Darkfrostlord
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 02-14-13, id: 4543854, Profile Updated: 01-08-17

Book of the log.

If you worship the holiness that is the log, copy and paste this section onto your profile... although you may want to change the comments

Position: Log Worshipper

Possible Book of Log Positions:

Log Worshipper: Beginning position. No requirements

Log Priest: You have created at least 1 Naruto related fanfic that frequently (every 2-4 chapters) praises the almighty log and actually fits into the story

Log Pope (there can be more than 1 pope... its safer that way): you have created 3 naruto related fanfics that frequently praise the almighty log

OR the Fanfic that already occasionally praises the log has at least 400 reviews

OR you create a (decently made) Naruto fanfic focused on praising the log... log forbid.

Excerpt of the log number 124: "...when using the log to escape a fire jutsu, it is konoha custom to write an apology letter to the log, and depending on rank of jutsu escaped from depicts how many words are needed. c-rank, two thousand, B-rank, one thousand five hundred, a-rank, one thousand. only S-rank and higher or excused from the writing of the letter. even then, it is still recommended."

Log excerpt number 231: "...if konoha shinobi celebrate the holiday of Christmas, then it is required that they put gifts under the Christmas log. Use of a full tree is an insult to the log and if found out that shinobi is uneligible from using the log for a period of two months..."

Log excerpt number 437: "...Use of the log in a situation that clearly could be avoided using a variety of other methods or techniques is looked down upon. In order to repent for such actions, the following steps should be taken:

  • "For every dent caused by your replacement you shall plant one sapling.
  • "For every stab wound caused by your replacement you shall plant five
  • saplings.
  • "For every hole in the log caused by your replacement you shall plant ten
  • saplings.
  • "For every detached piece of the log caused by your replacement you shall
  • plant one sapling per square inch of detached log.
  • "For a destroyed and unusable log caused by your replacement you shall plant
  • twenty-five saplings.
  • "If your log is defective you may call 1-800-BAD-LOGS to file a complaint. If
  • your case is proven correctly your next replacement will be half off..."
  • ''...and the willow sayeth unto the ninja: wherefore dost i weep? 'tis tears of joy, as thy kin and mine together fell thine foes, who would bring the axe and torch to the wood. the log ist thine ally, and mine kin. calling upon the log, is to call upon me. to aid thee in battle, i weep my tear of joy.

    and the ninja spoke: yea, thee and thine kin shall forever be blessed among me and mine kin. for thine bravery will never be forgotten...''

    -book of the log, song of the willow, verses 1-4

    ''...as the log takes your place, you become the log. the log becomes you. for a moment, you are an extension of the logs blessing unto ninja...''

    -book of the log, chronicle of the replacement verse 3

    ''...you are fools! your log is but a mockery of the power of ninja!- the ninja from the desert declared. and the people shook their heads.

    you have been denied the log for a long time, sandwalker. we cannot force you to see the glory of the log, but know this. when the time comes, and you have no other allies to call upon, the log will hear your prayers, and aid you...''

    -book of the log, redwood journals verses 15-16

    ''...and as the smoke cleared, his foe stared in awe at the log. blackened and charred, the log crumbled. the ninja, filled with righteous wrath, fell upon his foe and slew him. he made his way to the log, and wept. his companion, the log that had accompanied him through so many battles, was no more. he spoke thus to his fallen companion: though now you have fallen in battle, you rest where the logs forever grow. the forest of life called for you, and you answered its call, as you did mine. i thank you my friend...''

    -book of the log, honour of the forest canticle I, verses 78-82

    ''...he despaired, for in this place of stone and earth, there was no logs to be found. reaching out with all his might, he begged for a log in the forsaken wasteland. and he was answered, and saved by the log, in a place where there were none...''

    -book of the log, wanderers saga, verses 7-9

    ''...the log took his place and fell, forever into the abyss. the people, hearing of this, railed against him, in such numbers he swore to never endanger another log again. for many years, he fought without the log, growing more and more weary with each passing day. finally, he came across a foe that was too strong for him. as his life was about to end, he felt a familiar pull, and found himself out of harms way, seeing a log in his place. his stunned foe was felled in his stupor, and he approached the log, he knew it, for it was the same that fell so long ago. he asked of the log: why did you endanger yourself for me again? have you not done enough for me? and the log spoke: it is my duty, and our bond. we exist to save the ninja, and they exist to save the trees. we both play a part, for which i am content...''

    -book of the log, honour of the forest canticle II, verses 59-70

    "...Let it be known that it is absolutely forbidden to willingly perform the technique known as "1000 years of death" on a log. It is also equally frowned upon for one to replace oneself with a holy log for the purpose of avoiding said technique. The punishment for such actions is at least 6 months of banishment from the use of the holy log..."

