It wasn't every day that Bella volunteered to be vampire gourmet. The last thing she expected was for him to kidnap her and take her on an adventure instead. Who was he and how were they connected? It was hard to have fun while tangled up in a web of secrets, schemes and some very dangerous ancients.

Edward wins more than he bargained for at what was supposed to be a friendly poker game. AH. Ysar made me my banner!

"When your child has died, your last task as their mother is to grieve them." Bella returns to Forks with empty arms and an aching heart. In her past is a lost child, a broken marriage, and a beloved parent gone. In her future is Edward Cullen and his strange family. What do they want from her? Can a heart thrice broken bear the risk of making a new start? Vampire AU.

Britain, 9th century: Bella is captured by Vikings and brought with them to their homeland where her new fate awaits. Will she ever find happiness being a slave? Will it matter that she is given to Edvard, the chief of the village, to be his new bed thrall?

Edward never lived with Carlisle, and doesn't know there's any option besides human blood. Living this drastically different life, what will he do when he comes across Bella? AU/Vamps Rated M for creepy vampire antics and a non-detailed lemon.

Caught trying to steal his car, a runaway, Bella, meets Edward. A man with his own vices and long rap sheet. Taking her under his wing and teaching her the way to truly boost cars, they embark on a journey of crime fitting of Bonnie and Clyde. ExB, Lemons, Violence, Guns, and Fun. HEA. BPOV. Watch Trailer on youtube: www. youtube. com /watch? v S5mvlCUXDf8& feature youtube gdata

There were 4 unwritten laws in Forks during 1883.1-you listened to your Pa.2-You worshipped God.3-You did your chores without complaint.4-You stayed away from the Cullen brothers. I had no problems with those laws until a pair of green eyes looked my way.

"I don't even realize that the air has gotten hazy. Or that it smells like skunk, or that amidst the clouds of smoke, leaning against the wall is Edward Cullen." - AH, E/B, Lemons.

It's a time when chaos, terror and curses reign supreme. No one is truly free but some have even less than others. The meeting of two souls, twin desires in a sea of secrets, is a struggle for trust and meaning.

My name is Isabella Swan and today, I signed a contract that would put me in the steel tight clutches of a man I didn't know, for four years. A girl's gotta pay for college somehow, right? AH. Come meet 'Sugar Daddy' Edward. **Chapters 1-18 are being edited and are subject to small changes.**

After her mother's wedding in Mexico, Bella encounters a vampire with less altruistic motives than the those held by the vampires she might have met in Forks under drastically different circumstances. One bad decision, she discovers, can change her entire life. AU E/B

"Sometimes, at night, he'd walk in his meadow and look to the sky, hoping she was seeing the same full moon, the same brilliant stars." This is a story of second chances and intrepid hearts.

Seven billion people live on Earth. Only a small percentage know of the darkness beneath them. Those people are known as Human Donors. My name is Bella Swan, and I am a human donor. ExB, Vampward, short chaps w/ frequent updates, M for usual.

*Complete* AU AH Edward has known Bella her entire life; he has watched her change from child to woman. But when friendship gives way to lust, how much harm can one kiss do? *Winner of the May to December Romance Contest's Most Forbidden romance award*

The winter of 1869 recorded a low temperature that would last for more than one hundred and fifty years. The only thing colder ever recorded was Isabella Cullen's marriage bed. Entry for the Caveat Emptor: Maybe An HEA? contest. Trigger warning. Now expanded from original contest entry.

Every town has a tragedy. Every tragedy has a devil. That's me.

Bella is hired as a maid at the Cullen manor, home to the feisty heir to the Duke of Cullen. What will happen when the womanizing nobleman becomes interested in Bella? Will her courtship with Jacob be able to ward off Edward's intentions? AH, set in England in the 1700s

Bella signs a contract with Edward to enter into a marriage based on financial gain. She's looking to take the easy road and instead finds a nearly impossible one she must travel on the path to finding herself, along with everything she never knew she wanted. This is the struggle of a broken little girl growing into the woman she's destined to be.

** COMPLETE ** Bella knows she isn't what her best friend Edward is looking for in a partner. But could a handful of fateful invitations turn everything she thinks she knows inside out? ** A continuation of the one-shot that won First Place Judges Score in the Friends to Lovers Contest ** #7 in Top Ten Completed Fics for Aug 2014 on TwiFanfictionRecs **

Hidden beneath the callousness, it is his love which remains: love that he nurtures gently in his soul, love that consumes, love that compels him to do anything – anything at all – for his beloved. Honourable Mention in Straight thru the Heart contest.

