trapped between the pages of some insipid mystery novel just when i think i've found myself i must have gotten too much joy i must have gotten some unseen force angry because i am just a little lost right now. there's too much inside me that is bursting to break free too many wants swimming around inside my head and i wonder why i never give up hope i wonder why i am not afraid to let myself fall again to let myself be delirious with love again i wonder why everything with me has to be so fucking dramatic i wonder why everything with me has to be so fucking passionate i wonder why everything with me has to be so fucking "all or nothing" i wonder why and then i stop because i am just a little lost right now and i apologize for my profanity but there are times when profanity makes all the crap around not so crappy perhaps it shoves away the bullshit and stuffs reality in our faces because there's no way to tiptoe around a four-letter word there's no way to dress it up with frills no way to make its ugliness beautiful but i would find a way because i'm good at that kind of thing (or maybe just delusional) I am just a little lost right now. |