After the Chamber of Secrets, two unlikely allies bond over their similar backgrounds. Their plans for freedom take them on a different path through Harry's adventures and will bring them together in unexpected ways. HarryxPansy Proactive/Cynical/Independent/Morally Grey Harry

Due to a drive core malfunction, a human vessel arrives just in time to save the Council Envoy from the yahg. What happens when humanity enters the galactic stage not as the race that got attacked by the turians for breaking a law they weren't aware of, but as the race that saved a turian platoon from certain death? M for wartime violence, pre ME1 - ME3, no OP humanity.

Starts out the day after the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry and Hermione meet the Goddess of Love, and she offers to let them go back in time. Strictly Harry and Hermione. Minor - well maybe major Ginny, Ron and Dumbledore Bashing. Soul Bond - Time Travel

[AU] The Illusive Man said that salvation comes with a cost. When corruption seeps into the galaxy, when centuries of status quo suddenly breaks in a mere decade, when blood's spilled among the stars like never before, when extinction looms over civilization, when morality is merely a shade... salvation can only come with sacrifice. [AU First Contact War & Reaper War; GRAPHIC]

During the Battle in the Department of Mysteries Nymphadora Tonks finds herself thrown back to the beginning of Fifth Year. With two Tonks walking around and her faith in Dumbledore eroded what's a Metamorphmagus to do? Protect Harry Potter at all costs, that's what! Tonks ends up crafting a new identity for herself and infiltrates Hogwarts to fix the future. Pairing: Harry/Tonks.

I have a singularly impressive talent for messing up the plans of very powerful people - both good and evil. Somehow, I'm always just in the right place at exactly the wrong time. What can I say? It's a gift.

Harry Potter is a dragon. He's been a dragon for several years, and frankly he's quite used to the idea - after all, in his experience nobody ever comments about it, so presumably it's just what happens sometimes. Magic, though, THAT is something entirely new. Comedy fic, leading on from the consequenes of one... admittedly quite large... change. Cover art by amalgamzaku.

This is the story of how Voldemort and the tools he created to defy death were destroyed by Harry Potter and me while sitting in an empty Hogwarts classroom using Harry's idea, my design, and most importantly, our intent. Set during 6th Year.

Tom Riddle's plans fall through when Ginny Weasley loses his diary shortly after starting her first year and it is found by one Luna Lovegood. A series of bizarre conversations follow. Luna? - Yes Tom? - I've been giving this a lot of thought...and I believe you may be insane. (Not crack. I repeat, not crack ! Plot takes a few chapters to appear but it's there)

She was not born into a normal life. She had no father to protect her, no mother to nurture her, no home to feel safe in, and no real chance at a future. Born in a lab, she was to be part of an experiment meant to change humanity into something new, to raise them to a new level of biological glory. Pain was her constant companion and suffering her faithful teacher. Covers Pre ME1

Being the Master of Death made life difficult, especially when you need to save all of magical Europe from inbreeding its way to extinction. At least Death was enjoying watching his Master attempt this over and over again. Harry didn't find it nearly as entertaining. Well, tenth times the charm right? (FemHarry)

It only takes a single disharmonious element to throw off the entire composition. Fifty years before Robert Baratheon was to ascend the Iron Throne, Westeros receives one hell of a bad musician. Harry never did care about any player other than himself.

"Synthesis is the final evolution of all life." That's what the Catalyst claims, but it's really not all that it's cracked up to be. After being forced into this 'evolution', Jordan Sower ends up in Mass Effect with two purposes: Save the Galaxy and Synthesize all life. But he doesn't take orders from the Catalyst! Follow Jordan as he tries to change things for the better. Maybe.

God killed me. That sucks... but he gave me the chance to live out every nerd's power fantasy. Now I have super powers and am living in a world populated by knights, dragons, and chilled out zombies. And then there's a galaxy waiting to be conquered. Yeah... I think I got a good deal. (Self-Insert) (AU) (Sith Warrior) (Lemons) (Dark Themes) -Don't Like Self Inserts Don't Read -

Harry's always wondered why the Dursleys hated him. After a nasty beating breaks loose some memories, he starts to experiment only to find he really may be different. After a few a few setbacks he starts to gain control of his powers, only to receive another beating. Pleading with his magic to get him away, he soon discovers he has a great destiny and the family he always wanted.

The essence that is Commander Shepard has fought the battle against the Reapers more times than she can count, only to find herself right back where it all started. Never the exact same body, never the same first name or history. The disembodied voice struggles to break her way through to the consciousness of her current incarnation, trying to find a way to break her own cycle.

After discovering an ancient artifact, the UNSC's most advanced warship and a Sangheili Assault Carrier are transported to a universe unlike anything they have ever seen, and forced into a war against a foe they never could have imagined.

Based on "Hatal Fart Attack" by Corwalch, "Royal Ward" follows the changes in Harry's life after he gains the personal attention of the Queen. My thanks to Corwalch for permission to write a sequel. Reading "Hatal Fart Attack" first is recommended, but not absolutely required. Please note that this story begins in 1989, shortly before Harry turns 9.

Harry and Rose Potter faced everything together...until the Ministry ripped him away from her. Now, finally, Rose - with the assistance of Gabrielle Delacour - has found him again. They've got a plan to fix what was broken; and maybe get a bit of revenge along the way. Pairing: Harry/OFC/Gabrielle (twincest).

Thrust back in time Harry wants to destroy Voldemort. Narcissa Black wants a better life than marriage to Lucius. Time Traveling Harry Potter goodness. HP/NM HP/BL unrequited HP/MM

Harry's trial before fifth year goes differently because someone knows more than they should about Harry. Time Travel Fic. Chapter 23, 24 & 25 up

Fifth year: After the Dementor attack, Harry is not returning to Hogwarts – is he? ! Instead of Harry, a snake moves into the lions' den. People won't know what hit them when Dumbledore's chess pawn Harry is lost in time… Manipulative Dumbledore, 'Slytherin!Harry', Time Travel!

A rewrite of my story Padawan and Knight. How much can a single event change the line of our lives? How does an ancient order of warrior monks change the life of a young man and those that are connected to him? Harry Potter will learn this and more all thanks to the chance encounter will a warrior out of a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. M Multi ships, violence, and other

Harry Potter has been banged up for ten years in the hellhole brig of Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit, and his traitorous brother, the not-really-boy-who-lived, has royally messed things up. After meeting Fate and Death, Harry is given a second chance to squash Voldemort, dodge a thousand years in prison, and snatch everything his hated brother holds dear. H/Hr/LL/DG/GW.

