Hello, Everyone.

On FF, I'm officially known as Rae, but that's not my first name; it's my middle name. And no, I don't feel like telling anyone in particular what my real name is. So...ya. I am a writer, and I have several friends on this site. I'm also a Beta, so feel free to ask me to proofread anything, and yes; I am very big on correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. If you're some of my very few readers, I'm terribly sorry; I haven't been in a writing mood, I'm at a writer's block, I'm busy, and I'm at complete standstill in my stories. So, if you can give me any ideas or suggestions on where I should further my stories, feel free to PM me on that. As of right now, I'm on complete Haitus. I'm going to be rewriting my chapters in my stories, because I just realized that most of them are really, really bad. So, if you're still interested in reading my stories and my profile page, feel free to read on.

If you want to know a little bit about me, here you go. I'm big on sarcasm, as you'll find out if you continue reading my profile and stories. I love to read, and I hate noise. I'm more of a quiet person, and I'm nothing like my friends, who are loud, energetic, and obnoxious. (Sorry guys! xD) I am a teenager, but you won't be finding out how old I am any time soon. I own a ton of books, and I love to listen to music. I'm in all Honors classes, as are my friends. I have a crazy cat named Salem, who loves to sleep on laps and stare at corners.

FUTURE STORIES:

Phoenix:

Bella is a trouble-making teen who lives with her mother, Renee, in Forks, Washington. Out of pure desperation to change her daughter's ways, Renee sends Bella to live with her father, Charlie, in Jacksonville, Flordia. Will it be the second chance that Bella needs when she meets a family at Eastwood High? Can they change her? All Human

Trials And Errors:

The year is 1692. The people of Salem, Massachusetts are making accusations of vampires. The pale, icy beings that "haunt" the night. The immortals who drink human blood, and can only be destroyed if they are cut into pieces and burned. I'm Bella Swan; and I'm one of them. We don't haunt the night, and we are all in danger. A coven of vampires, the Cullens, have been found out. I have to help them, I can't let my own species get killed. We don't drink human blood; we are "vegetarians". My parents, Charlie and Renee, are also protectors of our species. If we, the Swans, can't save our species, no one can. But how? All Vamps.

Dark Days And Depressing Nights:

Maximum Ride is dark, depressed, and lonely. She is an isolated Avian-American, along with her sister, Angel, and another girl, Nudge. They are looking for other bird freaks out there, but have found none. Fang is also dark, depressed, and lonely; he carries himself like a shadow, invisble to the human eye. He, His brother Iggy, and a boy named Gasman (Gazzy for short), are searching for their birdkind. How and when will the two groups meet? Wings!!

War And Everlasting Love:

Edward is Prince of Volterra. Bella is the Princess of the Nile. What happens when the two countries are at war, whilst Edward and Bella fall in love in the middle of it? Set in the old times. All Human!!

Ye Olde Times:

Edward is the gorgeous Prince of Volterra. Bella is a beautiful nomad vampire. What happens when an unexpected love blossoms, and Edward's father will do anytihng to stop it? All Vampires. Middle Ages!

Valentine's Day:

After making the call to Bella's, Edward recently found out that Bella's fall was fatal. How does he react? Piece of New Moon from Edward's POV. Based on the song "Valentine's Day" by Linkin Park! NOT a SongFic!!

Love Is Worth Fighting For:

Bella is the young, new, beautiful Queen of England. Edward is a gorgeous, nomad knight with a dark past. Bella is a jewel among women; her hand is wanted by most. What happens when the two find what they were both not looking for: love? Middle Ages! AH.

(NEED A TITLE!!)

Twilight/Harry Potter Xover. Bella is a beautiful, smart witch. Edward is a gorgeous, intelligent vampire/warlock. When Bella Swan and the Cullens meet at the infamous Hogwarts, will love bloom? Note: Bella, Alice, and Rosalie are all witch sisters. Edward, Jasper, and Emmett are adopted vampire/warlocks.

Twilight University: (Working on title)

Bella Swan, an intelligent, beautiful 18-year-old, and her sister, Alice, a spunky pixie fashionista, dream of going to the infamous Twilight University. The two are expecting the time of their lives at the College. Will they survive the snobby girls, the obnoxious guys, and the eyes of the Cullens, the founders of the School? Who is a certain green-eyed stranger, with hid popular status and his stubborn, annoying attitude; or the calm, quiet Southern gentleman? When the Swan sisters find the most wonderful, unexpected thing in the universe, will the two except it? Canon Pairs; AH; OOC.

