HeatherBlossom
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Joined 03-08-13, id: 4587356
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Year Of The Cobra by Red Witch reviews
Join our favorite terrorist organization as they go through a typical year trying by any means necessary to rule the world.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 67 - Words: 190,553 - Reviews: 223 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 5/4 - Published: 12/31/2013 - Cobra Commander, Destro
Know Your Joe: Cover Girl by Red Witch reviews
Co-Written with ColdFusion 180! This time Quick Kick and Short Fuse put on a show the Joes actually want to see. Well, most of them.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,891 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/9/2013 - Cover Girl, Quick Kick - Complete
Six Rusted Anchors And A Set Of Steves by Red Witch reviews
Once again the Cobras try to improve their fortunes. But will they actually succeed for once? It's not like things can get much worse. Oh wait they can...
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,537 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 9 - Published: 10/5/2013 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
A Knack For Attracting Idiots by Red Witch reviews
Once again the Cobras get into trouble, but this time it comes in a familiar form. Can they escape another blast from the past or will they be doomed? Actually either way they're doomed so...
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,720 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/21/2013 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Cobra Commander And The Great Ball by Red Witch reviews
The Cobras crash a high society masquerade ball. These people have no class.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,543 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/26/2013 - Baroness, Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Mad As A Drunken Mongoose by Red Witch reviews
Another reason why Cobra Commander is so insane is discussed among the Cobras.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,511 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/13/2013 - Cobra Commander - Complete
Bring On The Cannibals by Red Witch reviews
After escaping from GI Joe, the Cobras find themselves on a desered island. Well it's not exactly deserted. This won't end well.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,501 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/23/2013 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Sorry: Cobra Edition by Red Witch reviews
Terrorists and board games just don't mix.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,359 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/2/2013 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Cobra Commander Vs Jonathon Livingston Seagull by Red Witch reviews
While Cobra Commander wages a war on seagulls, the other Cobras play a game to pass the time.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,045 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 12 - Published: 2/16/2013 - Cobra Commander, Mindbender - Complete
Cobra Commander Gets A Pet by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander needs someone to talk to. Preferably someone who can't talk back.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,737 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/16/2013 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Thank God The Cobra Bar Is Open by Red Witch reviews
The Cobras celebrate the end of another disasterous year with a song parody.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,263 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/31/2012 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Cobra Christmas by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander hatches another dastardly plan on Christmas Eve. Let the holiday hijinxs commence! Filled with political incorrectness, skewering of holiday traditions and rampaging animals! In other words a typical Cobra holiday celebration.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,279 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/24/2012 - Cobra Commander, Baroness - Complete
You Can't Go Home Again Cobra Commander by Red Witch reviews
On 12/12/12 the Cobras finally manage to return to their base. Of course you know the trip is a huge disaster and an even bigger one is waiting for them.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,014 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/12/2012 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
The Journal Of Desmond DeBarclay by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander thinks he has found a solution to his cash problem. Thinks is the operative word here...