A Self-Insert: read at your own risk. As an author, I make stories. That's a given. Stories starring the Gormim, my creations. However, one day I woke up and things were backwards. I became the character, and my characters became my author. Now I'm trapped in a different world, one where there are beings far more powerful than I. The only things I have...are my dreams.

Sending Shepard back in time? Inefficient. Unlikely to produce significant changes to timeline. Sending the Illusive Man back in time? Difficulty level has increased. Jack Harper, The Illusive Man, is back where it all started. New Cerberus, New plan, and the Reapers watching, always watching. Sending a Hero back in time does nothing; Sending back this guy? Priceless. AU.

In the future, where there is only war, sometimes desperate measures must be taken to secure the survival of a few. But when that measure leads to a place far different from what they know, can the Eldar adapt to a new reality, where there is more than only war? Also, what is a monkey? Picture by timokujansuu on Deviantart.

When Harry learns something that could prove he didn't enter himself into the Triwizard Tournament, he decides to take it once step further and prank everyone in retaliation. However, his prank may have some unforeseen side effects. COMPLETE! Edited as of 5/13/19!

Post-OOTP. The episode in the DOM has left Harry a changed boy. He returns to the Dursley's to prepare for his inevitable confrontation with Voldemort, but his stay there is very short-lived. He finds himself in the care of people who he has no choice but to cooperate with and they give him a startling revelation: Harry must travel back to the 1970's to save the wizarding world.

A childhood love, combined with magical experimentation, and a determination to see his project brought to life. This was all it took to change the world...forever. (A/N: Based on numerous reviews, 'suspension of belief' is evidently required to enjoy this story)

Ranma overhears some things that make him question his life in Nerima, then goes to see Dr. Tofu for some answers. While fighting those that came after him, Ranma makes a crazy decision, using the Nanban Mirror to get away from everyone chasing him. Only to land on a random planet in a Galaxy Far Far away before the events of Phantom Menace. Chaos, meet well laid plans... uhoh...

I decided to try my hand at developing a timeline that would be feasible in the ME universe for a humanity that has been space faring for 50,000 years. So, look inside to see my own take on how a 50,000-year-old space capable humanity would develop and prepare the galaxy for the Reaper onslaught. Serious HFY! story. Complete

Harry Potter finds himself, and his normal bi-polar luck, pulled out of a quiet retirement and into the limelight of the 23rd century. He finds a grand new stage upon which his 'saving-people-thing' can act, and before he can say no, is pulled into the middle of a galaxy-spanning conflict. Rated 'M' for bad words and ideas, re-worked and re-posted. Enjoy.

Never underestimate the power of good advice. A few wise words into a pair of young ears leads a young would-be ninja to a decision; the Leaf will recognise him, but not as the fox... now separate from Win Some, Lose Some!

Being raised only by his Aunt, Harry comes to Hogwarts not only knowing about the Wizarding World, but with a kind of training no one at the school is expecting. Chapters 38 up

What happens when Harry Potter at age 29 is transported back in time with his family by a meddling phoenix? Well, when four of his kids are metamorphmagus, his better half is Andromeda Black and his sister-in-law, Narcissa Malfoy is on their side; the Wizarding World will not know what hit them. Begins in Prisoner of Azkaban, the start of book 3.

Saul Dewitt is an average man living in Japan, having moved there from America, buying a house from a nice family with a kid. While he's there, the existence of Liminals, people with animal features is revealed, along with a bill and a program to exchange cultures, and he is chosen to host one. And, well, life changes. A lot. A Self-Insert, for the most part.

Adult erotic fiction. This is the story of what happens between a lonely housewife left alone for the summer with only her nephew for company. The needs of the two outweigh the needs of the many as a budding young man and his lonely Aunt find that their lust and physical attraction can be beneficial. Note: I would rate this hard M.

Beginning in the graveyard, Harry fails to reach the cup to escape but is saved by an unexpected person thought long dead. Harry learns what it is to be a Potter and starts his journey to finish Voldemort once and for all. NO SLASH. Rated M for language, gore etch. A story of realism and Harry coming into his own.

Because there was NO WAY leaving a toddler on a doorstep in the middle of a winter night could POSSIBLY go wrong...

Leaves spiral in the soft eddy as Naruto meets Karin in the Forest of Death. From that moment on, the two bearing the Clan name carried with them the fate of the Uzumaki and would be forever entwined.

A young Jasmine Potter escapes a terrible home situation by teleporting herself to the Elemental Nations. Against all odds, she will turn her life around, gain family and friends, and finally… Grow Strong. fem!Harry. IS BEING REWRITTEN

AU. Hidden security cams on Eden Prime's spaceport caught Saren's actions. Quick thinking saved the Beacon. Quick wit forced the Council to listen. Even the Thorian played ball. In the end, the small divergences were enough to prove the big truth: the Reapers were coming. And the evidence was Undisputed.

When Loki fell from the Bifrost he was expecting the cool embrace of oblivion, not to become a spirit and then be ripped apart and forced into the mind of a six-year-old named Harry Potter. With no physical form, he must keep the boy alive if he seeks to keep existing, and everyone knows that the best way to ensure continued survival is to simply become greater than everyone else.

If there's one thing Rita Skeeter is good at, it's sniffing out a story, and when she sees a downtrodden Harry Potter at King's Crossing, by Merlin does she find a story! One that will change the face of the Wizarding World, Harry Potter, and even Rita herself. Harry was always more Slytherin than Gryffindor, really, and with someone to grow those traits...they won't see it coming.

All life on Earth had been consumed by Blacklight. With no Biomass to feed on, Blacklight had to evolve, adapt, and grow. Now a collective Council of Aliens discovers the existence of such a life form. How do the aliens see a form of life that is viral, how they deal with it, what are the consequences to the galaxy of such a race existing at all.

An opportunity comes along that will enable him to make the change and once again reunited with the woman he truly loved. But circumstances have its own plan. A sacrifice would have to be made that will make or break everything he work so hard for. This is the story. Attention:Time Travel. Disclaimer: The usual bla3x..

Self-Insert. Gregor Clegane was one of the worst people to have ever existed. But what if someone else lived his life? What if a modern person of sound mind and honorable character was reborn as The Mountain? How would his rational and reasonable mind impact the ultimate outcome of Westeros? He just might be able to change the world for the better... Feedback is appreciated.