How To Bug Fictional Characters (Working on the title):

Ever wonder how you bug a character from a well-known book or movie? Well, find out!!

LINKS:

Bella's car throughout All's Fair In Love And War:

(It's a Black Koenigsegg CCX)

FAVORIE AUTHORS:

Stephanie Meyer; C.S. Lewis; Anna Stewell; Angie Sage; J.R. Tolkein; Lloyd Alexander, AVI, George MacDonald; Scott O'Dell; Eva Ibbotson; Tony DiTerrlizzi; Holly Black; Phillip Pullman; H.G. Wells; J.K. Rowling; Zizou Cornder; D.J. MacHale; Stephen King; Jennifer (Jenny) Hughes; Jerry Jenkins; Christopher Paolini; Kate DiCamillo; Lynne Reid Banks; Frances Hodgson Burnett; James Patterson; L.J. Smith; Cassandra Clare; Clive Barker; P.C. & Kristin Cast; Rick Riordan;

FAVORITE ACTORS/ ACTRESSES:

Robert Pattinson; Kirsten Stewart; George Clooney; Johnny Depp; Will Smith; Angelina Jolie; Meg Ryan; Tim Allen; Brad Pitt; Heath Ledger (God Rest His Soul); Nicholas Cage; Bill Pullman; Keona Reeves; Sean Connery; Leonardo DiCaprio; Tom Hanks; Jodie Foster; Morgan Freeman; John Candy (God Rest His Soul); John Claud Van Damme;

FAVORITE BOOKS:

FAVORITE T.V. SHOWS:

Heroes; Knight Rider; Traveler; Lost; Jericho; Highlander; Three's Company; Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles; Survivor; Sanctuary; Stargate: Atlantis; Robin Hood; The Seeker; NCIS; Supernatural; The Last Samuri Girl (Mini-Series); Dinotopia (Mini-Series); I Dream of Jeanie; Bewitched; Newhart; Green Acres; Dark Angel; Stargate; Star Trek; Enterprise; Roar; George Lopez;

MOVIES:

Twilight; The Dark Knight; Spirit; I, Robot; Independence Day; 10,000 B.C.; Journey To The Center of The Earth ('08 Version); The Quest For Camelot; Happy Feet; Dragonheart; Ghost Rider; Fantastic 4: 2; Camelot; Willow; Spaceballs; King Maker; Constantine; The Dragonslayer; Kull: The Conquerer; The Matrix Series; Candleshoe; Lost In Space; Braveheart; The Last Legion; Gladiator; War of the Worlds (Latest Ver.); Dragon Wars; Pathfinder; Australia; Continuom; Ark of Truth; Merlin; Merlin's Apprentice; Stargate; Brother's Grimm; Casino Royale; Quantum of Solace; X-Men; 300; Meet the Spartans (HA~!); Galaxy Quest; Left Behind; Left Behind; Tribulation; Tribulation; Sinbad; The Day The Earth Stood Still; Prey; Aquamarine; Batman Begins; Abyss; Cloverfield; Iron Man; Ghost Rider; Eagle Eye; Transformers; Terminators; Sahara; King Kong; Revelation; Speed; Godzilla;

FAVORITE MUSICIANS:

Steve Perry; Foreigner; Queeen; Beyonce'; Avril Lavigne; Pink; Vanessa Hudgens; Ashley Tisdale; Hillary Duff; DBSK; Barley Girls; Creed; Gloria Estefan; Evanesence; Jennifer Lopez; Ozzy Osbourne; Jesse McCartney; Rolling Stones; Natasha Bedingfield; Fergie; Jo-Jo; Rob Pattinson; Katy Perry; Kelly Clarkson; Taylor Swift; Paramore; Black Ghosts; Blue Foundation; Linkin Park; Muse; Carter Berwell; Lady GaGa; Madonna (occasionally); Justin Timberlake (occasionally);

FAVORITE SONGS:

I Stand Alone; New World; With Arms Wide Open; Conga; Hot Blooded; Cold as Ice; Tourniquet; Crazy Train; Freak Out; O; Balloons; My Silent Prison; When The Rain Falls; Walking On Sunshine; 1, 2, 3, 4; Beautiful; Wash Away Those Years; Pity For A Dime; Ode; My Own Prison; Break Away; You and Your Beautiful Soul; Pocket Full of Sunshine; I'm Walking On Sunshine; Angel; Fergalicious; Never Alone; Leave (Get Out); Never Think; Hot N' Cold; Full Moon; Leave Out All The Rest; Supermassive Black Hole; Eyes On Fire; Decode; I Caught Myself; Bella's Lullaby; 4 Minutes; Valentine's Day; Pushing Me Away; What I've Done; Poker Face; LoveGame; I Kissed A Girl; Waking Up In Vegas;

