![]() Name: Call me Ana. Nickname's: Ann, Annie, Dana, Pinky(Sunny, you're awesome), Nixie, Cracker (he he ;D), Izzy, Sokie (please, no questions), Rose, Blondie and God knows what else... Location: Around the corner in a round world. Appearances’: Short, tan skin, brownish-blondish-reddish hair, bluish-greenish-grayish eyes – tell me if I forgot something… :D Hobby: Dancing, singing, drawing, writing, reading, playing with my dog, cats and my computer, teasing my friends, being sarcastic, being nice and ending sentences with :) About me: I like soccer, I hang out with guys, I hang out with girls, I love math, I hate liars – yet again I lie myself – I love my parents, I love pink, I like black, I like smiling and laughing and when I’m not doing that then it feels awkward, I don’t hate any subject in school – just the teachers that teach the class – I don’t like being told what to do, I stand my ground, I forgive easily – mistake – but I never forget – then again, a plus side – I can hide my emotions pretty good, but I can also let you see them as if it’s written on my forehead, I have great friends and a lot of b*tches that hate me and everything about me, I’m not into fashion and I can dress only casual or formal, I can understand problems really well – so go ahead and talk your little heart out I'll always listen and try to make you feel better– I don’t like grammar mistakes – doesn’t it just feel like a waste of time when a friend sends you a message the size of a football field and you spend 20 minutes trying to guess what the first three lines say – I am completely and utterly random, I like vivid colors, I like dark colors, I laugh at a horror movie and I don’t scream ‘bloody murder’ when a pop-tart pops out, I stare at a spider and speed walk away from it – never kill a spider, it brings bad luck ;D – I love cartoon’s, I love making jokes, although some say I have a twisted sense of humor, I won’t barf at a gory movie – I just need to find something really funny about it and I’m not nauseated anymore – I will hurt you if you hurt me, I would never turn my back on real friends – note the real part - I’m always optimistic and happy, I’m sometimes very depressed or sad, I’m just who I want to be with all the down sides and up sides of life and I can go on forever but right now I don’t think you want to know everything I have to say ;D I am afterall, just an ordinary girl! :D Advice’s to wannabe writers (or whatever): Write something you would want to read, let the story come to you and if it still bugs your head after 5 months you have to start writing it down, don’t plan to be spontaneous, don’t start a story if you’re not going to finish it, check your grammar and spelling, read for a while and write for practice so you can develop your own style and, most of all, have fun doing it… :) Projects: I’m currently working on three stories and I hope to publish them one day, I know a certain someone who will kill me if I don’t… XD Favorite books: House of Night Maximum Ride Daniel X Vampire Academy The Guardians of Time The Mortal Instruments The Infernal Devices The Darkest Powers Music: Every except country or heavy-metal... I, Nyx's Pinky Girl, Promise To Review Every Story I Read. I Am Joining The Review Revolution. Cause We All Know It Sucks When You Have 10,000 Hits and Only Fifty Reviews. Some awesome people I met here: WhyFightAnEclipseWhenTheresJaz - she has over 50 story's and each and every one of them is worth reading. I absolutely love your work, Cookie! It just radiates awesomeness! ;) You are like my best friend too, I wouldn't know what to do without you there giving me your advices! I wouldn't be able to pull trough who knows which lope-hole out there! I'm glad our e-mails are long, I love talking to you! I hope we never stop! I must thank you for going trough the epic fail of various mistakes in betaing my story. :3 It wouldn't be good without you! I hope to meet you one day in person, and show everyone how much you are like me, internet twin Cookie! Loves you tons, who else than Cracker! :D BonnieLforU - Ah, my dear fellow Queen! We rule over a powerful Empire! And, besides being a brutal Queen ;P, she had truly amazing work, and I'm still kinda mad at you for deleting it, dear! But she's got an idea in her sleave, and I can't wait for her new work! :3 vampirepuppiez00 - seriously, when are you going to update? ;) She has one story - but it is an extremely unique one and I absolutely encourage you to read it. :) She is an awesome writer, and a fantastic friend! What did I do to deserve you, Sunny? Lots o' Love from your muse! I hope to talk to you soon, I haven't heard from you in like, forever! Miss you! :P Nyx's Chosen One - what can I say? Crazy girl with tons of potential. XD She's just cool like that. zoeybird101 - Her work is truly amazing. :D She's a fantastic writter and a fantastic friend. :D Mrstrentreznor - she has some mad skills. ;P Love it! XD And now, you know, the crazy part of the profile, enjoy, cry, laugh, freak out... whatever: I am the girl who people see and say "Don't mess with her, she will kick your ass" and they are right, hurt me and I hurt you. But I also have feelings. Just because I am not into drugs, doesn't mean I am not cool. Just because my parents don't mind me drinking, it does not make them irresponsible. Just because I would rather drink at home then get drunk at a party and risk getting hurt, does not mean I am not cool. Just because I don't let you grope me constantly does not make me a prude, I am just not a whore. Just because I am tough doesn't mean I wouldn't mind getting asked out. Just because I am strong, does not mean I am not pretty. Different does not always mean wrong. Different is usually what the good kids are described as because they do not act bad like the "Normal" ones do. Cruel, Beautiful, Nice, smart, caring, tough, strong and just about every other adjective is merely a matter of perspective. Pain makes you stronger. A broken heart never heals, you move on but the pain is always there. You are you, so live the way you want to, not the way be people think you should and not the way that will make you popular. I am me. You can take everything I have but I will always have one thing you don't and that is me. I am me, if you don't like it I don't care. Let your true brightness shine and let no one dim it. A lot of people say live for the moment , but I don't agree. Live for what you believe in and hold onto every moment. Dying for what you believe in is easy, the real courage is in living for what you believe in. Loving and Hating are two very different things and yet they both cause so much pain. I will not give up. I will not stand down. I bow to no one. Sick of crying Tired of trying Yeah I'm smiling But inside I'm dying! Labels are for cans, and if you haven't noticed... I'm not a freaking CAN! xD 92 percent of American teens would die if Abecrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their heads off at the others! If you've ever sung a song you hated so much, copy and paste this into your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, so weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, and throw those lemons back in the face of the person who gave them to you until you get the oranges you originally asked for. If you agree copy and paste this into your profile. If FanFiction to you is what Facebook is to other people, copy this into your profile. Just because we eat animals for food, doesn't mean we can cut them up for clothing! If you are against fur coats, clothing, boots, etc, copy this into your profile. If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile. If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile. If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. 