ParlourTricks
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Joined 07-13-10, id: 2445471, Profile Updated: 06-03-11
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

On a daily basis, I'm curing cancer one shouty phone call at a time. I run a phase 1 clinical trials program at a cancer center in the midwest US. My job is stressful, busy, and placed me on anti-anxiety meds, but can I tell you a secret? I love it.

I've been lurking around ff.net for a while now, in awe of the fantastic writing I've found on here. Though perhaps not a popular opinion, I think a lot of the fan fiction is better written and more interesting than its source material.

My husband tolerates my addiction (though he dorks out to various things like guitar amplifiers and crappy horror movies, so he has no room to talk) and our two cats often jump on the desk to read along with me. Their names are Astrud and Igor (after Gilberto and Stravinsky, respectively) and they are basically our children, since we won't be having any "real" ones.

Most of my time is consumed with work, homework (I'm taking classes part-time in the evenings), cooking, and finding new cocktails to enjoy. I LOVE whiskey (and whisky!) and often ogle the $800 bottle of Macallan scotch at my local spirits store. Will it taste any better than the 12 year I adore? Probably not, but one day I will find out!

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The Plan - OUTTAKES by QuantumFizzx reviews
REMOVED. Thank you for your readership. Kept a few chapters up to explain why & share outtakes alter. Obsessed but unnoticed for over a year, she puts a plan in motion to catch the eye of the corner-office. That's her plan. Fate has another plan entirely
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,687 - Reviews: 19584 - Favs: 6,437 - Follows: 4,409 - Updated: 3/9/2014 - Published: 12/12/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Secret Sex by erinlinn reviews
Edward and Bella have a little secret...or so they think. A friendship that evolves into a very sweet love story. If only anyone knew about it... AH / Canon pairings.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 50 - Words: 366,052 - Reviews: 6337 - Favs: 5,286 - Follows: 3,610 - Updated: 12/27/2012 - Published: 3/10/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Feisty in Four Inch Heels by MarLea Pie reviews
***HIATUS***I organize Events for a living; Weddings are a different kind of hell. Try planning a wedding when the brother of the bride is an infuriating, arrogant, breathtaking man, constantly at odds with your opinion…evil in Armani. God help me, I wanted more…RATED M
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 63,760 - Reviews: 505 - Favs: 492 - Follows: 760 - Updated: 8/30/2012 - Published: 9/28/2011 - Bella, Edward
The Nightingale Journals by kimpy reviews
Night nurse Bella Swan blogs about her experiences via "The Nightingale Journals." When Dr. Edward Cullen is named the PICU's newest Fellow, their attraction is undeniable, but can they remain professional? Epic banter and tensions result.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 41 - Words: 231,945 - Reviews: 3630 - Favs: 3,448 - Follows: 2,022 - Updated: 2/17/2012 - Published: 2/9/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dear Mr Masen by jendonna reviews
"Error 434: Reprimanding an executive." Life changing or just stupid? Dear Mr. Masen: A story of unauthorized Internet usage, culinary delights and the goings-on at Cullen, Inc. AH, ExB.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 127,500 - Reviews: 12987 - Favs: 8,492 - Follows: 6,355 - Updated: 2/14/2012 - Published: 11/17/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Breaking News by WriteOnTime reviews
Two network news anchors. One desk. In a race to get the story, love might become the headline - if they don't kill each other first. AH Canon Couples, smart people, particle physics, and tap dancing.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 26 - Words: 182,215 - Reviews: 7270 - Favs: 5,963 - Follows: 4,222 - Updated: 1/3/2012 - Published: 10/5/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Of Kith and Kin by Chicklette reviews
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return." -Nat King Cole. This story is about that. AH, Canon pairings.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 88,113 - Reviews: 4081 - Favs: 3,942 - Follows: 2,039 - Updated: 12/19/2011 - Published: 7/16/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
What Speaks in Darkness by cosmogirl7481 reviews
"It should have scared me, but it didn't. I shouldn't have wanted it, but I did." Dark and empty. Lonely and unfulfilled. Can two broken souls find connection in spite of their differences? E/B OOC Rated M because there will be sex and it will be hot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 25 - Words: 118,064 - Reviews: 3575 - Favs: 2,393 - Follows: 1,663 - Updated: 11/3/2011 - Published: 8/19/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Unplanned Perfection by littlecat358 reviews
Bella and Alice were best friends, which made Bella the only girl off limits to Alice's brother Edward. When a party the summer after graduation gets out of control, Bella's world is turned upside down. "He doesn't know. I don't want him to."
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 42 - Words: 382,594 - Reviews: 13470 - Favs: 9,776 - Follows: 5,080 - Updated: 9/25/2011 - Published: 8/11/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
MFEO by cosmoandmarvar reviews
One long drive, two lonely hearts and one little boy. What happens when the words are perfect and the time is right, but the places are all wrong? AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 45,576 - Reviews: 1951 - Favs: 1,110 - Follows: 1,346 - Updated: 9/17/2011 - Published: 4/6/2011 - Edward, Bella
When Fiction Becomes Reality by BITTENEV reviews