QUOTES:

"You cannot open a book without learning something." -Confucius

"I am the Earth. You are the Earth. The Earth is dying. We are both murderers." -Amber Delecto

"Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain.
America, America, man sheds his waste on thee,
And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea."
-George Carlin

"Remember when atmospheric contaminants were romantically called stardust?" -Lane Olinghouse

"Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel." -The Washington Post

"We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved." -Author Unknown

"Every day is Earth Day." -Author Unknown

"You know it's true love when he gives you 12 roses; 11 of which are real and one is fake. He then explains himself, saying, "My love for you will end when that last rose dies." -Author Unknown

"So bleak is the picture... that the bulldozer and not the atomic bomb may turn out to be the most destructive invention of the 20th century." -Philip Shabecoff

"Fall down again Bella?" (Emmett) "No, Emmett. I punched a werewolf in the face." (Bella)

"No. I don't like this idea. Go get a space heater or something." (Edward) "Here I am. Your space heater." (Jacob)

"Hey Charlie!" (Edward) "NO! Wait until he hangs his gun up." (Bella)

"My name is Iniago Montaya. You killed my father; prepare to DIE!" -Iniago Montaya (Princess Bride)

"I'm not going to kill you; you complete me!" -Joker (The Dark Knight)

"Why so serious? WHY so serious?" Joker (The Dark Knight)

"Misfortunes begin on horseback and depart on foot." -Chinese Philosopher

"Do onto others as you shall do onto thyself."

"Your King/Queen only in your own imagination."

"Well, you figured one kid isn't pretty bad. But then you think that kid wants a little brother, so you have two. But then your wife wants a girl, and by the, three doesn't matter. And then you figure once you've survived three kids, it doesn't matter anymore, so four is fine."

"Hello. I am David (Something), antiquitier, entreprenuer." (David) "I'm Richard B. Riddick, escaped convict, murderer." (Riddick) "Ooh." (David) (Pitch Black)

"It does not matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop." -Confucius

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." -Confucius

"Everything has it's beauty, just not everyone sees it." -Confucius

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

"So the lion fell in love with the lamb." (Edward) "What a stupid lamb!" (Bella) "What a sick, masochistic lion." (Edward & Bella)

"Stupid, Siny Volvo Owner!" -Bella

"Stupid, Unreliable Vampire!" -Bella

"You are my life now." -Edward

"It will be as if I never existed." -Edward

"I feel very protective of you." -Edward

"Friends don't let friends drive drunk." he said. " Drunk?" I asked. " You're intoxicated by my very presence." he replied. (Edward and Bella)

"I make the Cowardly Lion look like the Terminator!!" -Bella

"There will be no killing!" (Magnus) "Said the woman with the gun to the vampire!" (Nikola)

"Your father really didn't like me, did he?" (Nikola) "You're an aquired taste." (Magnus)

"You are the dumbest smart person I have EVER met!" (Spooner) "You are the dumbest dumb person on the face of the Earth!" (Ms. Doctor) (I, Robot)

"Put your money where your mouth is!" -Annonymous

"I have a bone to pick with you!" -Skeleton (The Army Of Darkness)

"I hate my life! I can't hold onto a girlfriend, and my life SUCKS!" -Harry Potter (Puppet Pals)

"I feel like, like pudding. Pudding with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain." -Iggy

"Man, you way a freaking TON. What've you been eating, ROCKS?!" -Fang "Why? Is your head missing some?" -Max

"There was much grumbling and groaning, which I ignored, instead carefully balancing a pan of Jiffy Pop popcorn over a branch on the fire. Popcorn for breakfrast! Why not? It's a GRAIN. It's like, like, GRITS, but with high self-esteem." -Max (thoughts)

Stopped dead (Max) "That pain?" (Fang) "Shakes head COOKIES!" (Max) "..." (Fang) "I must have cookies!" (Max)

"Points to small metal plaque "What does that mean?" (Gasman) "It means the third rai has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn." (Fang)

"What the he-eck d we do now?" (Max) Deep in thought "Peanut?" (Fang)

"Why am I covered in feathers??" (Bella) "I bit a pillow." (Edward)

"You look like you stuck your finger in a light socket." (Gasman) "Really? COOL!" (Iggy)

