Hey! I am so sorry I haven't been on in a LONG time! I have been busy and lost my motivation, but recently I've gotten several reviews and reads on my story, so I am considering starting back up again...maybe:) I just want to give a massive thanks to everyone that still reads and reviews my story even though its been F-O-R-E-V-E-R since I last went on this website:)

Really Dumb Store labels:

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (too late. . . .)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (thank you captain obvious . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (no comment . . .)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Oh yeah because many kids are driving cars and operating machinery these days . . .)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that kinda the point??)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (okay that made me curious, what other use??)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (captain obvious has returned!!)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (because they don't want to give us the fake bacon, they want to give us the real fake bacon :P)

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(as apposed to what?)

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children.
(because it somehow always end up inside the children right?..)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Funny Saying:

I hate it when strangers say "I don't bite" because the first thing I think when I meet somebody is “Holy crap, this person is gonna bite me.”

Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers,
If you do find one, what's your plan?
Sincerely, not very well thought out.

Every time I see the word "Explain" on an exam, I die a little inside.

A Blonde comes outside and checks her mail box then slams it shut in anger.
Finally her neighbor asked: "Is there something wrong miss?"
She replied: "Yes! There is! My computer keeps saying 'YOU GOT MAIL' !!"

Dear teacher, I talk no matter where I am. Moving my seat will not help.

If women ruled the world, there would be no wars. . . Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.

The awkward moment when you are on a bike and get hit by a car... a parked one.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more than that.

I'm not afraid of the dark. I'm just afraid of the ninjas that hide in the dark.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

I don't think you’re stupid… but what's my opinion against thousands?

Dear math, I'm not a therapist. Solve your own problems.

Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I am interested.

Whoever said nothing was impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.

It's OK that your voice went out, you're prettier when you're quiet anyways.

Don't always be so negative saying 'I'm not gonna make it, I'm not gonna make it.' keep things positive saying 'I will fail, I will fail.'

We should change the saying to "Home is where your phone automatically connects to your wifi"

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

I would have been a stand-up comedian, but I like to sit down.

Today is one of those days when I'm so busy doing nothing that I don't have time for anything else.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible...

Does TODAY really have to be the first day of the rest of my life? Next Thursday would work so much better for me.

Lets face it, after Monday & Tuesday, even the calendar says - W T F

You shine like a penny... cause that's all that your worth.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.