A serious case of writer's block, an isolated cabin in the mountains, and a mysterious, surly stranger who is not looking for company. Mature Content. Very AU.

When a vampire finds their mate they are inexplicably bound to them, the bond forged between the two is both eternal and unbreakable. It is also mutual, but what would happen if their other half were a human? New chapter up!

Sparks fly when two strangers collide in the dark. Will Edward star in Bella's future, or will the politics of her life be too much for him to handle? AH/M

Everyone seemed to know of him, but not many had actually met him. Rumor had it that Edward Cullen, musical savant, was very shy and socially awkward. I was captivated—wholly and unreservedly taken by not just his looks but everything about him. Yet sometimes, I got the feeling he was holding back...that he was hiding a secret. (o/s)

His gaze travels up and down my body, and I watch as he palms himself through his jeans, almost as if he's unaware of it, but I can tell he's straining against the button fly. Then, he leans over me again, and this time I don't shut my eyes. "Mate."

In the words of Abe Lincoln, "The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend." Bella works for a man that makes her teeth grind. "My boss is an asshole," she cried.

Our story opens with a frightened seventeen-year-old girl on the run- battered, starved, exhausted and nine months pregnant. How this is going to turn out is anyone's guess. Life never does know how to play fair.

Vampires Edward and Jasper are partners in crime who make a game of their hunt for human blood. Their brotherly dynamic is threatened when Edward meets Bella and is tempted to start playing by his own rules. Vamp/AU/OOC. This is not slash. COMPLETE.

"Swan! I wanted that file ten minutes ago, on my desk, it's outside my door, are you blind!" "No Cullen, I cannot see your office, because yes, I AM blind and I don't want to walk in and listen to you doing goodness knows what with Tanya Denali!" New chapter is up!

Damned if I do. Damned if I don't. One way or another, I knew Edward Cullen would turn my world upside down. Contest entry for the May to December Romance Contest. E/B, BPOV/EPOV, Olderward, AH, M

Bella was content with her already-planned-out-life... and then they dropped her into Oblivion. Now, she must go in search of the Thing while trying to avoid the scandalous inhabitants... but that's easier said than done. Updates every (other) day until complete!

*TAKEN DOWN. MANY APOLOGIES.* Dear Diary, When he left, I became numb. Safe in a bubble of denial and bitterness. Now, he's back, and I've agreed to be his co-star in a new Broadway play. Obviously, if there were a Nation of Stupid People, I would be their Queen. A/H

What happens when maiden Bella is abducted, swept away and forced to play mistress to Viking Edward? Does he own her or does he own up to his feelings? WARNING:domineering-dark-male–chauvinist-AH, extremely OOC

Emotionally distant investment banker Edward Cullen struggles with his attraction to the mysterious vampire who changed him. Angry and denying that they're mates, Edward must reconcile the pull he feels to her. When her past threatens the fragile equilibrium they've established, Edward must decide if he'll forgive her, or abandon her to the monster from her past. Dark, non-canon

Bella's willpower is tested by the young hottie at the pool. Older and wiser she makes a move that will change their lives forever. E/B AH

He told me once that he preferred brunettes, but his fingers were always playing with long, blonde strands. He could never make up his mind... until he did. And now that I'm back I don't think he deserves a second chance.

A Scottish laird finds himself embroiled in the life of a girl who's beauty is sung throughout the highlands, but little does he know that she is not as feeble as she looks.

Your wife. Or. Me.

