Ranger Ithilwen
 Author has written 1 story for Ranger's Apprentice. About Me: Gender: Female Favourite Animals: Cats, Wolves and Horses Favourite colours: Silver and Black Location: Singapore!!! (Small, busy and very hot and humid!!) Hobbies: Reading!!!, Playing the guitar, Singing Favourite Movies: Avengers, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, The Chronicles of Narnia (Prince Caspian), How To Train Your Dragon (The books are better though!!), Percy Jackson Favourite TV Series: Hogan's Heroes!!, NCIS, Cadfael, Planet Earth Favourite Books: The Ranger's Apprentice, The Brotherband Chronicles, The Chronicles of Narnia, How To Train Your Dragon, Percy Jackson, The Squire's Tales, The Inheritance Cycle, Words of Radiance, Mistborn, Wax and Wayne Light a man a fire, you keep him warm for a day; light a man on fire, you keep him warm for the rest of his life, so why am I still in jail? Don't play stupid with me...I'm better at it! If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics If you are reading this, then step one of my plan for galactic domination is complete I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die. You say I've lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can't lose what you never had I wear black because it blends well with my soul Deja vu- when you've done something you think you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends to see. Would you like a cookie? So would I Well, the voices and I took a vote. It's unanimous; you suck. Knowledge is power and power corrupts. Study hard; be evil. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird I'm not paranoid... WHICH OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?! The surest sign of intelligent life alien out there is that none of them has ever tried to contact us Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Some people need a high five... in the face... with a chair It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up Algebra, I'm not going to find your X she's not coming back! I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff ... I laugh even harder If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls I didn't loose my mind, I sold it on eBay I took the road less traveled... NOW WHERE THE HECK AM I? I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me? I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water! Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously hasn't tried slamming a revolving door Being weird is like being normal, only much more fun and generally better You know what I hate? When the voices and my imaginary friends start fighting I'm not clumsy! The gravity just hates me Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick-boxing Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, they're so weird, my brain generally refuses to write them down I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not. (To a boy:) Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you did it right I'm the type of girl who plans world domination in Histroy class It's us versus the world...we attack at dawn! Humans are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs Friends are like potatoes: they have skin and eyes, and when you eat them, they die When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip n' slide I swear to officer, I'm not god, Mr Drunk! Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised that we lied about the cookies? Come to the light side. We have ICE CREAM! Welcome to the light side. Heh, sorry, we're out of ice cream This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!" 5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Unicorns 7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'. 9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity. Post this on your profile! Actual Product Labels That Make Me Question My Faith in Humanity On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair). On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)? On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...) On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion). On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)! On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...) On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...) On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?) On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?) On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Reasons To Join the Dark Side (If you wish to join add this list to your profile): 1. We have cookies (last I checked there was hot chocolate too), we also joined with the rebel side and have cake as well! 2. We have as much slash and yaoi as you could ever need. 3. You get a cool dark cape that covers your whole body! 4. You get a really cool crazy laugh! Practice with me, people: MWA HAHAHAHA cough cough! 5. You get to walk out of shadows mysteriously and freak out the good guys! 6. You get to call people your Underlings, Minions and Peasants! Someone to get things for you when you're too lazy to do them yourself... Now that's the life! 7. Money, Money, Money : Ever notice that we are usually much richer than the good guys? 8. WORLD DOMINATION! BEST reason! Things To Do in an Elevator 1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5. Meow occasionally. 6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - and back away slowly. 7. Say "DING!" at each floor. 8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons. 9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "WHAT WRONG WITH YOU ALL?! SPEAK!!" 12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them. 16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers. 21. Swat at flies that don't exist. 22. Call out "Group hug!" then enforce it. 23. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off. 24. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you. 25. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!" 26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. 27. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide...quick!" then whistle innocently. 28. Let your cell phone ring - don't answer it. 29. Walk into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..." 30. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't. 31. Ask, "Did you feel that?" 32. Tell people that you can see their aura. 33. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again." 34. