Actually, I'm an author on Fictionpress.com. Go read my stuff!

You don’t want to know who I am. This image you see is all a scam, a figment made up simply to appease, an attitude created for your ease. Don’t try to pry into my soul. What you know, it’s all just a role, a character in some twisted play, a mask I’ll wear till my dieing day. I’ll never tell anyone about my lies. I’ll just cling to my sad disguise. No one wants who I used to be. They only see what they want to see. So I’ll put on a happy face. I’ll stay inside my place. Someday I’ll break out of my shell. Someday I'll break away from this hell. Someday my world won't be painted gray. Today is not that day. ~Alice Anonymous Recent Note(s): 01/01/04 I really must be a loser. New Year's Day and no one besides my parents and sleeping brother (the other one went to a party and hasn't come back) to even say hi to. Nothing like the holidays to show how awkward you really are in social situations. I went to the swim team party (mainly because no one else I knew asked me to go) and so I sat there looking positively bored, feeling bored, and wondering when it was going to end. [That doesn't include when we were throwing sparklers into the lawn and seeing if they'd land with the sparking side up and still going. . . Sean got it once. Pity. For some reason I don't give a damn about be labeled a loser right now. I just want to have a friend pop up and say, "Hi wanna do something?" But my friends don't do that. They have to be asked and even so they never go to anything. They too just stay at home and do their own thing. But I've been doing that for the past week and a half and I'm fucking sick of myself. (I don't really like myself, and two weeks with my own thoughts and nothing to stop them . . . not a good thing.) Anyways, I'll stop whining now. Ja. Happy New Years. ~Listening to~ "Teardrop" by Massive Attack. Nice beat. Kinda sounds like what Moby was aiming for but could never quite reach. Anyways, go read some of Alethesea's stuff. She recommended me, and I'm more than happy to return the favor. Loneliness

Anyone ever get this feeling of utter depression when there is nothing left to look forward to in the near-future? And the presence, the feeling above and behind your heart that used to always envelop you when you were sad has abandoned you, and even the voices in your head that some people don't understand, most people actually, are quiet, only peeping up to point out irrelevant and minute things that make you want to go beat your head into a wall?

Do you ever feel like the world isn't meant for you and you not for it? You could take the world on, yes, you could beat the system, sure, but you’re not supposed to. You could do almost anything, but the one thing that you should is what you can't.

Do you ever feel like the warmth that used to make you feel at home is just gone? Like the comfort of something just disappears? Like loosing any happiness that may have kept you going during the harder times?

Do you ever feel like only a rainy day could make you better? Like the rain might wash away everything and leave you cold and shivering until you're numb. And that's what you want. To feel numb. Because when you do feel you become lonely. Because that feeling above and behind your heart is gone. The feeling that you can't describe because you've forgotten how it feels. It was so long ago since you last felt that way. And you can't get it back.

Yeah, welcome to my world . . .