Jasper's-wife-always
 Author has written 1 story for Twilight. Im 14, I don't enjoy writing but i do love to read i also love vampires. I love twilight but vampire academy is way better. I live north carolina. I like to read but i also like to have fun go to partys, hang out wit friends. My favorite movies: Twilight, New moon, Prince of Persua, Iron man 2. My favorite tv shows: Vampire diaries, 90210, melrose place, smallville, bet, gossip girl. Characters I am most like: Twilight: Alice House of Night: Zoey Vampire Diaries: Damon Salvatore, even though I am a girl. Vampire Academy: Rose Books i love are: Vampire Academy Vampire Diaries House of Night Series Night World Series Twlight Saga Uglies Series Anything vampire and Supernatureal Fav. Artists/Bands: Nicki Minja Lady Gaga Chris Brown Taylor Swift Trey songz Alicia Keys Fav. Wirters P.C Cast L.J. Smith Kristen Cast Reacheal mead Some cool Quotes Love your enemies. It really pisses them off! A smile to put you on high... A kiss to set your soul alright...Would it be alright if I spent tonight being loved by you? Cruel, Beautiful, Nice, smart, caring, tough, strong and just about every other adjective is merely a matter of perspective. Pain makes you stronger. Just because I don't let you grope me constantly does not make me a prude, I am just not a whore. Don't forget to love yourself. A lot of people say live for the moment , but I don't agree. Live for what you believe in and hold onto every moment. It's a rainy day when you're not around Let love be your greatest aim. Life is the flower for which love is the honey. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. Love is the master key which opens the gates of happiness. Love is to think about someone else more times in a day than you think about yourself. Love makes everything lovely. If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile I'm the girl that if you call my friend a brat I WILL say something. You are you, so live the way you want to, not the way be people think you should and not the way that will make you popular. I am me. You can take everything I have but I will always have one thing you don't and that is me. I am me, if you don't like it I don't care. Let your true brightness shine and let no one dim it. A lot of people say live for the moment , but I don't agree. Live for what you believe in and hold onto every moment. Dying for what you believe in is easy, the real courage is in living for what you believe in. Loving and Hating are two very different things and yet they both cause so much pain. I will not give up. I will not stand down. I bow to no one. 1o REASONS TO LOVE JACOB BLACK 10. He didn't leave. Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In." 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso . 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds" 7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 8. Don't use any punctuation 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go." 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!" 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!" 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go." 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!! Random Things That Make Me Laugh Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks. Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. Boys are like Slinky's. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust? One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. I'm not afraid of Death; what's it gonna do, kill me? =D If two wrongs don't make a right...try three. Don't knock on death's door, ring the doorbell and run- he hates that! My knight in shining turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. It's better to keep quiet and let someone think you're stupid, than to open your mouth and prove it. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt...then it's just plain hilarious If you talk about me i got some advice. click your heels 3 times and say 'i wish i had a life'! OMG! i think i just saw a flying bird! let me write that down in my 'things i dont really give f about' notebook. yea you have the right to your own opinion, but i have the right to think your stupid. warning: im sarcastic and i hurt peoples feeling sometimes, boo hoo. get over it.! i speak fluent sarcasm. are you stoned I don't obsess, I think intensely! I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! "Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the heck is drinking my dang soda." I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned. "The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf." "Nothing worse than getting your pigtails shot off..." "Nobody move! I dropped my brain." "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice? When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. Education is important; school however, is another matter. I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it. Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. (I tried that with Pen's help, didn't work) If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either. Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed. High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face. People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House. I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. I do not deny everything! (Denial...) Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage. Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls. Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over... :D Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dyslexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. (Not really, my mind has morals i don't) Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling? The road to success is always under construction. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me. =P I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? (W/ fries...?) The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide. Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape (TRUE) I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Don't take life to seriously, no one gets out alive anyway Life's tough...Get a helmet I can be Mrs. Cullen, you can be Mrs. Black you can die and I can live forever! I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now! SHUT UP VOICES!! or I'll poke you with the Q-tip again... If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died Everyone Is Entitled To Their Own Opinion, It Just That Yours Is Stupid Man Invented Language To Satisfy Their Deep Need To Complain Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet! My VAMPIRE can beat up your WEREWOLF!! What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for." "Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you." "If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words." Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way. Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum? (Maybe, But i can't picture her blond) People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was. Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Something else that i laughed at :D Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah on the Ark swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( What other time do I have to work on my hair?). On a bag of Frito's! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion, right or are u a secret dictator jus trying to suggest it). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that the whole point) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what else?