My name is Daniel Jackson. My favorite fandoms are Harry Potter and the Stargate movies and series.

THE PERCY JACKSON PLEDGE:

I promise to remember Percy whenever I'm at sea

I promise to remember Annabeth whenever a spider comes at me

I promise to protect nature for Grover's sake of course

I promise to remember Luke when my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Chiron whenever I see a sign that says "free pony ride"

I promise to remember Tyson whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side

I promise to remember Thalia whenever a friend is scared of heights

I promise to remember Clarisse whenever I see someone that gives me a fright

I promise to remember Bianca whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother

I promise to remember Nico whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others

I promise to remember Zoe whenever I watch the stars

I promise to remember Rachel whenever a limo passes my car

Yes, I promise to remember PJO wherever I may go.

Girl: Slow down!

Guy: No this is fun!

Girl: No it's not! Please, it's way to scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you. Now slow down.

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gave him a big hug.

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself? It's bothering me.

In the newspaper, the next day, a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure.

Two people were on it and only one survived.

The truth was, that half way down the road the guy realized his breaks were out and he didn't want the girl to know.

Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so she would live even if it meant he would die.

If you would do the same for the person you love, copy and paste this into your profile

16 things to do at Wal-Mart

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME, PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "Pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things

OF COURSE I TALK TO MYSELF. sometimes i need expert advice

THINK I’M SARCASTIC? watch me pretend to care!

I’M NOT INSULTING YOU. i’m describing you.

SARCASM. the bodies natural defense against stupidity

COMMON SENSE IS SO RARE THESE DAYS. IT SHOULD BE CLASSIFIED AS A SUPERPOWER

I’M NOT ANTI-SOCIAL i’m anti-stupid

ALWAYS BE YOURSELF unless you can be a UNICORN then always be a unicorn

BE YOURSELF ...unless you suck

DON’T HIT KIDS. No. Seriously. They have guns now

Sarcastic comment ...loading... please wait

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

you can’t fix STUPID not even with DUCT TAPE

Sorry. I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

OF COURSE I TALK LIKE AN IDIOT. how else could you understand me?

I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you knew.

If people could read my mind... I’d get punched in the face a lot...

The voices are back. EXCELLENT.

A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.

IF YOU CHOKE A SMURF what colour does he turn?

I see dumb people

Sarcasm is just one more free service we offer

Sometimes I wonder. “why is that FRISBEE getting BIGGER?”

Then it hits me.

Real bear hugs are often fatal

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

Yet despite the look on my face... your still talking.

If at first you DON’T SUCCEED then maybe you JUST SUCK.

I’m already visualizing you with DUCT TAPE over your mouth.

I’m MULTI-TALENTED I can talk and annoy you at the same time

An APPLE a day will keep ANYONE away if thrown hard enough.

I’m not saying YOU’RE STUPID I’m just saying you’ve got BAD LUCK when it comes to thinking.

Unless your name is GOOGLE stop acting like you know everything.

Photoshop. Helping the ugly since 1988

I’d love to explain it to you, but i don’t have any CRAYONS

ORGANIZED PEOPLE are just too lazy to LOOK FOR THINGS

if you say GULLIBLE slowly it sounds like ORANGES

I like you but if ZOMBIES CHASE US I’m tripping you

It’s ok if you disagree with me. I can’t force you to be right.

I’m actually not funny, I’m just mean and people think I’m joking.

I’M NOT WEIRD I’m limited edition!

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile

Quotes

People laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at them because they're all the same.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is the best defense.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

A stranger stabs you in the front: a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart; but best friends only poke each other with straws.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

If at first you don't succeed, then destroy all evidence that you tried.

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

Its tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals, I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

I’ve got problem for your solution…

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.

To be or not to be, that is the question, and according to my father the answer is, "Go ask your mother." According to my mother the answer is, "Do whatever you want, just leave me alone."

Who are we? Where do we come from? Where are we going? Well, I am a girl, I came from my room, and I am going out. Bye!

A wise old man once said, "We do not know, go ask your mother." This man was Dr. Seuss. Look it up in One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

They say no one is perfect. I am no one.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

I plan on living forever. So far, so good

Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Coffee, chocolate, men: Somethings are just better rich.

Do not drink and drive, you might spill the drink.

If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.

