I'm an engineer, nerd, and a self-proclaimed dope,

I welcome you here; you'll enjoy it, I hope,

I've always loved writing; to fiction I'm new,

So if you do read it, please leave a review!

...or, if you really hate poetry, I could introduce myself in standard fashion:

The Skinny:

Things I Do:

- Clean Humor

- Oddball Narration

Things I Don't Do:

- "Shipping"

- Role-playing

The Plump:

Hi! I’m relatively new to this whole fanfiction schtick and in general I’m more of an observer than a participator when it comes to the public internet. So if I commit some grave FF.NET faux pas, I request your graceful understanding, and maybe a clue-in on what not to do in the future.

That’s not to say I’m new to writing altogether. I’ve written a 200-plus-page thesis and I post a plethora of ridiculous snark on my Facebook page with varying degrees of success, but fiction is one facet I’ve hardly scratched. I wanted to expand my horizons (read: was egged on), so here I am now! Better late than never. And anonymity is a wonderful thing.

I’m a self-taught writer, and it might show sometimes. In truth, I’m a hardcore nerd. Excluding the whole “hates reading and writing” thing, the rest of the usual stereotypes fit me just swell. I love video games, attend nerd conventions, and am a terrible direct communicator. Unless of course it’s with a computer; I’m a professional engineer with a big-person job, and programming is fun.

I’m sure this is obvious from my fics, but I’ve been a Sonic (game-verse) fan for ages. Other fandoms I enjoy include Super Smash Bros., Mario, Zelda, Metroid, Professor Layton, and Ace Attorney.

If a raunchy novel is a box of Twinkies, and To Kill a Mockingbird is a five-course-meal, then my writing style aims to be a plate of fresh blueberries; clean, enjoyable, and simple. It’s not going to make you sick, and it’s not going to blow your mind with its complexity, but it should make you smile and improve your day without being bad for you. And...well, I’ll add some clever analogy about antioxidants once I think of it.

If you read anything I write - and please do! - you’ll rapidly discover how humor-centric I am. It’s the Golden Rule for me; I have a deep appreciation for anything that gives me the gift of laughter, so I love to give that gift to others if I can.

I also deeply appreciate humor that suits all ages. I know the mere presence of a G or K rating is often enough to send adults packing, but I don’t believe the demographics must be mutually exclusive. I’m a big fan of works like The Emperor's New Groove and Pinky and the Brain for that reason. Call it a self-imposed challenge; anyone can whip out an innuendo for a cheap laugh, but very few can thoroughly, intelligently, and inoffensively entertain an entire family at once.

Or, put simply: “Vulgarity is no substitute for wit.”

Great quote, but I’ve not actually seen Downton Abbey. Too heavy for my tastes. If I wanted my heartstrings yanked to the Seven Wonders of the World and back again, I’d read the news. I’m certainly capable of deep thought, but I don’t always enjoy it. That said, I’ll forgive almost any genre as long as it makes me laugh more than it upsets me.

I spent a long time on that point. Basically, don’t expect my fics to contain anything you wouldn’t find in a G-rated movie, with the exception of possible violence. For instance, if I ever write an Ace Attorney fic, there would obviously have to be murder and blood, but that’d be it.

Er, well, now would also be a good time to admit that I like slapstick just a smidgen more than the preceding prudish paragraphs would suggest. And bizarre euphemisms can be funny sometimes. The truth is, I put a mature front on here, but mentally I’m still eight years old and a slave to silliness. Shh.

So yes, I’m new here, and not terribly sure of myself. If you want to make my day, you can read and review my works. I appreciate both positive and negative critiques, as long as they’re constructive and not just “lol ur story stinks.” I do genuinely want to improve!

Anyway, kudos to you if you read that entire phone book of info. Thanks for stopping by!