I write a lot. I love sci fi and fantasy and classics. Hopefully I can get some stuff up here asap.

Jacki D Dixx was a fine girl, a little slutty but nothing unusual, especially during this
day and age. For the most part she was a quiet unassuming girl who spent most nights at
home smoking weed, watching tv, and playing with her vast dildo collection. She was
a bit hesitant about going out because she usually got drunker than fuck and wound up
waking up with some total loser or getting carried to jail. She didn't work, she didn't
really have to because she had a modest trust fund from her deceased grandpa. She only
got about 2,455 dollars a month but it helped a lot. Occasionally she got a job in a porno to
help ends meet. For that she always wore a blue wig and pink glasses so no one would know
who she was. Like I said already, she was a fine girl...just slightly slutty and a bit of a tease,
pot head, and sometimes drunk. She had lots of bad habits but who doesn't? Sad to say
one day her bad habit of littering while drunk got her pulled over by the cops.

"Can I see your license and registration Ma'am?"

"Ok but I don't have a valid license anymore officer...sorry."

He was young, if he wasn't gay she felt she might be able to get out of this mess.

"I'm afraid I will have to take you in and impound your car Miss...you are drunk and have
no license and I must do it for your own safety and that of others."

Jacki D Dixx smiled at the young cop and fluttered her eyelids. "Will you let me off if
I blow you?"

"Yes," the officer replied. "I bet you're good at it too."

They drove both cars to a secluded area and the cop got his blow job. He seemed to enjoy
it very much. Later they smoked a joint while he fondled Jacki's really big hooters.

"Damn, these are nice," said the cop...the admiration was evident in his voice.

"Thank you officer, remember you are here to protect and serve. So why don't you get down
and service my hair taco? You have a nice member and this weed is making me horny...
where did you get it?"

"Oh I took it off some dumbass teens, its not bad."

The officer went down on Jacki D Dixx and she purred like a kitten the entire time until
she got pretty loud. When her cookies were delivered, she got back into her pants and
gave the officer a little kiss before going on her way. He gave her several joints for the road.
Jacki went back to her apartment to find her uncle Joe waiting for her.

"Where you been you little trollop?" He asked. "Did you forget you asked me to drop by
and see what's wrong with your dvd player?"

"I got pulled over by the law."

"Driving drunk again?"

"Yes, but its ok, he let me off...I guess he just needed to talk to someone, he was a nice
guy actually, especially for a pig."

"Don't give me the details."

They went inside and Joe checked out the dvd player. "No wonder this piece of shit won't
work...there is a bag of weed and a couple of tampons crammed up inside it."

"I wondered where I put that shit...let's get high."

"What about the tampons...what the fuck is up with that?"

"You can have them if you want."
"Fuck you bitch."

"No thanks, I already been fucked today...and by a real dick, not a little Vienna sausage
like you got Uncle Joe dear."

They smoked some weed and watched SpongeBob. Jacki hated SpongeBob because Squidward
reminded her of her Mom. Joe loved the show though and laughed like an idiot during
virtually every scene. Soon they had the munchies and Jacki cooked a bowl of rice krispies
for each of them. "Don't you have any real food around her," Joe asked?

"You can eat me," Jacki suggested.

"No thanks," Joe replied. "I meant something that hasn't spoiled already."

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you."

Joe went home and Jacki D Dixx took a long nap. That evening she decided to go to the
movies. She enjoyed Biblical movies so she went to see Exodus. It was good, it was
almost half over before she fell asleep and spilled her drink and popcorn all over her
lap. As she left the theater, more than one guy noticed how wet the crotch of her pants
were. One smart ass had to comment. "That Christian Bale is one hot stud...huh?"

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you."

Jacki didn't want to go home so she sort of wandered about the mall for a little while.
It was very boring until this really disgusting, zit faced kid approached her. He was
wearing a dirty t shirt and sneakers that were so filthy you could barely tell where the
laces were. His eyes were bloodshot and he smelled awful. It was her little brother Jimmy
Elmer. "What's up sis?"

"Nothing much, still sleeping in your car?"

"No, been crashing in a nice clean dumpster behind the newspaper. Lots of nice newspaper
to keep me warm and informed too. Besides, the food isn't bad either."

"Great, what do you want? I don't have any money."

"Joe told me he found a bag of weed stuffed into your dvd player. Can I have some?"

"I thought you only smoked crack?"

"Yeah but I can swap the weed for crack."

"Oh, you always were the one member of our family that had a good head on his shoulders."

"What can I say." Jimmy replied proudly.

Jacki gave him some of the weed. "Why don't you get a shower sometime?"

"No showers in a dumpster."

"Come home with me, you can shower...then you get the fuck out you little jerk."

They went back to her place and he showered. She gave him a different t shirt that some
dude had left there. It was dirty but cleaner than the one he had. "You are a great sister." Jim said.

There was a pounding on the door, it was the young cop.

"Back for more," Jacki asked?

"We're looking for your brother." He had another young cop with him, a really
cute one.

"Is he going to jail?"