Jason Harlow lost his life in battle, but the young Marine wasn't expecting the afterlife that greeted him. Accepting an offer from an omnipotent being, he was thrown into a new world where a whole new fight was waiting. Armed with a powerful suit and an array of skills from his journey, he will set out to help stop a cycle of extinction that threatens all life itself.

When a man is pushed to the end of his tether, be prepared for violent retribution. The magical world had better prepare itself for the turning of the tide. If the magical government cannot be trusted to protect its people, then Harry Potter will just have to do it himself. Trigger Warning: Graphic depictions of violence.

An ancient danger threatens the galaxy, unknown to all. A humanity which never discovered Prothean ruins, expanding through space on their own, emerges. Joined with the machines they created, hardened by war with a terrifying enemy, they read the writing on the wall. But will the galactic community already there listen to these newcomers, stirring up trouble everywhere they go?

Harry comes home from school and Petunia is upset at the change in her nephew. Petunia decides to do what she should have been doing all along. Dumbledore had better stay away. Petunia Dursley is upset. Warnings on profile.

Harry Potter is not standing up in his crib when the Killing Curse strikes him, and the cursed scar has far more terrible consequences. But some souls will not be broken by horrible circumstance. Some people won't let the world drag them down. Strong men rise from such beginnings, and powerful gifts can be gained in terrible curses. (HP/HG, Scientist!Harry)

If Harry had gone to see his godson after the Battle of Hogwarts, could Harry abandon Teddy like he had been abandoned? And how does Andromeda Tonks deal with the death of her husband and daughter? This is a story of broken people putting each other back together. No godmoding,no time travel, no Epilogue,no Cursed Child, no moving countries. Percy dies not Fred. Harry at 17 onwards

An incredible discovery prompts Harry and Hermione to venture into the unknown. Hoping to discover new worlds and bring home a certain lost Godfather. However they get a lot more than they bargained for when they step into this brave new world. A Galactic scale war, aliens and betrayal lie beyond. Tentatively rate T, may be raised to M if necessary. On Hiatus.

Harry Potter and the Marvel Universe. 5 year old Harry accompanies the Dursleys on a Business trip to Stark International, where an industrial accident kills all of Harry's living relatives. A very different Harry goes to Hogwarts. Dating, Romance, noship

A drunk nine-year old Naruto wanders out of Konoha and stumbles upon a new world of myth, dragons and the Drunken Fist. With a never-ending flask of sake and the Fire Dragon at his side, Naruto sets out to find the rest of the Elemental Dragons and become the second Ultimate Dragon Warrior, but with adventure comes danger, and he can't stand alone. Luckily, Konoha hasn't forgotten.

A different upbringing leaves Harry Potter with an early knowledge of magic and a view towards the Wizarding World not as an escape from the Dursleys, but as an opportunity to learn more about it. Unfortunately, he quickly finds that there are many elements in this new world that are unwilling to leave the Boy-Who-Lived alone.

Anakin's 9 years old again and back at the Temple, bound and determined to change destiny. To do so, he has to juggle trying to stop Dooku from joining Sidious, freeing his mother, avoiding Palpatine, and his training all while maintaining his cover as a 9-year-old initiate. Too bad keeping up a facade isn't one of his strong points.

Time Travel tends to have a lot of unexpected repercussions, such as unblockable Force Bonds. And that doesn't even begin to tap into the mental mess it creates. Rated T for hints of torture and mental issues.

What if Harry had reacted a little differently when he heard that Ron and the twins were being punished by de-gnoming in Chamber of Secrets? How would Mrs Weasley (and the rest of the Wizarding World) react when Harry's past starts to unravel? [COMPLETE]

Harry wakes up after the events at the DOM finding a semi-repentant Bellatrix LeStrange staring into his eyes. She proposes a partnership to keep the both of them alive. HP/BL/NM/NT/FD/AB/?/?/?- Completed as of 07/02/2018

After losing a devastating war against the muggles Earth wasn't a place for magical people any longer. In an attempt to have a life worth living Harry and his companions travel to an unknown world. Instead of finding the long awaited peace new problems, threats and enemies await. [On Hiatus]

Seven years after defeating Voldemort, Harry Potter has been raising his godson, Teddy Lupin with the help of Teddy's grandmother, Andromeda Tonks. What will happen when Fawkes the Phoenix pulls this happy, war-weary family back in time for a chance at a better future. Set before the breakout from Azkaban in OOTP. No paradox.*What We Lost* is the sister fic without time-travel.

This would be the first time both Anakin and Shmi would speak to each other as free beings. Even to the Jedi Master, it felt monumental. (Sequel to 'Dangers of Foresight)

A companion fic to "The Havoc side of the Force". Extra scenes and different perspectives from that story.

When his name comes out of the Goblet of Fire, Harry wants to know who put his name in. The professors aren't cooperating, so he takes matters into his own hands.

Sequel to In All Things Balance. Former Dark Lady Nox has laid the foundations for a new order of Force users on Earth. But with Order 66 given and the Jedi scatter her plans must be accelerated making her bring her adoptive son, Harry Potter, and her apprentices Daphne and Susan to their trials. While on Earth Voldemort begins his plans for resurrection. Nox/Tonks, Harry/Ahsoka

An invitation to visit a muggle house in Surrey England, the next morning, the 25th July 1991, is received by Director Amelia Bones. It is the home of one Harry Potter. That visit changes everything.

An A Song of Ice and Fire FanFic writer wakes up in the body of Robert Baratheon at the beginning of A Game of Thrones. Does he commence to attempt a fix or does he immediately crap himself? Hey, why not both!

or Hero 2:Hero Harder I've spent three years preparing for Saren and Sovereign, and now it's time to put the first of my plans into action. All of which involve me, fighting in war. A war against a murderous alien intelligence. A war against impossible odds. A war I put myself right in the middle of...on purpose...I wonder what sanity's like? It must be nice, but it sounds boring.

She was an agent of Evil who regretted her choices. He was a child with a destiny too heavy for his shoulders. Is the Wizarding World ready for a Boy-Who-Lived influenced by a reforming Fallen Angel? …Probably not. NOT Harry/Lash

After the disaster at the end of 5th year, Hermione sees a comic book and decides she can do better than others to keep Harry safe by making him a suit of armor.

