Author has written 1 story for Batman Begins/Dark Knight, and Criminal Minds. Hello people reading this profile! If you’re here it probably means that you found a story of mine and wanted to see who the author was. Well continue reading to learn about me. Funny random quotes that I mostly got from other places: Stop saving the world and get a hobby. God made sisters and brothers to blame things on. This isn't school. It's hell with florescent lighting. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side. Deja vu: The feeling that, somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before. Anatidaephobia — fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you. It's all fun and games until someone looses a tooth... then it's hockey! If I seem to give a damn, please tell me. I would hate to be giving the wrong impression. I regard you with an indifference closely bordering on aversion. Ever notice how DYING is at the end of STUDYING? I get plenty of exercise: jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines. Just because I see dead people doesn't mean I am a psychic, it means I work in a morgue. That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast. You can't be late until you show up. It’s the least I could do, I always do the least I can. The early bird catches the worm, but the late worm doesn't get eaten. There are a few ways to silence the screams. Bullets happen to be one of the more efficent methods. If you're going to do something wrong, have fun doing it. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP. That which doesn't kill you... will probably try again. Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. Back to the Future up your ass You see? The clouds hate me. Everywhere I go, -BOOM!- thunderstorm. Well clouds, up yours! Smart people will rule the world some day, but lets let the stupid people have their run. Every cloud has a silver lining, for example the worst farts can be used to inflate the most beautiful balloons. You can’t choose your family, but you CAN choose the asylum you lock your family in. They say you can help who your family is, but you can change your name and act like they're not family. Learn the difference between good and bad, you’ll probably pick bad but you should still know the difference. I’m both insane and sane so I’m so sane I’m insane. I don’t base my life on what can be seen but what cannot be seen unless it must be seen to be able to be believed. An eye for an eye leaves the world blind but a tooth for a tooth makes denture sales skyrocket. A pillow is supposed to protect your head, not harm it! The voices in my head don’t like you. I had super powers but my therapist took them away. Some people see the glass as half empty, others as half full, I see it and think who the hell drank half my soda! Fear me I'm Irish. I just realized...I don't care. I'm not antisocial, I just don't like you. Don't hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful. Anything boys can do, GIRLS CAN DO BETTER. If you need me, I’ll be on my pedestal. Coffee...do stupid things faster and with more energy. Ah shit, you're gonna try and cheer me up, aren't you? Deja vu- when you've done something you think you've done before, its because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends to see. A friend will call you in jail. A good friend will visit you in jail. A best friend will be sitting in jail with you saying, "That was awesome!" Friends may give you an alibi but brothers will help hide the body. You can't make someone love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best. Frankly, if you've never stuck your tongue in a light socket, you'll never understand. Woman, without her, man is nothing. If you're not living life on the edge then you're taking up space. If at first you don't succeed then skydiving isn't for you. Best friends are the people who know all about you and still put up with you. Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back. Half the people you know are below average. Everyone has photographic memory, some just don't have film. 42.5 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. A clear conscience is usually the sign of bad memory. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. All those who believe in telekinesis, please raise my hand. The early bird may get the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese. Ok, so what is the speed of dark? If everything seems to be going well, then you've obviously overlooked something. Depression is merely anger without the enthusiasm. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. Hard works pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. I intend to live forever...so far, so good. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. The only reason I'm listening to music is to drown out the sound of your voice! Careful of that light at the other end of the tunnel. It could be another train coming for you. If you can't fix it with duct tape then you haven't used enough. Smile and the world will smile with you. Laugh and the world will think you're on drugs. I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life. Life’s tough. Get a helmet! I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on ebay. Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult. If we quit voting will they all go away? YOU! Out of the gene pool- NOW! How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he's lost? All men are animals. Some just make better pets. Politicians and diapers both need to be changed and for the same reason. Roadhead cures road rage. Normal people worry me. Those that think they know everything annoy those of us that do. Don't regret doing things. Regret getting caught. None of us are virgins. Life has screwed us all. Everyone in life has a purpose, even if it serves to be a bad example. If you die, I’ll kill you! There are some days I just don't feel like talking. