YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot.

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask myself random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone’s liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Sticks pens off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it would be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101(or nearly did :D ).

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

IF YOU'RE AN AVATARD LIKE I AM, PUT THIS IN YOUR PROFILE

If you support Kataang , copy and paste this into your profile!

If you want to kill the person who said Avatar was a load of rubbish, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you don't use myspace and are proud of it, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy this onto your profile. (LONG LIVE PLUTO!)

I solemnly swear that anyone who flames my stories will get a flame back. FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE! BEAT OUT THE FLAMES! If you agree (or hate flamers), copy this into your profile.

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU...If you want this kind of guy, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever laughed for 10 minutes straight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile.

98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever tripped over nothing, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you can raed tihs, cpoy tihs itno yuor polrfie, and sea if ohtres can raed it.

if you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you think that disclaimers are the most annoying things EVER Copy and paste this to your profile

If you know someone that should be hit by a bus Copy and paste this to your profile.

If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who do know ands wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your
profile

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

-Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

-Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

-Guns don’t kill people. Bullets kill people.

A conclusion is what you reach when you get tired of thinking.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

Normal people worry me.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

Never argue with an idiot, they'll bring you to their level then beat you with experience.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

When life throws you lemons, cut’em open and squirt the juice in its eye.

When life throws you lemons, throw a brick back.

When life throws you lemons, throw them at someone else.

When life gives you lemons:

Give them back and demand candy.

Give them back and demand bacon.

Make Lysol!

Make grape juice, sit back, and wonder how on Earth you did it.

Make flock splatter art!

If at first you don't succeed, blame it on bad parenting.

When life throws you lemons, throw them back twice as hard.

Whoever came up with ‘Sticks and stones...’ obviously didn’t take into account the viciousness of today’s youth.

When life gives you shit…Put it in a bag and set it on fire.

When someone sweeps you off your feet, remember you're in the perfect position to be dropped on your ass.

Dear Math, I am not a therapist. Go solve your own damn problems!

Dear Math, I cannot find your x. She's not coming back. Don't ask me y. Just get over it.

I don't care what they say, the guy who milked the first cow and drank what came out was just a perv.

Friends are the ones who cry with you. Best friends are the ones who stand there with a shovel and ask who did it.

Hold up! I can't hear you. Let me turn down my awesomeness...

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glen, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLEN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLEN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

Girls Don't Realize These
Things

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't get
mad at you for puking in my car,
but when we went out you went home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and
dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat,
only to be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry
for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I
thought that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your
boyfriend was threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could
have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never
any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who
mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look
up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is
right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head
"Why won't you give me a chance?"
Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into
your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste
this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this
way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These
Things'

Bravery is just a nice way of saying stupidity

Caution! Water on road when raining

SAVE THE EARTH - it's the only planet that has chocolate

What happens when you get scared half to death twice?

Ambition is just a lame excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy

Smile, and the world will smile back at you. Laugh, and they'll all think you're on drugs

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're an idiot

I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on Ebay

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

I don't know what makes you so dumb, but it really works

The funniest thing about this sentence is that by the time you realize it doesn't say anything it's too late to stop reading it, stupid

One by one the pixies steal my sanity

First person: “Just ignore him” Second person: “Yeah evolution did”

First person: “I think his brain turned to mush” Second person: “He had a brain?”

“Oh yes, Pick on the orphan boy with guilt issues.” –Harry

“You’re…mad.” “Not mad." Draco pointed out calmly. "Obsessed. There’s a difference.”

"Are you sure you aren't a snake with a lion's mane?" asked Luna from her bed. "Nah, I'm Harry. Not Quetzalcoatl."

If you were more affected by Hedwig's death more then Moody's, copy and paste this on to your profile. (well think about it she was an innocent animal, he was a warrior...it makes more since to be upset over her death than his, though both are a travesty)

Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff.

Slytherins … will push someone else off.

Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase.

Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet.

COPY AND PASTE !!

Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.

Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his ‘feminine side’.

Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever.

Professor Moody …presents the best ‘teaching’ Hogwarts has seen in a while.

Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to disagree

Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as ‘Professor’, ‘Headmaster’ or ‘Sir’, not ‘Dude’, ‘My Leige’ or ‘Tim the Enchanter’.

Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy … disagrees.

Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand.

Ron Weasley … is very afraid.

Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.

Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it’s against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.

George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.

Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.

James Potter … doesn’t believe her.

Ginny Weasley...wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.

Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about ‘his time of the month’.

Sirius Black … was killed by drapery.

Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggleborn – screw the consequences.

Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane.

Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush.

Lucius Malfoy … does not like to be referred to as ‘Lucius Mouthful’.

