Who need everyone? I can do it by myself.. You know when you expected someone to help you and you got nothing, it would crush your heart.. So i choose to never expect anything from someone, i never want to rely on someone because i know that will be nothing..

right now i am feeling like i am a beggar, you know why? because i dont have a job and i dont have money, do you believe that? i'm broke, my friends feel pity on me and i hate that.. i know they just wanted to help me but the truth is.. i dont like being someone who always get pityness.. i'm useless you know.. its very abashed to always get treating by your friends.. i just want to get a proper job and make money, i'm so broke.. i dont have money even for Rp1000.. my mom who always think that she can handle anything being naive and the outcome is she doesn't have any money to pay the bills, to pay the house, to pay my motorcycle, to pay anything.. if you think that you are poor enough, DONT! i'm in here dying because my mom stupidity to lent her money to such a jerk, asshole, fucking bastard man and thay fucking bastard run away with my mom's money.. and here i am being useless, rude, and ugly woman who don't have a job. i'am 24 but still don't have a job. my life is so shatter and sometimes i just want to end my life because i can't take the pain anymore.. its so hurt being useless, even your friends and the entire world look at you as a scumbag. i just want a normal life, i just want to be happy.. is that wrong?? my crazy mind told me to ask.. where the god right now? is it the punishment from Allah? or is it just tests? i don't know.. the reality is i'm so sad right now, no one understand me, no one.. no one ..no one.. even god dont understand me..