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." 35. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time..." From Lord of the Rings...Thranduil is not a tyrant, okay?! I refuse to read stories where he is portrayed as such. He was just being a good king. If you still don't believe me, read The Hobbit again. Tolkien writes that 'if the king had a weakness it was for treasure' not for beating up his subjects. In addition, he succours the Men of the Lake in their need, and Bilbo is willing to die for him. Moreover, do you really think Legolas would have been alright if he had been abused during his childhood? I rest my case! If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile, add your name to the list and spread the word.Elindë, Elven Warrior Princess, Gwedhiel0117, littledragoneyes, Elf from Downunder, Nimrodel626, BlackShaftedArrow, Ranger Ithilwen Things you are NOT allowed to do in Ranger's Apprentice, and what will happen to you if you do. Got this from Halt O'Carrick's profile. Thank you Halt! 1. You are NOT allowed to sing "Greybeard Halt". Halt will make you spend the night in a tree. A PINE tree O.O 2. You are NOT allowed to answer a question with another question. Halt will glare at you and make you feel stupid. 3. You are NOT allowed to say "But I thought..." Halt will say "you're and apprentice. You're not supposed to think" or "If you thought about it, you wouldn't ask" 4. You are NOT allowed to give Tug more than one apple a day. Halt will say "One is quite enough." Tug however, will tend to dissagree. 5. You are NOT allowed to question Halt's skills for ANY reason. Odds are he'll kill you. Painfully. 6. You are NOT allowed to tell anyone that Halt's not really grim all the time. He'll knock you into next week and then kill you. 7. You are NOT allowed to sing "We're off to see the wizard" on your way to visit Malcolm. He'll turn you into a lizard. 8. You are NOT allowed to send your Christmas wishlist to Erak. He'll brain you with a battleaxe. After stealing everything on the list. 9. You are NOT allowed to sing "Santa's comin' to town" when you see Erak coming. He'll brain you with a battleaxe. 10. You are NOT allowed to ask why, exactly, Keren's name is Keren. He'll hypnotize you. 11. You are NOT allowed to sing "Dude looks like a lady" when you see Keren. He'll throw a blue rock at you. 12. You are NOT allowed to hum the James Bond theme while tracking things with Halt. He'll shoot you with an arrow. 13. You are NOT allowed to hum alien music as you near Healers Clearing. Malcolm will kill you. 14. You are NOT allowed to use the "Green Giant" jingle when you see Trobar. He'll steal your puppy. 15. You are NOT allowed to to talk about your wonderful recipe for clam chowder in Skandia. You'll be brained. 16. You are NOT allowed to iceskate on the pond in Skandia. You'll be assigned to the paddles (But hey, at least you'll get to stare at Will) 17. You are NOT allowed to kill Alyss and Evanlyn when they stare at Will with you. Will will NOT marry you (Shame...) 18. You are NOT allowed to sing the munchkin theme song around Will. He'll shoot you. 19. You are NOT allowed to call Halt "Lucky the Leprichon" he'll kill you. 20. You are NOT allowed to ask Will about Crocodiles. He'll think you've gone mad. 21. You are NOT allowed to ask Halt to do an impersonation of Demo Man. He'll shoot you. 22. You are NOT allowed to switch Halt's coffee to decaf. You will die a slow painful death. 23. You are NOT allowed to oil the hinges on the door of Halt's cabin. He'll kill you if the intruders don't. 24. You are NOT allowed to threaten Will. Horace will challenge you to single combat and stick you with his dagger. 25. You are NOT allowed to ride Tug. He will throw you off and Will will shoot you for trying to steal his horse. 26. You are NOT allowed to write out the key to the Couriers Code. Crowley will rant and shoot you so full of arrows you will be remembered in death as 'The Porcupine'. 27. You are NOT allowed to fight a mad axeman with only your two knives. Gilan will throw you off a cliff so that he doesn't have clean up the mess. Girls LIFE LESSONS FROM HALT--I got this from Ranger Turien's profile. Thank you 'cause I've been looking for these for forever!! "Sarcasm isn't the lowest form of wit. It's not even wit at all." "An ordinary archer practices until he gets it right. A Ranger practices until he never gets it wrong." "People will think what they want to. Never take too much notice of it." "There are always risks in battle. It's dangerous business. The trick is to take the right ones." "Supper is important!" "You're an apprentice. You're not ready to think yet." "Always assume that your enemy knows you're there and will attack you. That way, you tend to avoid unpleasant surprises. It can still be unpleasant, but at least it's not a surprise." "Trust the Cloak." Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master... He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher... He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer... He had no army, yet kings feared him... He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world... He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him... He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us... If you believe in God and Jesus who died on the cross then copy and paste this in your profile You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn. Boys are like trees- they take 50 years to grow up. Two men walk into a bar, the third ducks One day your prince will come. Then where is he? He took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions. If you can't convince them, confuse them (haha. Lesson I learned from Will) As I lay in bed looking at the twinkling stars above me, I think, "Where the heck is my ceiling?" I write for the same reason I breathe; if I didn't I would die Whatever it is, I didn't do it. Unless I was supposed to do it, in which case I did it brilliantly I wonder if anyone else has road rage when pushing a cart through the aisles at Wal-Mart? Sarcastic?! ME?! Never! Sometimes I wonder, 'Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?'... then it hits me Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it. I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction! You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me. Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drank my water! Don't knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run--he hates that. DON'T MESS WITH ME I'VE GOT A STICK!!!! I Went to a Party Mom, I went to a party, And remembered what you said. You told me not to drink, so I had a sprite instead. I felt proud of myself, The way you said I would, that I didn't drink and drive, though some friends said I should. I made a healthy choice, And your advice to me was right. The party finally ended, and the kids drove out of sight. I got into my car, Sure to get home in one piece. I never knew what was coming, Mom, something I expected least. Now I'm lying on the pavement, And I hear the policeman say, the kid that caused this wreck was drunk, Mom, his voice seems far away. My own blood's all around me, As I try hard not to cry. I can hear the paramedic say, this girl is going to die. I'm sure the guy had no idea, While he was flying high. Because he chose to drink and drive, now I would have to die. So why do people do it, Knowing that it ruins lives? And now the pain is cutting me, like a hundred stabbing knives. Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom, Tell daddy to be brave. And when I go to heaven, put ' Daddy's Girl' on my grave. Someone should have taught him, That it's wrong to drink and drive. Maybe if his parents had, I'd still be alive. My breath is getting shorter, Mom I'm getting really scared These are my final moments, and I'm so unprepared. I wish that you could hold me Mom, As I lie here and die. I wish that I could say, I love you and goodbye. If your against Drinking and Driving, Copy and Paste this to your Profile Prepare to cry if you read this. I did. Month one Mommy Month Two Mommy Month Three You know what Mommy Month Four Mommy Month Five You went to the doctor today. Month Six I can hear that doctor again. Month Seven Mommy Every Abortion Is Just . . . One more heart that was stopped. If your against abortion, or if you almost or did cry reading this repost this on your profile. Six truths in life 1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time: a physical impossibility 2. All idiots, after reading this will try it 3. And discover that it's a lie 4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot. 5. You will soon post this on your profile for another idiot to see. 6. There is still a stupid smile on your face. I sincerely apologize about this but I am an idiot and i needed company =) If you count as an idiot, post this onto your profile! (\)_(/) I will remember Frodo I will remember John Ronald Reuel Tolkien Got that from ThurinRanger. If you're a Lord of the Rings fan, copy and paste this to your profile A 15 year old girl holds hands with her 1 year old son. People call her a slut, no one knows she was raped at 13. People call another Guy fat. No one knows he has a serious disease causing him to be overweight . People call an old man ugly. No one knew he had a serious injury to his face while fighting for our country in the war.People call a women bald but they don't know she has cancer Put this in your profile if you are against bullying and stereotyping. I bet 95% of you won't do it What a Boyfriend SHOULD do (A real boyfriend): -When she walks away from you mad, follow her -When she stare's at your mouth, Kiss her -When she pushes you or hit's you, Grab her and dont let go -When she start's cussing at you, Kiss her and tell her you love her -When she's quiet, Ask her what's wrong -When she ignore's you, Give her your attention -When she pull's away, Pull her back -When you see her at her worst, Tell her she's beautiful -When you see her start crying, Just hold her and dont say a word -When you see her walking, Sneak up and hug her waist from behind -When she's scared, Protect her -When she lay's her head on your shoulder, Tilt her head up and kiss her -When she steal's your favorite hat, Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night -When she tease's you, Tease her back and make her laugh -When she doesnt answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay -When she look's at you with doubt, Back yourself up -When she say's that she like's you, she really does more than you could understand -When she grab's at your hands, Hold her's and play with her fingers -When she bump's into you, bump into her back and make her laugh -When she tell's you a secret, keep it safe and untold -When she looks at you in your eyes, don't look away until she does -When she misses you, she's hurting inside -When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away -When she says its over, she still wants you to be hers -When she repost this bulletin, she wants you to read it -Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything. -When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go -When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you -Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her -Call her before you sleep and after you wake up -Treat her like she's all that matters to you. -Tease her and let her tease you back -Stay up all night with her when she's sick -Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid -Give her the world -Let her wear your clothes -When she's bored and sad, hang out with her -Let her know she's important -Kiss her in the pouring rain -When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking babe?" A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, 'Let meexplain the problem science has with religion.' The atheist professor ofphilosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand. 'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?' 'Yes sir,' the student says. 'So you believe in God? ''Absolutely.''Is God good? ''Sure! God's good. ''Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything? ''Yes.' 'Are you good or evil?'' The Bible says I'm evil.' The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible!' He considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?' 'Yes sir, I would.' 'So you're good...!' 'I wouldn't say that.' 'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.' The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?' The student remains silent. 'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. 'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?' 'Er...yes,' the student says. 'Is Satan good?' The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.' 'Then where does Satan come from?' The student falters. 'From God' 'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?' 'Yes, sir.' 'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?' 