUST be a pushover. I use GOOD GRAMMAR, so I MUST be a snob. I prefer FANTASY and SCI-FI, so I MUST be out of touch with reality. I love TO LEARN so I MUST be boring. I'm WHITE, so I MUST be a racist. I'm a GUY with LONG HAIR, so I MUST be a hippie/druggie. I'm good with COMPUTERS, so I MUST be a nerd/geek. I'm a GUY, so I MUST love sports. I'm NOT RELIGIOUS so I MUST be treated like crap until I pray to your god. I am a GIRL, so boys MUST be better than me at sports. I am a PUSHOVER, so I MUST have controlling friends I am a GIRL, so I MUST only be good at work I am not EMO, so I MUST be uncool. I am WHITE and I like to DANCE, so I MUST be lame I don't act DEPRESSED, so I MUST be weird. I am SKINNY, so I MUST be sensitive about my weight. I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST go to church every Sunday. I am a CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC/ANGLICAN/PROTESTANT, so I MUST not do anything on Halloween. I am POOR, so I MUST not have good hygiene. I am a HOUSEWIFE, so I MUST have no self respect. I consider myself 'NORMAL', so I MUST be boring. I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall, blonde, blue-eyed lesbian. I like READING, so I MUST be a Loner. I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a terrorist. I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish. I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be white. I SPOT AND CORRECT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard. I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean. I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid. I'm AUSTRALIAN, so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s. I go to RENAISSANCE FAIRS, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times I’m GAY, so I MUST be after EVERY straight guy around. I don’t want a BOYFRIEND, so I MUST be Lesbian. I'm NOT CHRISTIAN, so I MUST just need converting. I love MARCHING BAND, so I MUST be a friendless freak. I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life. I do BALLET, so I MUST be girly, like the colour pink, and hate tomboys. I like to listen to CHRISTIAN MUSIC, so I MUST hate metal rock and people who listen to it. I'm a FIGURE SKATER, so I MUST like pretty dresses, classic music, hate eating and is a sissy. I like to READ, so I MUST do nothing except read. I don't agree with CONFORMING, so I MUST act all freaky and be loud. I'm a GIRL, so I MUST like to talk about crushes, dolls, not getting dirty, and parties. I never have a CRUSH on a guy (/girl), so I MUST be lesbian (/gay). I don't DROOL over a lot of BISHIES, so I MUST be a lezzy. I don't believe in DATING TOO SOON, so I MUST hate people who date. I FANgirl(/boy) over fictive girls/BIshojos (boys/BIshies, if you are a boy), so I MUST hate guys (or girls). I don't like YAOI/YURI so I MUST be a homophobe. I like Kingdom Hearts, so I MUST fangirl(/fanboy) over Riku(/Kairi). I DON'T want to date until I reach driving age, so I MUST be brainwashed by my parents. I'm a PRETEEN, so I MUST want to have a boyfriend(/girlfriend) already. I'm FEMALE, so I MUST have long hair. I don't STUDY much but still get STRAIGHT A's, so I MUST be cheating. I'm WELL-TO-DO, so I MUST be snotty. I'm going to HAWAII FOR CHRISTMAS, so I MUST shove it in everyone's faces. I don't think VEGETARIANISM makes sense, so I MUST think all vegetarians are hippies. I have a DEEPISH voice, so I MUST be emo. I'm easily ANNOYED, so I MUST be bratty. I'm NULL, so I MUST hate everyone. I'm a HUMAN, so I MUST be labeled. I LISTEN TO ROCK MUSIC, so I MUST be a rebel. I'm AGNOSTIC, so I MUST treat Christians like crap. I'm a GUY, so I MUST be a perv. I'm NOT EMO, so I MUST be a loser. I get NOSTALGIC, so I MUST be childish. I'm OKLAHOMAN, so I MUST love rodeos. I'm a GIRL, so I MUST love horses. I'm OKLAHOMAN, so I MUST talk like those people in Western movies. I'm a SWIMMER, therefore I MUST be a lifeguard. I'm a LIFEGUARD, therefore I MUST be a slut for preforming mouth-to-mouth CPR. I'm a GYMNAST, therefore I MUST be a whore. I'm a MALE GYMNAST, therefore I MUST be gay. I'm a MALE BALLET DANCER, therefore I MUST be gay. I don't TALK ABOUT SEX all day, therefore I MUST be stupid. I'm POLISH, therefore MUST be an idiot. I don't buy DESIGNER CLOTHES, therefore I MUST be poor. My parents are DIVORCED, therefore I MUST be mentally unstable. I grew up with a SMOKER/ALCOHOLIC/DRUG ADDICT, therefore I MUST be one myself. I think STRING ORCHESTRA is better than band, therefore I MUST be an out-of-date geek. I'm a COSPLAYER, therefore I MUST love attention, being glomped, and sewing. I'm a serious CROSSPLAYER, therefore I MUST crossdress in real life and be gay/lesbian. I'm from CHICAGO/NEW YORK, therefore I MUST own a gun. I'm from CHICAGO/NEW YORK, therefore I MUST always worry about being shot. I have a MENTAL disorder, therefore I MUST be stupid. I lived/grew up with somebody with a MENTAL disorder, therefore I must have problems like theirs. I've fallen in love with a good FRIEND, therefore I MUST have never only liked them as a friend. I've fallen in love with a FRIEND of the SAME GENDER, therefore I MUST be a homosexual slut. I have almost KILLED someone, therefore I MUST be a murderer intent on destroying everyone. I've almost/have been ARRESTED, therefore I MUST be a desperate, psychotic bitch. I have had SUICIDAL thoughts, therefore I MUST be emo and depressed. I have had SUICIDAL thoughts, therefore I MUST be insane and deranged. If you hate stereotypes and think people should just shut up and stop, POST THIS thanks for reading. .:FIRE:. X) You have a short temper. .:WATER:. X) You have a calm, laid-back personality. .:EARTH:. X) You are physically strong. .:AIR:. X) You have a free spirit. .:DARKNESS:. X) You spend most of your time alone. .:LIGHT:. You are very polite. Appearance: [x] = You blush a lot. [x] = You giggle. [x] = You're quiet. [Half of the time] [x] = You say random silly things. [The OTHER half of the time} ] = You have a baby face. [x] = You wear a more down to earth style of clothing. [x] = You don't wear halter tops or anything too showy. ] = You're under 5 feet 6 inches tall. [I'm 5'7"] Innocence: [x] = Just thinking of sexual things makes you blush. [x] = Your idea of a date is really romantic. [x] = You sleep with a stuffed animal. [x] = You like to cuddle. [x] = You've never played the Nervous game. [Don't plan to any time soon] ] = You don't even know what the nervous game is. [I know what it is. I just don't play it] TOTAL SO FAR: 12 Colors: ] = You tend to wear bright/girly colors. Personality: [x] = You'd consider yourself shy. [Only when I'm around people that I don't feel comfortable around, or that I don't know.] TOTAL SO FAR: 4 What YOU think is cute: TOTAL: 3 OVER ALL TOTAL:20 Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane Intercom 1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore 2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know 3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does? 4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just kidding. 5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin' 6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory... 7. Passengers on the left side of the plane - does that engine sound funny to you? 8. Good God Steve! We're going to crash! Oops - is this intercom on? 9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another... Here's some advice from a book called "Dumbing Down Our Kids" RULE 1 RULE 2 RULE 3 RULE 4 RULE 5 RULE 6 RULE 7 RULE 8 RULE 9 RULE 10 RULE 11 Rule No. 12: Smoking does not make you look cool. It makes you look moronic. Next time you’re out cruising, watch an 11-year-old with a butt in his mouth. That’s what you look like to anyone over 20. Ditto for “expressing yourself” with purple hair and/or pierced body parts. Rule No. 13: You are not immortal. (See Rule No. 12.) If you are under the impression that living fast, dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse is romantic, you obviously haven’t seen one of your peers at room temperature lately. Rule No. 14: Enjoy this while you can. Sure parents are a pain, school’s a bother, and life is depressing. But someday you’ll realize how wonderful it was to be a kid. Maybe you should start now. You’re welcome. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who can express herself better with words than with words, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone. ~PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, creative-writing-girl13, Jasper 1006, DubbleV,Derangedpixie, Prinzzez_kitten, SecretMatildaBlackwell, DrgonRidngFaeryWitch I am the girl ... that doesn't go to school dances, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on My Space, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or a regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. Her name was Aurora Her dad was a drunk Her only friend She always talked to it Until her parents A bruise on her leg But she grabs her bear She sits in the corner Such a bad life Then one night Then her mom suddenly She thrusted the blade The mom walked out Police showed up One officer slowly It must have been bad Copy this into your profile if you think child abuse is wrong. Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If you're against abortion, re-post this. My life Hi,my name is Marie and I live in an orphanage I've lived in this orphanage my whole life It's probably because someone out there didn't love me They thought I caused them pain and strife And therefore they just dumped me here In this place I call "Loneliness Sea" And in this place are ghosts of hurt Who tear and make-fun of me They say that I have no mother and I'm just a nuisance to the world Who's mother probably had me unmarried,they said That stupid young girl But I try to say that they are wrong In every one of their accusing deeds That I had and will have a mother That I so very desperately need So why do people do these things to children just like me? If you are STRONGLY against this abuse and hurt that children like Marie go through,post this on your profile.PLEASE!! What a Boyfriend SHOULD do: When she walks away from you mad When she stares at your mouth When she pushes you or hits you When she starts cussing at you When she's quiet When she ignores you When she pulls away When you see her at her worst When you see her start crying When you see her walking When she's scared When she lays her head on your shoulder When she steals your favorite hat When she teases you When she doesn't answer for a long time When she looks at you with doubt When she says that she likes you When she grabs at your hands When she bumps into you When she tells you a secret When she looks at you in your eyes When she misses you When you break her heart When she says its over When she repost this bulletin Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; Funny Packaging Morons! On a Myer hairdryer: On a bag of Chips: On a bar of Palmolive soap: On some frozen dinners: On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a K-Mart iron: On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: On Nytol Sleep Aid: On most brands of Christmas lights: On a Japanese food processor: On packet of Nobbys' Peanuts: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for On a Swedish chainsaw: On a package of pasta after the cooking instructions: On artificial bacon: Advertisement In A Long Island Shop: Ad in Hospital Waiting Room: Seen on a bulletin board: When I Read About the Evils of Drinking ... I Gave Up Reading My Grandfather Is Eighty And Still Doesn't Need Glasses ... Sign In A Bar: Sign In A Restaurant: Sign On A Famous Beauty Parlour Window: It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder. REASON'S WHY GIRLS RULE: 1.We got off the Titanic first 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark Life Math What Makes 100? What does it mean to give MORE than 100? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100. How about achieving 103? What makes up 100 in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: Is represented as: Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K And K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E Will take you far. But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T are better! AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G Ways to make sure you're insane: 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 5. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy" 6. Ask your dog if it's comfortable with it's name. Repeat with cat, until people ask if you're alright. 7. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 8. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go" 9. Sing along at the opera. 10 .Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 11 .Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because your not in the mood. 12 .When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!" 13 .When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! They're loose!" 50 things to do in an elevator 1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. 2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your cleanex to other passengers. 3. Grimance painfully while smacking your 4head while muttering:"Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut up, dammit!" 4. Whistle the first 7 notes of 'It's a small world' incessantly. 5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies. 6. On a long ride, sway side to side to the natural frequency of the elevator. 7. Shave. 8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peaking inside ask:"Got enough air in there?" 9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours up-side-down. 10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. 11. When ariving at your floor, grunt and strane to get the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open on thier own. 12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper:"Noogie patrole coming!" 13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral." 14. One word: "Flatulance!" 15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft to go 'plink' at the bottom. 16. Do Tai Chi exercises. 17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then anounce: "I'm wearing new socks today!" 18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now motion sickness!" 19. Give religious tracks to each passenger. 20. Meow occasionaly. 21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter up your nose. 22. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" 23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. 24. Sing 'Mary had a little lamb' while contiuasly pressing buttons. 25. Holler "Choots away!" whenever the elevator desends. 26. Walk on with a cooler that says 'Human Head' on the side. 27. Stare at another person for a while, then announce "YOUR ONE OF THEMMMM!!!!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. 28. Burp and then say "Mmmmm... Tasty!" 29. Leave a box in between the doors. 30. Ask the passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. 31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to the other passengers 'through' it. 32. Start a sing-along. 33. When the elevator is silent, look aroung and ask "is that your beeper?" 34. Play the harmonica. 35. Shadow Box. 36. Say 'ding!' at each floor. 37. Lean against the button pannel. 38. Say 'I wonder what all theese do' and press the red buttons. 39. Listen to elevator walls with a stethescope. 40. Draw a square on the floor in chalk and anounce to the other passengers that this is your personal space. 41. Bring a chair along. 42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask the another passenger: 'Wanna see whus in my mouf?' 43. Blow spit bubbles. 44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. 45. Anounce in a dramatic voice: 'I must find a more sutable host body.' 46. Carry a blanket and cluch it protectively. 47. Make explotion noises whenever anyone presses a button. 48. Wear 'X-ray spects' and leer sugjestively to other passengers. 49. Stare at your thumb and say 'I think it's getting larger!' 50. If someone brushes against you, recoil and holler "BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!" 333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart: 1. Take someone's shopping cart and swichthe items with stuff from the person next to them's cart. 2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. 3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham. 4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc." 5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _. 6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "AIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAIHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!" 8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!" 9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!" 10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME!" 11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them. 14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice. 15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts. 16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out. 17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens. 18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. 19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor. 21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?" 22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!" 23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. 24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..." 25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool... 26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. 27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind." 28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song. 29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?" 30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Then run out of the store screaming. 31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names? 32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. 33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them. 34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out. 35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!" 36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible." 37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room. 38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food." 39. TP as much of the store as possible. 40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! then get back up & act normal. 41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely." 42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke. 43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off. 44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department. 