"Well," the cop replied..."By the way, my name is Adam, this guy is Bob. "hi Bob, glad to meet you...Is Jimmy going to jail?"

"Absolutely."

"That's good, the poor boy could use the rest. Not to mention the good food and all that
great jail sex you hear about all the time."

"Its not that great," said Bob as he admired Jacki who was only wearing a little lacy
black bra and yellow panties. "Wanna come in and smoke some weed before you carry him off
to the big house?"

Both cops nodded and pretty soon the bong was going around. Jimmy was not to thrilled with
the idea of going to jai. He had only gotten out five or six days earlier. "Why don't
you guys cut me a break?"

Adam shook his head, "no way, you fucking idiot. We have a witness who said you stole an
old ladies purse yesterday."

"How the fuck do you know I did it?"

"Like your own grandmother doesn't know who the fuck you are dumb shit?"

This gave Jacki the giggles, she laughed so hard her face turned bright red. Soon they
were all laughing. "Hey, I got some acid..." Bob declared out of the blue. "I stole it
from the evidence room. I'll give you some if you'll blow me Jacki."

"Sure, but lets do the acid first. If its not any good I ain't about to blow you big boy."

All four took a couple of hits of the orange sunshine. It was damned good shit.

"Look, I have hands," Jimmy said. "Now you can jack me off," Adam replied.

"fuck you."

"fuck you."

"Hey, lets all go riding in the cop car...we can put the siren on and drive really fucking
fast like there is an emergency." Bob said. "Won't you get in trouble for that?" Jacki D Dixx asked.

"Fuck no, my dad is chief of police...you got anything to drink? I drive better when I'm
gassed up good."

"True," Adam said.

Soon they were all roaring through town like a scene from the movie Bullit. It was great
for awhile until Bob crashed the cop car. "Damn fucking dog, why did he have to run out
there like that?"

"There was no fucking dog you moron!" Adam groaned. "Dammit, the fucking Uzi flew up
and hit me in the head...I'm bleeding! I'm going to die!!"

"You will be alright honey," Jacki said and wiped the tiny bit of blood away with a
sanitary napkin. "Where are we any fucking way, we've been riding a long time."

Jimmy who was hardcore commented. "we've been out like ten hours. I think we are in
another country...Mexico or Alabama.?

They got out and started walking. The two cops stripped down to their t shirts so as to
not draw attention. They kept their glocks however. Jimmy got to carry the Uzi. He was
so proud and announced that he was joining the force as soon as he got out of rehab.

"We would be glad to have you son," Adam said. "Welcome aboard. Its a very rewarding job."

"I can see that for real." Jimmy beamed with eyes that glowed bright from the acid and
weed.

They all took some more acid and wandered into the downtown area. It was really nice, they
bought cokes and relaxed on the courthouse steps. It was then that they noticed some
county mounties leading a weird looking Islamic guy down the courthouse steps. "Look at
that freak, he needs some of this." Jimmy patted the Uzi hidden under his t shirt.

"Shut up Jimmy," Jacki frowned. "He's probably a very nice guy, probably got arrested for
not feeding his dog or some such shit."

Jimmy was about to reply to his bitchy sister when a white van pulled up and three guys
jumped out. They were wearing masks and and carrying ak47s. They started yelling some
crazy shit in Arabic and then started spraying lead in all directions. Immediately Adam
and Bob pulled their glocks and began returning fire. Jimmy turned the Uzi loose and even
Jacki got in on the act with her little .25 automatic. Altogether it was a hail of lead
they poured in the direction of the asshole terrorists. Within second it was all over, the
terrorists were shot to pieces. One of the cops guarding the Islamic prisoner said, "what
the fuck?" and then he shot the prisoner once in the head. It was a bloody mess all around
but great fun all the same.

In the following days Adam, Bob, Jacki and Jimmy were national heroes. They had saved
Alabama from Al Qeada. They even appeared on Fox news except for Bob who smelled like
reefer and Bill O'Riley didn't like that shit. He wouldn't even shake Bob's hand but he
did give him a t shirt for a souvenir. Every one got signed copies of Patton. Jimmy
swapped his for crack naturally. He got a big rock due to O'Riley's signature.

After a few months everything calmed down and pretty much returned to normal. Adam and
Bob got big promotions and are now working for homeland security. Jimmy also joined the
force and is the new crossing guard at Thomas Jefferson Jr The Third elementary school.
He says its a great place to score crack and get laid too.

Jacki fell back into her old ways. She soon pretty much forgot the entire thing but
everytime she blew a cop that exciting day would cross her mind. Sometimes she thought
it all might have been just another drugged out dream. Anyhow, it made her feel good that
she had done her part to keep America great and safe from crazy assholes...crazy foreign
assholes anyway?

One of the terrorists actually lived and was able to serve his life sentence. When he was
questioned all he had to say was, "who was that hot babe that shot me? She was a great
shot and looked like a real sweet n sexy girl. Tell her I only have two wives so far and
neither have tits like that...wow!"

« Next Oldest Next Newest »