If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
Never argue with an idiot, they'll bring you to their level then beat you with experience.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

"Say a Prayer,
Say a Mass,
Keep this fire off my ass."

Nobody is perfect. I am a nobody. Therefore, I am perfect.-I have no clue who said this.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then go find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party.-Ron White

Guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early do.-Larry the Cable Guy

one time, my cousin got a cat stuck up his butt. true story. He bought the cat at the local mall so the whole thing wound up on the news. Embarassed the crap out of my relatives. But one week later he did it again. different cat, same result, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So I run into him at the mall one week later, and he's buying another cat. I said,"Geez Walt, you know you're just going to get this cat stuck up your butt. Why don't you knock it off?" and he said to me," Brody, how else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin is a weird guy.-Brody, Mallrats.

alright lunchbox, let's try it again.-Jay, Mallrats

Hey, be fair. Everyone wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.-Brody, Mallrats

That kid is back on the escalator again.-Brody, Mallrats

I gotta tell you bro, you have a knack for parties. No food, no drinks, and the only chick just left.-Dante, Devil May Cry 3

Wow, I've never seen a talking mutt before. You know, in a dog show, you would definitely take first place.-Dante, Devil May Cry 3

I told you, I don't like people who talk more than me.-Dante, Devil May Cry 3

Alright, first Chicken, the Gladiator. Too bad there's no one here to see the SHOW!-Dante, Devil May Cry 3

I would say,' Come again?' and then I would laugh because I said 'Come'. But thank god that's not the case.-Peter, Family Guy

"I'll talk to him, just as soon as I get some courage from my old buddy Jack Daniels." picks up phone, dials. " Hello, Mrs. Daniels. Is Jack home? What? Oh, my god, I am so sorry. Yes." Hangs up. Shakes head. " Oh, Jack was a wise man, but he loved playing with that wheat thresher. Always playing with that wheat thresher."-Peter, Family Guy

Alright, first off, Bonnie, you've been pregnaut for like six years, either have the baby or don't.-Peter, Family Guy

"What, something's broken and it's not your fault?" "I know, I'm scared too."-Zim and Gir, Invader Zim

I was in the turkey all along.-Gir, Invader Zim

"You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff...I laugh harder."

"Hawks may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."-Something I wish Itachi had the chance to say to Sasuke

"The job of the artist is to deepen the mystery"

"Art is an Explosion!" -Deidara

ALL HAIL DEIDARA-SAMA MAY HE REST IN PEACE!!!

IF YOU YHINK THAT SASUKE IS AN ASSHOLE

FOR KILLING HIM COPY AND PASTE THIS