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,460 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/12/2012 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Know Your Joe: Barbecue And Blowtorch by Red Witch reviews
Co-Written with Coldfusion 180! Another fun segment of Know Your Joe goes up in smoke.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,147 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/12/2012 - Quick Kick, Shipwreck - Complete
The Art Of The Deal by Red Witch reviews
It was only a matter of time before Cobra got involved in this. Dessert lovers beware.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,254 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/1/2012 - Cobra Commander, Mindbender - Complete
Cobra Or Treat by Red Witch reviews
Even terrorists like free candy.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,889 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/31/2012 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
The Evolution of Mr Peepers by Red Witch reviews
Things get a bit more out of control than usual as Cobra Commander tries to find a way to escape the Coutness' control. Fortunately for him Destro and the Baroness manage to help out in that department. And by help I mean make everything worse.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,079 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 12 - Published: 10/27/2012 - Cobra Commander, Baroness - Complete
Cobra Commander And The Bedtime Story by Red Witch reviews
Another tale of insanity for Cobra. And it just keeps getting crazier.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,839 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/27/2012 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Cobra Commander's Adventures in Babysitting by Red Witch reviews
Having the leader of a terrorist organization watch over your kids is not a good idea. For so many reasons.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,391 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/20/2012 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Looking At An Annoying Little Mirror by Red Witch reviews
The Cobra gang and their latest allies land at their next base. Destro and the Baroness get a harsh reality check. But not as harsh as the one Cobra Commander gets.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,400 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/15/2012 - Baroness, Destro - Complete
One Night in Bangkok by Red Witch reviews
While Cobra Commander and the gang have fun in Bangkok they run into a few familiar faces. And then things get really weird. Blame it on the Chess song.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,392 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/6/2012 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
The Up Or The Shut by Red Witch reviews
The Cobras reunite with Destro and his new girlfriend. Proving that the more things change, the more headaches you get.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,482 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 14 - Published: 9/29/2012 - Destro, Cobra Commander - Complete
On The Road With Cobra Commander by Red Witch reviews
What's left of Cobra High Command goes on a road trip. Watch out world! It's Cobras gone wild!
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,315 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/22/2012 - Cobra Commander, Zartan - Complete
The Big Cobra Breakup Of 2012 by Red Witch reviews
Things come to an explosive head among certain members of Cobra. Especially when the Dreadnoks make some literal fireworks of their own.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,765 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/15/2012 - Baroness, Destro - Complete
Better Than Bat Cake by Red Witch reviews
The Cobras get together to celebrate Torch's birthday as well as the end of a running joke.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,618 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/9/2012 - Cobra Commander, Baroness - Complete
The Mighty Kwinn by Red Witch reviews
As if Cobra didn't already have enough problems, this time they double cross someone they really shouldn't have.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,880 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/30/2012 - Zartan - Complete
Cobra Commander: Obedience Instructor by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander's latest attempt to handle the Baroness situation goes predictably awry.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,780 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/13/2012 - Cobra Commander, Baroness - Complete
Off The Leash by Red Witch reviews
Taking care of the Baroness in her current mental state may be a bit too much for Dr. Mindbender and Road Pig. Not to mention everyone else.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,969 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/4/2012 - Baroness - Complete
Another Night of Stimulating Conversation by Red Witch reviews
Another round of the Cobra Guys complaining about their lives, movies and being politically incorrect. What else do you expect from terrorists with a snake theme?
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,686 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/28/2012 - Destro, Cobra Commander - Complete
It's A Zoo Around Here by Red Witch reviews
Another day, another round of failed experiments and madness at Cobra.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,274 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 5 - Published: 7/13/2012 - Cobra Commander, Baroness - Complete
Best Cobra Staff Meeting Ever by Red Witch reviews
A mishap during couple's therapy leads to great delight for the majority of Cobra's High Command. Well not Destro obviously due to the Baroness bashing going on...
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,146 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/30/2012 - Baroness, Cobra Commander - Complete
Morons On My Payroll by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander has to deal with more staff problems than usual. It's not just his commanding officers that give him headaches, even though they do give him the biggest ones.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,962 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/21/2012 - Cobra Commander - Complete
Cobra Commander Vs The Budget Cuts by Red Witch reviews
Once again Cobra Commander tries to fix the budget of everyone's least favorite terrorist organization. And once again his own subordinates ruin his plans.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,805 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/29/2012 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
The TV Gods Are Mocking Me by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander looks to television for new ideas on taking over the world. Gee I wonder why that's a bad idea?
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,614 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/29/2012 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Double Date With Destro And The Baroness by Red Witch reviews
Destro and the Baroness go on a double date with Mindbender and his latest flame. What's wrong with this picture?