Something new has arrived in the Forbidden Forest, and the Boy-Who-Lived never arrived at Hogwarts.

2 more people heard the prophecy...entirely. They took it upon themselves to change the course of the war, as they saw fit. This is what happens when the True Marauders, including Lily, Frank and Alice, and their friends from the Order, and three wise guides, the main characters, avert the prophecy. Good Dumbledore (somewhat); horrible Snape. Horcrux destruction implicit. COMPLETE.

During her training with Tsunade Sakura starts to have very vivid daydreams about Naruto and herself on his training trip. Meanwhile, Naruto has to deal with the fact that whenever he uses his Shadow Clone Jutsu an irritable Sakura appears. Narusaku

Sequel to Broken Chains. Every choice has a consequence. Every action has a price. Their financial empire lost, their allies turned against them for crimes they actually did commit, Harry, Hermione and Luna are exiled from Earth. The Goa'uld have no idea what is about to hit them, because the stars alone know how far they will go.

The year: 1987. The place: Muggle London. The situation: The Boy-Who-Lived is being treated horribly by his Muggle relatives. A young witch must take him in for the Ministry's good and his. The witch's name: Dolores Umbridge. COMPLETE.

Ahsoka Tano left the Jedi Order, walking away after their betrayal. She did not consider the consequences of what her actions might bring, or the danger she might be in. A chance run in with a single irreverent, and possibly crazy, person in a bar changes the course of fate for an entire galaxy.

Shepard was a total noob during the first play through. She made terrible choices, skipped quests, and she didn't buy any DLCs. Hopefully she would do a better job saving the galaxy at new game plus. Rate M for sex and violence.

A disabled Harry comes to Hogwarts story. Everyone expects him to be like his dad, but how can he be with such a different past? A Slytherin Harry takes on Hogwarts in an unusual way.

You can't stop the flow of time. Its wheel only whirls in one direction. It is impossible for a mere human to change that path. But sometimes the impossible must be done… Naruto time travel fanfiction.

Gen, AU. In a world where Neville is the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry still grows up with the Dursleys, but he learns to be more private about what matters to him. When McGonagall comes to give him his letter, she also unwittingly gives Harry both a new quest and a new passion: Transfiguration. Mentor Minerva fic. Rated for violence. COMPLETE.

Hogwarts Castle decides to interfere in the lives of two of its students to change the past and future from a terrible war and giving the pair an opportunity to find something more than just protection within its walls. AU Story, Political, Fed-up Harry, OC Dumbledore.

A sharp and sudden change that can have devastating effects. When a Harry Potter that didn't follow the path of the Epilogue finds himself suddenly thrown into 1970, he settles into a muggle pub to enjoy a nice drink and figure out what he should do with the situation. Naturally, things don't work out the way he intended.

A retelling of Kotor with substantive changes. A darker tone, particularly as the story develops. Plot elements and characters are altered or changed altogether to make it feel more realistic. Rated T for violence, horror, some language. It's not all dark, there's a lot of comic and light as well. The goal is greater realism and deeper characters. FRev.

It's the year 2185CE. Commander Jane Shepard is recruiting members to bring with her on a mission against the Collectors and the Reapers. Among the candidates is Dr. Harry Potter, the reclusive mad scientist who has been missing for twenty years. Who knows what he was doing during that time? Rated M to be sure.

A young boy in a dark cupboard is in great pain. An unusual power will allow him to heal himself, help others, and grow strong in a world of magic. Eventual God-like Harry, Unsure of eventual pairings. Alternate Universe, possible universe/dimension traveling in the future.

If there are intent-based protective wards such as Albus erected around the Dursleys, how would Hogwarts be if it had some?

Alduin was defeated, cast through time until he arrived in the Elemental Nations. More precisely, in Naruto Uzumaki's stomach, along with a large, angry Fox that wouldn't stop threatening him. The World-Eater raises the baby boy, teaching him all he knows. The world will change. The Daedra a watching. The Aedra are watching. And Naruto is right in the middle of all it. Large Harem.

Death wants free of its Master and proposes sending Harry back in time to avoid the unnecessary deaths in fighting Voldemort. Harry readily accepts, thinking he'll start anew as a Firstie. Instead, Harry's soul, magic, and memories end up at the beginning of Second Year — in GILDEROY LOCKHART!

They have watched over Earth since the dawn of men. What happens when Ichigo and Uryuu find help in the most unexpected of places? They are back to shape the world once more. Sequel to Legacy!

When Naruto meets a man inside the seal, he knows his life is about to change. Little does he realize that that this story began a long time ago, and many worlds away. Friendly fem-Kyuubi. many OCs. Large harem, very powerful (eventually) Naruto. A chronicle of the Gormim. "This is not the beginning. Not even close." Will be epic-length.

10 year old Harry finds a chest left by his mother with books on some of her favorite subjects. Discovering he has a talent for understanding and creating runes sets Harry onto a very different path than anyone had expected. Shortcuts, inventions, and a bit of support go a long way! Pairings: H/Hr/NT/FD/DG. Ron/Molly bashing and GreaterGood!Dumbledore.

Sequel to Beacon's Effect 2: Reborn. With Shepard awake and the events of Mass Effect 2 kicking off, Ko'le and Shepard must assemble their allies and face the challenge of the Collectors and the ever-looming threat of the Reapers. Rated M for language, violence, and "other stuff." I do not own Mass Effect or any of its characters. SEQUEL NOW UPLOADED- Beacon's Effect 4: Reckoning!

In his several millennia of existence Loki Odinson, God of Mischief and Lies, had been many things; he had been a liar, a warrior, and a trickster, just to name a few, but never before had he been a loving father, he'd never been given the chance. However, the moment the tiny creature was in his arms, he knew he would do anything necessary to keep hold of what was his.

Third in the Black Queen series. Jen chose to embrace the darker aspects of the world long ago, and she has never once regretted it. However, serving Baron Samedi creates its own problems. A new enemy is on the prowl, and now she needs to eliminate him… before he can do the same to her. Jen/Luna; as always, not for children

Harry goes to sleep after the final battle... but he wakes up at his first Welcoming Feast under the Sorting Hat. Harry has been thrown back in time into his eleven-year-old body. If he's going to have suffer through this again, he's going to do all he can to make sure he enjoys himself.

