Hi guys i just wanted to tell you that im not that good of a writer so I will mosly just be here for reccommending fanfics to read. :D

My Mother Taught Me…

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.
"5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry

Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"

Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you

A good friend will bail you out of jail, BEST FRIENDS will be sitting next to you in your cell going "That was fun! Should do that again!"

Good friends dont let you do stupid things, BEST FRIENDS don't let you do stupid thing ALONE

Good Friend: Knocks politely at your door BEST Friend: Walks right on in and shouts ‘I’M HOME’

Good Friend: Will bail you out of jail BEST Friend: Will be sitting on the bench next to you saying ‘Damn that was fun! Let’s do it again!’

Good Friend: Will help you cry when you are rejected by a boy BEST Friend: Will go up to the boy and say ‘Its because you’re gay, isn’t it?’

Good Friend: Asks nicely for your stuff BEST Friend: Shouts ‘GIMME!!’

Good Friend: Waits to call you until a reasonable hour BEST Friend: Calls you at 2 in the freaking morning

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

Friend: Will help me learn to drive Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will go to a concert with me Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs." Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade Best Friends: Are 4 Ever