46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom. 47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!" 48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free... & see what happens. 49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts. 50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!! 52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night. 53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras. 54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand. 55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face. 56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by. 57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie." 58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken. 59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better." 60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!" 61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name. 62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans. 64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again. 65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you. 66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!! 67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing. 68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!!" 69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head. 70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted." 71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!!" 72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that. 73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there." 74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman. 75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song. 76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead. 78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you. 79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous." 81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. 82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham. 83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle. 85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions. 86. Swing on the half price banners. 87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you're annoyed. 88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty. 89. Hold Barbie for ransom. 90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You." 91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart. 92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!" 93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!" 94. Do your own radio show over the intercom. 95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask. 96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up. 97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN! 98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you. 99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices. 100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over. 101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund. 102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby. 103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..." 104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded. 105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items. 106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!!!" 107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!" 108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!" 109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit. 110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!" 111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around. 112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!" 113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend your having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!" Then start rolling around. 114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..." 115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy frys. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the frys above their head like there getting married. 116. look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!" 117. Get a tent ( With holes preferably ) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in. 118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture. 119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you. 120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying. 121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend. 122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins. 123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Walmart. 124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things 125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too. 126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents. 127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure. 128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store. 129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can. 130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song. 131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized. 132. Light a match under a sprinkler. 133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away. 134. Buy something that is like $5 and give the cashier all pennies. 135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy. 136. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this." 137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up. 138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone. 139. start hitting on the mannequins. 140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up. 141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap. 142. Put women's clothes into men's carts. 143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking. 144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!" 145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won. 146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!!" 147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!?" 148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel. 149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME! 150. Start jumping on one of their beds attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!!!" 151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused. 152. Ask for Goat Milk. 153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened. 154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!" 155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people. 156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!" 157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!!" 158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?" 159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans! 160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer. 161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA." 162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!!" 163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way. 164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker! 165. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins. 166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head. 167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3. 168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it. 169. Eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face. 170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time. 171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg. 172. Start playing the violin. 173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!" 174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead. 175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in. 176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce lika a bum. 177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!!" 178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily. 179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan. 180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend. 181. Shoot spitwads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically. 182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!" 183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!" 184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff. 185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes. 186. Walk around in a court jester costume. 187. Run at people with a pitch fork. 188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack. 189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them. 190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two." 191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!" 192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people. 193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair.' 194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can. 195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day. 196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals. 197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera. 198. Yell curse words at people. 199. Knock down as many displays as you can. 200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away. 201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people. 202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away. 203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?" 