So... The artwork for my profile pic doesn't belong to me. I don't know who the artist is but I absolutely love their picture.

Most of the characters in the stories I write are more often than not OOC due to the difficulty of writing them in Character. Just thought I should warn you.

25 things to do in an elevator!

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead while muttering: "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut UP!"
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there."
4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go 'plink' at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, no, not now, bleeped motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally.
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppy on your hand and talk to the other passengers 'through' it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your 'personal space.'
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear 'X-Ray Specs' and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Set up a desk in the elevator, then ask whenever the doors open, 'Do you have an appointment?'

When life gives me lemons, I make orange juice and leave the world to wonder how the heck I managed it.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and really don't want to see you everyday.

Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating.

Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

When in doubt, push random buttons!

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?"

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.

You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

I'm not cynical, everything just sucks.

I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid.

It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Sarcasm is one more service we offer.

Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

TRUE STORY: A teenage girl, about 17, named Diane, had gone to visit some friends one evening, and time passed quickly as each shared his/her various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town, and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley, she noticed a man standing at the end as though he was waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped around her; she felt though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley way just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she can identify him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man have been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they can do for her.

She asked if they can ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking either side of her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone.

59 AWESOME WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TEACHER WANNA BACKHAND YOU!

1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (Keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the Mission Impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask "Does somebody need a hug?” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “Wow, I can tell you’re a blast at parties.”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “The light! Make it stop, it burns!"
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “What do you have against paper?.”
8. Don’t do your homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say, “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” Then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a substitute teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name is Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “Prove it!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write "This paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds." at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream.
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena.
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room.
18. Raise your hand and say "I totally agree!" after everything your teacher says.
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow.
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was "a disturbance”
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well.
23. "The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then."
24. Hand in an essay where every word is spelled wrong.
25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “I is never late, everyone else is simply early."
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
29. Tell yourself knock-knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a 4th Grader and says he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question, just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewelry. I.e. necklaces, earrings, etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘Admiral’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. If you find a pencil on the floor, jump onto a desk, hold up the pencil, and yell, "LITTERING IS WRONG!! WHOEVER DROPPED THIS MUST BE PUNISHED!!" Then run around the room singing in a foreign language.
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a substitute teacher is taking attendance, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down and go "OOOHH I KNOW THIS!!"
49. When a teacher calls on you say, "I forgot." To every question she asks.
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favorite song.
51. When the teacher is not facing you, get the whole class to move their desks forward towards the him/her!
52. Hum throughout the lesson, but make sure you do not get caught!
53. When a teacher asks you a question... Reply "ERM, COMPUTER SAYS NOOO!!"
54. When the teacher makes a statement, stand boldly and shout "I OBJECT!!"
55. REPEAT the last word the teacher says but say it much louder!
56. While the teachers back is turned, everyone swaps seats!
57. If you are sure you haven't passed the test, write your phone number at the end!
58. When you hear a Police car siren from outside, run around screaming in the classroom shouting "Oh no, they're here. Oh my goodness. What do I do? Miss/Sir you have to help me! Oh goodness. They must have found the body! HELP!"
59. When it's your turn to answer a question... Shout "NEXT!"

15 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,

" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..

"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"

(if you liked it, go onto YouTube and look up 'Top Twelve Ways to get Kicked Out of Walmart!)

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

IF YOUR LIFE WERE A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.

Opening Credits:Surfin’ safari – Beach boys

Childhood: So small – Carrie Underwood (Hey I wasn't that short)

Waking Up:Don’t it make my brown eyes blue – Crystal Gale

Happy: Come on over – Shania Twain

Angry: Newgrange – Orla Fallon

Sad/Crying: Highland Lament – The Corries

Hurt: The Irish Rover – The Pogues

First Song: When all is said and done – Meryl Streep (Mama Mia)

First Day At School:Holy Roll – Don Francisco

Average day: The Captain and the Kid – Jimmy Buffet
Making Your New Best Friend: A thing called love – Johnny Cash

Falling In Love:SOS – Meryl Streep (Mama Mia)

First date: The Voice – Lisa Kelly

Make Up: 867-5309/Jenny – Tommy Tutone
Secret Love: Karma Chameleon – Culture Club

Breaking Up:Redneck Starbucks – Randy Barefoot

Getting Back Together:The Great Filling Station – Jimmy Buffet

High School: White Wedding – Billy Idol (Um Nope)

College: Mainstream – Yothu Yindi

Prom:She’s a beauty – The Tubes

Graduation:Who’s the Blonde Stranger – Jimmy Buffet (Whats funny is that I am blonde)

Life:Holy Ground – Taylor Swift

Death of a Close Friend:Two of a kind, Workin’ on a full house – Garth Brooks

Mental Breakdown:You Don’t fool me - Queen

Flashback: State of Grace – Taylor Swift

Learning a lesson: My Kind of Life – Yothu Yindi
Deep thought: Before he Cheats – Carrie Underwood

Partying: Annie Laurie – The Corries (of all the songs. Really?)

Happy Dance: Lay all your love on me – Amanda Seyfried (Mamma Mia)
Regretting: Any Ol’ Stretch of Blacktop - Shenandoah
Long Night Alone: Wouldn’t it be Nice – The Beach Boys

Wedding: Scarborough fair – Hayley Westenra

Birth of Child: Much too Young to feel this Damn old – Garth Brooks

Driving: I almost do – Taylor swift

Car Accident:Livingston Saturday night – Jimmy Buffet

Paying the Dues: You Shine – Beyond the Gold (it’s a soundtrack from a group that came to the church I helped at)

The Night Before The War: Walk the Dinosaur – Was(Not Was)

Final Battle: All-American Girl – Carrie Underwood

Moment of Triumph: When – Shania Twain

Death Scene:Sending the Old Man Home – Jimmy Buffet

Funeral Song:On a Slow Boat to China – Jimmy Buffet

Credits:Walking on Sunshine – Katrina and the Waves

Deleted Scenes: Djapana (Radio Mix) – Yothu Yindi

Bonus: The Story of Us – Taylor Swift

REASONS TO JOIN THE DARK SIDE (If you wish to join add this list to your profile):

1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too)

2. Meet the recruitment bunny! (Rumors say that that cute little black bunny is in fact the Dark Lord Voldemort though it is unconfirmed)

3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body!

4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough!

5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys!

6. One word: UNDERLINGS! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life!

7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys?

8. WORLD DOMINATION! BEST reason!

FANFICTION- UNITED NATIONS!! Has anyone else noticed how a lot of us get along and make friends on here and we can be from completely different countries? WTH!? We're here making world peace on the INTERNET and we have all those ambassadors and senators and whatever struggling with it!! If you realize this (or read this and agreed) copy and paste this and add your name and country (country is optional) to the list. SPREAD THE PEACE!!: Naruto-fan-Okami-chan (USA), NaraTemari011 (Puerto Rico), Lala girl in Lalaland (USA), Kakashi Forever (England) Anime895(USA), Starwatcher-shadow (Belgium), icyprincess1 (USA), Marshmellowtime (USA), Fury-Writer-17 (USA) Verdigurl ( New Zealand ) justiceintheworldofhp-yearight (USA), IronhideFan1993 (UK) Elhini Prime (USA), Autobot Slipstream (USA), The.nger (Canada), A. Primus(USA), AutobotCopperShadow (USA), Zombie-aft-kicker (USA), Shady Kitsune (USA)