Hey Everyone,

So, even though I have been a member of FanFic for a couple of months I just now figured out how to do my profile page. YEAH! get your 6 or 7 chuckles out of this.

I LOVE twilight! Yeah, i know that's not new. I LOVE EDWARD! if ever GOD wants to show me he exists, this would be the best way possible. (BTW, I DO believe in God).

Name: Mali- nickname

Age: Old Enough to drink and not get sent to jail- but not old enough to have any cognitive recollection (baby) of the 80s (Thank you lord)

Location: somewhere in northern hemisphere-- OK I'll put it out there- GO DAWGS!! got it, good.

Favorite Books: Twilight series (Meyer), Harry Potter series (Rowling), Pride and Prejudice- Emma (Austen), Tale of two cities- Great Expectations (Dickens), Dracula (Stoker), , Romeo and Juliet (William Shakespeare), The Giver (Lois Lowry), Messenger (Lois Lowry), Eragon- Eldest-Brisingr (Christopher Paolini), Wuthering Heights (Bronte), and many more.

Needless to say, if i like the books, then obviously, i like the authors.

Favorite Movies: Romeo and Juliet, Apocalypto (Some don't get it, I DO), Passion of Christ (I don't need to comment), Interview with a Vampire ( I've liked it since i was ten, not because of Twilight), Lord of the Rings (all three), Twilight (of course)- point of clarification- I like the fact that the movie came out (the script and directing were lackluster). I LOVE Rob Pattinson (I hope God is listening) and i pray that Weisz is doing the books honor with New Moon. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 1 and 2, all the Scary Movie movies, the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Little Rascals, The Home Alone movies but only the ones with Macaulay Culkin, Shoot em up (Clive Owens), Children of Men, Kung Fu Panda, Nacho Libre, and more many many more.

Favorite Songs/Artists/Bands: Linkin Park, Disturbed, Three days Grace, Evanessence, Rihanna, TI (live your life), Akon, Andrea Bocelli (Highly recommend), Josh Groban, Taylor Swift (Love Story- No comment-), The whole Twilight Movie Soundtrack ( i can't believe how good it is). Int. artists: Shakira, Fonseca, Don Omar, Flex, Enrique Iglesias, Ricky Martin (his music and philanthropic ventures), and others.

Artist that I recommend: Lafee- a german rock group led by an eighteen year old girl. TOTALLY AWESOME listen to Shut up, Little Princess.

Within Temptation- Another girl-led german rock band- songs- Angel (PLEASE DO ME THE GREATEST FAVOR LISTENMemories, bittersweet.

BEFORE YOU CONTINUE, CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE- I GOT THESE FROM SPARKLINGTOPAZEYES- SHE'S A COOL GIRL, LOVE HER SENSE OF HUMOR.

Copy and Paste Section:

You Know You're Obsessed With Twilight When...

1) You have read Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn at least 3 times. I changed it to include breaking dawn.

2) You own all above mentioned books.

3) You know that they're totally going to screw up Twilight the Movie, and
you want to see it anyway.

4) You have read everything on every page of Stephanie Meyers web site.

5) You have reread a lot of these pages.

6) You read fanfiction about Twilight.

7) you have written a fanfiction about twilight- honestly, i don't think i could do the characters justice, but i do love what other fans have done

8) At one point or another, you have had a screenname/username that says
something about Twilight or its characters.- not yet, i am tech challenged- my bro says

9) You constantly count the days until New Moon movie comes out.- 290 days from 2/4/09

10) For a long while after you read Twilight/New Moon, you acted as a
missionary for the books, asking everyone you talked to if the had read
them.-you should ask my familly.

11) If said people have not read Twilight, you insist that they read it,
because it is, and I quote, "the best book ever".

12) If anyone says something that goes against the statement that Twilight
is the best book on the planet, you immediately start to argue with them.

13) You stand firm by your belief that anyone who says that Twilight is just a crappy, unrealistic love story(and yes, believe it or not, I do know someone who has said this!) should be taken to the edge of a cliff and pushed off.

14) For months after you read it, Twilight was your favorite subject to talk
about.

15) When you found out you would have to wait until August of 2008 for
Breaking Dawn to come out, you almost cried.(AN: this one kinda depends on when
you read the first two books, I guess!)

16) You argue with your friends over which member of the Cullen family you
like best.

17) You began reading fanfiction as a desperate attempt to read something
about Twilight, when you had already finished the books.

18) No matter how many times you read Twilight or Twilight-related stories,
you never get tired of it.

19) As you read this list, you are smiling and nodding at almost every thing
you read.

20) Even though you know it's impossible, you often wish that you were a
vampire.

21) Vampires are officially your favorite mythical creature ever.

22) Your personal motto is, vampires are cool, not scary.

23) You know that you are not crazy for being obsessed with Twilight; people
who don't understand it just haven't read the book.

24) When you hear that someone read Twilight and didn't like it or thought
it was stupid, you just shake your head and sigh.

26). You literally haunt Stephenie Meyer's website waiting for new information

27). You're driving your parents mad with your crazy countdowns

28). You're keeping track of all the "Eclipse Quotes of the Day" and trying to figure out what they all mean-doesn't apply. i was one of the lucky ones that was able to read the books without having to wait for the genious to fall out of Meyer's brain.