I’m impressed, I’ve never met such a small mind inside such a big head before.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

If Life Gives You Lemon Quotes

If life gives you lemons, give them back and demand chocolate covered strawberries.

If life gives you lemons, make wine and let the world wonder how the hell you managed to do that.

If life gives you lemons, you better sit and wait for some sugar and water, otherwise you're going to have some pretty sour lemonade.

When life hands you lemons make lemonade and find someone else who life handed vodka to, and have a party.

When life gives you lemons, unscramble the letters and have some melons.

When life gives you lemons say, “screw you,” and go find an orange.

If life gives you lemons, grow a lemon tree. When that tree gives you more lemons, make a lemon orchard. When that orchard gives you more lemons, sell them and become rich. Then next time you see life, you can say, “Thanks for the lemons!” Life hates people who are grateful for its lemons.

If life gives you lemons, keep them, because, hey: free lemons.

If life gives you lemons, mail them to God and ask for apples.

If life hands you lemons, throw them back and yell “I WANTED CHOCOLATE!”

Life gave me lemons, but I am allergic to lemons, does that mean life hates me?

Life gave you lemons? Ha! I got strawberries!

When life gives you apples say: Oi! What happened to the lemons?

When life gives you lemons learn to juggle. Or, even better, get an air cannon and have some real fun.

Rules For Hogwarts:

- If Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade I will not point at the sky and shout, "TO THE BAT MOBILE!"

- Remus Lupin does NOT want a flee collar.

- I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his time of the month.

- I will not say, "Dude, get a life" to Lord Voldemort.

- I will not ask Snape why he stole Batman's cape.

- Professor Flitwick's name is not Yoda.

- I am not to refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.

- The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

- If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I shall assume that I am not allowed to use it.

- It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

- "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

- Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labelled, "Firewhiskey."

- I am not allowed to paint the House Elves blue and call them Smurfs.

- The Whomping Willow is not a Entwife with PMS.

- "I have eight horcruxes, take that Voldy!"

- "So I was all like Avada Kadavra and he was all like. Dead."

- Draco Malfoy the amazing...bouncing...Ferret.

- No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

- Dumbledore is not Santa, he does not wish for me to sit on his knee and demand presents, especially not in May...June...or July...

- Despite popular belief, Hufflepuffs are not soft and squishy. Do not treat them as such.

- I am not allowed to sing 'we're off to see the wizard' on the way to the headmaster's office.

- I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.

- Especially not with kazoos.

- The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".

- Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Happiness, or any other house is forbidden.

- There is no such thing as the "Hufflepuff Marshmallow Man"...Even if I do conjure him up.

- Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.

- The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.

- Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge.

- I will not write "Wizard" on my hat in sequins.

- I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, "If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?"

- I am not allowed to dress exactly like Snape and ask him to call me "Mini me."

- Snape does not want bleach, laundry detergent, or new underwear for his birthday or Christmas.

- No combination of these is acceptable.

- Murmuring “I see dead people… ” every time I see one of the ghosts is stupid and was never funny.

- Yelling “To infinity, and BEYOND!” was only funny the first time I took off on my broom.

- I am no longer allowed to sing my “own personal spy music” when I wander around the hallways.

- I should not remark that, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” when Snape gets angry. Ever.

- If I become an animagus, I am not allowed to yell “MORPHIN’ TIME!” every time I change.

- I cannot do this whenever anyone else changes either.

- I must not shout "Beam me up Scotty" before disapparating.

- I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals.

I can put this on my profile because I've lived in in America

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

Fun things to do in an Elevator to freak the other riders out:

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY - DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

A white man walked into a restaurant. There was a black man at the bar.

The white man said, Colored people are not allowed here

The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:

Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK

When I grew up I was BLACK

When I'm sick I'm BLACK

When I go in the sun I'm BLACK

When I'm cold I'm BLACK

When I die I'll be BLACK

But you sir

When you are born you're PINK

When you grow up you're WHITE

When you're sick, you're GREEN

When you go in the sun you're RED

When you're cold you're BLUE

And when you die you're PURPLE

And you have the nerve to call me colored?

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away . . .

Put this on your page if you hate racism!

CREEPY!:

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ELECTION- RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES- LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS NO MORE ZS

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.

When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.

When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.

When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.

When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.

When a girl says "I love you." she means it.

When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.

If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you

Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.

Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.

So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.