Stewie Griffin: Oh I feel so delightfully white trash! Mommy, I want a mullet!

Peter Griffin: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Glen Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Glen Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
Peter Griffin: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Glen Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
[Pause]
Glen Quagmire: Oh god! Oh my god! I've got all these magazines! Oh god!

Stewie Griffin: Come any closer and I'll cut her!
[realizes he's holding a tongue depresser]
Stewie Griffin: I'll give her a series of splinters... that could become infected!

Brian Griffin: Excuse me, would you like to taste my smoked meat log?

Stewie Griffin: How deliciously evil! It's like something out of Stephen King!
[flashback]
Stephen King: Now for my 300th novel, a couple... is attacked... by a giant lamp monster!
Editor: You're not even trying anymore are you?

Stewie Griffin: Forecast for tomorrow; A few sprinkles of genius with a chance of doom!

Stewie Griffin: Damn you, broccoli!

Lt. William Bush ROCKS MY WORLD!!!!!!