Welcome to the home page of the Fullmetal Alchemist's HOMUNCULI (oh, & the others). This is solely created for the YOU to communicate with the Homunculi through message! Ain't that great?

These characters are featured on the story Crazy by Phantom Ou! (If you don't know that story, WHY THE F*CK YOU HERE? Heh :) Keep in mind that these characters' personalities are in accordance to that and only that story, Crazy. Of course, most of them will act like they do in FMA (except Wrath), but they will be more loose and less serious. However, you can get to know them and once you're good enough friends, the wonderful pro is that you may even squeeze a few spoilers and previews of the future chapters of Crazy!

Important Note, FMA fans: I do not own these characters and this is used for entertainment (my entertainment) purposes only. Don't be such a downer and say that oh, whoever made this is a creep with no life who tries to reenact characters from FMA. Pfft! You're so right! (Not.) Anyway, this is for fun so no one should be all serious and butt-hurt by the outcome. I'm not responsible for any insults you may receive (you know Envy...) or any offense you may receive from the crude sense of humor they have. Go on and message freely!

Impt. Note #2: Don't freak out and be all shy like: No, I'm not gonna try to talk to these people and make a fool out of myself. Don't worry, your conversations will be completely private. If they're funny enough, of course I would want to post it in Crazy, but no worries, I'll ask for your permission first. Go on and try, don't be shy, they're all lovin' guys. Wow, I made that rhyme.

Oh, and remember this, you may get a status with them such as an acquaintance status, a friend status, a best friend status, a close friend status, a girlfriend/boyfriend status (whaaaaat? o.o) and, ultimately, an enemy status (if you annoy them enough).

They are also trying to get more messages sent to them than the other characters! So choose wisely!

These are who you may speak to: (simply send us a message, for example: "Hi, I'd like to talk to Ed please." and Ed will respond to you. Alright? Alright.)

Wrath: Message me, yo! You can't resist someone as handsome as me. I'll give you advice how to deal with your wife - trust me, I'm experienced. (This also goes for your girlfriend, or a girl who's your friend who secretly has a crush on you, only it's not a secret 'cuz she makes it so friggin' obvious, and you wanna shoo her away, but you're too nice like me).

Pride: Nah, message me 'cuz I'm cutest and the most powerful of all Homunculi. *grins smugly*

Envy: Message meh. I'm the one who started the whole thing anyway! (refer to chapter 3 of Crazy)!

Lust: Message me, the incarnation of beauty! I can give you some tips on how to be as beautiful as me! Mwah!

Greed: Message me. What's awesome is that I also have Ling inside me. CHINESE, MAN! I love Chinese food! Anyway, I'm a pretty awesome at texting! Everything about me is awesome!

Gluttony: Message me... Um, hi, I am Hungry.

Sloth: Mes... sa... ge... Me... I... like-

Whoops, too slow. Next!

Ed: MESSAGE ME! 'Cuz I'm the tallest! And most importantly, I'm the only one not mental so far.

Mrs. Bradley: Um, hi, I don't really know how this works, but if you wanna message me, that'd be great.

(Yep, I bet no one will message her. Harhar.)

Al: Hi! If you'll message me, that'll be awesome! I like meeting new people. I'll explain to you what it feels like to be inside a metal suit.

Winry: Hey, message me! I have to have more messages than Ed, that jerk.

Pinako: Message me! I'll teach you the ways of Pinako-jutsu and how to knock someone out in two seconds. And after that, how to run from the cops.

Father: Being the Father of these insane Homunculi, I have a lot of experience. I can teach you how to raise children. And also... how to get rid of them...

Truth: Hi! :D I am you! So even if you don't message me, I know enough about you! I know everything about you, actually! 'Cuz I am the Truth! I am the whole universe. Did I mention I am you as well? That's right! I'm also your neighbor, your dog, your teacher, your PARENTS. You have my DNA running through your veins right now! :D

(Creepy...)

Kimblee: 'Sup. Message me, if you will. I am a renowned therapist. I can help you with your friggin' problems.

