If you have ever said ‘cross over to the dark side. We have cookies!’ to someone you know, copy this into your profile

Come to the dark side . . . WE HAVE COOKIES!

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable

Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.

Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.

Heaven doesnt wan't me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is humans way of saying you can't fire me, I quit

Tired of living and scared of dying

Scared to remember, terrified to forget

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you fill up the tab separators in your binders withe doodles/love notes/confessions of love/any other Twilight related thing you can think of about Twilight or the Twilight characters. Crazy is when you can open up Twilight and know exactly which part you're at by reading one word. Crazy is when you print out copies of all the twilight series covers and put them on the wall of your closet. Crazy is when you buy a paperback copy of Twilight before you get a hardcover, so that after the cover falls off from reading it 52 time, you can go back and underline every time you see the amazingly beautiful name "Edward." Crazy is when you go to the book stores just to see how many copies of Twilight you can find. Crazy is when you save the extras and deleted parts of the Twilight series, so you can read them later. Crazy is also wondering, "Is there a letter in the alphabet that can't be pronounced without another, other than E? Like... B would be... be or bee..." If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history. A real friend could blackmail you with it!
A simple friendship is over when you have an argument. A real friend calls you after you had a fight.
A simple friend expects to always be there for them. A real friend expects to always be there for you.
A simple friend sleeps in with you until 2 in the afternoon. A real friend screams, "WAKE UP, FREAK!" in your ear, while laughing hysterically at 8:00 in the morning.

What a guy means, when he says some stuff-
"You know how bad my memory is!”
"I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned…but I forgot your birthday."

“Oh, don’t fuss, I just cut myself, it’s not big deal.”
"I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

“Take a breath honey. You work too hard.
"I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"It‘s a guy thing"
"There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
"Why isn't it already on the table?"

"It would take too long to "
"I have no idea how it works."

"I cant find it."
"It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Emmett Cullen: Stronger Than You since 1916

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

Girl: She gives him a big hug.

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it wasn't cool to breathe. Put this in your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing your asses off.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you are not one of those people who thinks having over 1 thousand friends on myspace is a contest copy this to your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, cpy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune. (okay, really, who the hell knew that?!)

If you went to sleep at around 2 am reading Twilight and/or New Moon and/or Eclipse, copy and pastes this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

Signs you live in 2008

1. You are on your computer everyday

2. You are more inside, than out.

4. You are on this site often.

5. As you read this, you keep nodding and smiling.

6. You were too busy, reading, nodding, and of course smiling, that you didn't notice there wasn't a number three.

7. You looked back to see if there was a number three.

8. You feel a bit stupid.

9. You think this is funny.

10. You want to copy this in your profile, right now - feel free.

If you have ever wanted to slap someone, but restrained yourself, congratulations, and copy and paste this to your profile.

I wear black so I must be a Goth.

I'm young so I must be naive.

I have good grades, so I must be a Nerd.

I love animals so I must become the crazy old cat lady.

I get depressed so I must be Emo.

I'm blonde so I must be an idiot.

I'm religious, so I must shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm Native American, so I must be a savage.

I'm a white girl, so I must be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm pretty, so I must not be a virgin.

I have straight A's, so I must be easy.

I'm a virgin, so I must be prude

I'm a girl who actually eats lunch, so I must be fat.

I'm single, so I must be ugly.

I'm Christian, so I must hate homosexuals.

I love shopping, so I must be rich.

I wear makeup, so I must be ugly.

I hate stereotypes and think people should just shut up an stop, post this.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie or read a book so many times that you can quote it word for word, and do so at random moments, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you believe some teachers are seriously prejudiced, copy an paste this in your profile

If you have ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile.

If keyboards hate you, copy and paste this.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the alphabet song and twinkle, twinkle little star have the same tune.