    "If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." -Anonymous

    Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

    The Adventures Of Harry Potter, the Video Game: Exploited by michaelsuave reviews
    Harry Potter catches Voldemort's AK to the noggin only to find out that his life is a video game and he forgot to save. So what does he do? Does he return on Hard mode and work for the challenge? Heck No! Harry uses every exploit, grind, or underhanded tactic he can get his hands on. His life may be a video game, but nobody plays Harry Potter. HIATUS
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 101,061 - Reviews: 4203 - Favs: 10,931 - Follows: 13,033 - Updated: 9/3/2017 - Published: 9/22/2013 - Harry P.
    Dear Order by SilverWolf7007 reviews
    "I'm still alive, as you may surmise from this note. Of course, I could be dead and someone is faking the letter to fool you…" Harry is NOT happy about being left at Privet Drive all summer with no one to talk to.
    Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 29,689 - Reviews: 7027 - Favs: 13,790 - Follows: 11,268 - Updated: 9/19/2016 - Published: 9/17/2006 - Harry P., Hermione G., Luna L. - Complete
    Seventh Horcrux by Emerald Ashes reviews
    The presence of a foreign soul may have unexpected side effects on a growing child. I am Lord Volde...Harry Potter. I'm Harry Potter. In which Harry is insane, Hermione is a Dark Lady-in-training, Ginny is a minion, and Ron is confused.
    Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 21 - Words: 104,212 - Reviews: 1548 - Favs: 7,736 - Follows: 3,652 - Updated: 2/3/2015 - Published: 9/7/2014 - Harry P. - Complete
    Tricksters and Gods by sakurademonalchemist reviews
    Loki's in for it now. Odin has had enough and has banished him to Earth to relearn some lessons. Too bad he hadn't paid attention to where Loki ended up. Now Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, has to deal with memories that aren't his own while he gets his revenge on those who sought to use him as a weapon. Can Harry regain what he lost, or will his past self take control first?
    Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 21 - Words: 54,615 - Reviews: 1972 - Favs: 7,385 - Follows: 4,951 - Updated: 12/24/2014 - Published: 3/10/2014 - Harry P., Loki - Complete
    Embers by Vathara reviews
    Dragon's fire is not so easily extinguished; when Zuko rediscovers a lost firebending technique, shifting flames can shift the world... Follows "Theft Absolute".
    Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 91 - Words: 757,722 - Reviews: 9271 - Favs: 7,235 - Follows: 3,906 - Updated: 1/18/2014 - Published: 9/24/2009 - Zuko, Iroh - Complete
    Seriously by Ordis reviews
    In which everything that happens in The Avengers is really a big try out to see if the team put together by Nick Fury is going to work. Agent Loki is not pleased to learn the good guys never got the memo. Written for Norsekink.
    Avengers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 882 - Reviews: 192 - Favs: 1,362 - Follows: 285 - Published: 8/28/2012 - Loki, Nick F. - Complete
    Something Grim This Way Comes by Ruskbyte reviews
    Harry is about to start his first year at Hogwarts. With him comes his cynical, somewhat unofficial, not to mention bent on world domination girlfriend Mandy. And they're also bringing their mutual best friend i.e.: indentured servant the Grim Reaper.
    Crossover - Harry Potter & Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 68,629 - Reviews: 994 - Favs: 3,872 - Follows: 2,671 - Updated: 1/1/2011 - Published: 11/18/2005 - Harry P., Mandy
    Famous Last Words by Kitsunesongs reviews
    When Harry and his friends are captured by Nicodemus, Harry ends up choosing some rather...odd last words.
    Dresden Files - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 911 - Reviews: 93 - Favs: 586 - Follows: 121 - Published: 2/10/2009 - Complete
    Fathers of the Year by opalish reviews
    Harry and Draco find ways to keep the hate alive. Albus Severus and Scorpius approve. NextGen oneshot crackfic ahoy!
    Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 531 - Reviews: 305 - Favs: 1,176 - Follows: 131 - Published: 7/2/2008 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
    Evil Be Thou My Good by Ruskbyte reviews
    Nine years ago Vernon Dursley brought home a certain puzzle box. His nephew managed to open it, changing his destiny. Now, in the midst of Voldemort's second rise, Harry Potter has decided to recreate the Lament Configuration... and open it... again.
    Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 40,554 - Reviews: 1932 - Favs: 8,421 - Follows: 2,275 - Published: 6/24/2005 - Harry P., Hermione G.