Ling: Hey, hey! Message meeee! I'm the grown man living inside Greed's body :D

(Way to introduce yourself...)

More will come...

FAVORITE QUOTES

Wrath:

1. Handsome devils like me are not skinny as a stick with a dot as a face.

2. Oh, please, beer is my savior.

3. "Clausit super eum!"

4. The more casualties there are, the more it'll cheer me up.

5. "Oi, if you heard something along the lines of gagging, choking, barfing, and puking chunks...," [Wrath] said. "It was from me."

6. "Aww, you're so right. Now that's my little girl, Selima."

7. "Now do you want your reward sent in cash, check, online banking or in punches? Or maybe in kicks, stabs, headbutts, feet up asses... Man, technology these days."

Pride:

1. "Dammit, Gluttony! Eat the (bleep)in' fire or I'll (bleep)in' kill you, you (bleep)in' fatass!... What? I live with Wrath."

2. "Gimme cheese or piss off."

Envy:

1. "Shut up, butt-ugly bitch."

2. "YOU LIE! LIAR, LIAR, LIAR! DON'T BELIEVE HIM!"

3. "We hold that truth to be self-evident."

Lust:

1. I'M BEAUTIFUL!

Greed:

1. "AND HOW ABOUT ME, HUH? I'M CLEAN! NOTHING HAPPENED TO ME! HAHAHAHA, TO THE REST OF YA! IN YOUR FACES! I DO GET EVERYTHING I WANT!"

2. "Imma kill you and chop you up into fatass pieces!"

3. "Hey, hey, look, guys... Pride, you should join the Little Miss Japan's pageant, and Envy, your head is shiny. Alright, now you may kill each other."

4. "WAIT A SEC! WE CAN STILL ESCAPE OUT THE FRONT DOOR!"

5. "I drew Pride with boobs."

6. "I-I can't talk... right now... So I'll... I'll... I'll text you."

Gluttony:

1. "And since when did you turn all homo, Greed? You have Ling inside you all the time! Didn't you always saying something about wanting everything in the world? Well, you must want girls and boys!"

2. "And I'll exchange food for more food."

3. "I'm Princess Gluttonia. 'Tis niceth to meeth thee allz."

Sloth:

1. "Ha... Ha... Ha." (Yeah, he's not in a lot.)

Ed:

1. "WHO'RE YOU CALLING A 'LITTLE' SUCKER, YOU BASTARD!"

2. "Uhh, I don't know? MAYBE RUN FOR OUR FREAKIN' ASSES?"

3. "WHY? WHY CAN'T I PROTECT ANYONE?"

Pinako:

1. "HAIIIIIYAH! PINAKO-JUTSU!"

Mrs. Bradley:

1. "It's okay," [Mrs. Bradley] said. "I have enough bullets to kill all three of you."

Father:

1. "WHAT IS THIS?" [Father] cried. "HOW THE HELL DID THE WHOLE FREAKIN' TV CAME ALONG? HOW, HUH? HOW? IT'S NOT EVEN PLUGGED IN!"

Truth:

1. For a second there, I thought I felt... a murderous intent? No, impossible. I am the Truth, I am God, I am the universe, and I am also you, yadda, yadda.

Ling:

1. "CALL NIGH-WON-WON! NIGH-WON-WON!"

More will come...

FAVORITE DIALOGUE

1.

"Honey, stop being rude!" my wife scolded. Leave it up to her to say sweet, lovey-dovey nicknames at a time like this.

"Honey," Envy repeated and made kissy faces at me.

"Ugh, boy. I'm damn glad my eyesight ain't so hot," [Wrath] said.

2.

"Y-Yeah, we can explain," Envy stammered out quickly.

"Explain it to my ass when I'm suffocating you with it!" [Wrath] screamed, and [his] wife whacked [him] again.

3.

"Oh, honey, if it's an accident, it's okay!" [Wrath's] wife cried, hugging Selim.