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash or was it supposed to have loony peas?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere in Sweden?) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future? If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable? Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas? Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number? Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey? If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile? When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do you call a girl that is named after her mother? If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying their products? 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that? Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do? More funny things i found :D These aren't mine by the way XD 1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. 5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. 6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong. 7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog. 8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first. 10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. 11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. 12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. 14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. 15. The day you don't wash your hair is the day you meet a cute boy. Even more stuff that made me think and laugh at the same time :D Do not run in the school hall, gliding is more fun. Officer, I swear to Drunk I am not God! When life gives you lemons, spit the lemons in life's eyes. Enjoying the "Great Outdoors" would be better if it were great. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it. My heart? Yeah. It's not a playground. Tears wash the windows of our souls so we can see ourselves more clearly. -Exodus 19:5 Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips. We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls our good at one thing: Staying Strong. Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird. Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! (OMC! Carlisle!) Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it all. And then some you don't want. -Daughtry Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in hell would you keep looking for it if you already found it. When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder. Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door. Silence is golden but duck tape is silver You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor. I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse. Behind every bitch there's a guy that made her that way. Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it. Dance like no one's watching. Sing like no one's listening. Sometimes you've got to smile and walk away... Hold your tears in and pretend like you're okay. Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls. Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can! Don't yawn in the shower. You might drown. -Bill Cosby The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers. Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up. Therapist = The/rapist (scary thought -shudder-) Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it... I used to care, but I take a pill for that now. I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! -Dory from Finding Nemo I can resist anything but temptation. They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. One day we're going to look back at this, laugh nervously, then change the subject. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice? When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide. I don't obsess, I think intensely. Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not. 24 Things I owe to my Mother 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 3. My mother taught me LOGIC. 4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 6. My mother taught IRONY. 7. My mother taught me about THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS. 8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 9. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 10. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 14. My mother taught me about ENVY. 15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 17. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE. 18. My mother taught me about ESP. 19. My mother taught me HUMOR. 20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 21. My mother taught me GENETICS. 22. My mother taught me about MY ROOTS. 23. My mother taught me WISDOM. 24. My mother taught me JUSTICE. Twilight Oath Quotes The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. You laugh because I'm different...I laugh cause I just farted! there were 3girlsThey were looking through peoplesMySpaces.The girl slowly came upon this one myspace.It had creatures in the background and the man looked like a psycho.She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was.Right then, an instant message came up.It said:SatanStalker: So how do u like myMySpace??XxLoVemExX: What??XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway??SatanStalker: Well, you should know;youre looking at my MySpace right now.XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro??SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace.XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make CHECK IT OUT: XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile. If one of your best friends IS insane, copy this into your profile. If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this to your profile. If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile. If you like Subway, copy this onto your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this onto your profile If you spend multiple hours a day reading or writing or a combination of both, copy this onto your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. 98 percent of teenagers do drugs and alcohol. If you like bagels, copy this into your profile. 93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile. If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile If you've read Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse over four times, copy this onto your profile (C'mon, I have read Twilight 9 1/2 times, NM 10 3/4Eclipse 11 times, BD 13 times i was bored n my bffs were no fun, MS 3 1/4 times because My bffs were 2 stubborn to egg Cameron's Porsche... If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile (It will attack, many stuff like this take satisfaction hitting my Head) I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y". If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile. (I always guess, I mean what am I gonna do with a circle with numbers on it) You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you. I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. IF EDWARD AND BELLA DONT STAY TOGETHER I'M GONNA STAB SOMEONE! Repost this if you agree I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. (Yeah, us girls are awesome!!) All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies. (Or dating ur roomates little sister) If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Obvious...I hope...I M NOT THAT PALE!!) If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile. AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s including Bella Disorder. AV is Addicted to Vampires When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back! Be sure