FT. - If you wish you went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, then copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list with you hous of choice: FiyeroTiggular93 - Slytherin, Weirder Than You - Ravenclaw, Summer Sweetheart - Hufflepuff, Kataang2- Gryffindor, MoonlightSpirit- Gryffindor, Effugere - Hufflepuff

The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems. - River Tam, Safe

I remember everything. I remember too much. And some of it's made up, and some of it can't be quantified, and there's secrets, and... - River Tam, Safe

Just keep walkin', preacher man. - River Tam, Jayne's Town

What are we up to, sweetheart? - Book
Fixing your Bible. - River Tam
I, um... What? - Book
Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics - doesn't make sense. - River Tam
[she's marked up the bible, crossed out passages and torn out pages]
No, no. You-you-you can't... - Book
So we'll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God's creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven. Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of eleven eleven times, but always comes out one. Noah's ark is a problem. - River Tam
Really? - Book
We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat. [rips out page] - River Tam, Jayne's Town

I tore these out of your symbol and they turned into paper, but I wanna put them back, so... - River Tam, Jayne's Town

She understands. She doesn't comprehend. - River Tam, Objects in Space

You're not right, Early. You're not righteous. You got issues. - River Tam, Objects in Space

All right, that's all the hide-and-seek I got time for. I know you're on this ship, little girl, so here's how this goes. You show yourself, we finish this exchange, or your brother's brains will be flying every which-a-way. You understand, I'm sort of on the clock here. It's frustrating. - Jubal Early
You're wrong, Early. - River Tam
I'm not wrong, dumpling, I will shoot your brother dead if you don't... - Jubal Early
Wrong about River. River's not on the ship. They didn't want her here, but she couldn't make herself to leave. So she melted. Melted away. They didn't know she could do that, but she did. - River Tam
I'm not sure I take your meaning there. - Jubal Early
I'm not on the ship. I'm in the ship. I am the ship. - River Tam
River... - Simon Tam
River's gone. - River Tam
Then who exactly are we talking to? - Jubal Early
You're talking to "Serenity." And Early, "Serenity" is very unhappy. - River Tam, Objects in Space

My sister is a ship, we had a complicated childhood. - Simon Tam, Objects in Space

[Slashes Jayne with a knife] He looks better in red. - River Tam, Ariel

Did you do anything today? - Simon Tam
Played with Kaylee. The sun came out, and I walked on my feet and heard with my ears. I hate the bits, the bits that stay down and I work, I f-function like I'm a girl. I hate it because I know it'll go away! The sun grows dark and chaos has come again. It's... fluids. What am I? - River Tam
You are my beautiful sister. - Simon Tam
I-I threw up on your bed. - River Tam
Yep. Definitely my sister. - Simon Tam, War Stories

Don't be afraid. That's what it says. "Don't be afraid." - River Tam
Yes. - Book
But you are afraid. - River Tam
Yes. - Book
You're afraid we're going to run out of air. That we'll die gasping. But we won't. That's not going to happen."
We'll freeze to death first. - River Tam, Out of Gas

You're in a dangerous line of work, Jayne. Odds are you'll be under my knife again, often. So I want you to understand one thing very clearly: No matter what you do or say or plot, no matter how you come down on us, I will never, ever harm you. You're on this table, you're safe... 'cause I'm your medic. And however little we may like or trust each other, we're on the same crew. Got the same troubles, same enemies, and more than enough of both. Now, we could circle each other and growl, sleep with one eye open, but that thought wearies me. I don't care what you've done, I don't know what you're planning on doing, but I'm trusting you. I think you should do the same. 'Cause I don't see this working any other way. - Simon Tam
Also, I can kill you with my brain. - River Tam, Trash

My food is problematic. - River Tam
Girl's a mind-readin' genius, can't even figure out how to eat an ice-planet. - Jayne, The Message

Sure, I got a secret. More 'n one. Don't seem likely I tell 'em to you now, do it? Anyone off Titan colony knows better 'n to talk to strangers. You're talkin' loud enough for the both of us, though, ain't ya? I've met a dozen like you. Skipped off-home early. Minor graft jobs here and there. Spent some time in the lockdown, but less than you claim. And you're, what, a petty thief with delusions standing? Sad little king of a sad little hill." - River Tam
Nice to see someone from the old homestead. - Badger
Not really. Call me if anyone interesting shows up. - River Tam
I like her." - Badger
{Whispering to the crew after River leaves] "That there - exactly the kind of diversion we could have used." - Jayne, Shindig

Mal. Bad. In Latin. - River Tam, The Train Job

Makato Iwamatsu

1933 - 2006

Beloved Actor, Father, and Husband

We will remember you.