Bella was one of the popular sophomores in her high school, but when a class trip goes awry she finds herself marooned on a tropical island with Edward Cullen, the resident school geek. The two must overcome their differences and learn to work together in order to survive. If you're a fan of 'Twilight' and 'Blue Lagoon', this is the story for you! *more info inside* AH, AU, E/B

Almost over the hill-in her own mind-Bella wants a family, so she chooses in vitro. Tainted by playboy father, Charlie's need to date barely legal girls, causes her to push away a younger Edward. AH/Rated M Edited for content on FFN. Unedited will post on TWCS and FicPad. Banner by: Beffers87 Birthday story for: Bobbi Wordsmith aka: AWayWithWords

Bella and her dog Jake have been left alone on planet Earth for 7 years, after a virus drives the rest of humantiy to leave the planet. Bella thinks that the whole of humanity will never return, but things never go the way you think it will. AU. AH. UP FOR ADOPTION

Vampires have revealed themselves and Bella is living in a world trying to adjust to a new species. She is sick of other people and just wants to get out of her backwater town. She didn't want to become a vampire soul-mate, but life's unpredictable. OOC. AU. UP FOR ADOPTION

Companion piece to Bloody Fingerprints! The couples' stories! Rated M for good reasons ahem...lemons, language, violence, etc. etc UP FOR ADOPTION

Outtakes from TSIPWR. Enjoy.

After a sheltered childhood, 21 year old Bella has never been kissed. Desperate to find the kind of love her best friend Jasper has found with Alice, Bella enlists the expert help of her 'player' room-mate Edward. But love soon complicates her sexual awakening. OOC/Graphic Lemons.

Bella wants to escape her small-town life and live her dreams in New York. What happens when a man almost twice her age makes her an offer she can't refuse? AH/M

Scotland, 1692. A pretty Highlands maid and a handsome Lowlands officer. Their romance burns in spite of the harsh winter surrounding them. But why has the regiment really come to Glen Coe and will their love survive the aftermath of the devastation created? Loosely based on real events. Age of Edward Contest 2013 - Winner Judges Choice.

Everything I had done in my life seemed to lead up to this moment. The moment when I found myself bound inextricably to a man I didn’t love, trapped in a life I didn’t want. And if I left him, I would be entirely alone.

Bella Swan never considered online dating. After all, she was only twenty-one. But after too many glasses of wine, her best friend convinces her otherwise. AH. Olderward.

Predator. Vamp AU written for Livie79's birthday.

In the mid 1800's, out on the western range is where a real man makes his livelihood. And if he's mighty lucky, it's where he makes his destiny as well. A six chapter story with daily updates. E & B.

He was all suits and ties, crisp lines and shiny shoes. No one knew what really went on in that corner office. Will she be brave enough to knock and find out? Entry for the Dirty Talkin' Edward Contest.

I recreated his mother's recipes when he was homesick. I made meal plans when he had to gain or lose weight for a role. And when he wanted chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne for another woman he was bringing home, I made them with all the love in my heart—the love he'd never see. So I showed him with my food.

Stories from childhood claimed that monsters lived behind the Cullen Estate's tall walls, so we avoided the back road which passed it. One day, I had to take the road and met one of the Estate's occupants to find no monster but someone extraordinary.

She has watched him for years, he is grace, beauty and goodness and she is a sinner. It isn't just the river of Hell fires which separates them. Given a chance will Bella corrupt the one pure thing in her life?

One girl's soul holds the key to saving the entire human realm. Problem is, she is temptation incarnate. In comes the 'Unfallen', one of the last of his kind. He won't be keeping that status for long. ExB #Angelward #Drabble #Dark #Violent #REVAMPED #REPOSTED #GEN

Plan B: a strategy or plan to be implemented if the original one proves impracticable or unsuccessful. Best used in the cold light of day, after waking up in bed next to a virtual stranger. An E/B three shot.

Left orphaned after a vampire attack, Bella is adopted into Dr Carlisle Cullen's 'vegetarian' family of him, his wife Esme and their sons Emmett, Edward and Jasper.

Vampire Aro is retiring from his function as King. His vampire son Edward will be the next King. What will happen when Edward wants Isabella, one of the poor humans as his wife? How will Bella deal with her new life style? Contains a Dark and Possessive Edward. In-Progress

Opposites attract don't they? Not in Bella Swan's world. Unfortunately, the Captain of the baseball team has other ideas. A short chapter tale written for mauigirl60.

When you're seventeen, you believe in Prince Charming. When you're twenty-four, you're tired of waiting for him and try to settle for less. When you're thirty, you know for sure he doesn't exist.

Bella Swan has a major crush on a major star, Edward Cullen. They have an obsession with the same game. Can they connect through Words with Friends and become more than that? Rated M.

A cocky QB runs into a snarky band geek. What happens when they collide on and off the field? Rated M.