Before the start of fifth year Dumbledore changes the plans. Unfortunately he didn't bother to inform Harry. At his trial, Harry realises that it is down to him to save his own skin. To do so his Slytherin side must come out to play, and once it's out it sticks around turning life at Hogwarts on its head. Warnings: EvilDumbles, SheepOrder/Staff, GoodGuysDontGetEverythingTheirWay

The continuing adventures of not Ned trying to bring a little peace and sanity to the Seven Kingdoms. Sean's accomplished Step One; and for better or worse, Stannis now sits the Iron Throne. Unfortunately, the King's brother Renly wants Westeros for himself and he's got more than enough swords to do it. What can the actor from Sheffield do to keep the realm from splitting assunder?

A Dark Lord of the Sith, lost in time receives a vision that leads her to a world drowning in the Force. There she is given a chance to build an Empire of her own with Force users who are neither Sith nor Jedi. GreyHarry, rated M for language, violence, and language. Pairings Decided: SB/AB, SI/NT, RL/OC, HP/?

It began with a quirk of timing. It continued because dragons, such as what 8-year-old Harry Potter just turned into, are large and difficult to control. Fortunate for everyone he's a nice kid, eh? Shadowrun and Rifts crossover. You have now been warned.

An aged, broken Jedi general came to Earth hoping to retire. However, when he went to a park and saw a young boy with unlimited Force potential getting the snot beat out of him, he knew the Force was not through making his life interesting.

After the events in third year, the wizarding world grows darker. Fudge seems intent on spending more time covering up what's happening than dealing with it. Could a stronger relationship between Harry and the Bones family change history?

Sequel to Fantastic Elves and Where to Find Them! Harry is captured by wizards and brought to a castle. The wizards are obnoxious, but there's a lovely wood nearby which is quaintly named the "Forbidden" Forest. Harry thinks that's adorable.

Sirius decides to stay in England after escaping Hogwarts and makes protecting Harry his priority. AU GOF.

Sequel to Beacon's Effect. Now that the Battle of Citadel is over, I have to decide what to do next. SI/OC/AU. I do not own Mass Effect or any of its characters. I only own what I create. Rated M for language/violence/Romance. Please Rate and Comment! I welcome all ideas/ criticism/ comments! Complete. CHECK OUT THE SEQUEL: Beacons' Effect 3: Awakening!

Tsunade adopts Naruto. What will life be like living with two medic nins and a mother who's playful fingerflicks could bash through trees? Now how about adding an infamous pervert and a philosophic demon to the mix?

One lonely little boy. One snarky, grumpy git. When the safety of one was entrusted to the other, everyone knew this was not going to turn out well... Or was it? AU, sequel to "Harry's First Detention". OVER FIVE MILLION HITS!

We all know that Harry Potter is the Master of... wait, Time? How did that happen? And whatever will Death do when she finds out about this?

For Teddy Lupin, Harry Potter would become a Dark Lord. For Teddy Lupin, Harry Potter would take down the Ministry or die trying. He should have known that Hermione and Ron wouldn't let him do it alone.

Fed up with life in Nerima, Ranma runs away, only to be followed by Happosai, who has a magic scroll he want to try out. It works but Ranma suddenly finds himself in Westeros replacing the champion chosen by the old gods in a time of great peril for humanity. How will the world change with the Wild Wolf raised in the den of wolves? A lot. Thanks to Naj. P. Jackson for the picture.

It started with a surprising proposals from an unexpected source, but that was only the beginning. Soon, Harry finds himself dealing with forces beyond his imagination and dreams, and ultimately finds that the world is not what he believed it to be.

Humanity never developed FTL. The Prothean archives contained no technology, no Element Zero, just a warning. Isolated from the rest of the galaxy for two thousand years, restricted to their only system, how will humanity have changed when they first meet the Turians? AU, alternate history of humanity and First Contact.

The escape of Peter Pettigrew leaves a deeper mark on his character than anyone expected, then comes the Goblet of Fire and the chance of a quiet year to improve himself, but Harry Potter and the Quiet Revision Year was never going to last long. A more mature, darker Harry, bearing the effects of 11 years of virtual solitude. GoF AU. There will be romance... eventually.

The Dementor attack on Harry during the summer after his fourth year leaves him on the verge of having his wand snapped. Unwilling to leave anything to chance, Sirius Black sets events into motion which will change Harry's life forever. HP/HG/FD

Darth Vader, the Chosen One of the force, makes a choice in the moment of his death and travels back in time to the beginning. This time, he will be his own Master. Stranded on Tattoine he decides to take in young Anakin and together with him prevent some of the bloodshed that is to come. There is only one problem: Vader is still very much a Sith and bloodshed is just so much fun.

Some people can only be pushed so far. Luna will take a lot, but it's best not to insult her mother.

I stumble upon a Prothean beacon, transporting me to the world of Mass Effect. Self-insert fic. Slightly AU. I do not own Mass Effect or any of its characters. I only own what I create. Rated M for language/violence/prob romance stuff. Please Rate and Comment! I welcome all ideas/criticism/comments! Thanks, guys! Complete. SEQUEL NOW UPLOADED: Beacon's Effect 2: Reborn.

A Harry Potter cursed with immortality must not only survive the ravaging of Earth by monsters far more powerful than any humanity has encountered, but he must rise to save it, and in the process exact one wizard's revenge against the Galactic Empire.

Madara's lineage did not end at the valley of the end. His legacy lived on through Minato and into Naruto. Sharingan Naruto. Strong/Godlike! Naruto. NaruHina. COMPLETE

Sequel to And the Meek Shall Inherit the Galaxy. On hiatus while author recovers from medical emergency.

Second in the Black Queen series. Last year, Jen had to contend with a deadly Tournament, a revived Dark Lord, a meddlesome Headmaster, and worst of all, reconciliation attempts by her parents. Surely her OWL year can't be anywhere near as complicated. Can it? NOT for children!

Minato screws up when he signs a contract dictating that Naruto would be the protagonist of a videogame being developed by TOBI inc. This has unknown consequences at the time, but 13 years later it manifests in a way that leaves Naruto trapped in a world full of videogame UI, Syntax, and shit ton of confusion. Will Naruto be able to survive, or will it be GAME OVER?

The Master of Death, Harry Potter, wakes one cold spring morning in Westeros. He has no idea why he's there - or how he'll get back. Harry always had bad luck, but a lot of persistence. He'll need it. Winter is Coming.