95 percent of kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're one of the 5 percent that aren't, copy this to your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (Gee, I wonder what brain-creep makes this things up...) 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If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. If you ever just felt like running somewhere, copy this to your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile. If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile. If you are in la la land most of the time copy this onto your profile. If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile. If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile. If you know someone who should spontaneously combust, burn to death in a fire, be fed to hungry lions, or die any other form of painful death, copy this into your profile. If you are insane, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile. One of your best friends IS insane, copy this into your profile. You don't care if your not popular, you are just who you are. Copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever gone around poking random people copy and paste this into your profile. 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile. If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile. If you have so many of these you keep finding doubles copy and paste this into your profile. If you realize these are so similar you should of deleted half of them copy and paste this into your profile. If you actually read all this copy and paste. 92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie & Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be part of the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others. If you've laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, copy this into your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy this into your profile. If there are times when you want to annoy somebody just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy this into your profile. If you haven't died yet, copy this into your profile. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this to your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you said it, copy this to your profile. If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile. If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. If you have ever choked on your own spit, copy this into your profile! If you frequently have conversations with yourself and/or fictional characters from your favorite books, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hear voices of the characters in your head, copy and paste this on your profile. If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile. If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you know someone who needs to get run over, copy this into your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile. If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile. If you've never had "The Talk", but instead learned everything you needed to know from television or fanfic, copy this into your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune. If you've ever threatened a computer or video game console, copy and paste this into your profile. Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you think flamers should get a life, put this in your profile. If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives whatsoever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it have written, and you are one of the aforementioned people, copy and paste this into your profile. 5.5 million people are on the Internet right now. Copy this onto your profile if you are one of them. If you are a girl, paste this on your profile. If you're on the computer, paste this on your profile. If you ever walked into the wrong classroom, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever slapped yourself and/or banged your head on a table for no reason copy and paste this onto your profile. If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away then remembered, copy this into your profile. If your one of those people who can literally stay on the computer for hours on in if only you weren't forced to get off, then copy and paste this on your profile. If you love Fanfiction.net, copy and paste this into your profile. If you like the rain copy and paste this into your profile. If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile. If you hate it when people review your story just to ask you to review theirs, copy this into your profile. If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingy's, copy and paste this into your profile. Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. Don't you just loooove sarcasam? THE PERV CODE The voices in my head tell me that you're all crazy to think that I need therapy. If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak. If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it. This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. Smile, and the world will smile back at you. Laugh, and they'll all think you're on drugs. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic... Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler? Don't mess with me I've got a stick! ... And no idea in hell how to use it... Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. (Oh yeah, makes perfect sense, you wacko psycho-therapist's) Tell the truth and run. Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary probem... One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. I’m not afraid of Death, what’s it gonna do kill me? It’s always the last place you look. Of course it is why would I keep looking after I’ve found it? Someone once told me that happiness was just around the corner. I told them that world is round. Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional... If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. I'm not random, i just have many thou- OH A SQUIRREL! Elmo knows where you live! Forever isn't as long as it use to be. Ever stop to think and forget to start again? I smile because I have no idea what's going on! I ran with scissors, and lived! You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. Be nice to losers. one day they might be cool! There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night." If you can't convince them, confuse them. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. He who laughs last didn't get it. Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that. The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. I'm smiling. That alone should scare you. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it Silence is golden, duct tape is silver Make a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for life If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk I've got A.D.D and magic markers, oh the thrills I will have! Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch? Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it. The best place to hide is in plain sight. Guys aren't worth your tears. I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away. I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless. If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth. Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary. So what if we act like immature idiots? We're having fun. I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You shall be my squishy! I used to care, but I take a pill for that now. The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. There's a ME in AWESOME but there's also a WE. Don't yawn in the shower. You might drown. Live dangerous…Run with scissors. I’m so clever that sometimes, I don’t even know what I’m saying. Love is like snot. You keep picking at it until you get to it, then you wonder what to do with it. Always listen to experts- they'll tell you confidently what can't be done and why. Then go ahead and do it. After all is said and done a heck of a lot more is said than done. At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote. Happiness is your dentist telling you “it won't hurt a bit,” and then he catches his hand in the drill. If you are good you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good you will get out of it. A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking. Sometimes you're the windshield, but sometimes you gotta be the bug. Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out. Stupidity kills, unfortunately not fast enough. Diamonds are a girls best friend...because they're sharper then knives. I hate it when the voices and my imaginary friends fight. Have you seen my mind? I seem to have lost it. If all else fails, try reading the instructions. I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me. Smart is sexy. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. No ones perfect… well there was this one guy but we killed him. My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone. I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage. I’ve stopped listening, why haven’t you stopped talking? There are people in Africa that can't afford sarcasm, and yet, you abuse it. Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I see regular people! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Boys are like lava lamps fun to look at, but not very bright. I'm the type of girl who will laugh at a scary movie, but screams bloody murder when toast pops out the toaster. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. I'm not insane... I just do what the voices tell me to. I say we shoot cupid. I didn't loose my mind, I sold it on eBay. Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now! Don't talk unless you can improve the silence. Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge. I have opinions of my own,strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. I couldn't repair your brakes so I made your horn louder. Work,yeah, I tried it once,worst 7 minutes of my life. Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? Sometimes when I'm alone in a room I like to say, “I know you’re listening” because if I'm wrong then no one heard but if im right then I just freaked the heck out of some secret organization. To put it nicely, I hope you choke. Roses are Red Violets are blue When god gave brains, Where the hell were you!? EVER WONDER where we are heading... Why the sun lightens our hair, Why women can't put on mascara Why you don't ever see the headline: Why "abbreviated" is such a long word? Why Doctors call what they do "practice"? Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98? Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, Why the man who invests all your money is called a Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food? Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor? Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes? Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? Why they don't make the whole plane out of the Why sheep don't shrink when it rains? Why they are called apartments when If con is the opposite of pro, Why they call the airport "the terminal" There's a cronical health problem here - you lack sarcasam. It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn. I'm not insensitive, I just don't care. Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over. Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape. Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. I don't obsess! I think intensely. I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. He who laughs last thinks slowest. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. When life gives you lemons, squirt the lemons in Life's face Boy, I didn't fall for you, you tripped me! Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins. That way you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid... When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip n' slide. A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work. When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them. Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe. People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" That's a really good question...i wonder... TGWF: Thank God We're Female Liquid plummer-"Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages." Arm and hammer scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances" Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children." Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." Sleeping pills-"Warning: may cause drowsiness" One would hope. Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." Are you sure? Lets experiment. RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." Hair dryer-"Do not use while sleeping" But that's the only time I have to work on my hair! On a bar of Dial soap- "Directions: use like regaular soap" And that would be how? Some Swann frozen dinners-"Serving suggestion: Defrost" But it's just a suggestion. Tesco'sdessert (printed on bottom of the box)-"Do not turn upside down" Too late! you lose! Marks and Spencer Bread pudding: "Warning: product may be hot after heating." Wow, I would have never guessed! Rowentairon: "Do not iron clothes on body." But wouldn't that save more time? Whose body? Boots children's cough medicine: "Do not drive or operate machinery." We could do alot to reduce construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year old off those fork lifts. Korean kicthen knife: "Keep out of children." Hmm...I think something got lost in translation. Christmas lights; "For indoor and outdoor use only." As opposed to outer space. Food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." Now I'm curious. Sainsbury's peanuts:"Warning: may contain nuts." But no peas? American Airlines package of peanuts; "Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts." Someone got paid big bucks to write this one... Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with hands." Raise your hand if you've tried this. Child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garmet does not enable you to fly." Oh go ahead. That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief. "Why dont you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.." "I'm not physcotic, I'm a freaking retard. DUH" I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you. "Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real." "I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not." Why are the Force and duct tape the same? -Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together. Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? I find "good morning" contradictory We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls our good at one thing: Staying Strong. Tears wash the windows of our souls so we can see ourselves more clearly. My heart? Yeah. Not a playground. The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30, and I'm still 29, who'll be laughing then? I think I could be madly in like with you Let's flip a coin: heads, we'll be together; tails, we'll flip again When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back. You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you. I hear voices and they dont like you. I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it. Im not insane... I just do what the voices tell me to To put it nicely, I hope you choke It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn Join the Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them I'm not insensitive, I just don't care All I want is for one guy, to prove they're not all the same. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. No ones perfect… well there was this one Guy but we killed him If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and let the world wonder how you did it. I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Sing "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmasters office. I’ve stopped listening, why haven’t you stopped talking? How can you break my fucking heart, and tell me you still love me? Something everyone should remember: Emmett is the strongest. Edward is the fastest.But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make you feel jealous. I keep trying to kidnap Jasper but every time I try Alice is at his window with a bat waiting for me. How does she kn- oooh...riiiiight Therapist = The/rapist... Scary thought... Opps did my saracas mhurt you? Deal with it! HA HA HA! HAHAHAHA...wait...what? Never knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run! Death hates that. My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and then it's gone. Eat right, exercise, die anyway. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let people wonder how you did it. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are just missing. They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room? Sarcasm is one more service I offer. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. When all else fails, try bashing your head against the wall some more. Some people are like slinkies, good for nothing, but they make you smile when you push them down a flight or stairs. I did not hit you, I just high-fived your face. Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would you keep looking after I found it? Don’t mess with me I've got a stick. Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons! I ran with scissors, and lived! Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Sometimes you just have to jump off the bridge and hope you learn how to fly on the way down. Help I've fallen and I can’t...hey nice carpet! I’ve stopped listening, why haven’t you stopped talking? Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. Yeah, you have the right to your own opinion, but I have the right to think you're stupid. I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless. If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth. Do I have to spell it out for you or scream it in your face?! Music is my boyfriend. If you're ticked at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, your a mile away from them, and you have their shoes! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha! Just when I think you said the most stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking. Goldfish have the memory span of 3 seconds, sometimes I have to wonder if I'm a goldfish. (That's funny but I'm actually smart! Even though it happens.) "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" I've got things to break, people to laugh at, objects to drool over and who knows what else. A stranger will stab you in the back, a friend will stab you in the front, a boyfriend will stab you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. My imaginary friend doesn't like you either. Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head. Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Vampires vs. Werewolves...It's kinda like pirates vs ninjas, but cooler. FEMALE COMEBACKS!! Man:My dad owns the Café. I could get us really good seats. Man:I have magic fingers. And they love to give massages. Man:Are you an angel from heaven? Man: Where have you been all my life? Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Man: Is this seat empty? Man: Your place or mine? Man: So, what do you do for a living? Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Man: Your body is like a temple. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Man: Your eyes they're amazing. Man: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement. B.I.T.C.H Beautiful Intelligent Talented Charming Hilarious Guess you gave me a huge compliment! "PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch" "Stress: The condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to kick someones ass" "MENstrual pain, MENstrual cramps, MENtal anxiety, MENopause... godamnit... all of our problems start with MEN!" " 'I love you' is eight letters. And so is 'bullshit' " "When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to find out they are not it." I am not afraid of the dark, I am afraid of what is lurking in it. I am not afraid of heights, I am afraid of falling. I am not afraid of falling in love, I am afraid of not being loved back. I intend to live forever - so far, so good. I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. A day without sunshine is like, night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Honk if you love peace and quiet. He who laughs last thinks slowest. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines. Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade! Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. OK, so what's the speed of dark? The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. Everyone has a photographic memory; Some just don't have film. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened. Welcome to the world where being you is never enough. