Hello. This is new for me. I love to write and I am currently writing on several projects but I wanted some criticism to help me become a better author. NCIS is my favorite show of all time. I've never been hooked on a show to the point I have to watch it. I don't watch much television in the first place. My favorite character in the show is Gibbs. So, I am jumping in and getting my feet wet with fan-fiction.

SmoulderingIce

And this is an introduction of sorts to me:

SmoulderingIce

A disease. A ‘fine madness’. Touched by an unholy fire; alive, pulsing with dark desires. Dancing in the stillness with pleasure as it gracefully hypnotizes and gleefully cackles. The mesmerizing core of orange and red flame beckoning you closer even as the extreme heat pushes you back.

A disease. A ‘fine madness’. Touched by an unyielding ice; reflective, bouncing thousands of prismatic rainbows from the edges of this piece of art made from nothing more than the breath of God. Diamond like in the sharp angles full of fiery color; yet gray and cold at the center. The intricate webs of white, gray, and blue as the ice formed entices the curious and art driven to examine closer this glorious work of nature even as the biting coldness forces you back.

Both untouchable. Both disturbingly beautiful and amazing to behold. When they come together, they create an enveloping warmth that flows all around you in a wispy cloud of steam and lulling you into a sense of security by whispering softly in the gentle wind with an intimate voice.

A disease. A ‘fine madness’. This never ending cycle of life and death struggling for a balance as the fire and ice recede to become isolated again until the time when they clash together for a peaceful moment of whispering, foggy air. Over and over it happens. The same thing but different, like a glorious phoenix rising from the black dust of burnt ashes to fly into the sun only to catch fire and become the dust again. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Ashes to flying phoenix. Dust to winking diamonds. You see something unequal to anything you’ve yet to see in each of the three states of this profound madness; the austere ice, the flamboyant fire, and the prevalent steam every time it cycles around.

A disease. A ‘fine madness’. To have it or not to have it. The answer seems simple from what you’ve read. Ahhhh. But you’ve never been in the austere ice; captured by the glacial core, unmoving, not able to see the rainbows, not able to voice your deepest fears. Nor have you been in the burning fire, having everything you want run the opposite direction even as you sway forward and reach for it, shrieking for it to return. The only thing you’ve experienced is the calm, the aftereffect of the elemental storm. So…is it worth the dangerous, rhythmic performance?

My answer would be a definite ‘yes’. Why, you ask. I used to fight this cycle. The ice would sneak up on me and capture me just as sure as the glaciers trapped those mammoths thousands of years ago. I have always looked to the night for comfort at this time. I would walk outside and cloak myself in the darkness until I became one with the night. I would stand for hours with the beat of drums and accompanying orchestra in my ears and my head thrown back watching the stars; wishing I would turn into one and rise to touch the soul of heaven and wink at the world as it turned around and around. If I saw a shooting star, oh that would be wonderful, I could burn across the sky in a fiery blaze of colors and live infinitely in light particles forever lighting the darkness. It would cheer me up- for a nanosecond, until I had to come crashing back to earth and go inside. That little bit of thawing would ice back up so fast, you’d think I never thawed… you imagined it.

Then there were the days when I had so much energy, you couldn’t have slowed me down by hitting me with a Mac truck. I would be on fire, lit up from the inside out. Mesmerizing to watch, but don’t get too close. I would clean inside the house and outside the house. I would ride around and see things with a pair of eyes that no one else in this world have. There would never be enough time to get everything done. Stay up. No sleep for me. Burn that candle, baby. I was a forest fire out of control, eating my way through finances, cleaning the house but making a mess at the same time, painting fifteen things at once, trying too hard on everything. Relationships….with a fire? Get real. Wonderful as an entertainment, but long-term? No way.

And then-

I surrendered to the ice; let it take me away for awhile. I let the fire burn its way through my body and thaw the ice into steam. The warmth wrapped around me and whispered, “Let it go. Ride the elemental storm and dance with the fire, watch the ice as it forms its intricate spider webs of frozen ice, and then sit back and watch as it all falls apart only to grow again. Shape it next time. Help it along. You’re a creator. You can do it.” This softly spoken voice rang clear as the bluest sky in my ears. I surrendered. I accepted.

This disease. This ‘fine madness’. I don’t have this disease, this ‘fine madness’. I AM this disease. I AM this ‘fine madness’. I don’t wish to be that shooting star anymore. I AM the shooting star, blazing through this life touching everyone with my light. Be mesmerized by this fire, be captured by this glacier, you’ll never experience life the same way again. Take me. I’m yours. I’ve rode through the Milky Way, I’ve touched God’s face, I am the soul of heaven, and I’ve experienced things no other human has experienced in the same way, even others with this ‘fine madness’. So burn, freeze, evaporate- and start all over again.

Do you still want to know why I said ‘yes’?

I didn’t think so.

SmoulderingIce