Chewing cookie "Hmm. Clear vanilla notes, too-sweet chocolate chips, distinct flavor of brown sugar. A decent cookie, not spectacular. Still, a good-hearted cookie, nto pretentious. What say you?" (Max) "It's fine." (Fang) "Some people just don't have what it takes to appreciate a good cookie." (Max's thoughts) "I give them a seven out of ten. Though warm from the oven, they lack a certain j ne sais quoi. My mission will continue." (Max)

"Do you know about the cuckoo bird, Jonathon Morgenstern?" (Inquisitor) "The what?" (Jace (Jonathon) Morgenstern) "The cuckoo bird. You see, cuckoos are parasites. They lay their eggs in other birds' nests. When the egg hatches, the baby cuckoo pushes the other baby birds out of the nest. The poor parent birds work themselves to death trying to find enough food to feed the enormous cuckoo child who had murdered their babies and taken their place." (Inquisitior) "Enormous? Did you just call me fat?" (Jace) "It was an analogy." (Inquisitior) "I am not fat." (Jace) (City of Ashes; Mortal Instruments Series)

"And I've never harmed any of the Lightwoods in any way. I've worked hard, and trained hard-- say whatever you want about my father, but he made me a Shadowhunter out of me. I've earned my place here." (Jace) "Don't defend your father to me. I knew him. he was--is-- the vilest of men." (Inquisitior) "Vile? Who says 'vile'? What does that even mean?" (City of Ashes; Mortal Instruments Series)

"But you promised me that this would be my emissiry, I'd be Queen, you'd be my qdviser, and he'd be MY prisoner!" (Diana) "Yes, but I'm in charge, I have the large army, and you will go to your room." (Longinus)

"HAD TO ASK. Am I going to die? Is that what this is all about?" (Max's thoughts) "Yes, Max, you are going to die. Just like everybody else." (Voice) "Thank you, Confucius." (Max)

"Max? Are those, um, rats?" (Gasman) "Yes, these do appear to be either rats or mice on steriods." (Max)

"Holy insert a swear word of your choice here!" -Fang

"This way! Don't be afraid!" (Nudge) "I hear voices. Be VERY afraid." (Iggy)

"You...are...a...fridge...with...wings. Punching Winged Eraser We're...freaking...ballet...dancers." -Fang

"Go in the direction the bird is flying." (Wizard) "It's going back toward the village!" (Burglekutt) "Ignore the bird. Follow the river." (Wizard) (Willow)

"Give me some water, peck." (MadMartigan) "Don't call me a peck." (Willow) "Oh, I'm sorry, peck peck peck peck PECK!" (MadMartigan) "Be careful, I'm a great sorcerer. See this acorn? It'll turn you to stone." (Willow) "Oh! I'm so scared. Somebody help me! There's a peck here with an acorn pointed at me!" (MadMartigan) (Willow)

"I stole the baby! I stole the baby! Left, you stupid bird, LEFT!" -Franjean (Willow)

"Wh-" (Willow) "Shut up, or I'll break your nose! You are mine to toy with!" -Franjean

"Stop playing with that love potion!" (Rool) Turns toward cat "I love you. You're so beautiful, I want to kiss you!" Falls into bucket "BEER!" (Franjean)

"Don't I know you? Oh, yes, your the Dikiani I stole the baby from when you were taking a pee-pee!" -Franjean

"It sucked, but I felt like the Blue Angels!!" (Gasman) "Yeah, except the Blue Angels are an extremely well funded, well equipped, well trained, well fed, and no doubt squeaky-clean group of crack navy pilots. And we're a bunch of unfunded, unequipped, semitrained, not nearly well fed enough, and filthy mongrel avian-humans. But other than that, it's exactly the same." (Max)

"Fang, are you-like Max?" (Dr. Valencia Martinez) "Nope. I'm the smart one." (Fang)

(Doused with Valium) "I'm s glad you're here. I know everything's fine when you're here." (Max) "Hey."(Fang) "Oh, look, the lights are so pretty. Fang?" (Max) "Yah. I'm here." (Fang) " "I'm so glad you're here." (Max) "Ya. I got that." (Fang) "I don't know what I'd do without you." (Max) "You'd be fine." (Fang) "No. No I would be totally unfine. TOTALLY." (Max) "It's okay. Just relax. Just...relax. Don't talk." (Fang) "I don't want my chip anymore. Actually, I NEVER wanted my chip." (Max) "Okay. We're taking it out." (Fang) "I just want you to hold my hand. (Max) "I AM holding your hand." (Fang) "Oh. I knew that." (Max) "Do you have a La-Z-Boy anywhere?" (Max) "Um. no." (Ella) "I think I would like a La-Z-Boy. Fang, don't go anywhere." (Max) "I won't I'm here." (Fang) "Okay, good. I need you here. Don't leave me." (Max) "I won't." (Fang) "Fang, Fang, Fang. I LOVE you. I love you SOOO much." (Max) "Oh, jeez." (Fang)