to always slap your own knee at a knee slaping moment (It will save you from one very awkward moment later!). . . . (Reminds me of Madeline n her catchphrase: That's a kneeslappa!!) If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon, Copy and paste this to your profile(I slapped the closest guy nxt2me n wen he asked y i say, "All men suck!" n "Would u leave bella like that"n slapped him..) If you think that Twilight is the best book know to woman... (And man!) Copy/paste this into your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think of vampires playing baseball...copy/paste this into your profile. If you are willing to admit that you are absolutely in love with Edward Cullen, a completely fictional character...copy/paste this into your profile If you truly believe that there is an Edward Cullen out there somewhere for you (his name doesn't have to be Edward)...copy/paste this into your profile. If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile. If whenever you see a silver Volvo and you start to scream "Edward", copy and paste this in your profile If you are in love with a Twilight character, copy and paste this in your profile. If you flip whenever you see someone reading a Twilight series book and you want to talk to them all about it, copy and paste this in your profile. If you are Team Edward, copy and paste this in your profile. If someone mentions Twilight, you can go on for hours talking about it, copy this to your profile. If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile. If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile. If your friends are considering torturing you because you won't shut up about the Twilight series, copy and paste this in your profile. If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile. If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. (JD is weird) If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile. (The world's suckier than lalaland) If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile. (Yeah I also bitch-slap em too) If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile. (cough-Edward-Cough-Jake-cough-cough) If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile (Yeah it was : eey, or yee, or iey or iye OH it is eye, it is complicated) If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile! (Or darts watev) If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile (Yeah it's called...Mythology class...fun...hehe!!) 92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think Bella is out of her mind for saying no to Edward's proposal in New Moon and you want to hit her hard upside the head with a blunt axe, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile. If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile. (When someone says I m weird or a freak I look m in da face n say, "I m weird n Damn proud of it Bitch" If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile. If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile. If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile If you think the Coca-coca Puff Turky-Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile. If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile. If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. If you agree with Bella that her life without Edward is useless then copy this to your profile. If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that, copy this into your profile. This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded I AM A SUPERSTITIOUS PERSON, I LIKE LIVING As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!" Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave." Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!" Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!" In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time. Play with the automatic doors. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bed department. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say, "Hm... I thought the customer was always right!" Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics. Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make. Tune all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares and see what happens. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?" When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!" When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Shake the person's hand when he/she enter the lift. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!". On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!" Meow occasionally Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. Leave a box between the doors. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. Say "Ding!" at each floor. Lean against the button panel. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger." Announce to the person stood next to you "I really need the toilet. Can I use your bag?" Ask the other passengers "Wouldn't be great if this lift were to plumment to the floor, what do you think will happen?" Pretend to get your leg stuck in the door as it closes Without letting anyone see, press the emergency stop button. Act surprised and start talking to yourself "its OK, it wasn't your fault you killed your family. It was SATAN, damm you SATAN! DAMN YOU!!" Then press the stop button again and act as if nothing has happened. Scratch yourself excessively saying "fucking headlice. They're all over me. I knew I shouldn't have played with that dog so much" Pretend your are a repair man here to fix the lift. Wait untill its busy and tell everyone to get out of the lift. You get in, get your paper out and sit and relax Start to talk about your sexlife. Tell them that all of your three children were concived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall" Offer to polish their shoes. When they say no, tell them you need the money to feed your ten starving children back home in Estonia Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!" Let your mobile phone ring - don't answer it. Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being burried alive. Ah those were the days" On entering, ask the passengers "Will you be my fwiend?". Burst into tears if they say no. Stop the lift and say "twenty years in prison for murdering the whole family, and I get stuck in a lift after being out for two hours. Just my luck!" Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speach into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over" Announce in a computer like voice "this lift will self destruct in 5 4 3 2 ...oh heres my floor" Take shoes off before entering, Look shocked and disgusted when the others dont As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them. Insist, the lift ride costs £2.50 Pretend to be a flight attendant (particularly affective if you are dressed like one), instruct the passengers on what to do in an emergency Challenge the guy stood next to you to a "thumb war". Explain your ideas of world domination to the wall. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "it is time..." Pretend to see a spider, repeatedly and violently stamp on the floor while screaming "Die you bastard, die DIIEEE!" Ask people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer. Dress up as a bellboy and ask them what floor they want and press the wrong one. When they try to correct you, spit,"are you trying to say i cant do my job?!' Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting. Things To Do In an Elevator When Bored Things To Do at Walmart When Your Bored |
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