Greetings Fanfiction world!

Hi. I'm Sqeezie from Sqeezie101's Profile and I'm fairly new to the world of fanfiction, so I'm still learning the ropes. I created this account to further cultivate my writing skills, as I strive to someday become an aspired Author. Mainly because I sometimes find myself writing in a cold, impersonal style that many would find...lacking. So without further-a-do, I will proceed to tell you a little something about me.

The Name : The reason I call myself Sqeezie is because my stepfather used to call me that when I was little. 'Cause I was so Squeeze-able! And the '101' part just means it's all me.

The Fiction: I write about whatever interests me, and I mean whatever. So if you have any squicks - please read my WARNINGS first!

The Procrastination: Slowest updater everrr - not even going to lie.

Spread the Stupidity

Only in America ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America ...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America ...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America ...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America ... ...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER ...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? (My Mom can't, but I can!)

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? ('Course not, damn you Non-Believers!!!)

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? (Seriously)

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'? (And people wonder why I prefer the Dentist)

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? (Hmmmmm. I think that should be a tip)

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? (Have you seen the people who make the cat food?)

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? (Eh?)

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? (Hmmmm. Maybe because they're doing illegal Alien testing...)

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! ('Cuz it's all a CONSPIRACY!)

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? (Because they're are the reasons for crop circles.)

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? ('Cuz there together yet not...Wait, that didn't make sense. Do I get another try?)

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? (Ohhhhh. Burn!)

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? (Because your choice of death is terrorist or coach)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while. (True, so true. Especially in this crazy world)

Random Quotes

The Bolded (If that's even a word) are my responses.

Maybe I'm not crazy, just every one around me is - So true.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. - Hahaha! My thoughts exactly!

I've stoped listening why haven't you stoped talking? - I wish I could get up the nerve to say this to my Mother.

Trouble, it finds me - I know it's true.

Foolish little brother... Why are you so weak?Because you lack...Hatred - Itachi. - 'Didn't get it, but I'm a Blonde anyway.

I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away - Heheheh. Clever shirt.

I am wise yet I am clumsy - Sucks Royally

I'm anoying the world one person at a time - Yes ShellyBear this one was directed at you.

Power to the spazzes - ? No. Just No.

Therapy was invented for a reason - Ya. Crazy people. Time for you to visit Cafe LaDuh.

It's not enough to succed..others must fail - TV Hehe. Pessimistic much?

I 'm not psycho I'm just crazy - Reminds me of a song.

Let's party like dracula - My Brother's Response: Hell Yes!!! Orgies!

The world is coming to an end.. politics actualy makes sense now ! - Blonde amnesia strikes again!

( In a singsong voice ) Deck the halls with gasoline... light a match and wach it gleam... - Sociopathic much?

Ask me no questions I tell you no lies - Yay! That means no talking!

Join the dark side... we have cookies - No! Join the light side kids. Or we kill the fat man with the beard!

A wise man once said... ask a girl - Ok. The Girls Answer: I don't know, ask the old man.

Why settle with winning when you can concur? - Er, to concur you must win something.

Hold on; My train of thought just hit a cow - Mine does all the time. It's called the hiccups.

I like to wave as those moments pass by - But they always shoot me the bird.

Knowledge is power, power is the root of all evil. Therefore study to be evil. - Duh. Didn't you know that?

You have the right to remain silent! Everything you say will be mis-quoted and used against you. - Ha! Take that Media!

I reject your reality and substite my own! -Adam (mythbusters) I'm so telling my mom that.

I just had one of those what the hell are we doing moments -Adam (mythbusters) I'm having one right now.

Once a boy gave a girl a dozen roses, one was fake. He said I'll love you until the last rose dies.- Sweet, but then it will eventually rot.

Are you just going to stand there like a lemon?- Ya 'cuz I'm a real sourpuss.

I will never die, this is because Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid that I will take over."- Oh ya! Thats right! Bad-Ass!

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you stood there and yelled 'BANG' I don't think you'd kill many people. - Tehe.

There are very few problems that can not be solved using a large amout of explosives.- Just tell that to Gambit.

People are alot like slinkies; basically useless but it's fun to watch them fall down stairs.- Unless it's you falling.

Don't make me angry; I'm running out of places to hide the bodies. - Again, ShellyBear this one is directed to you.

Sometimes people build walls not to keep other people away but to see who cares enough to tear them down. - A phycologist wrote this.

People say I have a short attention span they just don't understand HEY LOOK! A CHICKEN!! - OMYGODIHAVESAIDTHISBEFORE! Except I was on the free-way. 0_0

You stole my obsession - Darn it! That was my dad's Birthday present!

I can hear mimes - I speak Braille.

If I had to choose between saving you or saving my ipod from a volcano, I would miss you very much - ShellyBear...:)

Oh don't worry he fended her off with a spork. - My father was gay.

To save time, let’s just say I know everything. - Sounds good to me.

I just can't help my awesome-ness - It's a disease.

I'm full of fiery awesome-ness and you know it. - Again, it's tragic. We think it's terminal.

Remember, only by treating everyone with dignity and respect can we maintain the element of surprise for that inevitable day when we wipe our enemies from the face of the Earth. - Really ShellyBear, this is ridiculous!

Mankind is working so hard to find new ways to be lazy. - Kiss-ass.

Why would I want to be normal? Being insane is far more entertaining - I feel I've had this conversation before... Oh ya, hey Mom.

You know what? Earth sucks! I’m going home. - Good Riddance! *Turns to friend* You Know what? I never did like Barbie anyway.

Smile. Tomorrow will be worse. - Sweet Endearments.

I don’t hate all boys. I haven’t met all the boys in the world yet - Says the XXX blow-up doll.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity - Phsychology curtesy of the homeless man outside my window. I call him George.

What shall we do? Kick him awake? - No, just tell him your taking your cloths off. It will have the same affect. He'll wake up screaming.

I’m not JUST a psycho. I’m psychotically psychotic in a psychotic way that only a psycho can psychotically comprehend. Idiot. Are you psychotic or something? - "0_0

Are you telling me you’re attracted to a disembodied set of eyeballs? - Ummm...?

I hope there is an afterlife so I can waste that too. - It's always nice to have goals.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - But when it happens to you it's Manslaughter.

If you laugh, I will laugh. If you cry, I will cry. If you jump out a window… I will laugh even harder. - ShellyBear! They're talking about us again!

A question that sometimes drives me chazy: am I, or are the others crazy? - You are, becaues you can't even spell crazy right.

I came, I saw, I ate you in your sleep.- But somehow I did it backwards.

If at first you don’t succeed. Cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie - Congressman Weiner must be proud.

The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread!! - Never got that one.

I defy you! Come and kneel before The Akatsuki!- Naw, I'm good.

I'm here to fight for truth, justice, and...WHIPCREAM! - Yum!

Use your anger for evil not good... that didn't come out right - I have dyslexia of the mouth.

( Has anyone else noticed that almost all of these quotes are from Sherrelyn Kenyon's website? )

Best Friend

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic
Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly cries
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"Please God, why is
My life always sinking? "

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
And the poor child was beaten
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrust the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dieing
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
Then quickly barged in
Everything quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

Colors

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!

(I'm actually white, but I definitely HATE racism. It's only an excuse for ignorent people to act ignorant)

God this made me cry. I may make fun of my Mom, but I love her more than anything. She gave up her life (And possibly her sanity) to raise and mold me into what I am Today. And I will be Enternally grateful. Love you Mom.

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school
He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"