Leaves from the vine,

Falling so slow,

Like fragile, tiny shells,

Drifting in the foam,

Little soldier boy,

Comes marching home,

Brave soldier boy,

Come marching home.

Copy, paste, send it to all your friends, pass it on. Tell them to pass it on, too

There are so many people who have never been to see a musical or play, and so many high and middle schools who focus more on sports than the Arts. If we didn't have arts then their would be no TV, because we wouldn't have actors, and no TV means no movies. Theater, Dance, Band, Acting, Singing, and the rest of the Arts are a important part of our community too! Support the Arts! If you agree that the Arts should be supported and appreciated just as much as sports are then add your name to the end of this and post it on your profile, please. Thank you! / Theater Geek / Lara The Dark Angel / MoonlightSpirit / Effugere

Favourite quotes

Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.

I am a soldier, I fight where I am told, and I win where I fight.

I would be willing, yes glad, to see a battle everyday during my life.

Learn to recognize when speed is not important. Race when being first is important; move at your own pace at all other times. It is not necessary to always strike the first blow, to provide the first solution, or to reach a goal before anyone else does. In fact, it is sometimes vital to strike the last blow, to give the final answer, or to arrive after everyone else.

It's not a sense of justice. Protecting my friends, and finding my own path is how I live life. If you measured good and evil deeds by current laws, I would be responsible for many crimes. The same way you like to hone your skills and live your own lives, for me too it's simply prolonging something I enjoy doing. That's why I only fight those that pique my interest; it's not justice at all. And if it means being able to protect a friend or becoming stronger, I don't and will not play fair. I'm a dishonest, cheating human being who hates losing.

He who does not punish evil commands it to be done.

It is a specifically human trait to find joy in chaos.

May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't.

Violence isn’t always evil. What’s evil is the infatuation with violence.

The thrill, believe me, is as much in the battle as in the victory.

You must not fear death, my lads; defy him, and you drive him into the enemy's ranks.

You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the Grim Reaper.

Mortals cry over the end. Immortals cry because it never ends.

The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.

The Sleeper Sleeps but does not Dream.
When the Sleeper wakes, the true Dream will begin...

None but a coward dares to boast that he has never known fear.

Sometimes questions are more important than answers.

Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.

Lead me into a trap and I'll pile the heads of your kinsmen at your feet! Hide from me and I'll tear apart the mountains to find you! I'll follow you to hell!

Though they carry nothing forth with them, yet in all their journey they lack nothing. For wheresoever they come, they be at home.

If anyone has ever called you insane it's because they aren't creative or bold enough to try whatever it is you're doing…Or it's because you truly are insane.

Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.

Can you really trust a sane person?

Use the force if that doesnt work just carry a gun.

Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.

Vision...? What would you know about my vision? My vision would shatter the world you have come to understand, tear asunder your illusions, and send the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you and everybody else who have dared to follow suit. Now ask yourself, are you ready to see that vision?

One who does not sacriface anything cannot achieve anything.

Good things take time. Great things happen all at once.

Violence is not the answer. Instead it is a tool we use to draw conclusions and solve problems.

I'd rather betray the world than let the world betray me.

Plant a seed in the side of a mountain and the mountain will stay standing. Give that seed what it needs to grow and soon you will see it's roots dig into the rock face and, over time, the mountain will begin to crack.

Revenge is like a ghost... it takes over every man it touches... its thirst cannot be quenched... until the last man standing has fallen.

It is my loyalty and dedication towards the village and its people that makes my heart strong, if I'm fighting for the sake of those I love and care about, then I care not what happens to this body. For I am the blade that fights for the sake of my friends and their future, as such I have no regrets.

I belong to the warrior in whom the old ways have joined the new.

Why do I have to fight with such a strong guy? I envied the weak ones. The souls of everyone in our group of friends wasted away and disappeared just from being around us. From loneliness we divided our soul in two. We don't know which was the original, or maybe it was neither of us. It's just that there was no other way to escape from the loneliness. I envied the weak ones. If you're weak, then you can gather in as large a group as you want. I want to become weak and if that's not possible, then I at least want to make friends that are as strong as me.

I like poetry, long walks on the beach and poking dead things with a stick...

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.

This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.

You don't raise heros, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heros, even if it's just in your own eyes. Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( What other time do I have to work on my hair?).
On a bag of Frito's! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how . . . ?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion, right or are you a secret dictator just trying to suggest it).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well . . . a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (. . . and you thought?. . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that the whole point)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what else?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash or was it supposed to have loony peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh . . . fly Delta?)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (. . . was there a lot of this happening somewhere in Sweden?)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm. . . . .something must have gotten lost in the translation . . . )
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Oh sure, go ahead, destroy a universal child belief! I don't blame
the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

There are 3 kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few by observation, and the rest to test the electric fences for themselves

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Found this on quote on Tumblr

The most damaged people are the wisest..