I realized, with no small amount of disbelief, that my life had become the vampire version of Cinderella. Except that I didn't lose a shoe once upon a time; I lost my life. I also realized, reluctantly, that I belonged to him – that my blood was his.

On an excavation, Bella just happens to come across something she was not supposed to have seen. Sometimes not asking questions is just best, and it'll keep you alive a lot longer. When the captive and capturer become close things are anything but simple, and everything but anticipated. ExB. ALL HUMAN. *3/5/2105*(CURRENTLY UNDERGOING SERIOUS CLEANUP)

Bella sees no magic in Valentine's Day. Even her affinity for brewing up love potions doesn't make the day seem special. Could a certain red-eyed monster make her see the light? Magical creatures abound, but this is non-canon. Canon couples. One shot. Complete. Mature.

Edward didn't mean to kidnap Bella and hold her hostage, but she holds a secret that could destroy his family. Lucifer was an angel too, and love isn't always wholly benevolent. Vamp AU, B/E, Romance/Horror

A billionaire couple searches for their long lost daughter. A lonely, troubled young man finds and gives refuge to a homeless girl with no name. Paths are crossed and hearts are given, but you can't keep what was never yours.

Addictions are never easy to cope with and Bella is all too familiar with their destructive power as she struggles with the nightmares from her past. She knows that if she doesn't get out now, they will stick with her for life. OOC, AU.

Well, they're married. So why isn't it everything wonderful? All human, OOC, mature themes.

COMPLETE - "A man struggling to escape from the darkness, and a woman who thinks she doesn't deserve the light. How will an ice sculpture affect their lives?" AU with vampires.

Married for Love, In a marriage for Appearance: He broke her heart on the night she had the biggest news to tell him. What will Edward do when he realizes Bella wants to move on. Fight for her, or let her go.

Set in New Moon, soon after the Cullens return to Forks. Only in this version, Edward doesn't get the chance to explain why he left. Instead, Bella convinces him that they can be "just friends". Yeah ... good luck with that one Bella.

Bella is a bad boy's girl, living a life she no longer wants. She's trapped, until one of the things that keeps her confined - her bodyguard - becomes the very thing that could set her free.

He wanted to be the most powerful man on earth. As far as she was concerned, he already was. Love. Longing. A decade of regret. Time changes nothing...or does it?

INDIE TWIFIC AWARD WINNER! Bella Swan is being hospitalized for an Identity Disorder...Or is Bella Flanagan being hospitalized? Set after Edward leaves in New Moon or I'm writing this from an asylum. WARNING MA only. VERY DARK COMEDY.

When Bella Swan moved to Forks for work experience at a local mental care 'Home', the last thing she expected was to have feelings for the murderous Edward Cullen. Rated for the language, extreme violence and sexual content. Not for sensitive readers.

Bella finds herself trapped in a loveless marriage, whilst going through the motions of everyday life. Her only form of escapism is the romance novels written by the recently retired, reclusive author E.A.M Cullen.

It was lust at the first sight. How would they ever survive this hour? 'A dark angel he was. Brought to earth to bring her unparalleled pleasure... If only that was the truth.'

For Beyond the Pale: The treaty left Bella his slave, but serving a vampire who demands perfection is a challenge. BxE VERY DARKWARD, Mature content, read at your own risk.

She loses him almost as soon as she finds him... but things aren't always what they seem. Will Bella follow her heart down the rabbit hole? AU-ish.

In a dystopian future, Bella runs away from an arranged marriage that she knows will be her undoing. When she meets Edward, she has to decide whether he's an even greater threat to her independence, or the key to creating a life she'd never thought possible. AU.

COMPLETE - Edward's rebellion began for a reason; it still holds true and brought him to Italy. His life's been predicated on revenge for decades; forgiveness seems impossible. When he meets Bella, only a winter separates him from his last prey and his own destruction. AU/vampires.

Four years is a long time to date someone. Unless it's Edward. Gorgeous, charming, intelligent Edward. Then again, he's so cheap he steals toilet paper. No one's perfect, that's for sure. 3rd Pl Public Vote/2nd Pl Judge's Vote in Fic This Gif contest!

Bella's response to the Witch-hunt of MA fics. Edward's outrage.

