Edward Elric is sent to Hogwarts to become an ambassador between Amestris and the Wizarding world. Can Hogwarts survive the Fullmetal Alchemist? Can Ed keep all of his secreats hidden? Can he afford to abandon his search for the homunculus? How will Harry and the gang take to a strange newcomer? Disclamer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or Harry Potter or any or their characters.

Ed was pissed. The Colonel interrupts his precious sleep, only to tell him that his new assignment is to teach Alchemy at some school called Hogwarts where magic rules instead of science? However, no one warned him about the fat pink toad called Umbridge who has made it her life's ambition to get him fired. Oh, it is ON! Set during Harry's fifth year. Rated T for Ed's mouth.

Thorin Oakenshield, King Under the Mountain and Totally Majestic Badass of Middle Earth, does not have a raging hard-on for Bilbo Baggins. No, seriously. Just read his diary.

After a tragic accident that left the flock broken, Max is left to travel alone. Percy went for a swim in the ocean only to find a girl sinking to the bottom of it. As Max starts to weave a web of lies around the people of Camp Half-blood, they are sent on a dangerous quest that could finally end Gaea. Adopted by Kyono Chukide!

Hogwarts needs a new class in their curriculum, and Dumbledore chooses nothing other than Alchemy. But After getting Edward Elric as a teacher, the school is in for a couple of surprises. Can Edward handle his students and another killer on the loose? Multiple years. please review (sequel is released!)