"I spoke too soon," [Wrath] muttered. "Dammit, woman, you're stupid. He's a fatass liar. I mean who trips and shaves someone bald in one swipe? Damn, he must have gotten up and fallen back down on Envy like twenty times."

4.

"THE FIRE'S GROWING!" Greed exclaimed to regain our focus. "GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER!"

Ed shouted, "Right!" He smashed a cabinet and pulled out a fire extinguisher (how did he knew where things are? Hmm...) And then that goddamn dumb as shit Ed began beating the fire with the fire extinguisher.

"Stop! Stop!" [Envy] yelled, kicking the extinguisher out of his hands. "That's not how you use a fire extinguisher, you dumbass!"

5.

Greed spoke up, "Wait... Gluttony may have a point. This is probably our last moment together. Let's spend it amicably."

"Amica-what?"

Greed patted Ed, already starting this amica-crap. "You know... You can actually be a pretty darn cool kid if you calmed down half the time."

"And Gluttony," Lust began, "you were a very good partner in crime."

"I need to live for my brother, Al," Ed stated. "But if I do have to die, I'm okay with having to die with you all. Makes me seem heroic to sacrifice my life while fighting the Homunculi. Al would have been proud."

"He is proud of you," Greed responded.

"Are you guys serious here?" [Envy] gagged. "Why are you guys saying cheesy stuff now? Where's the goddamn camera? Are we shooting a drama movie or something?"

6.

"Yeah, so that was how it happened," Selim finished. "Greed wanted us to bury him, and so we did."

"WHAT? LIES! NOW CAN SOMEONE HELP ME OUTTA HERE?" Greed struggled under the layers of dirt, but [they] all ignored him.

7.

"For the last time, woman, open your damn eyes. WE HAVE NO HOUSE! WHERE ARE WE GOING TO SLEEP TONIGHT? IN THE EFFIN' STREETS? All of these creeps killed my house! So Imma draw the line here!"

[Wrath] took out a pen from [his] breast pocket and drew a line on the floor dramatically. "Alright! I'm kicking you all out!"

The Homunculi sharply inhaled. "But we have no home!"

"ME NEITHER, BUDDY!" [Wrath] bellowed.

8.

Wrath panted, "Why... Why ho-"

"Mo?" Gluttony asked.

"No! Home! Why you home soon?" Wrath demanded to [Pride].

"I home 'cuz- I not home soon! Is usual time I home!"

"Why? You no friends?" Wrath countered. "Hang with friends!"

"Why're you all talking like cavemen?" Envy asked.

9.

"No thanks," [Pride] said. "I got to head home to my pa... My par... My... p... p... Those horrible, naked people who secretly does things at my absence, thinking I will never see but oh, I did. I did see. I saw everything and no, they cannot deny it anymore."

"I'm sorry what?"

10.

"It's my fault!" Winry blurted.

"Winry!" Ed yelled and then added, "Well, it kinda is..."

[Mrs. Bradley] cocked her guns and aimed carefully. "Well, just stand still and let me aim for your heart..."

"Blame me!" Al said and muttered, "Since I'm bulletproof anyways."

"No!" Ed cried. "If you're going to kill, kill me!"

"Ugh, good people are so complicated," Envy complained.

11.

"EVERYONE, SHUT THE F*CK UP!" Wrath screamed, finally responding. "CAN'T YOU TELL I'M TRYING TO KILL THE ZOMBIE QUEEN WITH JUST A 22 CALIBER PISTOL, MY FORGED, RUBY LASER BEAM, AND MY MAGIC-ZOMBIE-PROOF REVOLVER? HUH? CAN'T YOU TELL?"

"NO, WE CAN'T TELL!" [Envy] screamed back. "CUZ NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE F*CK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!"

12.

"Nothing, I was just thinking about something evil," Greed responded, then frowned. "Like when someone gives you a PB&J sandwich and there's only the PB and you're like 'where the hell is the jelly' and they are like 'oh, we ran out' and you are like 'f*ck you' and they are like 'whatever'. Now that's- that's evil."

