Pokémon fan. Unrepentant Homestuck. Ideas man. Godless leviathan. Seer of Hope. Amateur philosopher.

These are all things that have been said about you. While, admittedly, that is only true because you have just said those things about yourself, this admission does not technically make these descriptions any more inaccurate than they otherwise would be.

Your name is not Quinnquerer. Although, up until this point, the viewership may have been cunningly misled by this insidious and stunningly executed ruse, this UNPRECEDENTED PLOY has already served its ASSUREDLY NEFARIOUS purpose, which (as should be obvious to anybody with a brain) will remain unvoiced for a SIMILARLY UNSPEAKABLE period of time. This is in the name of REVERSE DRAMATIC IRONY, an exciting advance in literary irony wherein fictional characters understand more about their VARIOUS PLIGHTS than the HYSTERICAL FANGIRLS WATCHING THEM do.

The irony here, naturally, is TWOFOLD. First, it is difficult to anticipate that you (a fictional character) are aware of your LAMENTABLY ASTRONOMICAL FAKENESS VALUE. Your mind would RIP ITSELF APART in trying to apprehend this multi-layered reality, if it weren't for the fact that (as a fictional character) your mind is ALSO FICTIONAL and therefore subject to only those rules of reality that your GODLIKE AND SUPREMELY BENEVOLENT CREATOR chooses to subject you to. Second, it is NOT INCONCEIVABLE that a reader would be surprised to hear that when the phrase "EXCITING ADVANCE" was used to describe REVERSE DRAMATIC IRONY, it was actually in reference to the level of excitement that it would have garnered when it was first invented, back in the DISTANT AND PRESUMABLY GRECO-ROMAN (PROBABLY) PAST.

As the reader(s) may have gathered by now, your FORMIDABLE INTELLECT is particularly tickled by questions of UNUSUAL RECURSION. To you, there's nothing quite like a MIND-BENDING EXTRA-TEMPORAL PARADOX to kick-start your day, and you prefer it that way. And to write a narrative without incorporating any version of irony, be it STYLISHLY IMPLEMENTED or BADLY SHOEHORNED INTO THE TEXT THROUGH SOME ELABORATE SECOND-PERSON CONTRIVANCE, would be like writing with a particularly floppy rubber chicken, by which you mean it could hardly be considered writing at all.

You do not experience the HUMAN EMOTION of "feels", nor do you DEIGN TO PARTICIPATE in the human practise of "shipping". Your THEORIES OF A ROMANTIC PERSUASION are strictly factual, dealing only in the twin currencies of COLD HARD FACTS and CANONICAL ACCURACY. Nobody will mention the UNPUBLISHED TOME OF "FLUFFY" AND EMOTIONAL SHORT STORIES that is currently languishing in your hard drive. Nor will they hear about the OFTEN EXCESSIVELY SAPPY RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN CHARACTERS WHO REALLY HAVE NO BUSINESS MAKING OUT WITH EACH OTHER ON ACCOUNT OF IRREVOCABLE IDEOLOGICAL CONFLICTS, INCOMPATIBLE SEXUALITIES, AND/OR METAPHYSICAL BARRIERS LIKE DEATH that are described within this document.

Actually that was SOME MORE IRONY, MAYBE. It's kind of hard to discern the moments where you're SINCERELY TRYING TO DECEIVE US from the ones where you're just PRETENDING TO PRETEND that something that isn't true... is. TRUE, that is. Sometimes, not even you can tell which is which. Was that a REAL LIE, or just a fake one? You may never FIND OUT.

(It would have been pretty ironic to end on that MELODRAMATIC NOTE, but you have a LARGELY FICTITIOUS PROFILE to complete.) Besides IRONY and OVERCOMPLICATED CHICANERY, your interests tend towards the ABNORMALLY FANTASTICAL and the ABJECTLY IMPRACTICAL. You enjoy partaking in the esteemed art forms of RANDOMLY IMPROVISING ABSURD SONGS IN PUBLIC; sacrificing owls to your semi-divine master, THE BEFEATHERED LORD OF ALL THAT IS FOWL; constructing PHILOSOPHICALLY CHARGED RANTS about meaning and truth; DESTROYING YOUR ENEMIES (a group which is curiously exactly the same size as the number of people who have read this profile thus far); being GENERALLY TERRIBLE at all video games beyond Pokémon; and WRITING.

You are PROBABLY A RAVENCLAW.

Current Stories

Prosper: Janet Prosper, and Janet Prosper alone, believes that she has what it takes to become Champion of the Zan Pokémon League. Join her in her efforts to make this dream a reality! Marvel at the sheer tenacity with which she attacks this goal! And watch as she learns, over a tumultuous career of toil and torment, what it truly means to be a Pokémon master. Updates on Mondays and Thursdays. Mirrored on AO3.