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but the moments that take our breath away. The only reason I talk to myself is because that I’m the only one whose answers I’ll accept. Find a guy that adores you and not one you adore. Learn from the mistakes of others because you can't live long enough to make them all yourself. They say the truth will set you free. If that’s true then why is it every time I tell the truth, I’m sent to my room? Love is like heaven but hurts like hell. Look up for inspiration, down for concentration but don't look side to side for information. You tried, you failed and the lesson is, never try. I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down. Dying is just nature’s way of saying, "Hey! You're not alive anymore." Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle. I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes got stuck up my nose. The whole world is going to hell and I’m driving the bus. Don't criticize my mess unless you want to be a part of it. I have a mind like a steel trap; its rusty and illegal in 47 states. A good essay is 10 inspiration, 15 perspiration and 75 desperation. It is NOT my fault that I never learned to accept responsibility. If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, then lie. It takes 42 muscles to smile so just pick up your middle finger and say 'bite me' in a bitchy tone. Every morning is the dawn of a new error. No man is worth your tears and the one that is won't make you cry. I'm smiling because I have no idea what’s going on. Curiosity didn't kill the cat...curiosity made the kittens. I'm sure that someone cares that you're alive...its just not me. I never meant to hurt you but you're pretty when you cry. I never really loved you but I'm pretty when I lie. When you're born you're crying but everyone around you is smiling. Live your life so that when you die you're smiling but everyone around you is crying. There are easier things in life then finding a good man. Nailing jell-o to a tree for instance. If a safety pin, duct tape or a band-aid can't fix it then you have a serious problem. Virginity is like a balloon. One prick, gone. I'm not spoiled, just well taken care of. I make sounds only other freaks can hear. Girls live in heaven, boys live on the couch. If the world is a theater, men need better lines. I'll shop, I'll buy, in debt I will die. So much money, so little is mine. Love is blind, so I’m blind too. If it wasn't meant to be, I can't follow. Keep going and you will get hurt. Do you know what the Chain of Command is? It's the chain I go and get to beat you with to show you who's in command. An original idea? That shouldn't be too hard. The library is bound to be full of them. If you itch for success, keep scratching. The greatest pleasure in life is to accomplish what others say you cannot. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. It's hard to be an intimidating, evil dictator when you're pink and glow in the dark. When in doubt, Google. It has proven useful time and again. It was boredom that turned perfectly sensible people into morons and lunatics, casting common sense and decency into the wind. It was boredom that told the ninja that doing something was a really good idea when it was a really, really bad idea. You say psycho like it’s a bad thing. If at first you don't succeed, blow it up and say you did. Hello is generally considered a good greeting because if you walked into a room and said Goodbye it would confuse a lot of people. Never try to argue with a drunk marine. They don’t get it. Then he shoves you, so your second-in-command, Tommy comes up and right hooks him, then all hell breaks loose. Chairs get busted, tables flying through the air, all the women are in the corner watching the fight going ‘Oh no!’, and then some damm air force idiot comes in and tries to break up the fight. ‘People, please remain calm!’ Freddy ‘Boom boom’ comes up to him, one hit K.O., boom boom. They never let us in there again, so we had the next year’s Army Ball at Tori Station in Okinawa. (And that, my dear readers, is the true story of the Army Brawl.) Wise quotes that I mostly got from other places: Education is that which remains when one has forgotten everything learned in school. Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped. It is better to die on your feet than live on your knees. Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Courage is born where faith and fear collide. A person can truly become strong if they have to protect someone precious. Copy and paste stuff: If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile Hello is generally considered a good greeting because if you walked into a room and said Goodbye it would confuse a lot of people. If you would do this or would laugh when someone did copy this into your profile. If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile. If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile. If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile. If you read fics of shippings/pairings you don't support/hate, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever fallen asleep in a class, paste this to your profile If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile. For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself. So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile. A true friend is someone who will try to answer the "eraser bits" question and have a long conversation about it. A friend is someone who wont say anything when you cry for no reason, but will start sobbing to, just help you cry. If you have a true friend, copy and paste this in your profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. (its sad i know) If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that this is too troublesome to read, copy this too profile. If you are too lazy to copy this to your profile, copy this to your profile. If you have ever wished you could materialize a mallet/frying pan/giant fish out of thin air to beat someone with, put this into your profile. If you have ever laughed maniacally, choked and/or gagged from lack of oxygen, and then fainted dramatically, copy and paste this onto onto your profile. If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you COULD, copy this into your profile. If you believe that women travel in packs