'Yes.' 'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our worksdefine who we are, then God is evil.' Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?' The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.' 'So who created them?' The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. 'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?' The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.' The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?' 'No sir. I've never seen Him.' 'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?' 'No, sir, I have not.' 'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?' 'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.' 'Yet you still believe in him?' 'Yes.' 'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?' 'Nothing,' the student replies. 'I only have my faith.' 'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith. 'The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat?' 'Yes,' the professor replies. 'There's heat.' 'And is there such a thing as cold?' 'Yes, son, there's cold too.' 'No sir, there isn't.' The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. 'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458degrees.' 'Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.' Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer. 'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?' 'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?' 'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word.' 'In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?' The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?' 'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.' The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?' 'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.' 'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.' 'Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?' 'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.' 'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?' The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?' The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided.'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.' The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter. 'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable,demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.' 'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?' Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I guess you'll have to take them on faith.' 'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?' Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.' To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God'slove present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.' The professor sat down. Things You Do NOT Wanna Hear On An Airplane Intercom: 1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore 2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know 3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does? 4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just kidding. 5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin' 6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory... 7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you? 8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on? 9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another... 10. This is your captain speaking: I'm depressed, suicidal, and I'm taking you all with me. By the way, I've already killed the co-captain. 11. On an ocean crossing flight: “This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices…” 12. “Hey folks, we’re going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.” 13. “Our sudden loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it’s all part of our airlines new commitment to make your flight a sight seeing expedition.” 14. “Goose! Bogey at 2 O’clock … He’s hot on our tail! … Eject! Eject!” 15. As the plane turns around right after takeoff: “… uhhhhh … We have to go back. … We… We… uhhhhhh …forgot something…” 16. “Ummmmmm … Sorry everybody …” (silence) 17. “To the passengers on the right-hand side of the plane, I’m sure you’ve noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we’ll be flying much more efficiently now.” 18. “Fasten your seat belts!” (Spoken in the same tone your friend with suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in a car.) 19. “This is your Captain speaking, these damn planes are a lot different than the ships I’m used to… so please give me some leeway if this flight doesn’t go to well.” 20. “It would be a good idea right now if everyone would close their shades and watch the in-flight movie.” 21. “We’ve now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and … Damn!” 22. “Aww, I can’t figure out how to turn this thing off and don’t worry, that gauge is always on ‘E’.” 23. “Stewardess would you please bring four parachutes to the front cabin.” 24. From the stewardess after placing a drink order: “Okay, this man wants a soda and we need three martinis for the cockpit.” 25. “Hey, why don’t you tell that new stewardess she can come sit on my lap and fly the plane.” 26. Thank you very much for choosing Mandarin Airlines. We’re now about taking off at Hong Kong Chek Lap Kok. At your right side you can see the beautiful ocean. In front you can watch the in-flight movie. At your left side… um… please don’t look at your left! 27. Please move, we need to balance the jet 28."Uh-oh! Are there Mounties in Minneapolis?" 29."I thought YOU were my check captain. I just got out of Boeing 737 initial training yesterday." 