Silence is golden, but shouting is fun.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

So many men, so few who can afford me.

If you and your friend are being chased by a dragon there is only one thing to do: trip your friend.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Of course I don't look busy! I did it right the first time.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?!

If payback's a bitch and revenge is sweet I must be the sweetest bitch on this side of the United States.

Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

You - off my planet!

Not the brightest crayon on in the box now, are we?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

I'm not crazy, I've just been in a bad mood for a few years.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If you are rude, self-centered, and obnoxious there will be a ten dollar fee.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Stress is when you wake up screaming then realize you weren't asleep.

I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

I just want revenge...is that so wrong?

You say I'm a bitch like that's a bad thing.

Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done.

Earth is full. Go home!

Is it time for your medication or mine?

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words are going to make me hurt you.

I slipped on my slippers.

There's no 'I' in team. But there is an 'm' and 'e'.

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Quoting one is plagiarism; Quoting many is research.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, coughing, why-oh-why-is-the-room spinning medicine.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

God must love stupid people; he made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.

Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

There are very few problems that high powered explosives can't solve.