then place this on your profile. If your people have ever told you that you weren't normal, and [you] are proud of it copy this to your profile. If you have ever slapped your self on the head and/or banged your head on a table for no reason put this on your profile. If you are really random put this on your profile If you have ever walked into a room then forgot what you were doing, then started walking away and remembered copy this into your profile Friends VS True friends: A friend tries to help you when you get hurt, a true friends sits there laughing their ass off saying, 'Dude, you're an idiot!' A friend will bail you out of jail, a true friend will be there next to you saying "Damn that was fun!" A friend will tell you when your wrong, a true friend will wait for you to screw up so they can laugh in your face. A friend will encourage your choices in life, a true friend will write them down for black mail. A friend will help you study for a test, a true friend will help you procrastinate studying for a test. Notes To Self . . . OF DOOM! 1. Do not introduce yourself as roleplaying character in public. 2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public. 3. Do not answer fictional characters in public. 4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public. 5. Do not go out in public. 6. Disregard last number. Do numbers 1-4. 7. Note Expressions. 8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you. 9. Floor is slippery when wet. 10. Lake is slippery when dry. 11. Only talk to strangers you know. 12. Strangers you don't know are spies...kill them all. 13. For legal purposes be sure to delete last note. 14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you. 15. Kill them for security purposes. 16. Crying doesn't solve anything. Try violent mood swings. 17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible. 18. The men in white coats are not your friends. 19. Ask them for a room full of sharp, pointy objects. 20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket. 21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, not the best cure for drowning. 22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing. 23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age. 24. Always remember, uh...uh...damn. 25. Train army of flying monkeys. 26. Goldfish don't like milk. 27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits. 28. Find out who invented the word 'pianist'. 29. People are staring at you. 30. So act insane. 31. People are weird but not as weird as me. 32. Do not taunt animals at the zoo. They have feelings...and teeth. 33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people. 34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do it as much as possible. 35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry, it's only me. Bonding. 36. Never pet a burning dog. 37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you're wearing a parka. 38. Naked men dig parkas. 39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka. 40. You know what would look good on you? 41. Immolated cockroaches. 42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug. 43. The size of Danny DeVito. 44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this. 45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers. 46. Stalking is fun. Do it a lot. 47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree." 48. No matter what people say. There is a way into your fantasy world. 49. The way is rum. 50. Constipated people don't give a sh-t. 51. The Ten Steps to Dying. a. Fall down. b. Be rushed to hospital. c. Not be saved. d. Be mourned over. e. Be buried in dirt. f. Have your grave looted. g. Rot. h. Rot. i. Rot. j. Have your bones reanimated and used for pain, destruction and terror. 52. You cannot kill the snow. 53. The snow can kill you. 54. Grass can kill you too. 55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I couldn't get his lucky charms. 56. Catch and castrate leprechaun. 57. He is real...no matter what the men in white say. 58. Staple paper in the middle of the page. 59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally. 60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that. 61. Pretend to be so around teh n00bs. 62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul-sucking demon. 63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway? 64. Go ask Senior Diablo for bigger pitchfork. 65. Remember to kill HIM. 66. Tell the small children in the TOYS 'R' US that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood. 67. Note reactions. Avoid parents. 68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory. 69. Scream. Doctors don't like it; they give you a shot of something nice. 70. Hide the bodies. Otherwise people will ask embarrassing questions. 71. Eat the evidence. 72. But not if its broken glass. 73. If in the presence of someone much wiser then you, point in a random direction and shout, "LOOK, a distraction." Then run. 74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats little children. 75. Disregard last note. 76. Note reactions. 77. On average, 100 people choke to death by ball point pens every year. 78. Stock up on ball point pens. 79. Learn to fly. Tell no one. 80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing. 81. Do not stick fingers in a blender. 82. Blender...Bad...Ouch. 83. Blood loss is bad. 84. Find way to reattach fingers. 85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2:00 AM. 86. Answer every question with a question. 87. Ask people what gender they are. 88. Note reactions. 89. Refer to people as mortal. 90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me. 91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible. 92. Start by drowning them in fire ants. 93. Find the creators of pop-up messages. 94. Kill them. 95. Brutally. 96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination. 97. Dunk head in boiling water. 98. Disregard last note. Was written by voice #7. 99. Gullible is written on the ceiling. 100. Investigate this whole 'critical mass' when the klaxon dies down. |
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