Time Travel AU. Sakura has come back to do good deeds and fix some shit. Not posted in chronological order.

Sometimes, the tide of events really changes a person.

YATTFF - A blend of the Reptilia28 and CoastalFirebird time travel challenges; Harry, Hermione and Daphne Greengrass die during the final battle and are sent back in time to set things back on track. AD/MW/RW/GW!bash. Rated M for themes and language. AU!world OOC!chars. Expect 450k words.

What if Lilly was a little more prepared to escape if Voldemort came calling. She knew that the Floo and Portkeys could be disabled, what if she had found a back door? Just a silly little story of a somewhat different Harry

The events at the end of the Triwizard Tournament have left Harry feeling just a little bit paranoid.

Petunia married a biochemist, and Harry grew up reading science and science fiction. Then came the Hogwarts letter, and a world of intriguing new possibilities to exploit. And new friends, like Hermione Granger, and Professor McGonagall, and Professor Quirrell... COMPLETE.

An avid Harry Potter fan gets dropped into the wizarding world. Metamorphing, AU goodness. Skewed ages

After a hard night's celebrating at the cast and crew party for the end of filming Season One of Game of Thrones, Sean wakes up to discover he's not in Kansas anymore.

Tom Riddle was able to use magic long before he received a wand. In this AU, Harry has the same grasp on his magic...and a hatred for Muggles... Watch the birth of evil. Smart!Dark!Evil!Harry, All 7 Years

Arranged marriage: the concept of being engaged and married to your partner without having known the person beforehand. A concept usually applied only to the lords and ladies of the elemental nations, but not the Ninja. Never the Ninja. Too risky. Too dangerous. Suffice to say, Minato was a very trusting man as he lived. Too trusting. Forced Harem. Yugito Temari Fu Mei Kurotsuchi

Can some angry words change everything?

Harry Potter could never be the hero. But, she might make a great villain. -COMPLETE- F!Harry Fem!Harry Gray!Harry

The first time I ever tried to be a hero, I got shot in the head. The next time I woke, the first thought that crossed my mind, after 'Why am I waking up' was 'Why are those women blue' A self-insert that's different from my usual fare. Pairings are a toss-up.

After the war, Hermione is haunted by the friends she lost, so she comes up with an audacious plan to fix it, starting way back with Harry's parents. Now, all she has to do is get herself taken seriously in 1981, and then find a way to get her old life back when she's done.

Harry had never been able to comprehend a sibling relationship before, but he always thought he'd be great at it. Until, as Master of Death, he's reborn one Turais Rigel Black, older brother to Sirius and Regulus. (Rebirth/time travel and Master of Death Harry)

Naruto was on a mission to get himself some little sisters and by his divine left testicle, he was going to get them. Xanna was content to let him do it and maybe corrupt one or two in the process for amusement. Third in series, advisable to read previous ones first.

After believing that Harry Potter died in a house fire at the age of ten, the Wizarding world is shocked when he emerges, out of the blue, just in time to attend his seventh year at Hogwarts. They're even more shocked when he's Sorted into Slytherin.

During the final battle Harry is hit with a luck spell... but who exactly got lucky? Harry finds himself in the future fighting a new war when all he wants to do is have a nice and easy life. So he decides to have fun instead.

Naruto and Kurama accidentally end up in the past, on the day of Naruto's birth, and are forced to live their lives all over again. They make the best of it, to everyone else's extreme confusion. (Alive Minato and Kushina, humor.)

When he learns that flying anywhere near a Dragon is a recipe for suicide, Harry tries a last minute change of tactics, one designed to use the power of the Bureaucracy forcing him to compete against itself. Little does he know that his solution is its own kind of trap.

Finished with their overly long honeymoon, Naruto and Xanna leave their dimension of origin in favor of a new(and hopefully interesting) one. Finding themselves faced with a world where the supposed protectors of the innocent refuse to kill their obviously evil counterparts, they decide to push some buttons. Sequel to my first story, strongly recommended you read that first.

Response to Paladeus's challenge "Champions of Lilith". Harry, Hermione, and Luna get a chance to travel back in time and prevent the hell that England became under Voldemort's rule, and maybe line their pockets while they're at it. Lunar Harmony; plenty of innuendo, dark humor, some bashing included; manipulative!Dumbles; jerk!Snape; bad!Molly, Ron, Ginny

The savior of magical Britain is believed dead until he shows up to fight Death Eaters. Hermione Granger is a very lonely young woman without a single friend until she boards the Hogwarts Express for her sixth year, and her life take a major turn. SERIOUS WARNING. Rated M for a reason. DO NOT READ if easily offended.

COMPLETE. James Potter casts his own spell to protect his only son; but he was never as good with Charms as Lily was. (A more ruthless Harry Potter grows up to confront Voldemort). Dark!Harry. Slytherin!Harry HP/HG and then HP/HG/TN.

Adventure/Humor/Romance. The Sandaime waited too long to approach Naruto, who had no interest in becoming Hokage by then. Another dream already rested in his heart, a dream that would drive him much further than anyone would have believed. SealMaster!Naruto Older!NarutoxFem!Kyuubi

An accident bestows a completely new Kekkai Genkai on an orphaned boy, a bloodlimit that nobody could have foreseen...

Being ignored and gazed at with hatred can lead someone to become a boisterous and loud orange-wearing shinobi, but it can also drive him to become a silent and invisible introvert. Of the two, Naruto takes the logical choice for a future in the Ninja World. Team Sai-Naruto-Sakura. No pairings. Future of bloodshed and grittiness assured.

When a few inappropriate questions derail the meeting at the Hog's Head, Harry lets the situation play out. Eventually, he refuses to commit his free time to teach a bunch of easily distracted fools. - Set during fifth year; Harry/Hermione

AU. Time Travel. Snape goes back in time, holding the knowledge of what is to come if he fails. No longer holding a grudge, he seeks to shape Harry into the greatest wizard of all time, starting on the day Hagrid took Harry to Diagon Alley. No Horcruxes.

Instead of starting a new game, I end up living it. Now, stuck in a world meant to be fiction, I must use my knowledge to save this universe. OC/Ashley, Femshep/Liara. Rated T for language. Newly rewritten and improved.