He sounded choked up with anger and sadness. Pretending [Father] never heard that - just like how [he] usually pretends [he] still has a life (sighhh) - [he] sat down.

13.

Pride stopped him from reaching out and shook his head. "It's gone, Envy. There's nothing you can do."

"Except laugh!" Greed shouted and began laughing. "HAHAHAHAHAHA- OOF!"

14.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU HOMUNCULI? YOU GUYS ARE LOCO! YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY AND WILD! I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO-"

"You have a tan line," Greed pointed out.

"Where?"

He pointed to [Father's] shoulder to show the tan line.

"There is a tan line," Pride murmured.

"Oh, I see it now," Envy observed.

[Father] nodded. "It's cuz I usually wear sleeves so- DON'T TRY TO DISTRACT ME!"

15.

"Look at Daddy's trollface," Greed murmured.

"Mm-hmm," Ling chimed, "Face no good. Face traumatizin' shmall childeren."

"It's pronounced 'children', fool," Wrath corrected impatiently.

"Childereren," Ling attempted to mimic the accurate pronunciation.

"Children!"

"Childrrrhenhen."

"Children! Where the f*ck did 'henhen' come from? It's children!"

"Chi."

"The f*ck?"

"Childlkefandsldkjf I kill you, you kill me."

"What?"

16.

Gluttonia retrieved a green booger and popped it in her mouth.

"Well, the girl's gotta eat, right?" Kimblee half-joked.

More will come...

EXTRA STUFF ;)

Ed's Letter

Are you looking for your son? SELIM BRADLEY? HUH? WELL, ARE YOU? Yeah, well, if you are, stop looking 'cuz we kidnapped him already! MUHAHA!

If you wanna see him, you gotta pay the ransom.

That's right: $10,000,000... PLUS TAX.

Haha! Well, Fewher Bradley? If you wanna see him again ALIVE, you have to pay by TOMORROW. Haha. I'll give you more information tmmr of what you should do.

P.S. Oh, and if you didn't know, I'm the kidnapper :)

Hope you have a BAD day, haha, didn't see that coming, huh?

The Kidnapper- No, wait, the SelimNapper.

We were all quiet. And then my wife gasped, "OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! HOW HORRIBLE!"

"I KNOW!" I shouted. "WHO SPELLS FUHRER WRONG, HUH? WHO SPELLS IT FEWHER? JUST CUZ IT SOUNDS LIKE THAT?"

Wrath vs. Mrs. Bradley: Their Efforts to Retrieve Their Son (aka Selim/Pride)

Mrs. Bradley:

HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?

SELIM BRADLEY.

PLEASE FIND AND RETRIEVE HIM! I'M HIS MOTHER AND I'M WORRIED SICK FOR HIS SAFETY!

REWARD: $25,000,000! YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL! I JUST NEED MY SON!

ADDRESS: FUHRER'S MANSION.

Wrath:

HAVE YOU SEEN HER?

SELIMA BRADLEY.

WANTED ALIVE. PREFERABLY DEAD. NO ONE CARES. JK. My wife won't stop nagging me.

Reward: $25...000,000 (I'm forced to add the zeros.)

Address: Biggest mansion in town. Duh.

Voldemort's Surprise Appearance:

"Shit!" Envy cursed. "Now how am I gonna get a raise? My spells never friggin' work!"

"No worries," a cool voice manifested beside him. He was a bald man with an alien face and he wore a long, black cloak.

"Hey, Voldemort."

"'Sup. Now I'm going to teach you the basics of spell casting. Have you forgotten all your training at E.W. HairyWarts?"

"Sorry, sir."

"Next time, flick your wand in the air, aim at your target - their heads, not the limbs - and just blow off their damn heads, shouting 'Avada Kedavra!' Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Text you later."

"Promise?"

"I'll try," Voldemort answered with as much sincerity as he could muster. Envy nodded his head sadly, and the guy vanished in the air.