Hi, welcome to this oldass abandoned account

Here are a few quotes and definitions I like:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.-Mark Twain
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.-Mae West
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as you please.-Mark Twain

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid. -Hedy Lamarr
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.-Elaine Boosler
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.-Oliver Herford
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.-Lily Tomlin
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.-Fred Allen

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.-Ronald Reagan
By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out. -Richard Dawkins

I’m the kind of person that can watch a hundred horror movies without getting scared, but screams at the top of my lungs when the toast pops out of the toaster.
Men are like trees; they take 50 years to grow up

Death is god’s way of dragging you by the scruff of your neck to heaven muttering ‘okay,I think you’ve done enough damage’

I swear to drunk I’m not god

When woman go wrong, men go right behind them.

Man invented language to satisfy his great need to complain.

MENtal pain, MENtal anxiety; MENstrual cramps,MENopause…all our problems start with men!

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds
of either"

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he
got the biggest piece.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody
disagrees later on.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that
nothing can be done together.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when
dead.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence
after. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Marriage: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her master