204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle. 205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces. 206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!" 207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone. 208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming. 209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes. 210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store. 211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!" 212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years. 213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short. 214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!" 215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!" 216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock. 217. Tap dance through the store. 218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican. 219. Rip open every package you see. 220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way. 221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically). 222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi." 223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again. 224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!" 225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are. 226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!!" 227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers. 228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see. 229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish. 230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face. 231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you. 232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target. 233. Throw a party in a busy isle. 234. Test drive lawn mowers. 235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store. 236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around. 237. Carry a bomb and make it explode. 238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it. 239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager. 240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by. 241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!" 242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you. 243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar. 244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!!" 245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers. 246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car). 247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac. 248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!" 249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?" 250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it. 251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?" 252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda. 253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!" 254. Order a pizza from the cashier. 255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred. 256. Start a food fight. 257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?" 258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves. 259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you. 260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt. 261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious." 262. Flip off the manager. 263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too... 264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!" 265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide accross the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!!!!!!" 266. Throw a dance party. 267. Write on the floors. 268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling. 269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear. 270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint. 271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it. 272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!" 273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them. 274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out. 275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!!" 276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down. 277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie! 278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done. 279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase. 280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra. 281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time. 282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow. 283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks. 284. Flirt with the manager's wife. 285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman. 286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil. 287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!" 288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun... 289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in. 290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register." 291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people. 292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!" 293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...). 294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target, Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them. 295. Move things around (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...). 296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!" 297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!" 298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!" 299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint. 300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!" 301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas. 302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey. 303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar. 304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal Mart a Make Over. 305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry. 306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!" 307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes. 308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is. 309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!" 310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run. 311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples." 312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!" 313. In Walmart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them. 314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?" 315. Spit in the manager's face. 316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad. 317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat vallet guy stole my car." 318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt. 319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles. 320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!" 321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!" 322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!!" 323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people. 324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance. 325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!" 326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person. 327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!" 328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them. 329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!" 330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years. 331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!" 332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song. 333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!!! WHAT TO DO IN AN EXAM YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO FAIL ANYWAYS: 1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level. 4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min. 7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam. 12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. 14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.) 15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). 16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave. 20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. 21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach. 22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave. 23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary. 24. Masturbate. 25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! 27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai. 30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her. 32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..." 34. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #_ moved you, deeply. 35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect. 36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam. 37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen. 38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby. 39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle. 40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour. 41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it. 42. Dress like the professor. 43. Cross-Dress. 44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam. 45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras. |
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