I died. Then I became alive again, thanks to some serious soul-searching and self-ball-kicking. I'm keeping the answering machine message here, though, because it makes me feel fuzzy inside.

Welcome. You have currently reached the headquarters of Kal Ancalas Productions.

If you're here to stalk me for personal information, please press 1 now.

If you're here to look for plot spoilers hidden in this profile as subliminal messages, please press 2.

If you're here to tell me that you're too st00pid to understand the subtle themes and meanings conveyed in my writing, please press 3.

If you're here to complain that my writing ability has stagnated as of late, please press 4.

If you're here for the free raisin cookies, please press 5.

If you're here to give me free stuff, please press 6.

If you're here to bear my children, please press 7.

If you're here looking for a witty and inspirational quote, please press 8.

If you're here to tell me that all my writing sucks and I should go to heck, please press 9, 1, and 1 in order. You will be redirected to a special hotline. Mention the codename "I. M. Aterist" while calling to receive a free courtesy package.

Name: Kal Ancalas, although many of you probably know me as "THAT F*ING S*THEAD WHO HASN'T UPDATED REVOLT IN DAMN NEAR TWO YEARS"

Age: 18. Yes, I'm an adult now.

Height: Still 69 inches. Laugh it up, people.

Weight: I gained weight since I last checked, but my doctor tells me muscle is heavier than fat anyway. So there.

Favorite Genres of Stories: Anything that's written well.

Favorite Fandoms: This used to be MapleStory, but hell, I'll take whatever tickles my fancy nowadays. Okay, it's still MapleStory. Screw you all.

Least Favorite Genres of Stories: I've eased up on hating the romance, but I still hate really shitty humor. Which is ironic because this is what 99% of my early stories fall into.

Least Favorite Fandom: If you like it, then I probably don't.

Hobbies: Writing, sleeping, dying. Emphasis on the last one.

Pet Peeves: Piano, bad reviews, your mom.

Favorite Manga/Animes (hey, everybody does it): 20th Century Boys. I would write a fic about this one, if it weren't so ball-breakingly awesome and if the plot wasn't so awesomely convoluted.

Favorite Music: If it can be stolen off rapidshit, then I probably listen to it.

I was going to put some new Author Stats in here, but after seeing the numbers, I got depressed and forgot about it, so yeah. Oops.

Works in Progress (again, this, too, may be subjected to periods of inactivity, so please don't PM me with stuff like '0MG j00 sad u were g0na upd4t3 th15 t00 d4yz ag0 j00 f4g l0l' (bad h4x0r, but there's only so much FF will let me do with their symbol filtering) because that tends to piss me off, and I don't write well when I'm pissed off. You do the math here (actually, there is no real math involved, unless you'd like to apply an algorithm to see if there are any subliminal messages hidden in this long line of random text.)

REVOLT

IS

ALIVE.

I'm revising the whole thing from the ground up.

Stay tuned.

If you hate being told to copy-paste stuff in your profile, copy-paste this into your profile.

"What kind of witty quote can I copy-paste into my profile to prove I'm not a total lazy, procrastinating, good-for-nothing asshole? Hmm..."

-Kal Ancalas, for thirty minutes straight