(Day Later) (Fang stares) "What I said yesterday didn't mean ANYTHING! I love everyone in the flock. Plus, it was the Valium talking!" (Max) "Uh-uh. You just keep telling yourself that. You looove me." (Fang) (Swings a punch) (Max) " (Points) Pick a tree. I'll carve our initials into it." (Fang)

(Several More Days Later) "I hate this." (Fang) "That would be because you've still got a teneous grasp of sanity." (Max) "There is ONW bright side to this." (Fang) "Yeah? What's that?" (Max) "The new and improved Erasers will mutilate us BEFORE they kill us?" (Max's thoughts) "You looove me. (Holds out arms, widely) You loove me this much!!" (Fang)

"Good. Now stop bothering me." (MadMartigan) "But I need your help!" (Willow) "Why, aren't you a great sorcerer?" (MadMartigan) "But you're the greatest sorcerer that's ever lived. And your ten times bigger than I am, stupid!" (Willow) "Are you trying to make my live more difficult then it already is?!" (MadMartigan)

"We're going to the lake." (Willow) "NO! That's the direction I'm going! Fine, I'll take you there. Mumbo, Jumbo. I am hungry. Fetch me some eggs or something." (MadMartigan)

"Here. I've taken you to the lake." (MadMartigan) "You? You did nothing! All you did was sit around and eat our eggs!" (Rool) "I've found a boat!" (Willow) "Good. Take these two lizards out and drown them." (MadMartigan) "Lizards?! You're Mother was a lizard!" (Rool)

"Captured you now, we have." (Capturer) "Oh, god. Yoda captured us." (Fang)

PASTES:

I cdnoult blveiee taht I cloud aulacity uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is becuseae the huamn mnid does not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmif, huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slepeling was ipmorantt! If you can raed tihs, cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love animals, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are absolutley in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional charater Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile!!

If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your profile.

if you ever just want to SLAP someone, copy and paste this on your profile!!

If you totally wanted to cry because Edward was so sweet to Bella at the hospital in the first Twilight then copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you can't put down one of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight books, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever just start laughing for no reason, copy and paste this on your profile. (STOP LAUGHING!!)

If you ever jsut feel like staring at someone, making them feel paranoid, copy and paste this on your profile. (I SAID, STOP STARING!!)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliché, Katie-3llen,Angelz on Edge, aemartin816, XxXStupid Shiny Volvo OwnerXxX, KittyKLL,

If you are on team Edward copy and post this onto your profile.

If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list:

It's official, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes sorry Barbie, you aren't Bella and Edward isn't your Ken.

IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

If you are an EXTREME Edward Cullen fangirl copy and paste this onto your profile!!

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever found something so funny you can't stop laughing, even though you want to, (and your sides start hurting) copy and paste this on your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when throw peanuts at your friend's sister. Crazy is when you go out in the rain and start dancing in summer clothes. Crazy is when you start talking to yourself and then laugh at your own joke. Crazy is when you don't have a boyfriend because he doesn't stand a chance next to Edward Cullen. Crazy is when you watch a movie 3 times in a row for no reason. Crazy is straightening your hair and then walking out into the rain. Crazy is when you yell at passing cars in Korean. Crazy is when you start running from trees. Crazy is when you create a video of a soda can. Crazy is when you start singing in public. So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile!! (And add on to the list!!)

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile (HEY!! STOP CRITICIZING me!! It was late..and I was tired!!).

If you are obsessed with FanFiction copy this into your profile!

If you like to correct people on their mistakes just to show off, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever feel like blurting out the right answer to something just because your annoyed that everyone else is scratching their head trieing to figure it out, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, Bookworm-Booklover, Jasper's Fangirl, Kyo Rox My Sox, Kyki the Late Night Writer, Princess-Goth, KittyKLL, XxXStupid Shiny Volvo OwnerXxX,

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

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If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile (I'm SORRY, but I find quiet FUNNY!!)

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile! (If we could solve wars with rock paper scissors, everyone would love each other...)

If you get really great grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever read past two in the morning, copy and past this onto your profile. (My record is 4 A.M.)

