Why hello there. How may I help you today?

I give out constructive criticism with this account. May you use it anyway you want to. In fact, you can totally ignore it if you don't like it. Really, it's not that hard to do. A review is not a virtual hug, it never has been. Don't bother telling me you don't care what I think, because if you waste time looking at my profile and sending me a message you obviously do care to some extent.

By the way, I do not beta read. I am barely ever on fanfiction and I don't have time to edit someone else's work. You can request me to review your story, but I can't promise I'll remember. I have a terrible memory.

In my reviews, I never say whether or not I liked the story because that would make me sound bias. In my mind it does, at least. Though, occasionally I do come across writing so damn horrible it can't even be considered writing.

I also rarely reply to PMs. As rude as it may sound, basically if you sound really stupid to me, I won't reply. I'm not going to deal with ignorantand arrogant twelve year olds because surprisingly I do have some sort of self-respect. I despise those kinds of people. Questions I might answer. Review requests, maybe. If asked, I'll give you advice for whatever. I will answer you if you're just trying to make conversation because I love to talk to people.

Fanfiction is the lowest form of writing out there, written by mostly immature and amateur "writers". So with that in mind, you shouldn't take it seriously. No one is going to care that you were the most popular fanfiction writer there ever was when you're trying to publish a book. Just because you're popular doesn't mean you are a good writer.

That's all I had to say and this profile is probably the most boring profile you ever read. I mean, there's no fricking copy and paste-ables! What the hell is up with that? Seriously! I'm not even explaining my entire life in great detail. Emmafer, what a boring, unfun bitch she is.

Though, one day I was extremely bored and made up my own 'summaries' of a few best selling books. Lame, I know, but that's the sort thing I do when there's nothing else. So here ya go. Maybe they'll be at least some what amusing to you.

Harry Potter

Larry Pooter is the Chosen One, bent on saving the world from the evil Moldiewart. He learns everything he knows from a magical school called Pigfarts and has awesome adventures with his BFFs Roonil Wazlib and Hermy Germy. The critics say this is the most epic adventure since the Hannah Montana movie, which I heard was awesome.

-I did not make up Pigfarts.

Twilight

Bobby Goose is this butt ugly she-man who falls in love with a gay mermaid. Yup, that's about all that happens. Oh, and the mermaid and the fairy go head to head to fight for her heart. Which everyone knows a normal man would have just let it go ages ago, but these are real men I'm talking about here!

Maximum Ride

Maximum Ride, a genetically enhanced ninja-pirate-robot and another she-man, must save the world from the most dreaded thing evar! Global Warming. Yeah, it's starting to look like Global Warming doesn't exist and this is all natural, but screw them! Much angst-y goodness ensues with Max and her faithful enchilada lover Fangers.

Artemis Fowl

Arty Foul is a girl genius who discovers the lost land of Oompa Loompas. Turns out, they have machine guns. Who would have thought? He captures their captain, Harold Tall and hides him in her basement. In exchange, Arty wants 10,000 tons of chocolate from the Willy Wonka fanctory.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians

Peter Johnson finds out that he is the son of the great banana king. Avocado's fruit bowl has been stolen and it's up to Peter to travel to Candyland and retrieve it. Meanwhile, the evil Snickers bar is returning from the dead and making an army of junk food to make the children of America fat! Oh...wait, Ronald McDonald beat him to it.

Lord of the Rings

I don't know what the hell happens because the story is so damn long, but basically some hobo and his chubby hariy friend go on a vacation to a volcano and accidentally drop the wedding ring he was going to propose to his troll bride with. And some wise old geezer shows up at some point and gives them wisdom and stuff.

That's all I could think of. Wow, that has to be the lamest thing I've ever written.

~Emmafer