InkeyWebber
About InkeyWebber: I will be the first to admit that I have had my fair share of flames in the past. However looking back at them now, I have a lot of people to thank for their harsh words. Sure at the time I was livid! But after pushing myself to prove them wrong, I finally began to see that without their bad reviews (flames) I would not have become the writer that I am today. I reanalyzed the situation and took away from what they said in a positive manner and instead of becoming discouraged, I became more motivated. I hope to achieve this by helping those who were once like me. Yes I may make a few people angry at times but I know it will be worth it in the end. No matter how harsh things get, "KEEP WRITING"! Don't let anyone discourage you! -Inkey The Inked: AUTHOR: KeeLaraRaven STORY: Clawed Wand ADVICE: Okay, a few things I might mention are: A) there seems to be absolutely no plot line to this story, what so ever. B)Your transitioning from one scene to another needs a bit of work. C.) Your sentence structure and grammar need some help. When someone begins to speak you break to a new line and indent. you do 'not' continuously have one person speak right after one another. D.)I really don't understand why you would create an InuYasha / Harry Potter fanfic in the first place, I mean there really is nothing that links the two worlds together. If you are going to use these two very opposite universes 'together' you should at least have an idea of the direction you want to go in, again emphasizing point A. If you were going to pursue this fanfic I highly recommend you find out what your main objective or goal is within the actual story before continuing. In all honesty this does not look promising, try sitting down and outlining things before you just randomly start putting sentences together. AUTHOR: lostsouloftheunderworld STORY: The Adventure of Middle Earth ADVICE: Okay, okay, wow! This Fanfic is a MarySue if I've ever seen one. I understand that fanfiction gives the author a creative license but I think you've taken your creativity a little to far. First of all, I don't know if you plan on revealing why Katie was sent away by her mother, but just as a heads up it should have been clarified by now what she did to deserve the punishment of living with aunt horrible. Secondly your grammar / spelling need some brushing up on my dear. you do state somewhere on your horrifically cluttered profile that you can't live without spell check, well you should 'check' it more often. Thirdly getting down to the overall story, Galadriel lives in Lothlorien 'not' in Rivendell, yet you give no explanation as to why she is in Imladris and not Lorien. Even if you clear it up later on in the story, I wouldn't know, I don't intend on continuing to read this fanfic, it just would make more sense to clarify these things when they are brought up. Another thing I noticed was Katie magically becoming an elf? Creative license I know, however I will not criticize you on making her appearance to be that of a goddess as many MS writers make their OC out to be, but you still gave her the perfection and qualities of a well trained / mature elf. The problem I see with this is that Katie doesn't even realize what she is to begin with, she has to be told. How the heck is she suppose to have these qualities when she is only minuets/hours old to the elven life? The reason elves posses these 'reflexes' as you call them, is because they have eons of time to 'practice' things, such as archery, sword fighting, etc.. I have to say that over all, the story is not a failure. I do suggest however that you obtain a beta reader. This has potential, unlike most tenth walker fanfics. I just think this story is in it's very rough stages of being created. AUTHOR: RandomMoo92 STORY: Pitter Patter ADVICE: This story is, alright. I definitely think your headed in the right direction with this. However, a few things I would point out to you are: firstly when a woman is pregnant and has morning sickness the last thing they want to do is anything strenuous / or involves moving really so when you say that Ginny knew she would feel better once she was in the air, I'm sorry to say that that is probably the last thing a pregnant woman would want to do. Also, it is uncommon for morning sickness to begin straight away. You didn't clarify how much time had passed from when Ginny found out she was pregnant to when she told Harry. And also from the time that Harry found out to the start of the sickness beginning. If a few months had passed it would make more sense, however, the way it is written now it looks like both days were back to back. Second, if Ginny is with child, a Quidditch season consists of eight moths. Starting in October and ending in May. Ginny would most definitely have to quit the team way before the end of the season. In my opinion She should not really be playing at all once she found out the news she had conceived, it would just make more sense don't you think? I mean, why would she risk loosing her child to a bludger during practice or a game? Third, some of your sentence structure needs a bit of help. for example: "Everyone was gathered at the burrow for the monthly roast. All the family would gather once a month to enjoy one of Mrs Weasleys excellent roasts and catch up with family." The words family and month become repetitive when used the way you have here. Also a '.' should be after Mrs. as well as a " ' " after the 's' in her last name. I really do think it has a chance of becoming a good fanfic, but there is definitely room for improvement. One more thing, the chapters seem a little short, something you might try is instead of posting one chapter wait until you have two written and post them together, creating a longer read for the audience. I wish you the best of luck. Updates: Friday July 16, 2010 (11:56 pm) Hi there. The names InkeyWebber, I've decided that over the years of writing fafiction and seeing what some authors, including myself at times, have written, well lets just say we could all use a little help here and there. This is not the fanfiction account that I use to publish my work. This account is for reviewing purposes only. I will not, so please don't ask, give away my real name or original pen name so that you can find my stories, or personal social networking sites. I feel that if i did disclose this information I would constantly be flamed/ added from people that I don't even really know. I hope people listen to what I have to say and learn from it. -Inkey Saturday July 18, 2010 (3:00 pm) Hey everyone, Just wanted to inform you guys on a update for a review that I posted a little while back for the author: RandomMoo92 who posted the story: Pitter Patter. Here is the updated review: Hello again! I just wanted to clear something up, since I can't review twice on a chapter, I did not see the sentence: "It was three weeks since she'd told Harry the good news and she was now about seven weeks pregnant." I just wanted to apologize for not catching it before I left my first review. Just so everyone is cleared up on the fact that she did state the time periods that I mentioned she should put in while reviewing her story the first time. |