Twelve years without a word. It took so little for her to leave me. And now... of all the hospital rooms in the whole country, why did she have to walk into mine? "Get the f- out of here," I spat. AH, Canon pairings. M for lang mostly. R&R

Edward showed an interest in science and medicine from a young age, Carlisle uses this to mold Edward into the man he wants him to be. Bella secretly loves Edward, what happens when Edward needs Bella to fulfill a life long dream.

Twelve celebrities. Twelve fans. Twelve houses. Twelve weeks. One million dollars. That line grabs Bella Swan's attention from the first moment she reads it. The tag line to the most anticipated show of the year, I Want to Marry a Celebrity! Full summary inside. (Discontinued, more information inside.)

April Fool! Full title: The Unlikely Meeting of Edwistian Greysen and Anabella Stolen, a Parody.

Bella, a happily married woman, finds herself in a dangerous affair. Seattle's up in arms under the reign of a serial killer and she meets the criteria. But does Bella just fit the mold...or did she make it? AH BXJames BXE Crazyward OOC Romance

There Will Be Blood contest Readers' Choice 1st Place Winner: Waking up naked in a strange bed is bad. Waking up naked and tied up in a strange bed is worse. Even worse than that? Waking up naked and tied up in the bed of a Vampire that wants to eat you.

Set in 12th Century Scotland. The Chieftain's daughter offered to the great Ghillie Dhu, the guardian spirit of the forest that provided them with food, water, and shelter in return for their sacrifices. Written for the Age of Edward contest AU Mature.

Bella has a chance meeting with college co-ed Edward and is immediately smitten. But how will she handle finding out Edward is a star football player? Will she be his good luck charm or a curse? AU/AH. Fluff, fun, and lemons. Rated M for a reason.

After getting lost in the woods on a camping trip, Bella finds a man who is living a different life. Can two such different worlds mesh when communication is nearly impossible?

Edward is an Incubus,Obsessed with an impending war with the Volturi Coven. With the help of his hybrid daughters,they'll viciously wreak havoc on the vampire world. War is about to errupt,& there is only one thing he wants more than victory, a male heir.

Bella spends her every waking moment with the dead,and she's perfectly happy with it. When a mysterious man appears during her shift, she's strangely drawn to him–even though she's positive he came in a body bag. Is she going crazy, or is he all too real?

Bella is a student at the University of Alaska. She's fiercely independent, but everything changes when she meets a stranger who refuses to leave her side. This story explores the subject of vampire mating. AU

Bella is a school counselor, but Edward is a vampire posing as a student. Will Bella defy her head and follow her heart? Or will she conquer her desire and do what she believes is right? Not your daughter's/niece's/little sister's Twilight. Angsty.

Bella's family have been Edward's family's slaves for years and Edward claims Bella as his own. r&r please M for language and lemons. NEW VERSION. SEQUEL IS BEING WRITTEN BY: Tewt

O/S - In the year 2029, bio-mechanical engineer, Bella Swan, has created the perfect machine for Whitlock Robotics. Masen can be anyone or anything you desire... but who does Bella want her Masen to be? B/E M for Lemons/Language

Everywhere I look, something reminds me of him. Smells, words, colours, songs. For two years I've cried over him. The best thing that's ever happened to me. The love of my life. He left because we were hurting. Because I was in the shallows.

Edward is a successful defense attorney living in LA. He lives a lonely, predictable life. But one day, he wakes up in an unfamiliar house, in an unfamiliar room with Bella laying next to him. Will he ever want to wake up from this dream? AH EPOV

AU/AH: Bella, Edward and the usual suspects are adults living in Seattle. They hit it off after a klutzy accident and E awakens B's ovaries, who never hesitate to voice their pervy opinion in B's head. Rated M for language and lemons.

Birthday one-shot for my beta, Melanie. Twenty-something, plus sized Bella is curvy and confident. Enter Edward, her high school crush, who she only ever loved from afar. A second chance for something amazing. Rated M for the usual reasons.

If Bella died while giving birth then Edward wouldn't have wanted the child but Rosalie would. Renesmee grows up thinking that both parents are alive and her uncle hates her. What happens when she meets a certain wolf and everything starts to unravel?

Vague Summary. Eyebrow Raise. Mild Interest. Spelling Mistake. Flounce. A crackfic about Twilight fandom clichés. Will my Mary-Sue be perfect, get Edward, and have fantastic sex? Of course!