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. First a Fire, Then a Flame; I'm a Chick No Man Can Tame Calling me FAKE won't make you REAL, Calling me STUPID won't make you SMART, Calling me WEAK won't make you STRONG, Calling me UGLY won't make you PRETTY, Calling me POOR won't make you RICH, Calling me FAT won’t make you PERFECT, Calling me UNCOOL won’t make you COOL. So why bother? Life, is like God's way of kicking your sorry ass out of heaven and yelling, "AND DON'T COME BACK!!" Death, is like God's way of dragging you back up to heaven by your collar, mumbling, "Okay, I think you've done enough damage..." Girl: Why do you like me? 8 billion people in the world and I only want HIM. Love is like heaven but it can hurt LIKE HELL. He is 90 of the reason i get up in the morning. the other 10 is to pee. When you love a person, they're in your every thought. Love is when you don’t want to go to sleep – because reality is far much better. (By yours truly, moi!) One day, I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, Then it hit me Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks. Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. Boys are like slinkeys. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and let the world wonder how you did it. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust? One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me? If two wrongs don't make a right...try three. When life gives you lemons, squirt them in the eyes of your enemies. Don't knock on death's door, ring the doorbell and run- he hates that! My knight in shining turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil. It's better to keep quiet and let someone think you're stupid, than to open your mouth and prove it. It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt...then it's hilarious. if you talk about me i got some advice. click your heels 3 times and say 'i wish i had a life'! OMG! i think i just saw a flying bird! let me write that down in my 'things i dont really give f about' notebook. yea you have the right to your own opinion, but i have the right to think your stupid. warning: im sarcastic and i hurt peoples feeling sometimes, boo hoo. get over it.! I don't obsess, I think intensely! I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it! "Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda." I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned. "The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf." "Nothing worse than getting your pigtails shot off..." "Nobody move! I dropped my brain." "If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." "He who laughs last didn't get it." Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice? -When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. -Education is important; school however, is another matter. I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it. -Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder! -Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message. -Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. -Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them. -The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. -I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. -If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either. -Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters? -Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them? -There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots. -Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed. The top three Word's whores are: Politics, Church and Philosophers. Doctors follow next. (By your's truly... and her dad... at lunch time...) -High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw. It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face. -People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House. -I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens. -I do not deny everything. -Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage. Love me or hate me. Personally I could care less -Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us -Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls. -Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over... -Hello and welcome to the Mental HealthHot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you. (Wow... encouraging...) Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? The road to success is always under construction. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate. No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me. I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide. Sometimes I wonder "why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me. Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics. When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Don't take life to serouly, no one gets out alive anyway Life's tough...Get a helmet I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now! SHUT UP VOICES!! Or I'll poke you with the Q-tip again... If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died Man Invented Language To Satisfy Their Deep Need To Complain Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet! What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for." "Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you." "If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words." Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way. Shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum? People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was. Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people. An atheist is a person who believes in not believing anything. If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. There are no stupid questions – just stupid people. Even when you can't see Him, GOD IS THERE!! If you believe in God, then put this in your profile. If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this; because in the Bible, it says that if you deny me, then I shall deny you before my Father in the gates of Heaven. (Okay, I belive in God, Jesus and the rest of 'em, I don't go to church because it's boring, I almost never agree with the preacher and still, I haven't exploded, the devil didn't take my soul and I'm pretty sure you will never meet someone like me... I'm a better Christian than half of my church is... stupid idiots...) The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen Sir... when I was born I was black, when I grew up I was black, when I'm sick I'm black, when I go out in the sun I'm black, when I'm cold I'll be black, and when i die I'll be black. But you sir, when you where born you where pink, when you grew up you where white, when you're sick you're green, when you go out in the sun you turn red, when you're cold you turn blue, and when you die you'll turn purple. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man sat back down and the white one walked away. If you hate racism post this on your profile. (We are all unique - if ya don't think so... go screw yourself... no offense...) Be very careful if you make a woman cry because God counts her tears. Every tear a woman shed is equivalent to man's sacrifices in life. The woman came from a man's rib, not from his feet to be stepped on; not from his head to be superior, but from his side to be equal. Under his arms to be protected and near his heart to be loved. Sad stuff... this is the part where you cry, by the way... If someone you thought was your best friend betrayed you, stabed you in the back, embarrassed you, made you cry on purpose, or told bunch's of people your secrets post this on your profile. If your unpopular and had a a friend who's popular and you aren't friends anymore post this on your profile. Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If you're against abortion, re-post this. (I'm a bit against it, and a bit not... I call Undecieded) TRY NOT TO CRY: In Loving Memory of The Columbine Students Who Were Lost. Please if you would, pass this around. I'd be happy if you could; don't smash this on the ground. If you pass this on, maybe people will cry. Just keep this in your heart for the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye". Now you have 2 choices, 1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repostas "Try Not To Cry" 2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how cold-hearted you really are. If you have a profile. Read, Read, Read!! A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. "Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take "Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran The little boy pressed his face against the chain Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably "I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy. "How much?" asked the little boy. "No charge," The world is full of people who need someone who understands. Daddy's Poem: Her hair was up in a ponytail, her favorite dress tied with a bow, Today was Daddy's Day at school and she couldn't wait to go. But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home, Why the kids not might understand, if she went to school alone. But she was not afraid, she knew just what to say, What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today. But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone, And that was why, once again, she tried to keep her daughter home. But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all, About a dad she never sees, a dad who never calls. There were daddy's along the wall in back for everyone to meet. Children squirming impatiently, Anxious in their seats. One by one the teacher called, a student from the class, To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed. At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare, Each of them was searching, a man who wasn't their. "Where's her daddy at?" She heard a boy call out. "She probably doesn't have one." another student dared to shout. And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say, "Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day." The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her mom, And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on. And with hands behind her back, she slowly began to speak, And out of the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique. "My daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away, But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day. And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know, All about my daddy, and how he loves me so. He loved to tell me stories, he taught me to ride my bike, He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite. We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone, And though you cannot see him, I'm not standing here alone. 'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart, I know because he told me he'll forever be in my heart."with that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest, Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress. And somewhere in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears, Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years. For she stood up for the love, of a man not in her life, Doing what was best for her, doing what was right. And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd, She finished with a voice so soft, but it's message clear and loud. "I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star, And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far. You see he is a Marine, and died just this past year, When a roadside bomb hit his convoy, and taught Canadians to fear. But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away," And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day. And to her mother's amazement, she witnessed with surprise, A room full of daddy's and children, all starting to close their eyes. Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside, Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him by her side. "I know your with my daddy,"to the silence she called out, And what happened next, made believers out of those once filled with doubt. Not one of them could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed, But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant, long-stemmed, pink rose. And a child was blessed for only a moment, by the love of her shining star, And given the gift of believing that heaven is never to far. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them,a day to love them, but then an entire lifetime to forget them. I went to a party, Mom I felt proud of myself, I made a healthy choice, I got into my car, Now I'm lying on the pavement, My own bloods all around me, I'm sure the guy had no idea, So why do people do it, Mom Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom Someone should have taught him, My breath is getting shorter, Mom I wish that you could hold me Mom, Help stop drinking and driving!! IMPORTANT THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME! 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. Go and annoy! You! Yeah, you! Go! Go and annoy people! You'll feel loooots better, trust me... 1. I need to tell you a secret.(look at #5) Way to Annoy the Heck Outta Folks At the Movie Theater... 11 Things I Hate About Everyone: 10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL: YOUR GUY SIDE: (The ones that has an x is me) YOUR GIRL SIDE: (The ones that has an x is me) In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair). Some other category I failed to name….. bite me… Why I Write: I write to be able to learn and to share my ideas. To know that somewhere someone else is reading my stories. To know that a new chapter in a story can make someone'sday, or make them smile. To know that I can still keep a forgotten show alive, or hold off until the next installment of a series is available. To know that I can make new friends through a story. To know that each new story inspires a new person to give it a go. To know that a review can make someone laugh. To know that the reader loves a story enough to make suggestions. To know that I'm already paving my future. That's why I write. If this is why you write, put this on your profile.