Bella is a writer whose most successful book is one she wrote about Edward, her high school crush. Edward is now an A-list actor and has signed on to star in a movie based on Bella's creation. AU/AH Bella-of-the-Ball continuation.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 157,715 - Reviews: 8255 - Favs: 8,528 - Follows: 8,587 - Updated: 8/3/2011 - Published: 12/9/2008 - Bella, Edward
Outside the Box by SexyLexiCullen reviews
This is just your basic New York City love story. Crappy apartments, menial jobs, and low standards place Bella Swan in the pathway of love. Rated M. Canon couples with my usual OOC cast. AH. eventually E/B. Ficlet.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 75,052 - Reviews: 1517 - Favs: 1,164 - Follows: 997 - Updated: 7/24/2011 - Published: 4/25/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Work in Progress by araeo reviews
AU/AH: Bella, Edward and the usual suspects are adults living in Seattle. They hit it off after a klutzy accident and E awakens B's ovaries, who never hesitate to voice their pervy opinion in B's head. Rated M for language and lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 43 - Words: 281,655 - Reviews: 6712 - Favs: 6,260 - Follows: 3,659 - Updated: 7/1/2011 - Published: 2/18/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
This Is Who I Am by pattyrose reviews
Edward Cullen, successful business exec/playboy/all around bad boy. Bella Swan, divorced mom/graphic artist/unwilling to trust her heart to the likes of someone like Edward again. Will she give him a chance? Does he even deserve one? AH, AU ExB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 39 - Words: 362,984 - Reviews: 6464 - Favs: 6,755 - Follows: 2,835 - Updated: 6/29/2011 - Published: 5/18/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Foul Territory by rinabina reviews
After being dragged to a baseball game by her best friend, Bella Swan meets handsome first baseman, Edward Cullen with the help of a rogue foul ball. There's something about him that she can't put out of her head, and apparently neither can he. E/B AU AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 126,236 - Reviews: 3505 - Favs: 5,580 - Follows: 2,581 - Updated: 6/10/2011 - Published: 9/27/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
We Come to Life Beneath the Stars by Lillybellis reviews
As Bella Swan starts over with hopes of finding her future, Edward Cullen is hanging on desperately to his past. She's treading water, and he's a corporate golden boy. They share an office, but few words...until one night changes everything.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 168,711 - Reviews: 5182 - Favs: 6,651 - Follows: 3,904 - Updated: 5/19/2011 - Published: 6/16/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Love in My Box by cosmoandmarvar reviews
Bella's an intellectual free spirit and Edward is a reserved, slightly geeky med student. They have a brief, but intense encounter on Sp Brk in Miami. Can they find true love through emails? There will be lemons and laughs. Look who's writing this!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 147,894 - Reviews: 8933 - Favs: 5,914 - Follows: 3,942 - Updated: 1/29/2011 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Ladder to the Sun by Rosybud reviews
How can you die when you've never really lived? That's the problem Bella Swan faces when she's told she only has a year to live. Can she make up for a lonely, unhappy life in the short time she has left... and maybe find love too? All-human, EXB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 111,847 - Reviews: 2685 - Favs: 4,413 - Follows: 1,778 - Updated: 9/24/2010 - Published: 10/31/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Port Angeles Players by WriteOnTime reviews
New in the town of Forks and eager to please her boss at the university, Bella auditions for a local production of Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing". Her co-star is a handsome but confusing local doctor. Curtains-up on love. AH canon pairings.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 28 - Words: 170,459 - Reviews: 4614 - Favs: 4,082 - Follows: 1,637 - Updated: 8/29/2010 - Published: 3/11/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Retail Therapy by cosmogirl7481 reviews
Bella is successful and strong and has everything she thinks she wants in life. A chance meeting with a mysterious Edward one night, potentially changes everything she thought she knew and wanted. AU/AH/Slightly OOC. Rated M for language and lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 41 - Words: 234,825 - Reviews: 5118 - Favs: 3,900 - Follows: 1,972 - Updated: 7/28/2010 - Published: 9/7/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Screamers by KiyaRaven reviews
Street kid. Rockstar. Worlds apart and yet so similar. Sometimes fate throws people together for a reason, and sometimes two people that rub each other the wrong way make the best sparks. All Human **WARNING: MOSTLY HUMOR BUT ALSO CONTAINS ANGST & DARK THEMES**
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 358,773 - Reviews: 12650 - Favs: 7,441 - Follows: 3,562 - Updated: 6/2/2010 - Published: 5/23/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Scotch, Gin, and the New Girl by wtvoc reviews
Les Liaisons Dangereuses, je crois. We were Cruel Intentions. We are Gossip Girls. We do not care. At all." all-human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 115,359 - Reviews: 3918 - Favs: 4,256 - Follows: 1,883 - Updated: 7/31/2009 - Published: 9/27/2008 - Complete
Bella Swan: Kidnapper by Kambria Rain reviews
Um. Hi. I don’t really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 74,736 - Reviews: 9186 - Favs: 16,583 - Follows: 3,619 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Without Precedent reviews
Bella Swan is a brilliant, beautiful law student who snags her dream job at Cullen, Platt, & Hale right out of school. Edward Cullen is the privileged youngest son of the dynastic Cullen family, also new at the firm. Will sparks fly? The jury's still out!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,871 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 28 - Published: 6/2/2011 - Bella, Edward