Welcome to the Secret Hideout of the Secretive Muffin Puffin Lackeys. Here, you will learn, in secret, the devastatingly secret secrets of this secret organization-

Member 001, BeagleBLOOMerz, dances by to cheesy techno music blaring in the background, stuffing her face from a bag of goldfish

Yeeees, foolish mortals, your time of judgement has come. We, the Muffin Puffin Lackeys, have been monitoring your leaders, evaluating your extreme, cleanly and earth shaking dishwashing skillz, purchasing Girl Scout cookies from your unsuspecting, cute little green-smocked neighbors, and plugging in your vending machines when they're NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TURNED ON.

Member 002, TypoNumber5, unsuccessfully moonwalks by with diet soda and headphones... and promptly trips

Look at you: sitting in front of your mind-rotting computer, listening to your catchy, illegally downloaded music, chatting with your fellow wasters of oxygen on your instant messenging program. Yes, that's right, I'm talking to YOU. How pathetic.

Member 003, Mary Sue, purposefully strides by, yapping away on her cell phone... and trips over Typo. Sounds of "YOU CLUMSY OAF OF A MAGGOT!" are heard along with violent thwacking noises and squeaky pleas for mercy.

So. You want to join our elite group of glomp-inclined, fangirlish, parody loving, couriers of DOOM, eh? Well then, you're going to have to answer some QUESTIONS. Please fill out the form at the bottom of this text box and email it to muffin_puffin111604@yahoo.com. But act fast, only 1,290,567,924 spots are left in our world-conquering society!

Question 001: Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Question 002: Where's the mini skirt made of snake skin, and who's the other guy singing in Van Halen?
Question 003: I hate everything about you; why do I love you?
Question 004: If the world's at large, why should I remain?
Question 005: Who ya gonna call? (...and "Ghoster Busters" is already taken.)
Question 006: She asked for one more dance, and I was like, "yeah"... how the hell am I supposed to leave?
Question 007: Shortie, wanna come to my hotel?
Question 008: Is there anyone out there? ('cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe...)
Question 009: How can you see into my eyes like open doors?

And, finally, the single most important question you will encounter while traveling this plane of existance:

Question 010: Do you know the muffin man?

For further information on our esteemed members, visit the biographies under the following accounts: ~BeagleBLOOMerz (and, ah, this account doesn't have any fics under it because they DELETED them ALL... even though there was only one under it... NOBODY HAS TO KNOW THAT!)
~TypoNumber5
~Mary Sue of Maryville

Consider yourself lucky, mortal simpleton, for on this day you have witnessed the inner workings of the Secretive Secret of the Secret Muffin Puffin Lackeys' Secret Hideout... secret.