Hi... um.. yeah.

Whatever possessed you to come to my profile should probably be removed.

Immediately.

For your safety, and others.

Unless you hate others...

That would change everything...

I think.

I won't tell you my name, nor my age (between 1 and 100... take a guess) because I want to try and piss off as many people as I humanly (or not) can before I die.

My friends say I'm crazy, but so are they, so I'm not concerned... too much, at least.

I love animals, art, nature, my family, my weird friends,... and chocolate.

And Chinese food.

And Dr. Pepper.

And now I'm hungry.

I won't tell you where I live because, as stated above, I like pissing people off.

Chocolate will rule the world,

just because I said so.

A friend of mine believes Hannah Montana will take over the world.

Shudder (from both of us).

Girls Don't realize these things;

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat,only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'

Funnies:

I you can't convince them, confuse them.

"The main trouble with mental notes is the ink fades so fast."

"Ideas are great, provided they don't degenerate into work."

"If you're 'not yourself today', enjoy it while ya can."

"Maybe he/she doesn't 'act stupid'; it might be the real thing."

"People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs."

"Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't."

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left."

"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"

"Ten," the doctor says sadly.

"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"

"Nine..."

98 of teenagers say "I Love You" and don't mean it. If you are one of the 2 that does, then copy and paste this in your profile. I always mean it when I say it.

Late on night in broad daylight, two dead men got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot the other. A deaf policeman heard

the noise; came and killed those two dead boys. If you believe my lies aren't true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.

"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

"If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation"

Confucius says...

"Man who run in front of car get tired."

"Man who run behind car get exhausted."

"Two wrongs not make a right - Three lefts do."

"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."

"Man who sit on tack get point."

"Man who lives in glass house should change in basement."

"On the other hand, you have different fingers."

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

"Lord, please keep your

arm around my shoulder and your

hand over my mouth."

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes, too."

"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."

"He who laughs last thinks slowest."

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class.

"In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up.

"Yeah, right."

Experience: something you don't get until just after you need it.

You know you live in 2011 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have MSN or Myspace

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) You were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Now you are thinking, "I have to put this on my profile!"

13.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.\

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Alone

From childhood's hour I have not been

As others were- I have not seen

As others saw- I could not bring

My passions from a common spring-

From the same source I have not taken

My sorrow- I could not awaken

My heart to joy at the same tone--

And all I lov'd-- I lov'd alone--

Then- in my childhood- in the dawn

Of a most stormy life- was drawn

From ev'ry depth of good and ill

The mystery which binds me still--

From the torrent, or the fountain--

From the red cliff of the mountain--

From the sun that round me roll'd

In its autumn tint of gold--

From the lightning of the sky

As it pass'd me flying by--

From the thunder, and the storm--

And the cloud that took the form

When the rest of Heaven was blue

Of a demon in my view--

-Edgar Allen Poe

A TRUE BOYFRIEND

When she walks away from you mad,

Follow her.

When she stares at your mouth,

Kiss her.

When she pushes or hits you,

Grab her and don't let go.

When she starts swearing at you,

Kiss her and tell her you love her.

When she's quiet,

Ask her whats wrong.

When she ignores you,

Give her your attention.

When she pulls away,

Pull her back.

When you see her at her worst,

Tell her she's beautiful.

When you see her start crying,

Just hold her and don't say a word.

When you see her walking,

Sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

When she's scared,

Protect her.

When she lays her head on your shoulder,

Tilt her head up and kiss her.

When she steals your favorite hat,

Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

When she teases you,

Tease her back and make her laugh.

When she doesn't answer for a long time,

Reassure her that everything is okay.

When she looks at you with doubt,

Back yourself up.

When she says that she likes you,

She really does more than you could understand.

When she grabs at your hands,

Hold her's and play with her fingers.

When she bumps into you,

Bump into her back and make her laugh.

When she tells you a secret,

Keep it safe and untold.

When she looks in your eyes,

Don't look away until she does.

When she misses you,

She's hurting inside.

When you break her heart,

The pain never really goes away.

When she says its over,

She still wants you to be hers.

When she reposts this bulletin,

She wants you to read it.

Stay on the phone with her even if she says nothing.

When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go.

When she says she's alright, don't believe it.

Talk with her- because 10 years later she'll remember you.

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her.

Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.

Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

Tease her and let her tease you back.

Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show, even if you think its stupid.

Give her the world.

Let her wear your clothes.

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.

Let her know she's important.

Kiss her in the pouring rain.

When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is:

"Who's ass am I kicking, babe?"