Hello! I'm Fae. And...yeah. SO! Now that we have THAT cleared up, let me tell you a little about myself. Or not. But I think I owe it to you to tell you something.

1. I have blonde hair.

2. Contrary to my first statement, I am not an idiot. (Though I can't say it's not fun convincing gullible people that I am...)

3. I am EXTREMELY paranoid. Like, well, I'm too paranoid to give an example. They might read it...

4. I am an actress.

5. I have blue eyes. Well, I have blue eyes until you get within a foot of me. Then I have undoubtedly green eyes that leave you wondering how you ever thought they were blue.

6. I am OBSESSED with fanfiction. I live for it. It dies, I die. End of story.

7. I am not an elf. (That I know of.)

8. I have extremely abnormally small hands, extremely abnormally small feet, and abnormally pointy ears.

9. I like to write. And apparently (according to people I know), I am relatively good at it.

10. I am VERY random.

11. I have an insane fear of hospitals, dentists, medical machinery, and anything medical-related. That includes the school nurse.

12. I am different. You'll probably never meet someone quite like me.

13. I am NOT an outcast. (As you can probably tell from my profile already. I hope I don't sound like an outcast...) While I may be different, I am still very social.

14. Me and my best friend have telepathy. (Excuse me, I do believe that that was improper grammar. I'm too lazy to backspace so I'll just clarify that I meant to type: My best friend and I.) Literally. We will be chatting online, and I will answer her question before she asks it. It's kind of scary.

15. I am a powerful person. (Don't ask me how; I don't know. I just am.) I suppose it has something to do with my personality. Or maybe my rebellious spirit. I guess I just have an air of power about me. Apparently, It's apparent (haha), because just today, my friend said, and I quote: 'Anyone who thinks they have power over insert my full name here is insane.'

16. Shrinks scare me. (Even though I kinda sorta want to be somewhat like them. The only difference is; I don't want to ask them about their problems then try to fix them, I want to know their problems without having to ask. Yes, I do know I am different. Read fact #12.)

17. I psychoanalyze books. My entire bookshelf (and it's pretty big) is organized not through alphabetical order, but through psychoanalyzation.

18. Inanimate objects hate me. Yes, I realize that they are inanimate, but that doesn't change the fact that they hate me. Go figure.

19. I fear that I'm going to have to stop writing random facts about myself, because if i write anymore, someone might be able to like track me down and stalk me. I told you I was paranoid.

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

If TV's are so bad for you, then why do they have one in every hospital room?

Have you ever noticed that anyone going faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is an idiot?

Mirrors don't talk. Lucky for you, they don't laugh either.

When someone annoys you, remember that it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crp out of them.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you. my theory is that it just means ur smart enough to know they are!

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN

Never interrupt your opponent whiile he's making a mistake.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman.

It's all fun and games until the other person loses their sanity.

Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again

A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that.

I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.

Guys should be like lattes-rich,strong,and hot.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

"A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

Be who you are and say what you feel for those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind- Dr.Suess

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you actually know what a semi-colon is, copy and paste this into your profile.

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

Never hire a colorblind electrician.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

Sometimes you're the windshield, but sometimes you gotta be the bug.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear into my crib.

Always listen to experts- they'll tell you confidently what can't be done and why. Then go ahead and do it.

At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.

The good news is that you may have screwed up my past and created my present but you have no control over my future.

Let's play truth or dare! Or maybe just dare, because nobody seems to tell the truth anymore.

In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

War is God's way of teaching Americans about geography.

Those who fail history class are doomed to repeat it.

If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

You can't wait for inspiration; you have to go after it with a club.

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

The buddy system is essential to survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.

SARCASM is just another free service I offer.

I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

I'm not ALWAYS late. Sometimes i just don't show up.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable.

Boys are like skateboards; they can go fast but usually they're pretty slow.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

Don't follow in my footsteps; I run into walls.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Ooooo...a life. Where can I download one?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is it considered a hostage situation?

Sometimes I wonder 'why is the Frisbee getting bigger?' then I get hit in the face.

All those who have telekinesis, raise my hand.

Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that.

"I am sick of people having a near death experience and saying they saw the light. You know what the paramedics do when they first arrive? THEY SHINE A LIGHT IN YOUR EYE! That’s not GOD…it’s a MAGLIGHT!” ~Tony V.

Yes I may be smiling, but I’m secretly laughing at your face.

I didn’t say that it was your fault…I said I was going to blame you.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

I love my computer, because my friends live in it.

Copying from a single source is called plagiarism, copying from multiple source is called research.

I hear voices, and they don't like you.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor's cute, screw the fruit!

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

My mind works like lightning...one flash and then it's gone.

My heart? Yeah. It's not a playground.

Life was so simple when boys had cooties!

I ran with scissors, and lived!

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

The world is cruel... get used to it!

You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

Help!Ican’tfindthespacebar!!

When all else fails, blow shit up.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Forever isn't as long as it use to be.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how??)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought??...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness.
(And I am taking this...because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
(damn, but i have a whole stash in my basement that were just right to process)
On packet of Nobbys' Peanuts:- "Warning: contains nuts.
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
(Go ahead and crush the dreams of little kids!!)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)