O hai thar. Basically this account is only used for reviews at this point and as an archive so I can point and laugh at a younger version of myself. Don't expect any updates but most of these fics (and the embarrassingly personal profile) will likely remain here for eternity.

Real Life Deets

Me like: pie, musicals, angst, parodies, pretentious yet awesome indie rock, interesting fanfiction

Favorite writers: Chuck Palahniuk, Chris Adrian, Manu Larcenet, David Sedaris, John August, Douglas Coupland, Melissa de la Cruz, Alan Moore, and Jason

Music (in no particular order): Vampire Weekend, Iron and Wine, Weezer, Cobra Starship, The One AM Radio, The Postal Service, Regina Spektor, Toy Box, Vienna Teng, Arctic Monkeys, Arcade Fire, Coldplay, Daft Punk, Ok Go, The Flaming Lips, Dido, Feist, Franz Ferdinand, Frou Frou, Gnarls Barkley, Ingrid Michaelson, Kimya Dawson, Mates of State, Mirah, etc.

Anime/Manga: Millenium Snow, Death Note, Ouran High School Host Club, Monster, Fruits Basket, Haruhi Suzumaya

Fanfic Deets

Fandoms I read and/or write: Twilight, Dexter, Twilight, Naruto, Juno, Harry Potter, Wicked, Gossip Girl, Matrix, Nolan-verse Batman

Specialize in: Parodies, Oneshots, Epic and Never-Fully-Finished plotlines

Updates: ~once a month. Bad Fanfiction and A Dangerous Journey are updated most frequently. HAHA DISREGARD THAT

PMs: I do strike up conversation on occasion.

Works In Progress: Bad Fanfiction (Twilight), A Dangerous Journey (Twilight), Smashing Mirrors (Batman AU)

And only time will tell if I'll get off my ass and actually finish something fandom-related.

Dexter!

Oh, why do I love Dexter so much? It might have to do with the addictive plotline... Or MCH's sexy nearly-constant voiceover... Or the ingenius writers. Some fave lines (MILD SPOILERS):

Dexter (about Rita): "Her ex-husband's a crackhead and her boyfriend's a serial killer. It's hard not to take that personally."

Dexter: "The only real question I have is why, in a building full of cops, all supposedly with a keen insight into the human soul, is Doakes the only one that gets the creeps from me?"

Dexter (about his next victim, a therapist): "I can't kill Meridian yet- I need another therapy session."

Dexter (to Paul): "Hi. My name's Dexter - I can't think of anything clever to say."

Lt. LaGuerta: "Tell me, Dexter, how do you get to be so smart?" Dexter: "Hmm... Lots of sleep."

Donovan: "Hail Mary, full of grace-" Dexter(slaps him): "Stop, that never helped anybody!"

(book) Harry: "Stop the nurse... like the monkey..."

(book) LaGuerta: "You came out here and played with your faggot dolls, that's what."

Random kid: "He VA-ca-TED the PRE-me-SIS!"

On Showtime: Doakes: "You gimme the f--ing creeps." Dexter: "Yeah, I know, sorry about that." Doakes: "F-- you." Dexter: "Okay then." ... Doakes: "I'm watching you, motherf--a!"

CBS clean version: Doakes: "You gimme the friggin creeps." Dexter: "Yeah, I know, sorry about that." Doakes: "Forget you." Dexter: "Okay then." ... Doakes: "I'm watching you, motherlover!"

Paul: "I came to dazzle 'em with my booty."

(Real life) Ashley: "Dexter? Oh, I saw that episode where his son died." Me: "What??" Anna: "He doesn't have a son!" Me: "When?" Ashley: "When he was a painter." (all other Dexter fans nearby burst out in laughter) Ashley: "Wait... wrong show."

Deb: "She's a gross, English, titty vampire." Dex: "The perfect woman."

Lundy: "I would love to eat your toast." -awkward pause- "Well, gosh, that sounded wrong."

Dexter: "In that case... let me put this out in the open for you. No matter what you try, no matter when, no matter how hard you work, I'll always be one step ahead of you for one simple reason." Doakes: "And what's that?" Dexter: "I own you." HEADBUTT!

Angel: "Tell the universe what you need." Dex VO: "I really need... to kill someone."

Dex VO: "I will not kill my sister, I will not kill my sister, I will not kill my sister..."

Random police guy: "Gators giving you trouble?" Dex: "Yeah. They, uh, ate my puppy."

Rita: "How's Deborah?" Dex: "Well, she has all her limbs." Rita: "Imagine, falling for a serial killer." Dex: "Yeah, what are the odds?"

This section is partially inspired by Nitlon.

If you have gone to someone's profile page, had to scroll down a mile to see their stories, got ticked off and cursed them internally, and nearly sent them flames, all because they had so many Copy and Pastes, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch said it wasn't cool to breathe. If you are part of the less than 1 percent that questions the legitimacy of such a fact, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of teenagers have tried drugs. If you actually did research and found out that it was 47 percent at most, copy and paste this into your profile.

95 percent of teenagers care about popularity. If you like pretzels, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a fan of Edward Cullen, save a cow, eat a lion.

If you're a fan of Jacob Black, save a dog, adopt a werewolf.

If you're a fan of Bella Swan, then you've got issues, girl.

Not everybody can be in the minority. If you're non-non-conformist, copy and paste this. No, wait, don't. Be so non-non-conformist that you don't NEED to copy and paste this.

If you think you're weird and special and different, I have a newsflash: everyone on this site thinks that.

Yes, weird is the new normal, now stfu. I know being unique is better than being cool, but really, aren't you just buying into the stereotype of being special and different?

I don't care if you have some kind of astute observation about how rock can beat paper because paper is wimpy. That kind of thing belongs on your deep, soul-searching LiveJournal account.

OMGZ you guyz copy+paste! Bold the stuff you are!

I'm a teen writer, so I MUST be emo.

I'm blond, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm (insert category here), so I must (insert extremely outdated stereotypical action that is either actually true or that no one even thinks of here).

Updates:

12/21: Sorry for not updating here. Really, I am. I have become enamored with LiveJournal and really have had a lot of life-y things to do. Hopefully I've sated y'all all with the BF updates, hahaha. I have a christmas chapter for that in progress, as well as (gasp!) a oneshot, which may or may not be good enough for me to post.

Doing some cleanup on all my online accounts. Merry Christmas/happy hannukah.

3/1: New site launched.

3/23: More site clean-up. Hope y'all had a good spring break. New chapter soon-ish.

8/12: Hiatus.