as a given i don't review sorry but if i can get my thought from my brain to the keyboard i shall

seriously it took me seveal days to figure out want to put here...

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Actual Labels

Liquid plummer-"Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages."-(Beverages WOOO!!)

Arm and hammer scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Are you sure?)

Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances."

Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children."

Dog food-"new and improved tasting", (who tests it?)

Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yummy...)

Sleeping pills-"Warning: may cause drowsiness" (Cause that's not the desired effect..)

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (Why did I buy it again?)

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." (Really?)

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (Gasp!)

Hair dryer-"Do not use while sleeping" (But thats the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bar of Dial soap- "Directions: use like regular soap" (And that would be how?)

Some Swann frozen dinners-"Serving suggestion: Defrost" (But it's just a suggestion.)

Tesco's dessert (printed on bottom of the box)-"Do not turn upside down" (Too late! you lose!)

Marks and Spencer Bread pudding: "Warning: product may be hot after heating." (Wow, I would have never guessed!)

Rowena iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't that save more time?)

Boots children's cough medicine: "Do not drive or operate machinery." (We could do a lot to reduce construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year old off of fork lifts.)

Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children." (NO dip)

Christmas lights; "For indoor and outdoor use only." (As opposed to, you know, outer space.)

Food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now I'm curious...)

Sainsbury's peanuts:"Warning: may contain nuts." (But no peas?)

American Airlines package of peanuts; "Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts." (Someone got paid big bucks to write this one...)

Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with hands." (Ok, raise your hand if you've tried this.)

Random Facts:

Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump."

Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.

The average chocolate bar has 8 insects' legs in it.

The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.

It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

The giant squid has the largest eyes in the world.

The longest one-syllable word in the English language is "screeched."

All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt"..

Almonds are members of the peach family.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.

A snail can sleep for 3 years.

China has more English speakers than the United States.

The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.

A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world?

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.

It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

You know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

Cat's urine glows under a black light.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age.

Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.

Feb 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

Polar bears are left-handed.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

First novel ever written on a typewriter is Tom Sawyer.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

Donald Duck comics were once banned in Finland because he doesn't wear trousers.

More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.

The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want.

TYPEWRITER, is the longest word that can be made using the letters on only one row of the keyboard.

If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.

The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Starfish haven't got brains.

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. T

he national anthem of Greece has 158 verses. No one in Greece has memorized all 158 verses.

Los Angeles's full name is "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula". And can be abbreviated to 3.63 of its size, "L.A."

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

In most advertisements, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

When the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers play football at home, the stadium becomes the state's third largest city.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life".

The name for Oz in the "Wizard of Oz" was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N and O-Z, hence "Oz."

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.

John Lennon's first girlfriend was named Thelma Pickles.

The average person falls asleep in seven minutes.

There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.

Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

The average secretary's left hand does 56 of the typing.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Two-thirds of the world's eggplant is grown in New Jersey.

A dragonfly has a lifespan of 24 hours.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

If you like pie, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're too lazy to copy and paste this stuff into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you annoy people just for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that idiot girl in the Eggo waffle commercial should give her father some of those stupid waffles already, copy and paste this into your profile.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you think that Global Warming is real, and that it should be dealt with, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction and/or fictionpress, copy this into your profile.

If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this into your profile!

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki, WeaselChick, Revenant666, darkflame1516, AirGirl Phantom, Agent of the Divine One, pointless people of Pluto, itachikakashi, xXxLuna-of-the-ChosenxXx, .a.broken.heart.within. The Most OOC Writer Around, Mask of Mirage, EcoliandDahChihuahua, Mellie11, Sniper-experiment-5-1-0-Alphasana-dracios.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped down the stairs copy this into your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.

If you’ve ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever laughed so hard tears streamed down your face, you banged your head repeatedly on a table, and received weird looks from everyone in the immediate vicinity, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious, snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you believe that the pink bunnies of doom are really out to get you, then copy and paste this into your profile.