Dark Edward. Vampire. Bella had a sheltered life that broke into pieces when Edward Cullen claimed her as his mate. Can she fight what was set in stone. One shot. R&R

Companion piece to My Viking. Chapter one from Edvard's POV.

Bella defied the arrogant Edward. He will not forget her. She will be his sacrifice, he will make her his prisoner, and he will make her his, after all, he is the most feared. He is known as The Black Dragon. All Human. Dark. Medieval

Bella is accused of murder and before she is sentenced she is taken to a place called Section1. Their ends are just but their means are ruthless. Edward is her mysterious trainer. AU-Twilight in LFN universe drama/suspense/romance LFN knowledge not needed

When Queen Tanya is unable to produce an heir King Edward is left resorting to a plan unheard of before: Bigamy. The result is Isabella Swan being dragged into the life of the court, and the bed of the King. Set in Tudor times. OOC/AU/AH

Edward and Bella live on two different sides of The Wall that seperates men and woman, created by the Volturi. Bella dreams of making it the other side, Edward wishes to merely to survive. Love is nonexistent. And illegal.

Bella's marriage is crumbling, but when her life is put in danger Edward must reveal the truth. He works for the FBI. Now he must lug a furious and untrusting Bella across the country in a hilarious and utterly unromantic road-trip, all to keep her safe.

Maybe there really is a glitch in Bella's brain. After all, she knows he's out there. She knows he's been watching her ever since she can remember. She's *not* crazy. Why won't anyone believe her? Dark humor a la Face Punch.

Typical formula: boy meets girl. Boy befriends girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Girl has no idea. Boy is afraid to tell her, because Boy - me, Edward Cullen - has been pretending to be gay to keep Girl's man-hating self in his life. AH/M. COMPLETE.

Sometimes love is darker. More crimson. Entry for the Beyond The Pale Contest.

Edward's been a solitary vampire, hunting on the edges of society. He rejoins his family in Forks, ready to abstain and runs across a young woman praying. A choice must be made between one's heart, one's desires and one's soul. Darkward ExB AU

Having John Watson as a flatmate isn't quite a stroke of luck. One-sided Sherlock/John.

Bella starts to display odd behavior her first weekend back in Forks since the trip to Italy. What will happen when the Cullens learn about her fractured mind? There's not just one Bella for Edward to worry about now...there's three. AU/OOC/DARK/SPANKS

A girl is captured by Native Americans and adopted into their band.

Edward keeps asking and Bella keeps saying the same thing. But he loves asking and well... she's starting to kind of like it, too. AH, B/E O/s for the Will You Marry Me contest.

AH/AU: The traveling Edward Cullen finds himself in the backwoods of a small Washington town. Stuck for the night, he takes up the offer of the local Sheriff for shelter, only to find his lovely daughter, Bella, the milkmaid, the real accommodation.

When the Cullens move to Forks, Bella thinks that the creepy new kid, Edward, has freaky yellow eyes. And that he's insufferably rude. Good thing he's in love with someone else. An AU dark comedy.

Bella is on her honeymoon when a storm hits and she is tossed off the boat along with her husband. When she awakens on a desert island she is rescued by a beautiful angel with crimson eyes.

AU. Edward is an unapologetic "recycler" of the scum of the human population. But when his plan is suddenly ruined by the appearance of a certain brunette, his world is changed irrevocably. **Third place - "In The Dark Contest." E/B. Dark themes.

A angsty one shot about a Bella with no memory and the hot young doctor trying to help her find it.

Complete with epilogue. Bella is an author that just happens to be in a coma. But instead of being completely brain dead she's living in a part of her brain where all the fictional characters she’s created are alive. BXE Edward is a vampire!

Edward is part of the Volturi, and a terrified Bella is his prey. Not just any normal prey of his he's ever had. His La Tua Cantante.

A reality of female life not observed in Twilight. DARK EDWARD. Mature themes.

Harry has been on the run from both friends and enemies for five years, struggling to survive and unable to do magic. When someone unexpected finally tracks him down, he is forced to tell his story, and the truth is worse than anyone could have expected.

What happens when you cross Ginny Weasley with the death of Harry, unwanted fame, a tyrannic Voldemort, and the betrayal of her best friend? You get a very pissed off Ginny, with an agenda for revenge. Since I can't post lyrics in the actual story, if you

Hogwarts has contracted a disease called loneliness and the giant squid as the only cure. Hogwartsgiant squid