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,823 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/14/2012 - Destro, Baroness - Complete
Couples Therapy With Destro And The Baroness by Red Witch reviews
Our favorite Cobra couple goes to a relationship counselor. Celebrate Valentine's Day with love, bickering and gunfire.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,107 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/14/2012 - Destro, Baroness - Complete
Down In The Valley of Stupidity by Red Witch reviews
Another day, another meeting and yet another insane plan to try and take over the world. Or just kill some time. Cobra Commander isn't sure which.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,109 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/4/2012 - Cobra Commander, Destro - Complete
Bring Back Booze by Red Witch reviews
Co-Written with Coldfusion180! It's a time of crisis in Cobra. A time of madness. A time of musical parodies? Oh well, it's still torture to Destro so it's not all bad!
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,100 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 8 - Published: 11/11/2011 - Destro, Cobra Commander - Complete
Cobra Commander Verses Group Therapy by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander tries another insane scheme to make Cobra great again. And as usual it backfires on him, much to the delight of his staff.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,097 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/1/2011 - Cobra Commander, Baroness - Complete
Monkeys With Typewriters by Red Witch reviews
The Dreadnoks are trying to think of ideas for getting some cash. Actually getting the Dreadnoks to think at all is a challenge in itself.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,322 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/1/2011 - Zartan - Complete
Cobra Commander And The Debt Crisis by Red Witch reviews
Just when you thought the economic troubles of the world couldn't get any worse...
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,171 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/1/2011 - Complete
More Like Square Zero by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander is still missing, but Destro and the others aren't that concerned. In fact, they're wondering if they are better off with him gone.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,093 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/25/2011 - Complete
Catfights and Cat Stampedes by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander is missing. That's not as much a problem as the fighting between some of the members of Cobra and what's being put in the yogurt smoothies.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,789 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/15/2011 - Complete
The Cobra Shopping Network by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander tries yet another scheme to make money. And once again the Dreadnoks mess things up.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,068 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/2/2011 - Complete
That Cobra Show by Red Witch reviews
Just another day of madness, fistfights, fires, power struggles and interior design at Cobra.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,016 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/26/2011 - Complete
Dreadnoks Got A Dream by Red Witch reviews
Co-Written with Coldfusion 180! The Dreadnoks try to cheer up Cobra Commander with a song parody. Doesn't really work. Big surprise.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,437 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/5/2011 - Complete
Another Cartoon Romance Gone Wrong by Red Witch reviews
Watching the new Renegades cartoon brings up some very painful memories of the past for some of the Joes. And some really embarrasing ones for the rest of the team.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,043 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/12/2011 - Complete
Cobra Commander Verses Cartoons by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander and the rest of his staff aren't too happy about the latest cartoon about GI Joe. Then again because of their circumstances they're not that happy period.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,741 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/29/2011 - Complete
Geth Infiltrator by DiChromate reviews
Shepard has brought a geth onboard, and worse, decided to make it part of the team. Tali'Zorah knows better than to trust the obviously-malevolent machine, but she could be wrong about its intentions. And she could be wrong about how she feels about it.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 32,519 - Reviews: 170 - Favs: 340 - Follows: 170 - Updated: 5/22/2010 - Published: 2/8/2010 - Tali'Zorah, Legion - Complete
Cobra Commander Looks For Love by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander explores online dating while Destro explores new ways to get a headache.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,402 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/14/2010 - Complete
Crazy For You by VectorCrocodileFangirl reviews
/Cobra Commander x ?/ Cobra Commander was insane. It was no secret. But he did have his secrets.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,422 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 13 - Published: 9/6/2009 - Cobra Commander - Complete
Cobra Commander Gets The Blues by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander is depressed. I wonder why?
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,617 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/30/2008 - Complete
Cobra Commander Conducts An Interview by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander is trying to recruit new people. It's not going that well.
G. I. Joe - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,234 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/30/2008 - Complete
Cobra Commander Verses The Internet by Red Witch reviews
Cobra Commander is a bit miffed at what he finds online.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,862 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/17/2008 - Complete
Cobra Commander's Day Off by Red Witch reviews
Inspired by a certain VH1 show, Cobra Commander decides to actually try taking a day off. Which is not a good thing for Destro.
G. I. Joe - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,140 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/17/2006 - Complete
Red Witch (1346)