The silence was suddenly broken by a groan at their feet, as the Marine tested his aching body again. He looked up, expression horrified. "Are you telling me I was defeated by a blind, pen-toting pacifist who became a ninja for the sake of science?!" he demanded.

Rubber Sword by Milareppa

39. If in doubt, do not point and laugh at the person in the funny hat. Funny hats often conceal tribal leaders and shamen.

68. In addition to the Karma Sutra, trashy romance novels and the Bhagavad-Gita are not suitable examples of Earth's culture.

79. Paper cuts from writing reports do not count as combat injuries and do not qualify for hazard pay.

Things SG Teams are No Longer Allowed to Do » by caffinebunny

O’Neill grinned, then added “and our next exhibit is a Staff weapon”

Teal’c reached into the cupboard, out of the scoobies sight and withdrew his weapon of choice.

“Holy Phallic symbols, batman!” was Xander’s response.

The Visionary » by Chaos Eternus

He paused momentarily, and grinned. “And, y’know, you’re only ten years older than I am, it’s not like it matters. It hardly shows. And it just means you’ll be dead before I am, and I’m OK with that.”

Security by amitai

“I killed you!” he screamed and his death-eaters stopped attacking, wanting to watch what was going on and how their master was going to act not that Potter was back in the game.

“I got better,” he shrugged and suddenly the hall was silent.

Harry Potter and the Horcruxes' Quest » by loonie lupin

From then on, Thursday evenings were spent studying potions and plotting to overthrow the Wizarding government, both of which Harry found enormously fascinating and, in fact, fun.

Enter the Dragon by Doghead Thirteen

One of the directors coughed slightly. Another said, "Are you aware that your actions briefly negated the existence of France for three centuries?"

"I put it back," Jack pointed out.

Ghost Story by Mad_Maudlin

"You're the head of the medical department, Owen. You need to set an example. Lead, and others will follow you, away from the possibility of death at a young age from cholesterol poisoning and towards the likelihood of death at a young age due to disembowelling or skin liquidation."

Another Rainy Day by SerenityJane

12. Izumo, don't set Maito Gai on fire so you "can see his flames of youth more clearly". Even if he seems to think this is a good idea. Especially if he thinks this a good idea.

36. Making 'wanted' posters of your superiors is not acceptable behaviour. Especially not when you show them to gullible academy students and Gai.

122. You are not to come near the printing press when the Konoha Bingo Book is being put into publication. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles do not exist, are not S-ranked missing-nin and we don't appreciate you making Gai cry.

141. While your '1001 Ways to Kill a Ninja With Just a Toothpick, a Piece of String and a Peanut' is undoubtedly imaginative, deeply informative and well-researched, we do not appreciate you distributing it to the Academy students. We are also rather dubious about ways 745-87.

179. Enemy ninjas are not required to fill out any bureaucratic forms before they kill you. We are admittedly quite impressed that you managed to convince them of this, though.

Things Team Nineteen Are No Longer Allowed To Do » by H.E. Gray reviews

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"The list is long and varied."

Poke by RaeVenn-Chan