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.(

if you've ever wished you could tak to animals, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever wish that you could know magical creatures, copy and paste this on your profile (THAT does NOT count imaginary friend. Hint: IMAGINARY.).

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile.

If you or your best friend(s) are insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been called a bookworm and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.

90 of teens today would die if Myspace had a system failure and was completely destroyed...If you are one of the 10 that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile.

If you or your best friend(s) are insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been called a bookworm and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish that a fictional character was real, copy and paste this to your profile.

90 of teens today would die if Myspace had a system failure and was completely destroyed...If you are one of the 10 that would be laughing, copy and paste this to your Profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile.

If Edward dazzles you too, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy and paste onto profile.

Edward dazzles you too, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy and paste onto profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you post this on profile.

If you have an MP3 and love rocking out to it, post on profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post on profile.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do copy this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you think Edward Cullen is cute...copy and paste this onto your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever tried to put your hair behind ears, succeeded, but then bent your head down, making all your hair fall back into your face, and then continued doing that, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever tried to put your hair behind your ears, but then poked yourself in the eye instead, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile.

If while zoning out for five consecutive minutes you didn't blink, not even ONCE, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile.

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune. (For the record, I'm not stupid, I'M just too busy to think about it!!)

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle:

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste, please

STUFF:

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

You're intoxicated by my very presence. You KNOW it.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

My friends are insane, but what do you think I can do about it?

OECD- Obsessive Edward Culled Disorder

OMGOODNESS- If you can't figure this out...wow.

Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought...

When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

If a deaf person goes to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you in a MOVIE, but you're on TV?

Why do people go all the way up to the top of tall buildings and put money in binoculrs to look down?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, how come he can't fix a hole in his boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

When I am at Hogwarts I will not sing: "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmasters office.

Life was so simple when boys had cooties...but who says they still don't?

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Fergie taught me how to spell delicious and glamorious. But not so much tastey!

I ran with scissors, and lived!!

Am I the strange one, or the only sane one in the whole freakin' world?

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Huh, it figures. All the good guys are taken, vampires, or both.

Edward Cullen I love you! Oops! Did I say that out loud?

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with.

I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?:
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any inside information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@C ... reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken!
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens! MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.: I had a dream, where all the chickens, black and white included, will someday live in peace... ALICE CULLEN: I foresee a chicken crossing the road in exactly 3 hours, 53 minutes, and 33 seconds. EDWARD CULLEN: According to the chicken's thoughts, itis prepared to cross to 'the other side'. MAXIMUM RIDE: The chicken crossed the road? Who really cares why the chicken crossed the road?! WHAT is wrong with people these days?! FANG: Wait. Whya re you asking me this question? Are you SERIOUSLY asking me this question? REALLY?! Do you even know who I am?! I am Fang, the strong but silent Shadow Hawk. Ya, I'm still working on the name. IGGY: Huh? A chicken? ...BOOM!!... Hehe...Why did the chicken cross the road? How would I know? Am I a mind-reader? Hmm, last time I checked, I wasn't. I can't even see the freakin' chicken!

Life isn't about how many breathes you take, It's about how many moments that take your breath away.

One day your life will flash before your eyes, so make sure that it's worth watching.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

How is it that we put man on the moon before we put wheels on luggage?

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

You know your addicted when Volterra is added to your computer dictionary. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you're crazy!!)

Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.

I'm the kind of girl who falls and apologizes for it.

I do not suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

I smile cause I don't know what the hell is going on.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
"Hold my purse.'"

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

Just because I'm cute doesn't mean I'm nice.

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 muscles to smile, but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.

Doctors say I have multiple personalties. We disagree with that.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again...

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia.

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.

A day without sunshine is...night.

When life gives you a lemon, squirt it in the eye and RUN!!

You think you're ALL that and a bag of chips. Well, i think I'M ALL that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, FREAK!!

A little laugh for the Democrats...

I'm SOOO gangster, I carry a squirt gun!!

You don't like that? Well, cry me a river, build a bridge, and walk over it.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out!!

What happens if you get scared to death twice?

You know its going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.

The dinosaur extinction wasn't an accidnet. Barney came along and they all commited suicide.

I didn't say it was your fault...just that I was going to blame you.

You can blame all your problems on my two imaginary friends "Steve" and "Candy" they don't mind!!

Oh so cute! Bunny!

Copy the bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Sugar's sweet,

And so are you.