30."What do you mean, we cant fly with only one wing?" 31. "Ladies and gentleman, this is my first flight and I'm afraid we've got a lethal combination of snow and fog to deal with...Understandably I'm a little nervous so i've had a few sherries to calm the nerves. Wish me luck. " 32. "Uh oh, I think we have a problem. Just lie to the passengers and say everything is fine..." 33. "My Co-pilot thinks he can drive this thing even though it's his first time. I have to go to the rest room so I'm going to let him drive so mind the turbulance... If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile Dear girl in my biology class, Yes, I'm pale. Yes, I have above average grades. Yes, I occasionally miss school. Yes, I rarely speak. No, I am not a damn vampire! Sincerely, I hate this generation. So Santa has the same wrapping paper as us, the same handwriting as you, and an elf named China that makes most of the toys? Sincerely, seems legit... Dear world , Why do you only blame girls? Sincerely, it takes two to get pregnant Dear parent giving me a dirty look because their six year old saw me making out with my boyfriend in the movie theater, Well, maybe you shouldn't have brought them to an R-rated movie in the first place... Sincerely, I cannot have possibly scarred him as much as Paranormal Activity 3. Dear one-year-old brother, You are staring right at me. I can see you taking that chocolate chip cookie. Yes, even though you are slowly backing away, I can still see you. No, putting it into your mouth and chewing as slowly as you can does not help. Ah ha! Finally noticed I caught you, didn't you? Wait, what are you...? Oh, this cookie is for me? Is this our agreement not to tell mom? Sincerely, you fit right into the family! Dear Moms Everywhere, When you say we will leave in a minute, we think we are going to leave soon, and not in a half-hour. Sincerely, Teenagers Everywhere Dear son, Girls are red, guys are blue if you make purple I will kill you. Sincerely, your loving father. Dear Homophobics, Gay also was originally used to refer to feelings of being "carefree" or "happy". Sincerely, Are you against happiness too? Dear 4,153,237 people that got married in the past year, Sorry, but shouldn't that be an even number? Sincerely, who kept count?! Dear Mother, Please stop saying that bisexuals don't know what they want. It's a real orientation, and you saying otherwise hurts. Sincerely, secretly bisexual Dear guy who took down the sign about my lost puppy, Really? Sincerely, is a wet t-shirt contest really more important? Dear English Teacher that just gave me a D on my exam, Why did you have to assign me to the seat next to your pet salamander AND your giant coffee mug? Sincerely, Attention Deficit ...IS THAT A LAVA LAMP I SEE? Dear Boys who wish they could understand girls, So do we. Sincerely, Girls Dear boyfriends, Only we are supposed to hook up behind your girlfriend's back. Sincerely, Bras Now. Let me post some stuffs on here! I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty Godobey evryoene! Slightly Odd 'If you have ever's exclusive to where I live! If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa, but never noticed it because it works both ways, copy and paste this into your profile! To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!" 5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana 7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'. 9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!' 18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity . Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country. YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot. (A lot meaning all the time...) When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...' You live off of sugar and caffeine You'll check your e-mail every day of the week. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. (copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions) 7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. PL3453 P4573 0N Y0UR PR0F1L3 1F U C4N R34D 7H15. CHILD OF ZEUS You like being in charge. 40% CHILD OF POSEIDON You feel at home in the water. You never get seasick. You’d rather ride a boat than a plane. You are acrophobic 40% CHILD OF HADES You’re not that much of a people person. You like listening to loud, angry music. (Hey, who doesn't love Fall Out Boys?) You spend most of your time alone. 70% CHILD OF DEMETER You own a garden. 40% CHILD OF ARES You often start fights. 20% CHILD OF ATHENA You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. 40% CHILD OF APOLLO You’re very creative and artistic. 30% HUNTER OF ARTEMIS You dislike boys in general. You like the moon better than the sun 80% CHILD OF HEPHAESTUS You have a way with tools. 0% CHILD OF APHRODITE Every guy/girl swoons for you. 0% CHILD OF HERMES You like pickpocketing your friends. You’ve never lost a debate. 20% CHILD OF DIONYSUS You’re the life of the party. 0% HECATE Being called 'crazy' is a compliment 50% Child of Hades and Artemis!! I was walking around in at Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back."The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll." Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?'' The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.'' Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to. "It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas. She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry. But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there." His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.'' My heart nearly stopped.The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall." Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me." "I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister." Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly. I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?'' "OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money. The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!" Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!'' "I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.'' "My mommy loves white roses." A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind. Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma. Was this the family of the little boy? Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away. I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial. She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him. Now you have 2 choices: 1) Repost this message, or 2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart “A lot of people think they know what a book is. But in reality not that many do. You see a book is not something you do when you’re bored; it’s not something you were forced to read for a stupid school report. No, a book is something more than that. A book is something that can make you cry for hours for someone who’s not even real (no matter how much you want them to be). It’s something that can make you laugh on your glummest day, at something that’s not even relatively funny. It’s something you scream at when something goes wrong and the idiot in the book won’t listen to you (no matter how hard you scream). It’s something that you get so lost in that you forget the date and where