(Don't exactly write at this point, but this just gets to me, ya know?) I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. I am the girl that people look through when I say something. I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. I am the girl that people call weird anda freak either behindmy back or to my face. I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a boyfriend on a cell phone or regular phone. I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to havethe time to do any more, who can express herself better with words than actions, who doesn't need a boy to complete her, and knows the importance of the little things. Copy and paste this onto your account, and, if you are anything like me, so the girls, and guys who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone. There's this girl in the mirror, I wonder who she is. Sometimes the pain's too strong to bare...and life gets so hard you just don't care. She can't hide no matter how hard she tries, her secret disguised behind the lies. I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know that just to be alive is a grand thing. I’m not a bitch… I just like being rude. I'm not a fuck up… I just make mistakes. At age 8, your mom buys you an ice cream. You thanked her by dripping it all over her lap. When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice. When you were 10 years old she drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back. When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house. When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was in fashion. You thanked her by telling her she had no taste. When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug. You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked. When you were 16, she taught you how to drive a car. You thanked her by taking it every chance you could. When you were 17, she was expecting an important call. You thanked her by being on the phone all night. When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation. You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn. When you were 19, she paid for yourcollege tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags. You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends. When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she told you how deep she loved you. You thanked her by moving halfway across the country. When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her. You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children. And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART. If you love your mom, post this on your profile! Story’s…. enjoy… I guess…. One day, Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was - a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket ... A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believeor not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it? Repost this if you truly believe in God. The Difference Between Love And Attraction: One day, a guy was following a girl everywhere she goes. When the girl noticed, she faced the guy and said, "Why are you following me everywhere I go?" The guy answered, "Because you are very pretty and I think I'm falling in love with you." "Why don't you like my sister? She is much prettier than me. She is behind you right now." The guy turned around only to see that there was nobody there. "Are you trying to kid me? There's nobody there!" The girl looked smug as she said, "If you really love me, you shouldn't have looked back." Copy And Paste This In Your Profile If You Agree. Oh boy: One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers A local newspaper ran a competition asking for a poem with the most romantic first line, but the least romantic second line. Here are some of the entries they received: Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you because I was pissed. I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head. I see your face when I am dreaming That's why I always wake up screaming My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe "go to hell" Bad Things to Hear on an Airplane Intercom 1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore 2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know 3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does? 4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just kidding. 5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin' 6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory... 7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you? 8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on? 9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another... A body builder picks up a blonde at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have." The body builder tells her, "That's 100 pounds of dynamite, baby." He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have." The body builder tells her, "That's 100 pounds of dynamite, baby." He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that. The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was." Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian" He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door. Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??" His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!" Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!! Look! Some other random fuck on my profile! -pick the month you were born in- 1.(jan)i killed 2. (feb)i needed 3.(mar)i ran naked with 4.(apr)i jumped 5.(may)i had sex with 6.(june)i shot 7.(july)i banged 8.(aug)i luved 9.(sept)i ran shirtless with 10.(oct)i robbed 11.(nov)i slapped 12.(dec)i stabbed -pick the day you were born on- 01.two bi chicks 02.a homeless guy 03. Jacob Black 04.a mop 05.Barney the dinosaur 06. Edward Cullen 07.a stripper 08.my luver 09.my ex boy/girl friend 10.bella swan 11. a movie star 12.the school slut 13.a hooker 14.a drunk 15.a crack head 16.a hottie 17.a cat 18.a teletubby 19.a homo 20.paris hilton 21. mike newton 23.elmo 24.a rockstar 25.your toothbrush 26.a glass of milk 27.the kool-aid man 28.a french fry 29.a lesbo 30.a evil boy aka emo! 31.jerry the snow man -pick the color of the shirt you wearing- whitebecause that hoe stole my taco blackbecause im the sexiest beeoch alive pinkbecause emmett told me to! redbecause i bringing sexy back yepp! brown because bella is my freind polka dotsmy azz is perfecto! purplecuz im gangsta my home skillett biscut lol! graybecause im kool like dat otherbecause i have double d's greenim a freak'n tree hugger thats why! orangebecause i look like lindsy lohan maroonbecause im a preppy turquoisebecause i love water yeah baby! bluebecause edward dazzles me! tyedyebecause im a fucking subadiver you got a problem with that didnt think so! nonecuz i have a killer six pack yellowbecause i want chips!! -put it all together and laugh your head off!- I killed Bella Swan because Emmet told me to! Mwahahahaha! Take Time To Read Each Sentence This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is retard cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now read the THIRD word of every line. Get it? This has got to be one of the most clever DORMITORY: ASTRONOMER: DESPERATION: THE EYES: GEORGE BUSH: THE MORSE CODE : SLOT MACHINES: ELECTION - RESULTS: SNOOZE ALARMS: A DECIMAL POINT: THE EARTHQUAKES: ELEVEN PLUS TWO: Here, do something for fun… 1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4. "Has my brother been talking to you?" The Named: Guardians of Time Trilogy. 