Not every idea Orochimaru ever had was bad. When one of his mothballed programs gets refreshed by the Third how will the world change for Team 7 when they are given brutally honest evaluations of their skills, personalities and potentials. With this knowledge laid bare before them and their Sensei what do they do and how to they grow. STRAIGHT/NON-YAOI

Harry and Hermione exploit various aspects of magic as defined in fanfiction to achieve tremendous succes in stupidly easy ways.

First in the Black Queen series. Sirius searches for his goddaughter and finds her in one of the least expected and worst possible locations and lifestyles. How was he to know just how many problems bringing her home would cause? DARK and NOT for children. fem!Harry

Harry is a prisoner, and Bellatrix has fallen from grace. The accidental activation of Bella's treasured heirloom results in another chance for Harry. It also gives him the opportunity to make the acquaintance of the young and enigmatic Bellatrix Black as they change the course of history.

Commander Wednesday Shepard is the Alliance's first Spectre, both their brightest star and darkest secret weapon. She is also an Addams. Tune in as she wreaks havoc on the galaxy at large, as only an Addams truly can. Rated M for violence and relationships, both unconventional and devious. Now Complete, and will be followed by 'Interlude'

Naruko Uzumaki found a boy in the Park who didn't immediately spurn her. From there nothing changes, yet everything does. Proof that an OC doesn't need to be powerful or even a Shinobi to make a difference...and proof that I can write something different from Angst. Fem-Naruto. Oc.

Mass Effect is a great game. A fun game. But the fun and games stop when it all becomes real...when I find myself on the Citadel, with the terrible knowledge of what's coming. Can one person really make a difference? I'm sure as hell going to try, because the Reapers aren't taking over this galaxy on my watch.

In his sixth year, Harry meets an unexpected visitor at school and not only does she like him, but she can help him beat Voldemort. (for those that care about 'ships, Harry/sorta-OC)

Harry and Hermione are gifted a handwritten book at the beginning of Fourth Year. A book that reveals horrible truths about the world they live in. Prepare for a tougher Harry and a battle focused on the Ministry.

Nothing is as it seems on the path to power. Bodies and conspiracies litter the road as daggers shine in the air. Treacheries centuries old leave the place to decade long plans that are just now coming to fruition, and Harry Dursley questions himself through a journey that shall lead him to drastically change his perception of the world. It's all a matter of perspective, after all.

To some, Death is an End. To others, Death is a new beginning. Alex Drake will learn that his death will lead to a new purpose. Armed with a powerful suit, his combat skills and his knowledge of the universe he finds himself in, he will strive to save the innocent. But will this soldier gain more than success in his mission? OC/FShep

A small one-shot that follows on a scene from the film version of Half Blood Prince. It's another one of my "What Harry should have said" storylines. Enjoy.

After Cedric's death, Harry and company summon a demon to kill Lord Voldemort. Except, well, when the hell is summoning a demon ever turn out just the way you planned?

AU OotP. What if Hermione had taken a more proactive stance against Harry's treatment by Snape and Umbridge? How far is too far to go to protect someone you love? Complete.

Harry Potter wasn't raised like in canon. He was top of his class, and very intelligent, always seeking to improve things, and so he learned all kinds of things, and, upon entering Hogwarts, started studying all he could get his hands on! Intelligent!Super!Harry Later Mad Scientist!Harry Rated M for Language, Nudity, and Gore Stein-ish Harry Genres: Humor/Romance/slight Horror

Eidetic Memory, the ability to remember everything you have ever done, seen, smelled, tasted, and touched. To some it is a gift, to others a curse. For Harry Potter, it's both.

"Clear your mind!" wasn't actually the best advice. Harry is fed up and takes things into his own hands and discovers a way to end the war on his own terms. No one was expecting this of the Gryffindor Golden Boy.

An avid fanfiction reader falls into the Harry Potter Universe just before the Triwizard Tournament, and has to come to terms with what he's lost, take advantage of what he's gained, and figure out how to deal with the truths he's hiding. Complete! Detailed rune magic, witty banter...not your usual SI, so give it a shot! See my author page for more info.

Harry finds that his "saving people thing" is a power of its own, capable of bonding single witches to him if their life is in mortal danger, with unusual results. H/multi

The Fourth Great Shinobi War is all but lost. A tip from the Tsuchikage causes a team to travel to Uzushiogakure to find out more. Not knowing what to expect, they come across a seal, but it's one that requires a bijuu to power it. Naruto gets an opportunity to go back and re-write the past in hopes of giving everyone a different future. -COMPLETE-

The blood wards around Privet Drive have a disastrous effect on Harry Potter's magical development, leaving him unable to use a wand. But there are other kinds of magic, and other paths to power. Harry/many witches. No horcruxes.

One Shot! Harry asks Dumbledore a little question that has unexpected results!

When Harry fell through the Veil of Death, that should have been the end of the story. But 40 days later he returned with a power never seen before, and a darkness in him that made both the dark and light fear him. H/HR/LL. Rated M.

The Wizarding World is devastated when Harry Potter disappears from his relatives' house in mysterious circumstances during the summer after his first year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Desperate to have their boy-hero back no matter what they really should have heeded the Muggle saying "be careful what you wish for". Crossover HP/WH40K.

Systematically abused and degraded children do not suddenly turn into well-adjusted members of society when removed from the abusive situation. Nor do they tend to be very trusting of others, or forgiving. Sequel up.

After the Dursleys abandon six year old Harry in a park in Kent, Harry comes to the realization that he is an elf. Not a house elf, though. A forest elf. Never mind wizards vs muggles; Harry has his own thing going on. Character study, pre-Hogwarts, NOT a creature!fic, slightly cracky.

During the Second Task of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Headmaster Dumbledore watches his plan for the Greater Good crumble and die. A Veela girl receives the gift of life through the blood and sacrifice of the last Potter. Gabby/Harry w/ a twist.

When Harry is killed by Voldemort in book 7 he wakes up at Kings Cross Station and meets Lily instead of Dumbledore, and she's really angry with him.

Harry Potter stepped back in time with enough plans to deal with just about everything fate could throw at him. He forgot one problem: He's fate's chewtoy. Mentions of rape, sex, unholy vengeance, and venomous squirrels. Reposted after takedown!

This is an extremely AU crossover fic that asks the question what might have happened if Petunia Dursley hadn't found a young Harry Potter sleeping on her doorstep on the morning of the 2nd of November 1981. After all, Dumbledore was a bit careless with

Summer before third year Harry has a life changing experience, and a close encounter with a dementor ends with him absorbing the horcrux within him. Features Harry with a backbone.

