http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1720259/Ebony_Dagger

^The most awesomest stories evar^

You can't really expect me to write this.. that'd just be cruel. I mean, writing more than one word would be totally insane. Like really crazy.. oops I just kinda did huh.. does that make me crazy? I'm not crazy, 'least I don't think so, in fact I'm the most sanemafiedest person you'll ever meet. I mean really, you're already thinking how mature and upstanding I am, right? Yeah that's what I thought, look at me I'm still going. What kind of freakshow am I? It's almost as freakish as eating waffles and pancakes in the same meal. Actually I ate pancakes this morning. It was pretty awesome, I had ice cream and sugar/lemon with them. It's pretty rare to have pancakes for breakfast over here, I mean sure in America they have them all the time. What the hell do they do on pancake day? Can someone tell me? It's driving me crazy really it is. I bet you're still reading this thinking why the hell am I reading it, what's wrong with me and why have I just come to the conclusion that this guy can read my mind? Shouldn't I like tell someone? Yeah that'd probably be best.. right after I finish reading it. No really I have to stop reading now. I really should but I can't, what's wrong with me!? So satisfied that I can read minds you just go back to reading about that elephant-induced coma I told you about, you remember with the pancakes in the morning and the elephant stampede when I left the house? Yeah that was insane, what are the chances huh? I think someone planned it, like some kinda crappy mafia hit, maybe someone paid someone else to pay the elephants in apples so they'd come trample me. I like apples, les pommes.. they're really good, gods of death love them too according to a little birdie. I wouldn't know really, do they even exist? I think they do, sometimes I even think they're the ones who make pancakes. Like one day I'll have a sugary lemon pancake on my plate but the lemon will actually be cyanide and I'll end up dead with my face all covered in ice cream. You're still wondering why you're reading this, you weren't actually going to begin with but hey that's just how things go, once you start reading you can't stop and there's still the matter of that scroll bar to worry about. What? There's more? of course there's more! What did you think? That I'd just end here? That'd be it and we could all go home to our pancakes and elephants and it'd be alright? Well no, I don't think so, you'll not leave here until I waste every little second of your time, you'll die a single minute, sixty whole seconds after you stop reading this, you'll just walk away and drop down dead because it was you! You stole my pancakes!

Alright you can go.

Dead yet?