2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch? My pink nail polish. 3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Racing Stripes. 4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 9:45 5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 9:40 6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The TV. 7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? Going to school. 8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? A story. 9. What are you wearing? Jeans and a purple shirt. 10. Did you dream last night? No! 11. When did you last laugh? At the movie Racing Stripes. 12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Pink color and lots of posters. 13. Seen anything weird lately? Umm... I don't think so. 14. What do you think of this quiz? Been there, saw that. 15. What is the last film you saw? For the third time today, Racing Stripes. Do I need to repeat that? 16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? Lots of books about werewolves and vampires, stock something in the bank, and help people around the world. 17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: I have really nosy neighbors. 18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Bring magic in here! It's boring. 19. Do you like to dance? Hell Yeah! And I rock, if I do say so myself. :) 20. George Bush: Eww!!! 21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Amber. 22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Daniel. 23. Would you ever consider living abroad? Yeah! I have a lot of stuff in my mind. 24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the "pearly gates"? God: Welco- Me: Can I go home now? :P Namez 1. YOUR REAL NAME: 2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): 3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): 4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): 5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): 6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): 7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your mom's maiden name, 3rd letter of you dad's middle name, 1st letter of a sibling's first name, last letter of your mom's middle name): 8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother's middle name): 9. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets): Most girls don't realise these things; Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" WHY DO BOYS FALL IN LOVE WITH GIRLS?? Best and good friends…. If only… A good friend will bring you bail money when you're in jail. A BEST friend will be right in the cell next to you saying, "You have GOT to learn to run faster!" A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A BEST friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." A good friend helps you find your prince. A BEST friend kidnaps him and brings him to you. A good friend will help you move. A BEST friend will help you move the bodies. A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A BEST friend will hand you a Kleenex and ask you “Who do I have to kill?” A good friend helps you up when you fall. A BEST friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A BEST friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry. A good friend will offer you a soda. A BEST friend will dump theirs on you. A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A BEST friend will throw you a tampon and push you in. A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A BEST friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!" A good friend will bail you out of jail. A BEST friend would be in the cell next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" A good friend has never seen you cry. A BEST friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore. A good friend asks you to write down your number. A BEST friend has you on speed dial. A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A BEST friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you. A good friend knows a few things about you. A BEST friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story. A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A BEST friend just sits down and cries. A friend wants the money back that they loaned you last week. Best friends can't begin to remember who owes who money after taking care of each other for so long. A friend will help me find my way when I'm lost. A best friend will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions A friend will ask why your crying. A best friend will already have a shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry. A friend always gives your stuff back when they borrow it. Best friends lose your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." A friend will help me learn to drive. A best friend will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance A friend will watch my pets when I go away. A best friend won't let me go away A friend will help me up when I fall down. A best friend will point and laugh because she tripped me A friend will bail me out of jail. A best friend will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up". A friend will go to a concert with me. A best friend will kidnap the band with me A friend never ask for food and call your parents Mr. and Mrs. and grandpa, grandpa, best friends are the reason you never have any food and call your parents MOM and DAD and grandpa GRAMPS!! A friend asks me for my number. A best friend asks me for her number A friend hides me from the cops. A best friend is probably the reason they are after me in the first place A friend lets me make an idiot of myself in public. A best friend is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too. A friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" A friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." A friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?" A friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you. A friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" A friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you. A friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in. A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - dammit - run!" A friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies. A friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" A friend will be there to take your drink away when they think you’re had enough. Best friends will look at you stumbling all over the place and say, "Bitch, drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!" Friends fade. Best Friends are 4 Ever. This is Bunny. (heh heh- bunny) (\_/) Copy and paste Bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination! On the other hand, this is Kitty. l、 Kitty is Bunny's nemesis. Or evil accomplice. Nobody really knows. Either way, copy and paste Kitty as well, or Bunny will get lonely! Stuff about me ( the bold parts): I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. Hmmm, no bolds, eh? That’s because I don’t know who I am… I have yet to figure out… Jeesh, is it me, or is this profile too long? Damn my sentimentality…. xD I can't get rid of some things, whoever reads trough all of this deserves a plate full of money! :D |
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