29). Your home page is Stephenie Meyer's website

30). Your desktop has something to do with the Twilight Series

31). Your screen saver reads "Breaking Dawn: August 2, 2008"- like i said, doesn't apply

32). You have both the original New Moon book and the New Moon Special Edition

33). You put your Eclipse poster in plain view so that everyone can see it

34). You can't believe that most people haven't read the books

35). You know all the characters so well that you feel as if you could write your own stories about them

36). You spend most of your day making up "What if...?" questions about all the different plot lines

37). You've actually read the play "Romeo & Juliet" just so you could find out how Jacob would die

38). You know you're addicted, but you don't care

39). You can't help saying, "I can't wait for August 2nd!" while everyone who isn't "in the know" stares at you like you're psyco

40). You're more excited about the release of Eclipse than anything to do with Harry Potter

41). When you found out that Breaking Dawn wasn't coming out until 2008, you have a mental breakdown-haha- i feel bad for those who did. My mental breakdown is New Moon movie.

42). When you found out about Midnight Sun you had yet another mental breakdown- I cried when she said she was going to stop. It still brings tears to my eyes. tissue moment.

43.) You ACTUALLY noticed there was no 25.

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever asked a stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you support the "Make Edward change Bella into a vampire" club, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have AACIBD Addicted to All Cullens Including Bella Disorder copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think Jacob should just stay a friend and have a happy ending copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it's NOT even funny anymore, copy and paste this into your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Orlando Bloom told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing your butt off.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show or read a book) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

A guy gets a girl 11 real roses and one fake rose. When he gave her the 12 roses, he said,"I'll love you until the last one dies."- sweet huh?

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or pulled the handle on a door that said push, copy this in your profile.

If you have ever fell UP the stairs, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this in your profile.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Make your mother proud, dont smoke pot or stop breathing because Abrocrombie and Fitch tell you its not cool to breath.

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Twilight, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a guy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15,Marigold Winters, SparklingTopazEyes, malilatina

Stupid Warnings:

This is a list of all the stupid warnings on the products most of us use daily.

1. Children's Asprin: Warning: Keep Away From Children

2. Peanuts: Warning: Product May Contain Nuts

3. Curling Iron: Warning: Do not use while sleeping

4. Candle: Warning: Warning, A burning candle is fire

5. Frozen Pizza: Warning: Do not eat before cooking

6. Blanket from Taiwan: Warning: Not To Be Used As Protection From A Tornado

7. Frisbee: Warning: May Contain Small Parts

8. Butcher Knife: Warning: Keep Out of Children

9. Railroad Sign: Warning: Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

10. Hair Coloring: Warning: Do not use as an ice cream topping

11. Dial Soap: Warning: Use like regualr soap

12. Sleeping Pills: Warning: May Cause Drowsiness

13. Puzzle: Warning: Some Assembly Required

14. Japanese Food Processor: Warning: Not to be used for the other use

15. Korean Kitchen Knife: Warning: Not to be used in Children
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

16. On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

17. On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

18. On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

19. On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

20. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

21. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

22. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

23. On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

24. On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

25. On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

26. On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

27. On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

28. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

29. On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

30. On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Fave Twilight Quotes:

And so the loin fell in love with the lamb…”—EC

“He dazzled my eyes.”—BS

“Yes you are exactly my brand of heroin.”—EC

“Do I dazzle you?”—EC

“Can I have a minute to be human”—BS

“Just because I’m resisting the wine doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the bouquet”—EC

“Bring on the shackles—I’m your prisoner.”—EC

“You…made…me…faint.”—BS

“That you are a very terrifying monster”—BS

“It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch and we came to see if you would share.”—AC

“Stupid shiny Volvo owner.”--BS

“Oh you’ll get over it—it’s just a crush”—EC

“Oh a sadistic vampire intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV on the other hand…”—EC

“Sure, brown is warm”—BS

Fave Quotes from New Moon

“Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.”—BS

“Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget; it was a hard line to walk.” –BS

“Speak of the devil and the devil shall appear,”—JB

“I bet she’s tougher than that. She runs with the vampires.”—Embry Call

“Death that hath sucked the honey of thy breath hath no power yet upon thy beauty.”—Romeo-spoken by EC

“Marry me first”—EC

“For once Edward was speechless.”--BS

Fav Quotes from Eclipse

“You compare one small tree to an entire forest.”—EC

“I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland.”—BS

“No let me be the one in charge of responsibility for a few minutes…or hours.”—BS

“Does my being half-naked bother you?”—JB

“Are you trying to distract me? It’s working.”—EC

“I promise to love you forever—every single day of forever. Will you marry me?”—EC

“Would you like me to help you sleep, Jacob?”—EC

“Amazing. How can someone so tiny be so annoying?”—EC

“Hate is a passionate emotion.”—JB

“But, if I had been able to take your place last night, it would not have made the top ten best nights of my life. Dream about that”—EC

“It’s a good thing you’re bullet proof.”—BS

“Yes, may the best man win.” “That sounds about right…pup”—JB+EC

Fave Quotes in General:

"My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen,"

"Good friends will pick you up when your down, BEST FRIENDS will push you back down and laugh"

"Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry"

"Good friends will bail you out of jail, BEST FRIENDS will be sitting right there next to you going, 'Damn That was freakin awesome',"

Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"

"Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you,"