But the roses are wilting,

the violets are dead,

the sugar bowl's empty,

and so is your head.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Good luck with that.

There is no "I" in team but I do all the work anyways cause the others are too lazy...

When you get caught looking at HIM, just remember, HE was looking back!!

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you.

'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!

Team Edward--'Cause Jacob doesn't SPARKLE!

AV is Addicted to Vampires!!

LES is Love Edward Syndrome!!

Sarcasm-One of the many services I have to offer.

Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers!!

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

God grant me Serenity,

To accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

And Wisdom to know the difference.

(¸.•´ (¸.•´~Pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.~

Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forhead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his freinds,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER!

██████████████████100- Twilight Fan

. .███████ 1oo ღ.team Edward.ღ

. .███████ 1oo ღ.team Alice.ღ

. .███████ 1oo ღ.twilighter.ღ

. .███████ 1oo ღ.team Emmett.ღ

. .███████ 1oo ღ.team Cullen.ღ

List of Phobias and Fears:

Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.

Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.

Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.

Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

Bibliophobia- Fear of books.

Chaetophobia- Fear of hair.

Chromophobia or Chromatophobia- Fear of colors.

Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch.

Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.

Francophobia- Fear of France or French culture.

Japanophobia- Fear of Japanese.

Russophobia- Fear of Russians.

Judeophobia- Fear of Jews.

Sinophobia- Fear of Chinese & Chinese culture.

Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.

Ergophobia- Fear of work.

Germanophobia- Fear of Germany or German culture.

Gerontophobia- Fear of old people.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words.

Euphobia- Fear of hearing good news.

Nomatophobia- Fear of names.

Panophobia or Pantophobia- Fear of everything.

Your One and Only Wish:

Do it one by one, don't look ahead!

1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex.

2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, and green.

3. Your first initial?

4. Your month of birth?

5. Which color do you like more, black or white?

6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.

7. Your favorite number?

8. Do you like California of Florida more?

9. Do you like the lake or ocean more?

10. Write down a wish (a realistic one.)

Are you done?

If so, scroll down...

(Don't cheat--)

The Answers:

1. You are completely in love with this person.

2. If you choose:

Red: You are alert and you life is full of love.

Black: You are conservative and aggressive.

Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.

Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the one you love.

Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.

3. If you're initial is:

A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.

L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and you love life is soon to blossom

S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.

4. If You were born in:

Jan-Mar: The year will for very well for you and you will discover the you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.

Apr-June: you will have a strong love relationship that will no long but the memories will last forever

July-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good.

Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate.

5. If you choose...

Black: your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you and you will be glad for the change.

White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you but you may not realize it.

6. This person is your best friend.

7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime.

8. If you choose...

California: You like adventure.

Florida: You are a laid-back person.

9. If you choose...

Lake: You are loyal to you friends and your love. And you are very reserved.

Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.

10. This wish will come true only if you re-post this bulletin in one hours and it will come true before your next birthday!

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Think you're having a Bad Day?

Things Got Ya Down?
Well Then, Consider These . . .

In a hospital's Intensive Care Unit, patients always died
in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00 a.m.,
regardless of their medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had
something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve
the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 a.m
Sunday, so a worldwide team of experts was assembled to
investigate the cause of the incidents.

The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00 am.,
all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside
the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon
was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer
books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits.

Just when the clock struck 11:00 , Pookie Johnson, the part-
time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life
support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

Still Having a Bad Day??
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the
Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was 80,000.00.
At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively
saved animals were being released back into the wild
amid cheers and applause from onlookers.

A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Still think you are having a Bad Day??

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen
shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy,
with some kind of wire running from his waist towards
the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from
the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy
plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places.

Up to that moment, he had been happily listening
to his Walkman.

Are Ya O. K. Now? - No!
Two animal rights defenders were protesting
the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse
in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs
broke loose and escaped through a broken fence,
stampeding madly.

The two helpless protesters were trampled to death.

What?? STILL having a Bad Day??
Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage
on a letter bomb. It came back with "Return to Sender"
stamped on it.

Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

There now, Feeling Better??

MUSIC MOVIE:
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. DON'T LIE, GEEZ.