you are for a second. A book is something that’s so addicting that even when you say, “This is the last page, and then I’ll put it down,” you turn the page anyway. It’s your best friend through thick and thin, weather you’re black or white, fat or skinny, young or old. A book is just that- a book; it’s just that some people don’t know what a book is, even though you’ve known your whole life.” by xXIceshadowXx. If you agree with this and know what a book is copy and paste this on your profile. (xXIceshadowXx owns all rights to this quotexX) Am I a book freak? Yes So what? While I hole myself up in a good story, you're off reading things from Facebook. While I lose myself in unknown worlds, you're off playing Minecraft or World of Warcraft. While I learn things you cannot imagine, you're off failing school and your teachers and family. I know more about some characters than I do myself— characters you will never know. I can survive my whole life in a world— a world you will never see. I know the secrets of people, places, and creatures— all of which you will never meet. If you and I were in one of the worlds I know— and you would never tell the difference. I create worlds, people, creatures, but most of all lives with my words that you call another boring subject— something you will never experience the joy and pride of. I have ridden on dragons, outwitted darkness, eluded death a thousand times . . . I have saved lives, used magic, unraveled deathly secrets that could start wars . . . I have swum with the serpents, flown with the pegasi, howled with the wolves . . . I have stood upon the moon, fought in great battles, discovered new universes . . . I have relived long-gone lives, shaped new destinies, guided the paths of others . . . I have stepped into other worlds, become other creatures, experienced unimaginable things . . . I have lived through wars, living nightmares, the worst of tragedies . . . I have felt the joy, pride, and elation of just—knowing. Knowing the fact that you would never learn what I have. And never have I moved a single inch, as long as I read. Yet you claim that all of this is boring— Boring, stupid, sad, uncool, dumb, even embarrassing. You say that this is something no one can like. And yet, here I stand, holding a book. FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Hold out their umbrella for you. FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. FRIENDS: Will offer to put your book away after class. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Will go to a concert with you. FRIENDS: Has never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Ask you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Will ask why you're crying. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Let you make an idiot of yourself in public FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. FRIENDS: Would ignore this. BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this! AWESOME SAYINGS!!! - When my mother is mad... she doesn't glare daggers, oh no... she glares pitch-forks! - What are you talking about? I don't get distracted easi- OH, A SQUIRREL!!! - MATH: Mental Abuse To Humans - Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. - Sanity is overrated. Try insanity! - Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. - Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. - Parents are odd. They spend the first few years of your life teaching you to walk and talk, and the rest telling you to sit down and shut up. - I believe in a world where chickens can cross the road WITHOUT their motives questioned! - What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? ...Next week. - There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. - An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work. - When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. When life gives you melons...you're dyslexic. - Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an ART. - You say "psycho" like it's a bad thing... - Knowledge is power; power is the root of all-evil. Therefore studying is evil. - You know what?! Earth sucks, I’m going home. - The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. - A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.. - Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking. - Being crazy is like being normal, only better! - I'm not very good with advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? - Boys are like Slinky's... useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs! - God made man, knew he could do better, and made woman. - I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny. - Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? - A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing! Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't. this is this cat this is is cat this is how cat this is to cat this is keep cat this is an cat this is idiot cat this is busy cat this is for cat this is forty cat this is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down and I bet you can't resist passing it on (or at least, smiling) If You Just Need to Laugh: The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere. Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up. I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have. Is it time for your medication or mine? Oh, I'm so sorry! I forgot that you're an idiot! A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends grab those knives and stab those bastards back for you. A good friend is someone who thinks you are a good egg even though he knows you're slightly cracked- Bernard Meltzer Friends are relatives you make for yourself- Gustache Deschamps Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Amateurs 1- Pro 0. To put it nicely, I hope you choke Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them. It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn. You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear. A day without sunshine is like... night. I only know how to do things three ways: the right way, the wrong way, and my way... which is the wrong way only faster. Whoever said that 'nothing was impossible' never tried to slam a revolving door. When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy while others try to figure out how you did it. When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye, and run like hell. Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?" If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train. Writing isn't a career, it's more of a mental illness. I'm an angel, honest! The horns are just there to keep the halo straight. Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over. Real friends don't let you do stupid things--alone. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. He, who laughs last, thinks slowest. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 percent probability you'll get it wrong. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. I love deadlines...especially the 'whooshing' sound they make as they fly by. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. Complicated problems always have the easiest and most wrong solutions. You can’t drown your sorrows, they can swim. JANUARY: FEBRUARY: MARCH: APRIL: MAY: JUNE: JULY: AUGUST: SEPTEMBER: OCTOBER: NOVEMBER: DECEMBER: FANFICTION- UNITED NATIONS!! Has anyone else noticed how a lot of us get along and make friends on here and we can be from completely different countries? WTF!? We're here making world peace on the INTERNET and we have all those ambassadors and senators and whatever struggling with it!! If you realize this (or read this and agreed) copy and paste this and add your name and country ( the country is optional) to the list. SPREAD THE PEACE!!: Naruto-fan-Okami-chan (USA), NaraTemari011 (Puerto Rico), Lala girl in Lalaland (USA), Kakashi Forever (England), NinjasWillRuleTheWorld (Australia),Shadowtheangel (Sweden), Ice Prince Hitsugaya (USA), Gaara of the Desert564 (USA), RebeccaUlquiorraCifer23 (USA), TheCursedOne (Colombia), ArtemisApollo97 (England), DanielledaughterOfDeathanMagic (USA), Cynder2013 (Canada), NarniaRoyalNavy123 (USA), RangerIthilwen (Singapore) 93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot,bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, danceswithwings119, gottaluvtwilight, freexflyer, Green.Winged.Mistress, MoonStarWithWings, Yourcool79, MyNameIsCAB, Shatchi, Gabby510, twilightobsessedOECD, Aceraptor123, Person95,therealmax, FaXnEsSisADDICTION(kelsey), LE Trex, ImmaBeatYouWithaCrowbar, Just A million Rain Drops, Funnygina, RainonSaturn, Cynder2013, NarniaRoyalNavy123, RangerIthilwen 96 out of 100 teenage girls would have a heart attack if they saw Edward Cullen on the edge of a tall building about to jump. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you're one of the 4 who would yell, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and kick him off yourself. 96% of teenage girls would sob if Justin Beiber was about to jump off a building. Post this on your profile if you're the 4% who'd be at the bottom, eating popcorn and chanting "JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!" 99% of the teenage female population would want to be turned into a vampire. 97% would do so in order to marry their sparkly Edward Cullen. 2% who would become a vampire in order to kick his sparkly butt. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you're part of the 1% who doesn't need to become a vampire to kick Edward Cullen's sparkly butt. 96% of teenage girls spend their time gossiping about boys. Copy and paste this onto your profile if your part of that 4% gossiping about book characters. If you've ever called a book extremely mean, and kept reading the book, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever wanted to punch someone in the face, but that person did not exist, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever screamed at a character (in a book, movie, or show) not to do something, then they went ahead and did that thing, copy and paste this onto your profile. Yes, I am a nerd. No, I am not socially awkward. Nerd is something to be proud of. Deal with it. Some of my opinions about PJO/HOO: I like Percy/Nico as a BROMANCE; I don't ship it Nico's awesome I mostly don't ship Thalico I ship Percabeth Jason is better than Percy Camp Half-Blood is better than Camp Jupiter Blackjack is better than Arion Athena and Artemis are the two best goddesses People treat Hades unfairly Poseidon is the best to his children of all the gods The Percy Jackson Pledge: I promise to remember Percy whenever I'm at sea I promise to remember Annabeth whenever a spider comes at me I promise to protect nature for Grover's sake of course I promise to remember Luke when my heart fills with remorse I promise to remember Chiron whenever I see a sign that says ''free pony ride'' I promise to remember Tyson whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side I promise to remember Thalia whenever a friend is scared of heights I promise to remember Clarisse whenever I see someone that gives me a fright I promise to remember Bianca whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother I promise to remember Nico whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others I promise to remember Zoe whenever I watch the stars I promise to remember Rachel whenever a limo passes my car. I promise to remember The Stolls when my home is beginning to unsettle. I promise to remember Beckendorf whenever I see someone working metal. I promise to remember Silena whenever a friend takes one for the team I promise to remember Michael Yew whenever I see a smile that gleams. I promise to remember Briares whenever I see someone playing hand games. I promise to remember those lost in the Battle of the Labyrinth whenever I see a cloth in flames. I promise to keep people included For Hestia when she was banished from the gods. I promise to remember those campers who fought against Kronos whenever I see someone go against the odds. Yes I promise to remember PJO Wherever I may go... The Kane Chronicles Pledge: All That is Gold Does Not Glitter (J.R.R. Tolkein) All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost. The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes, a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring. Renewed shall be the blade that was broken, The crowless again shall be king. One Ring poem (J.R.R. Tolkein) Three for the elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for mortal men, doomed to die, One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne. One ring to rule them all, One ring to find them, One ring to bring them all, And in the darkness bind them. Wait for the one who kisses your forehead The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.". The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him. Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him. Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person. When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that. When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered. Girl: Do I ever cross your mind? Boy: No Girl: Do you like me? Boy: Not really Girl: Do you want me? Boy: No Girl: Would you cry if I left? Boy:No Girl: Would you live for me? Boy: No Girl:Would you do anything for me? Boy: No Girl: Choose me or your life. Boy: My Life The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says: The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.The reason why I won't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason I wouldn't do anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I choose my life is because you ARE my life. On a children's fold-away stroller: On a child's Superman costume: On a Swedish chainsaw: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: On Sainsbury's peanuts: On a food processor: On a string of Christmas lights: On a Korean kitchen knife: On artificial bacon: On Nytol sleep aid: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) On some Swann frozen dinners: On a bar of Dial soap: On a bag of Fritos: On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions: When we no longer hold people responsible for their choices, civility and common sense will be diminished. OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault. Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing. Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master... He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher... He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer... He had no army, yet kings feared him... He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world... He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him... He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today Feel honoured to serve such a leader who loves us... If you believe in God and Jesus who died on the cross then copy and paste this in your profile Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!!! If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven. If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile. If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile. 92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it's uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others. If you have ever seen a movie (or a show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and do at random moments, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever felt like something was watching you and then turned around to find nothing, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever burst out laughing from something that happened YESTERDAY, copy this into your profile If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN, copy and paste this into your profile If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile. If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile. If you're against racism, prejudice, discrimination, or even stereotype, copy and paste this to your profile. 95 of all teens would go into a panic if the Jonas brothers were on a 100 foot building about to jump. copy and paste this if you are one of the 5 who brought popcorn and invited friends. If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile. If you have your own little world, copy and paste this on your profile (I live in books!) If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventilated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile If you avoid teen fads and don't live your life according to others copy and paste this profile. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy/paste this into your profile (I even argue with video games! YAY!) If you think that writing Fanfic stories is fun then copy this onto your profile! (Love it!!!) If you have EVER yelled at a TV after getting frustrated at someone who can't hear you, put this on your profile (Those teens in those horror movies would still be alive if they would have listened!) If you have ever considered going to the dark side since they have cookies, copy this onto your profile. (Cookies r da' bomb!! If you think High School Musical sucks...and you hate it to no end and is an insult to the classic Disney movies and musicals...then copy and paste this now!! (Newsies is the best!) This is a story about God. Read if you believe in him, and read even if you don't. A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it? If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile. If you think that girls are equals to boys, copy and paste this on your profile. IF YOU CAN HURT YOURSELF DOING JUST ABOUT ANYTHING, COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR PROFILE If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile. If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile. If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile. Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?" If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile. If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile. 25 Reasons to Thank my Mother: 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. 1.YOUR REAL NAME: No. Just no 2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name with izzle): Natizzle 3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal): silverwolf and black cat 4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Yi Tampines 5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Cheneang 6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink): Grey Juice 7. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maidenname, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Eeinksg 8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Lily 9. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name): *classified 10. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (something bad, favorite fruit) Destructive Soursop 11. YOUR PIRATE NAME: (third favorite color, pirate accessory) Green Sword You know you live in 2009 when... 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played Solitare with real cards for years 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they're not on Facebook. 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5. 11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that... You know you did |
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