The silliest people can turn into the greatest leaders..

The loneliest people have the kindest heart…

The blind ones can see deeper in the soul..

The most compassionate people spread hope…

Here's a joke...

there are 3 men who need to get across a lake...

the 1st one prays to God asking for the strength to get across...

he gets big muscles and swims across...

but almost dies 5 times...

the 2nd1 prays to God for the strength and the tools he needs to get across...

he gets his big muscles and boat and rows across...

but he almost dies 3 times...

the 3rd 1 prays to God, for the strength, tools, and the brains...

he turns into a woman...

walks 4 yards...

and crosses the bridge

10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL:

10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks

9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies

8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly

7. Our magazines have horiscopes

6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around

5. Our friends don't say "hi" by punching us in the arm

4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month

3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have

2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket

1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing

This is the oath of a TURE FRIEND!

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could be until you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;
'because you are my friend'.

Guidelines for Crossover Fanfiction

1. Power levels must mesh. It doesn't matter if you think universe A kicks so much more ass than universe B, crossovers where one side drastically owns the other are auto-fail. For believable conflict, and thus an interesting story, sometimes canon apparent power standards must be modified. Doing this heavy-handedly will make the other universe fans angry. Not doing it at all is worse. Just use a little logic, people. If the lead of one universe is nearing forty, and one’s a teenager, the passage of time alone allows for growth. Just because area-of-effect spells aren't commonly seen in HP doesn't mean there aren't any. Hell, Pettigrew blew up a street and killed a dozen Muggles with one spell. I repeat: Pettigrew.

Example: Naruto ninjas have greater speed? Meet Harry Potter apparation. Why isn't it used in HP combat? Well, think about it. Two wizards using apparation in a battle are going to basically have a high-stakes game of tag, based more on luck than skill. Sensible duelists are going to go for skill, thus minimal apparation. And there’s always the chance that one may be dueling within an anti-apparation ward.

2. Both universes must be present to some extent. In other words, a character crossplant is not a crossover. A boy raised in the ninja world called Harry Potter who’s not involved with Hogwarts, Britain, Voldemort, etc. is called an OC. Just because you call a random LotR elf ‘Harry’ does not mean it’s Harry Potter or a crossover. Call this the ‘if it looks like a duck’ principle. If it looks like a ninja, acts like a ninja, talks like a ninja, was raised like a ninja, and never had contact with magic or the magical world, it’s likely a ninja, not a wizard.

3. Share the pain, share the glory. Anakin Skywalker is the one Chosen to bring balance to the Force. Taking down Voldemort is Harry’s job. Even if it’s a HP/Star Wars crossover, and you think Anakin owns Harry, they are both leads and heros. Respect that, instead of flipping Harry the literary middle finger, and the crossover’s chances of being a success instead of auto-fail drastically improve. It’s one thing to expand a hero’s duty to encompass another universe; gloryhounding in favor of your preferred lead is an entirely different animal.

Corollary: Reincarnation-style crossovers can avoid this issue entirely, but only if done well and carefully. If Harry’s the reincarnation of Namikaze Minato, something of Harry must remain – he must still use magic, still interact with the wizarding world/Harry’s friends, etc. – or you have ventured into the land of lead-replacement, another auto-fail.

4. A crossed universe must be internally consistent. This consistency will usually come at the price of an altered canon, with alterations varying from minimal to great. Wait, Merlin was an Ancient? That’s kinda neat, but not HP-canon relevant. On the other hand, if the crossed universe involves Harry being a son of Sparda, then post-GoF canon is by necessity blown out of the water. One, because devils and demons will be a known if uncommon threat, and two, because the potential consequences of Voldemort's rebirth are positively hellacious. Handwaving this is almost certainly auto-fail.

5. Good and evil are subjective. As easy as it is to draw lines in the sand, the Good Guys of respective universes are not always going to agree on what Good is. Sam and Dean Winchester kill supernatural stuff. Wizards are supernatural. Even more importantly, megalomaniacs out to enslave the world don’t usually team up. Use each other, yes. And even a megalomaniac out to enslave the world may find himself fighting with the forces of Good against a megalomaniac out to destroy it utterly. For a skilled writer, this can be very fertile ground. Very, very difficult to pull off realistically, yes, but to do so would likely transcend the bounds of epic storytelling.

(2/23/15 Old but still relevant. Also, TL;DR STOP NERFING THE KILLING CURSE.)