Opening Credits:

Five Minutes To Midnight By Boys Like Girls

Birth:

Pushing Me Away By Linkin Park

First Day of School:

Juke Box Hero By Foreigner

Falling In Love:

Ode By Creed

Fight Song:

Since U Been Gone By Kelly Clarkson

Breaking Up:

Learning To Fall By Boys Like Girls

Prom:

Whoa By Paramore

Life:

Eyes On Fire By Blue Foundation

Mental Breakdown:

Keep The Faith By Jon Bon Jovi

Driving:

Thunder By Boys Like Girls

Flashback:

Soul Doctor By Foreigner/ Robin Zander

Wedding:

Gone By Kelly Clarkson

Birth Of Child:

A Place For My Head By Linkin Park

Final Battle:

I'm Still Breathing By Katy Perry

Death Scene:

Given Up By Linkin Park

Funeral:

Forgotten By Avril Lavigne

End Credits:

I Like It Rough By Lady GaGa

Pure Stupidity:

1. On a Sear's Hair Dryer: Do not use this product while sleeping.

2. On a bag of Fritos!: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. For details, look inside!

3. On a bar of Dial Soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.

4. On some Swanson Dinners: Serving Suggestion: Defrost.

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu Dessert: Printed on Bottom: Do not turn upside down.

6. On Mark and Spencer's Bread Pudding: Caution: Product will be hot after heating.

7. On packaging for a Rowenta Iron: Warning: Do not iron clothes on body.

8. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or operate machinery after use of this product.

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.

10. On most brands of Christmas Lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.

11. On a Japanese Food Processer: Not to be used for the other use.

12. On Sunsbury's Nuts: Warning: Contains Nuts.

13. On an American Airline Package of Nuts: Instructions: Step 1: Open package. Step 2: Eat Nuts.

14. On a child's Superman Costume: Wearing this garment does not enable you to fly.

15. On a Swedish Chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

Things Only Found In America:

1. Only in America - can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America - are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America - do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America - do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America - do banks leave both doors to the vault open & then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America - do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway & put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America - do we use answering machines to screen calls & then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America - do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America - do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America - do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

When you dial a Mental Hospital...

RING...RING...

Welcome to the Phsychiatric Ward.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2.

If you have mulitple personality disorder, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are maniac-depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer!!

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding is alive and about to bite off your ear.

This is a poem I'm passing on about child abuse. I pray you pass it along too:

My name is Tiffany, I am three,
My eyes are swollen, I cannot see,
I must be stupid, I must be bad,
What else could have made, My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better, I wish I weren’t ugly,
Then maybe my mommy, Would still want to hug me,
I can’t do a wrong,
I can’t speak at all, Or else im locked up, All day long,
When im awake im all alone, The house is dark, My folks aren’t home,
When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get, One whipping tonight,
I just heard a car,
My daddy is back, From Charlie’s bar,
I hear him curse, My name is called,
I press myself, Against the wall,
I try to hide, From his evil eyes,
I’m so afraid now, I’m starting to cry,
He finds me weeping, Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault, He suffers at work,
He slaps and hits me, And yells at me more,
I finally get free, And run to the door,
He’s already locked it, And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me, Against the hard wall,
I fall to the floor, With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues, With more bad words spoken,
"I’m sorry!", I scream, But its now much to late,
His face has been twisted, Into a unimaginable shape,
The hurt and the pain, Again and again,
O please God, have mercy! O please let it end!
And he finally stops, and heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless, Sprawled on the floor,
My name is Tiffany, I am three,
Tonight my daddy, Murdered me...

And you can help to stop this for others. And if you read this and don’t pass it on I pray for your forgiveness because you would have to be one heartless person to not be effected by this poem and because you are effected, do something about it! So all I ask you to do is pass this on if you are against child abuse.

This one is for those that believe in God:

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening
and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year.
She ended up staying longer than planned, and
had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid
because it was a small town and she lived
only a few blocks away.
As she walked along under the tall elm trees,
Diane asked God to keep her safe from
harm and danger.
When she reached the alley, which was a
shortcut to her house, she decided to take it.
However, halfway down the alley she noticed a
man standing at the end as though he
were waiting for her.
She became uneasy and began to pray,
asking for God's protection.
Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and
security wrapped round her, she felt as
though someone was walking with her.
When she reached the end of the alley,
she walked right past the man and arrived
home safely.
The following day, she read in the newspaper
that a young girl had been killed in the same alley
just twenty minutes after she had been there.
Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact
that it could have been her, she began to weep.
Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help
this young woman, she decided to go to the
police station.
She felt she could recognize the man, so she
told them her story.
The police asked her if she would be willing to look
at a lineup to see if she could identify him.
She agreed and immediately pointed out the man
she had seen in the alley the night before.
When the man was told he had been identified,
he immediately broke down and confessed.
The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and
asked if there was anything they could do for her.
She asked if they would ask the man one question.
Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.
When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

-Rae