"I am opposed to millionaires but it would be dangerous to offer me the position"

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt"

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow"

"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform"

"I can resist anything but temptation"

"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast"

"Whenever people agree with me I always feel that I must be wrong"

"Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing"

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on a metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me"

"Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering- and its all over much too soon"

"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else"

"Its not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens"

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred"

"It seemed that the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better...while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more"

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank"

"I took a speed reading course on 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia"

"Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change colors and fall from the trees"

"Everytime I look at you, I get a fierce desire to be lonesome"

"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."