The first time, it was an accident. The second time... well, I really should have known better. HP/Fem!TR

- At 14, Harry Potter really wasn't prepared for the Triwizard Tournament, but if he was forced to compete he was going to do his very best.

My stab at the Harry travels through time genre. Significant inspiration from "HP & Nightmares of Futures Past" with a twist. Harry/Hermione

Sakura thought she was a capable kunoichi until she died in the Chuunin Exam. Now she's stuck in a loop, dying again and again while she struggles to understand her strange predicament. How hard can it be to pass one stupid test? Sakura/Naruto/Hinata

Years after the Epilogue things look bleak; Harry Potter agrees to go back to the Ministry Battle to change history for the better. Premise; "canon makes sense" though not in the way you think. Fight scenes, humour, romance, magic, and insanity. FINISHED

One-shot sequel to Harry Potter - Mercenary Two years have passed and now Harry is back for a bit of revenge.

The sequel to Bungle in the Jungle. Told in 2nd person. Harry Potter has returned to England. In the jungles of South America, he became his own man, a hero of his own choice and not unfortunate circumstance. Is it enough to save him?

When his name comes out of the Goblet of Fire, Harry decides to stop "rolling over" and "just taking it." He has "Marauder godfathers" and decides to have them help him strike back. A one-shot. H/G eventually

Harry discovers some interesting truths about contracts that leads to a plan to leave his troubles behind.

Harry has had enough of seeing his reputation shredded in the Daily Prophet and decides to do something about it. Only he decides to embrace his Slytherin side to rectify matters.

Naruto finds he is flung back in time and must repeat the entire Chunin exam over and over and over, until he gets it right and possibly saves Konoha in the bargain.

Harry uses Hedwig to test the restrictions on the Goblet of Fire. Obviously, they're not good enough to stop the smartest owl in Britain!

Having the right partner can make life much smoother. The right persons can complement each other's strengths and support each other's weakness. Love really does make the world go 'round, especially with a Dark Lord after your blood. HP/DG

COMPLETE! AU! Post OoTP, Sixth Year Story. Harry decides to have a little fun after hearing the Prophecy as a death sentence and his life takes on a life of its own! Harry/Daphne, HP/DG!

So maybe everything didn't work out perfectly for Harry. Still, most of his friends survived, he'd gotten married, and was about to become a father. If only he'd have stayed away from the Veil, he wouldn't have had to go back and do everything AGAIN.

In which Harry discovers there is more to being the Heir of the Four Founders than than just having really cool tattoos. Powerful Harry, Multi-Ship. Post OOTP. No Slash.

What would have happened if Harry had been a little smarter in book 7? Here’s my version of book 7. H/G, R/Hr

Summer before 6th year, an accident unlocks Harry's secret power: He's a Mage with the power of Merlin. Watch Harry deal with it and take control of his life. Independent Harry. H/G

Albus Dumbledore attempts to drop Harry Potter off with the Dursley family when things go terribly wrong. The whole universe shifts because of one man's action.

Not all of James died that night. Not all of Harry lived. The Triwizard Tournament as it should have been and a hero discovering who he really wants to be.

COMPLETE! - PostOOTP, noHBP or DH. Harry finally grows up over a long difficult summer with a lot of help. Slow moving & Mature Themes. HPNT honks, maybe some HGRW but don't hold your breath. HarryTonks!

Harry Potter is sent to prision for a crime he did commit. Now they need their hero back but he's lost all interest in saving them. They threw him away and now its going to cost them. Note rating! One-shot.

Post OoTP Harry's life takes an unexpected turn when Fawkes provides Harry with a means of mobility. Ch 32 concludes the final six-chapter arc. Forget Book 7.

AU one-shot about Harry’s first detention with Snape. Take one mistreated boy, one misinformed man, mix well and watch what happens. Sequel now up! Titled "Harry's New Home".

COMPLETE. Two years after defeating Voldemort, Harry falls into an alternate dimension with his godfather. Together, they embark on a new life filled with drunken debauchery, thievery, and generally antagonizing all their old family, friends, and enemies.

Harry Potter has Issues. That goes without saying, of course, but when he finds himself in another world facing someone he has a lot in common with... maybe he will find a way to make peace with himself. HarryGirl!Harry with a few twists.

7 year old Luna wants a husband, and she wants one now. With the unintended help of her befuddled father, she kidnaps Harry Potter. Idea and 1st chapter by Roscharch's Blot

OneShot: Harry is expelled after the hearing in Courtroom 10. His wand snapped, an angry Harry choses his own path forward. First person story focusing on Harry's effort to find his own place.

By the age of seven, Harry Potter hated his home, his relatives and his life. However, an ancient demonic artefact has granted him the powers of a Fallen and now he will let nothing stop him in his quest for power. AU: Slight Xover with Dresden Files

With all the crappy stuff Harry goes through at Hogwarts, the smart money would be on him transferring to a different, better school early in his career. Here’s one way it might have happened. No planned pairings.

What if Harry's rebelliousness started a year earlier, because Dumbledore wouldn't let him go stay with Sirius in the summers? What would a rebellious teenager who was entered into the Triwizard Tournament do? H/G

AU of Year One. The Dursleys have done one good thing for Harry Potter’s continued safety: their neglect has made him suspicious, sneaky, and cruel. A brief explanation of how things might have gone differently. Includes DH spoilers. Amoral!Harry.

If you read just one fiction tonight make it this one. Go inside the mind of Harry Potter as he deals with betrayals, secrets and wild adventures. Not your usual fanfic.

COMPLETE Edit in process. PostOOTP, Very Little of HBP. Harry returns to Privet Drive and Tonks helps him become the man and hero he must be to survive. HONKS. Action, Violence, Language and Sexual Situations

A potions accident throws Harry back in time into his younger self's body, he decides to go nuts and do everything he's ever wanted to do . . . and get revenge on everyone.

COMPLETE. In the heat of the battle, he swore a blood oath to defeat Voldemort in every form. But when you factor in his understanding and abilities to travel to alternate dimensions, it presented the sort of problem only a Harry Potter could have.

After the final battle Harry can find solace in nothing and believes himself to be a failure because of the loss of his friends. A certain manipulative, platinum haired woman decides to yank him out of the downward spiral that is his life. HarryNarcissa.

Harry tries to tell a 'knock-knock' joke to Luna - 'try' being the operative word